sierraman Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 Give us the stereotypes you see on the road! I’ll start... Plumbers Wife - usually seen in an upmarket SUV, ideally of this year’s registration driven by the wife of a successful tradesman that is out working an 80 hour week. cobblers 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New POD Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 Footballer's wife. Usually seen in a 3 week old white range rover, struggling to park within the lines in the Parent and Child spaces at Waitrose (Formby). There are no children in the car. 19 year old Apprentice on the line at a truck firm. Lives at home with parents, rent free, but drives a Fiesta ST with a real carbon front splitter, held in place by titanium rosejointed bracketry. and a pop and bang remap. Private Tinted gel plate reg, something like T 0 MAS His name is Thomas. myglaren, chodweaver, PicantoJon and 3 others 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goosey Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 “My First Company Vehicle “ young lad or girl driving a fairly new leased/rented company Van like an absolute nut case totally unaware they have the company name and contact details and sometimes their own mobile number on the side of the Van flat4alfa, myglaren and ProgRocker 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soundwave Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The wannabe baller - usually aged low to mid 20s. Very keen to project a wealthy "hustler" image to the world, despite actually being a part time Amazon warehouse worker. Wears a loose, probably fake, high end tracksuit that wouldn't be out of place in an early 2000s rap video. Drives an E-class or A4 with cut springs and a lurid coloured chrome wrap that cost as much as the car did. Usually has a £90 NI plate to hide the fact it's actually a 57 reg, and debadged to hide its base-model origins. Interior smells of fruit vape. Multi-fit chrome wheels optional. Usually has a sticker depicting a coat of arms or a crown somewhere on it. Asimo, MiniMort, GrumpiusMaximus and 10 others 10 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quicksilver Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The giffer. Aged somewhere around a hundred and twenty-twelve, can't see or hear properly and drives everywhere at 40mph in a Honda Jazz with the indicators permanently flashing. TheOtherStu, nomiST, rml2345 and 9 others 11 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted October 4, 2023 Author Share Posted October 4, 2023 22 minutes ago, Soundwave said: The wannabe baller - usually aged low to mid 20s. Very keen to project a wealthy "hustler" image to the world, despite actually being a part time Amazon warehouse worker. Wears a loose, probably fake, high end tracksuit that wouldn't be out of place in an early 2000s rap video. Drives an E-class or A4 with cut springs and a lurid coloured chrome wrap that cost as much as the car did. Usually has a £90 NI plate to hide the fact it's actually a 57 reg, and debadged to hide its base-model origins. Interior smells of fruit vape. Multi-fit chrome wheels optional. Usually has a sticker depicting a coat of arms or a crown somewhere on it. Dabbles with £50 in Crypto now and again but goes off like he’s Tony Coulston-Hayter. 500tops, Soundwave, cobblers and 1 other 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted October 4, 2023 Author Share Posted October 4, 2023 Because Enthusiast - has something really not very exciting like a Vectra C, has the screen obscured by a ‘Because Vauxhall’ or various Vauxhall Vectra C Owners Club ephemera. Fastidiously maintained in the sense it’s washed and snow foamed every 3 days and the calipers painted in red. Loads of tit bits stuck to it to hide the fact it’s a 1.8 LS. cobblers, Stinkwheel, chodweaver and 11 others 9 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted October 4, 2023 Author Share Posted October 4, 2023 5 minutes ago, quicksilver said: The giffer. Drives everywhere at 40mph in a Honda Jazz. Also seen outside the Post Office at 8:15 am for a copy of the Express in an MG3 that will have done 400 miles from new, clutch slipping away to a Dobbies via a Morrison’s Cafe. AnthonyG, Dave_Q, Fumbler and 8 others 3 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quicksilver Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The Classic Car Bore. A bearded middle-aged bloke wearing a tweed jacket and flat cap, driving a bright red MGB that only comes out when there's no rain forecast in a 300-mile radius. He spent a million hours restoring it all by himself and will spend even more hours telling anyone in earshot the story of every single nut and bolt. bunglebus, GrumpiusMaximus, Rocket88 and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pieman Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 Anyone who thinks no-one else in the world matters except themselves: modern Range Rover Sport. Stinkwheel, bunglebus, Asimo and 7 others 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soundwave Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The green laner - usually possesses a 90s Land Rover product, with suspension far taller than needed for any off-road hazard in Britain. Obligatory "one life - live it" sticker, snorkel kit made from a piece of old guttering, wheels and tyres that wouldn't look out of place on a road roller. Tuned TD5 motor that throws soot out like a Victorian era factory, either has a hooky MOT or none at all. Calls themselves a green lane enthusiast but often drives over any private land that has the gates left open - doesn't know or care where actual green lanes are. Relaxed attitude to trespassing and poaching laws. Wears confusing combination of hi-vis jacket and camouflage trousers, making it unclear whether they want to be seen or not. meggersdog, BurningGas_1970, bunglebus and 35 others 12 26 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted October 4, 2023 Author Share Posted October 4, 2023 11 minutes ago, quicksilver said: The Classic Car Bore. A bearded middle-aged bloke wearing a tweed jacket and flat cap, driving a bright red MGB that only comes out when there's no rain forecast in a 300-mile radius. He spent a million hours restoring it all by himself and will spend even more hours telling anyone in earshot the story of every single nut and bolt. Always sounds really adenoidal. 