Grimmest car of all time

[Cord Fourteener]

19 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

 

 

 

Just like my old one.

[Rod/b]

19 hours ago, SiC said:

At least that is practical with the hatchback boot. What's worse?

Genuinely had a nightmare once that I owned one. 

I had one pretty much identical to that, it was horrid.

[doobietoo]

5 hours ago, eddyramrod said:

I completely agree with the OP about the X3 base, but, and here I'm actually shocking myself that I can say this: even that choice is less grim than the two successive cars my parents had in the early 70s when I was a car-mad early -teen. 

First up was a Pompadour Blue 1961 Ford Popular 100E: dismally blobby shape, two doors, 1172cc sidevalve engine, three speed manual box, cheap mingebag vinyl interior.  The rear side windows didn't even open, at all.  6279 KB may live on in my memory but with no fondness whatsoever.

It was followed by something I remember even less fondly, if that's possible!  SCK 781 was a 1962 Austin A35 van with a so-called estate conversion.  Less room inside than the Ford, and felt like it was even more sparsely equipped.  The gearbox had a further gear, and the engine was the good old A series in 948 guise, but it moved in exactly the same glacial manner.

Speaking of glacial... neither of these had a heater worth a damn.  Winter school runs were torture as evil as schooldays themselves.

Grim?  You youngsters don't know how to spell the word!

You lucky, lucky bastard you had a heater in your A35. My A35 4 door has no heater. It was an option on a new one which the first owner did not pick and none of the other owners fitted one either. 

 Om a related note my father bought a brand new 1300 Lada Riva to replace his 1.7 'O' series Morris Marina.  The new Lada was 10 times worse brand new than the 10 year old Marina. He put it into two hedges before he recognised just how bad the handling was compared to the Marina.  I remember him having to buy a radio and speakers as it did not come with them as standard. After about 10 years it failed its MOT with terminal rust problems and he scrapped it and bought a 3 door Hyundai Accent.

[HMC]

it’s a good thread, despite or perhaps because it’s got limitless answers depending on the parameters and points of reference.

For instance,  Which of these Chevrolets is the most grim? It depends.

 

[iainrcz]

My mate has just got one of those in diesel flavour.

It's his own fault for having children.

[Ghosty]

Just noticed the odd tyres on that thing. 

Children don't dictate crossovers though, and I'm glad the fad for them has died down. 

[richardmorris]

19 hours ago, chancer said:

Like this?? 😂😂😂

I’m certainly not a fan of Audi, but even I think that’s a very tidy job of hiding the roof.

[Fumbler]

8 hours ago, ruffgeezer said:

Ha, I got stabled there when I went to Bridgwater college on block release.

 

It is utterly charmless!

Don't say you stayed in that shitehole too! I've only got a year and a couple months left...

[Justin Case]

No dishonourable mention for the Hyundai Pony yet?  A mate inherited one when his old man died, I understand that he and his brother tossed a coin for it, and he lost  It was one of the later ones and getting on a bit although it had only done a few miles, so goodness knows what the earlier ones were like,  as it was an absolute POS with no redeeming features at all. In fact he was quite relieved when it shat its  auto gearbox and he couldn't find another one, so was able to scrap it with a clean conscience

[richardmorris]

36 minutes ago, doobietoo said:

You lucky, lucky bastard you had a heater in your A35. My A35 4 door has no heater. It was an option on a new one which the first owner did not pick and none of the other owners fitted one either. 

 Om a related note my father bought a brand new 1300 Lada Riva to replace his 1.7 'O' series Morris Marina.  The new Lada was 10 times worse brand new than the 10 year old Marina. He put it into two hedges before he recognised just how bad the handling was compared to the Marina.  I remember him having to buy a radio and speakers as it did not come with them as standard. After about 10 years it failed its MOT with terminal rust problems and he scrapped it and bought a 3 door Hyundai Accent.

My dad’s first car was an a35- I have the receipt somewhere. The handbrake came away from the floor one day and he eventually got rid of it because there was a uk tyre shortage he says and no tyres available. Must be around ‘68? They had a two tone super minx after that ( grey and red) followed by a Renault 4 when I came along , which failed its first mot as the floor fell out, my late grandad’s Datsun 120, then Citroen’s all the way - dyane, dyane, visa. GSA, BX etc

[Andyrew]

These, not many of them left now thankfully. I had one as a work vehicle for about a year and they are complete dogshit.  Floppy suspension up front, rock hard at the back. Very Light vague steering, tuperware drab interior and flat seats.  Awful. 

