Dawn of The Goona (pic heavy FEATURE LENGH THREAD)

[Partridge]

PART ONE

 

My second go at French car ownership! Remember that Laguna diesel that Alcyonecorporation had but wasn't able to insure on a classic policy? Yes? No? Well, either way, it's mine now. I bought it a good month or so ago after seeing it in the dark, during a storm, parked by a pile of rubbish in a field. The natural thing to do was buy it, of course.

 

 

And I've finally got round to picking it up. I was very excited. Is that natural?

 

Miss P was roped into driving me to meet my new friend. Nice evening for it.

 

Alcyonecorporation came to meet us in a very tasty old Volvo. Bog spec with cloth seats, which is a pretty shite bonus. Some product familiarisation from Alcyonecorporation (Senior Sales Executive, The Undesirable Estate Centre) took place. Some chickens then came over to see us. Sadly I wasn't able to get a photo of these. But it was all quite odd.

It also came with COMPLIMENTARY SPIDER'S NEST. Some dealerships give you flowers, Renault give you spider's nests. The pile of rubbish is just about visible in background. You're welcome.

 

Next stop, P'bro services. Alcyonecorporation kindly bought me and my Mrs some noodles. I really like noodles. I really like facelifted, diesel French estates too. This is shaping up to be a pretty good evening.

 

Then, DISASTER.

A previous owner had lost the standard fuel filler cap and replaced it with a temporary one. I won't bore you with why or how, because it's really not interesting, but this came apart. Part of this went down the fuel filler neck.

 

Thankfully, Alcyonecorporation was on hand to fish it out again. Superb after sales support.

Buying a new one has gone straight to the top of my to-do list.

Time to brim the tank with the only liquid more unfashionable than John Smith's.

 

Standard pez station shot.

 

PART TWO

 

OK, so now it's time to get it home from Miss P's in Northampton-ish to my home in Hampshire.

 

It's actually more likable than I was expecting. The seats have a decent amount of squish and it rides really nicely. There's that really nice quality to it where the car bounces over ruts and potholes, rather than bashing its way over them. The handling is quite good to. Yeah, the trade off for the nice ride is a tendency to understeer a bit when you're "making good progress", but it's a diesel estate car, not a fucking MR2, so it doesn't need to be sporty.

 

Yeah, it's not the quickest thing on the planet (if I'm honest there's probably dead things that can out-drag this), so overtaking a National Express coach is a long and drawn out affair. But it used only a quarter of a tank from P'bro to Hampshire, so I'm happy.

 

It drives WAY better than it's 189000 miles suggest. The gearbox is actually quite slick and there's no vibrations or judders to be felt through the steering wheel, even at 80 odd. Plus it tracks straight and stops well. Happy days!

 

But with this being old and French, you'd expect some electrical gremlins, right? Well, this won't disappoint. Various displays stopped working, and then started working again on the trip home, including some displays that I assumed were long dead became re-animated.

 

The little lights in the instrument pack which tell you which fogs are on randomly died just as I was entering Northampton. No worries. They than came back to life for no apparent reason, but the odometer then decided it was going to fuck off for a bit too. It came back from hiding as I was entering Cherwell Valley services (am I boring you yet?).

 

Then the clock, which I thought was long dead, came back on the M40. And it's still on now. So my car likes to play hide and seek with me. I'm glad that even after all those miles, it still has a sense of humor.

 

I don't mind it doing stuff like this. But if it was something a bit more important, like I don't know, brakes or something, I'd not see the funny side of its antics.

 

So...What does £350 actually get you? Well, obviously it gets you this. It looks OK in daylight, too.

It also gets you:

12months MOT.

Original wheeltrims which are weirdly unmarked.

Fabric seats with a half arsed attempt at doing a jazzy pattern on them.

 

The interior was/is slightly disgusting. I think somebody was sick on the indicator stalks and wiper controls (these have been de-sicked this afternoon), a steering wheel made of ick like so many French cars of this vintage, and a worther's original, or possibly a toffee, that had gone septic and bonded itself to the side of the seat. This has been consigned to the bin.

 

But at that money, with this much MoT, do I give a rat's arse? No.

 

More pressing than septic sweets however:

It needs a service and belts inspected.

The driver's window slides down a few inches by itself.

The bonnet catch works, but I'm too thick to work out how to use it. But I won't need it. Lagunas don't break down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[paulscavalier]

£350 can't complain, looks pretty good

[beko1987]

Thats fucking lovely! Come join us in gooner-isms! But yours is from the reliable era, so you'll probably be ok!

[Kiltox]

Thats fucking lovely! Come join us in gooner-isms! But yours is from the reliable era, so you'll probably be ok!

The Goona you have is the most reliable car I've owned in a long time!

[Partridge]

It really is very OK. With a clean and a service it should be quite acceptable to even non-weirdos. It should do me find for chugging back and forth from work and whatnot...And why not do it the Beige Way

[Cavcraft]

Kick myself for not buying this, the perfect 'do it all' motor. Well bought.