5speedracer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quicksilver Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The self-employed contractor. Burly bloke covered in tattoos who looks like a human bulldog with a neck wider than his head. Drinks Monster, wears a baseball cap, puffer jacket and designer trainers, and spends most of his spare time at the gym. Aggressively drives either a Mitsubishi Warrior pickup with massive wheels or a pimped up Transit RS covered in lightbars, with a naff private plate that seems to bear no relation to the business name. GrumpiusMaximus, Stinkwheel, flat4alfa and 7 others 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocket88 Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The Ford Bore Usually sporting a cheap knock off Ford “Rallye” jacket. Drives a fake Fiesta ST in orange. Talks endless shit regarding outrageous performance claims. Stinkwheel and GrumpiusMaximus 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom13 Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 Every Zafira driver Usually a Chav Dad aged 30-50 mad at life and the fact they had to buy this piece of shit rather than the car they really wanted as the needed the space for 3 kids and all their paraphernalia. Hate their wife, life and every other person in the world and because of this they choose to drive round like a cunt 24/7. Said Zafira is usually puffing out white smoke as the stem seals or HGF are on the way out, like they all are. CaptainBoom, morrisoxide, RoverFolkUs and 11 others 1 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quicksilver Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 Horsey type #1: haggard old lady who looks like her horses, doing 20mph in an ancient Iveco that stinks of horse shit. She's been riding her whole life without much success and keeps horses just for the love of them, so she's virtually penniless and runs the truck on a shoestring. Horsey type #2: hot young upper-class girl driving a top-of-the-range Oakley horsebox with an expensive private plate. She's a full-time 'professional' rider funded by her wealthy parents with ambitions to be a champion one day so she needs all the gear to make the right impression. chodweaver, EyesWeldedShut, PicantoJon and 9 others 11 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busmansholiday Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 8 minutes ago, quicksilver said: Horsey type #2: hot young upper-class girl driving a top-of-the-range Oakley horsebox with an expensive private plate. She's a full-time 'professional' rider funded by her wealthy parents with ambitions to be a champion one day so she needs all the gear to make the right impression. It's funny you should say this because yesterday on the M5 I overtook an extremely flash Iveco Eurocargo horsebox in a sort of gold colour with the bints name on the door. Registration was SYD1 and it was being followed by a very new Range Rover in a similar colour 5speedracer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted October 4, 2023 Author Share Posted October 4, 2023 I can identify with the Penniless Horsey one, a rung or two below would be the one with an elderly German car, full of straw and horse shit everywhere, back seats full of tacking gear, outside of car absolutely clarted in shit. Driver looks fucking haggard from a lifetime of shovelling shit. Car probably MOTless as it’ll be at the back of the priorities behind vet bills, farriers and sugar cubes. djim, Landy Mann, PicantoJon and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted October 4, 2023 Author Share Posted October 4, 2023 31 minutes ago, tom13 said: Every Zafira driver Usually a Chav Dad aged 30-50 mad at life and the fact they had to buy this piece of shit rather than the car they really wanted as the needed the space for 3 kids and all their paraphernalia. Hate their wife, life and every other person in the world and because of this they choose to drive round like a cunt 24/7. Said Zafira is usually puffing out white smoke as the stem seals or HGF are on the way out, like they all are. Wearing a faded George pull over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talbot Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The arrogant prick. Middle-age semi-successful bellend, who's been given a company car that isn't a bottom-end A4. Usually seen driving flat out in the outside lane of the motorway and/or 3" from the bumper of the car in front, in a debadged A7, being a complete shit to absolutely anyone and everyone as he's FAR TOO FUCKING IMPORTANT to be sitting behind anyone else. Split_Pin, sheffcortinacentre, Stinkwheel and 9 others 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pieman Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 