 

[Jamie]

Just now, Andyrew said:

These, not many of them left now thankfully. I had one as a work vehicle for about a year and they are complete dogshit.  Floppy suspension up front, rock hard at the back. Very Light vague steering, tuperware drab interior and flat seats.  Awful. 

 

Don't forget they snap in half too! 

[Timewaster]

6 minutes ago, Ghosty said:

Just noticed the odd tyres on that thing. 

Children don't dictate crossovers though, and I'm glad the fad for them has died down. 

Most MPVs have disappeared from new car lists now as they are seen as a bit last century. 

3 child seats are a struggle for most cars. There really isn't much choice once you exceed 2.4 children. 

 

 

[bunglebus]

45 minutes ago, HMC said:

Which of these Chevrolets is the most grim? It depends.

 

The new one, for being dull. 59 for me, perhaps not that one though

[ruffgeezer]

12 minutes ago, Fumbler said:

Don't say you stayed in that shitehole too! I've only got a year and a couple months left...

Yes, nearly 20 years ago now I must confess so it's likely a lot grimmer now! 

[Fumbler]

2 minutes ago, ruffgeezer said:

Yes, nearly 20 years ago now I must confess so it's likely a lot grimmer now! 

It's certainly grim. Cavcraft's Escort would fit right in with the mouldy and falling apart 70s buildings I'm so fortunate to call "home" when I'm not on site.

[Ghosty]

17 minutes ago, Andyrew said:

These, not many of them left now thankfully. I had one as a work vehicle for about a year and they are complete dogshit.  Floppy suspension up front, rock hard at the back. Very Light vague steering, tuperware drab interior and flat seats.  Awful. 

 

Christ, I haven't seen one of those for years. When I was a kid the parents insisted I went to karate lessons, and for some strange reason all the black belts there drove Japanese 4x4s. 
One of them was a short bloke with thinning hair that looked like Bjorn Ulvaeus that drove a Navara on those weird four spoke wheels they came on. 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

23 minutes ago, Justin Case said:

No dishonourable mention for the Hyundai Pony yet?  A mate inherited one when his old man died, I understand that he and his brother tossed a coin for it, and he lost  It was one of the later ones and getting on a bit although it had only done a few miles, so goodness knows what the earlier ones were like,  as it was an absolute POS with no redeeming features at all. In fact he was quite relieved when it shat its  auto gearbox and he couldn't find another one, so was able to scrap it with a clean conscience

A very early Pony , the ones with Ford hubcaps, was the first car I ever got free from a ‘ Cars wanted’ ad. in the local rag.

Drove it home and it was great, quite nippy and exactly like an Escort/ Chevette/ Sunbeam. Couldn’t understand why there weren’t more of them about. Ended up weighing it in , but wasn’t grim at all , to me,anyway.

[Matty]

28 minutes ago, Andyrew said:

These, not many of them left now thankfully. I had one as a work vehicle for about a year and they are complete dogshit.  Floppy suspension up front, rock hard at the back. Very Light vague steering, tuperware drab interior and flat seats.  Awful. 

 

Good crack for drifting round roundabouts though

[Andyrew]

12 minutes ago, Ghosty said:

Christ, I haven't seen one of those for years.

They have all but dissapeared.  I think chassis rot killed alot of them. 

Oddly enough the one i drove for work still exists and i know the owner. 

The same company also had one of these in 3.0td spec, a bit choppy to drive but Went like stink and was nicknamed the rollerskate.  Drove so much better pulling a big trailer.

[rantingYoof]

Children don't dictate crossovers though, and I'm glad the fad for them has died down. 

Eh? Jaguar Land Rover are about to bring out am something actually called the Land Rover Crossover...If we could stop this in any way then we need to get a wiggle on.


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[Andyrew]

 

5 minutes ago, Matty said:

Good crack for drifting round roundabouts though

Agreed!

[jon.k]

4 hours ago, riek said:

Bridgwater by birth, thankfully left 2 decades ago.

Wembdon is full of the people who think they're too good for Bridgwater. But without the motivation to leave entirely. 

 

Funny old town Bridgwater. Everyone's goal is seemingly to live in a better bit of Bridgwater than they were born in, and have a shiny golf to get stuck in traffic as they drive 1.2 miles to work every day. 

The Sjs cycles shop is a good attraction in Bridgwater. But when I last went I parked in a side street on an estate which was so dull that when I came back from my bike ride I honestly couldn’t find the van again. Luckily I knew I was parked by a railway so I could eliminate the possibilities using a map and after 20-30 mins of riding around I found where I’d left it. The Quantocks were nice though.

 

 

edit to add, I agree that base spec BMW’s are a really grim thing - the grimness is multiplied because of the failure to live up to expectation.

[willswitchengage]

I can see the Ford Ecosport / Vauxhall Mokka in future fitting the bill for this. Sales successes, but otherwise superminis on steroids fueling the pathetic SUV-look craze that continues to grow alarmingly. All new Land Rovers also fit that bill.

[Cavcraft]

We might joke about terrible vehicles on here or see owning one as a badge of honour, but those Escorts are truly and utterly the best way to realise you've hit absolute rock bottom, and the only way is up after that.  They even smell of despair. 

[Timewaster]

I remember having a 1 8 n/a Escort Van for a few days one winter. 

It was a pretty much brand new hire van from work and blagged as free transport for a few days. 

Cold morning, scrape the windows kind of weather.  Started it up and rattled all the windows in the houses all around, went to drive away and bugger me it would barely move. 

25mph at most for the first half a mile. 

The slowest most wheezy asthmatic thing I have ever driven.  It felt like I was towing a 5t concrete weight. 

[adw1977]

If we go way back to 1953, the Standard 8 was pretty grim even by the standards of the time. 

Photo by Kerry Taylor on Flickr

To quote AROnline,

"With Sir John Black’s diktat that the car had to be sold profitably at a lower price than the Morris and Austin rivals, the body specification was ruthlessly pared down, with horizontally sliding windows in the front and rear doors, and infamously, the omission of an external boot lid.  This latter feature was promoted as an advantage, as it allowed the luggage space to be extended into the rear passenger compartment, and was “dust and rain sealed”.

The interior was equally basic, with tubular hammock-type seats covered in Tygan, a synthetic fabric."

Allegedly, Sir John Black referred to the car as the "Belsen line" because it was so stripped back.  However the engineering was actually quite advanced. 

[adw1977]

Then in 1961 there was the Renault R3 for those who found the R4 a bit decadent.

Notice the total lack of any kind of door trim.  Available in grey only, painted bumpers, 602cc engine.

[bub2006]

22 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

The Escort van, especially in diesel flavour is. Sorry @bub2006, I know you like them but even the thought of them brings me out in a cold sweat.

It's the horrible smell of those horrible interiors and that dreadful, dreadful wanky asthmatic boat anchor of an engine.

Mine has a faint whiff of gear oil being a self employed mechanics hack for nigh on 15 years. To be honest the engine wasnt that bad when it was new in 1986,similar power to the 2.3 sierra and carlton na diesels and similar power to the 1700 vauxhall diesels through the 90s. Later on in life like mine (2001) though the technology was their to upgrade the engines I wont deny that. By that point though they were moving onto the transit connect as a replacement for the escort and the fiesta courier and they were at the end of their life engine wise. 

[bub2006]

19 hours ago, Spiny Norman said:

Spool back to 2001, I was working in a large now defunct electrical retailer with an arsehole of a manager running* the shop. His company vehicle was an R reg Astra 1.7TD estate in that rather nice bottle green metallic they used to come in. Can't remember the exact model but it had nice velour trim, a decent stereo, alloys, and despite its 200k miles was a generally agreeable thing to punt around in.
It was due for replacement and he started bumming that he'd be getting a new Focus estate, "Probably a Ghia with a CD player" he reckoned (Imagine Arnold Rimmer managing a failing branch of Comet).

Well it turned up and it wasn't a Focus. It was in fact the worst brand new car I'd  experienced since an FSO Polonez.
A Mk6 Escort non-turbo diseasel in Encore spec or whatever they called the one with 4 keep fit windows, basic cloth trim, no tints, black bumpers, two speaker radio cassette.  plastic wheeltrims and a diagram of the aerial view of the  car on the dash because you weren't even worth a clock, in a colour I can't find online probably because nobody has ever wanted to document it, but was a non metallic blood clot reddish brown.It was hideous and it drove as badly as it looked. The fleet manager must have been thrilled to find such a worthy* recipient for this turkey.

The staff was mostly car aware young guys and we pissed ourselves when we saw what his bosses thought of him, and he was gone 6 months later.

The clock is to left of the steering wheel in the mk6,the model before had a digital clock in middle of dashboard even in low trim levels too. The picture on dashboard was a side profile of the hatch/saloon/van or whatever instead of rev counter. I'd be pissed getting a base spec as a company car brand new knowing what was available new at the time and that's coming from someone who has an escort van as a daily!