52 minutes ago, quicksilver said: The self-employed contractor. Burly bloke covered in tattoos who looks like a human bulldog with a neck wider than his head. Drinks Monster, wears a baseball cap, puffer jacket and designer trainers, and spends most of his spare time at the gym. Aggressively drives either a Mitsubishi Warrior pickup with massive wheels or a pimped up Transit RS covered in lightbars, with a naff private plate that seems to bear no relation to the business name. You forgot the "Lest We Forget" or "Help For Heroes" stickers - or if they are a few rungs lower than that, "All Lives Matter". horriblemercedes, yes oui si, catsinthewelder and 9 others 3 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pieman Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 2 minutes ago, Talbot said: The arrogant prick. Middle-age semi-successful bellend, who's been given a company car that isn't a bottom-end A4. Usually seen driving flat out in the outside lane of the motorway and/or 3" from the bumper of the car in front, in a debadged A7, being a complete shit to absolutely anyone and everyone as he's FAR TOO FUCKING IMPORTANT to be sitting behind anyone else. Also even more pissed off all the time because they can't afford a Range Rover Sport like the person I described above. (Being a misanthrope I can see myself posting a lot in this thread.) eddyramrod, chodweaver and GrumpiusMaximus 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HMC Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 Um, i dislike other road users? The forumite- displays a discrete sticker on the back to signal affiliation. If a one make club the car will be pristine, possibly with much thought gone into valve cap choice. Often seen in small groups, for which a collective term may exist. egg 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted October 4, 2023 Author Share Posted October 4, 2023 4 minutes ago, Pieman said: You forgot the "Lest We Forget" or "Help For Heroes" stickers - or if they are a few rungs lower than that, "All Lives Matter". Always on a 64 plate Transit. twosmoke300 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barefoot Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The 'Detroit Leaning' teenager, with the seat in their Corsa/Fiesta/Micra pushed so far back and so reclined that they can barely see beyond the wheel. rml2345 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pieman Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 1 minute ago, barefoot said: The 'Detroit Leaning' teenager, with the seat in their Corsa/Fiesta/Micra pushed so far back and so reclined that they can barely see beyond the wheel. So they then lean forward still with the seat all the way back and grip the wheel with one hand at top centre under their chin, known as "cripple hooking". barefoot, Split_Pin, CaptainBoom and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesWeldedShut Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 14 minutes ago, HMC said: . Often seen in small groups, for which a collective term may exist. Clusterfuck? HMC, warch and Stinkwheel 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoverFolkUs Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 3 minutes ago, barefoot said: The 'Detroit Leaning' teenager, with the seat in their Corsa/Fiesta/Micra pushed so far back and so reclined that they can barely see beyond the wheel. I think you forgot to mention the fishing line with a McDonald's happy meal on the end of it to pick up kids from the local school. Pieman, AnnoyingPentium, warch and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quicksilver Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 The Stobart Spotter. Usually found loitering for hours on a motorway bridge with a flask of lukewarm tea or weak orange juice, dressed head to toe in Stobart-branded clothing. They totally ignore the countless other more interesting trucks and don't even bother with a camera, but obsessively scribble the details down in their fleetbook whenever they see a Stobart truck, and will travel miles for a glimpse of the one truck that's exactly the same as all the others but they haven't seen. They mostly hunt alone but sometimes in packs, in which case when one sees a Stobart he'll give a cry that sends the others running to join him with scant regard for road safety. Sometimes a driver thinks he's going to jump off the bridge and the police close the motorway. Luckily they're dying off since Culina took over Stobart and discontinued the livery. warch and MiniMort 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesWeldedShut Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 52 minutes ago, quicksilver said: Horsey type #1: haggard old lady who looks like her horses, doing 20mph in an ancient Iveco that stinks of horse shit. She's been riding her whole life without much success and keeps horses just for the love of them, so she's virtually penniless and runs the truck on a shoestring. Horsey type #2: hot young upper-class girl driving a top-of-the-range Oakley horsebox with an expensive private plate. She's a full-time 'professional' rider funded by her wealthy parents with ambitions to be a champion one day so she needs all the gear to make the right impression. Problem I have is spotting when they pupate and move from your #2 to the #1 life form? Maybe there's an intermediate stage that involves the above mentioned white Land Rover product and parent/child parking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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