[alcyonecorporation]

Also in 'working and not a £100 V6' flavour:

 

 

That was when the window worked - and before my colleague broke the switch or regulator or whatever the bollocks actually went wrong with it.

 

Get the fluids and belts done and it'll be a good servant. It certainly never went wrong during my tenure and I never got less than 50 mpg.

I went to Skegness in it. Slowly. Never lifted off, either.

 

NB: the skeg is probably the 'master level' valet my mate had done before he returned it to me with a buggered window.

[Lacquer Peel]

I like this car. Some people say the mk1 Laguna estate is uggers but it looks great to me.

[Partridge]

When Miss P saw it (who is actually a designer) her first words were "What an adorable piece of hideous design."

 

A bit uncalled for.

[Partridge]

Also in 'working and not a £100 V6' flavour:

 

 

That was when the window worked - and before my colleague broke the switch or regulator or whatever the bollocks actually went wrong with it.

 

Get the fluids and belts done and it'll be a good servant. It certainly never went wrong during my tenure and I never got less than 50 mpg.

I went to Skegness in it. Slowly. Never lifted off, either.

 

NB: the skeg is probably the 'master level' valet my mate had done before he returned it to me with a buggered window.

Are you sure he wasn't sick on it? It's the kind of thing he'd do, y'know, for banter.

[Partridge]

Only on this forum would a car as desirable to the general public as dog shit flavor ice cream get such a warm response. That's why I like it here.

[Guest Hooli]

What an utter pile of shit, it's perfect for this place.

[chaseracer]

I had forgotten how bloody weirdly ungainly mk1 Gooner wagons look.

 

Top bombing, sir!

[alcyonecorporation]

Only on this forum would a car as desirable to the general public as dog shit flavor ice cream get such a warm response. That's why I like it here.

Its greatest strength and crippling weakness summed up in one sentence.

[danthecapriman]

Looks really good. Seeing your pics of it has made me think, how long it's been since I last saw one of that generation Laguna. They seem to have just about all disappeared over the last few years.

I like these Laguna's though, much nicer looking than the next gen ones and they actually drive and work well too! I remember them being comfortable cars to be in aswell, nice thick soft seats.

[320touring]

Yaaas, diesel estates are for WINNAHS!

[Felly Magic]

Get Woollarding it ASAP, complete with bonnet up

[Dave_Q]

so overtaking a National Express coach is a long and drawn out affair.

 

"Not my words, Carol. The words of Top Gear magazine"

 

Top class Partridging there Partridge, 11/10 would get reference again.

[alcyonecorporation]

Here's when I got the Northern Powerhouse dates wrong and turned up in Glossop a week early. HALCYON. 

[Lord Sterling]

I drove this when Acyclonecorporation first bought it. It didn't have lovely Renault wheel trims either. Loved the journey in this. Great car.

[Partridge]

 

Here's when I got the Northern Powerhouse dates wrong and turned up in Glossop a week early. HALCYON. 

What did you actually do all day? Apart from look at the Laguna?

 

So what did this have prior to the proper wheel trims? I'm curious.

 

And I'm really pleased somebody got my National Express quote.

 

So I drove to work in this for the first time today. I tried explaining to people that no, I've not fallen on hard times, the Accord hasn't been crashed and this wasn't a distress purchase. I actually like it.

[alcyonecorporation]

I went down in the evening after work. I had a steak at the spoons and Conrad came round.

 

 

It just had steels. No hubcaps.

 

 

I bought 4 Speedline Maracannas for it but got a really good offer (fair bit more than I paid) so sold them on instead.

 

 

This is the temporary Clarion that I had in it which will eventually go in the nob van.

[Partridge]

I like those alloys. It amuses me how they'd be worth vastly more than the car. I did consider putting a private plate on it, just to be annoying. I dunno, A1 LAG or G10 ONA?

I've been pretty quiet on here. That's because none of the fleet have done anything interesting (in other words: fail). I still have this, I still like it.

 

I have done literally nothing to this car. This makes me a bad person, and a irresponsible custodian I know, but I'm weighing up what to do with this.

Half tempted to find another lower mileage, more well presented cheap-to-run Gallic load lugger, rather than chucking money at something with this many miles. Thoughts? What would Jesus (Mr Bollocks) do?

 

The bonnet release leaver has broken, so just flops about aimlessly *sniggers*.

 

Willfully dismal picture of it.

[spartacus]

If you ever eBay it you've got your headline picture right there!

I love those Speedlines.

[Jim Bell]

Wenger out.  Everyone else in.  Green cars are for real men what eat noodles.

 

7/10.

[beko1987]

Spend spend spend!

 

Then sell sell sell...

[Partridge]

That has actually been my past mantra. I'd have no qualms if I was able to get back a good chunk of my expenditure, but with a car that's as desirable as a bucket of re-heated sick in a storm drain, with a picture of Ian Huntley on the bucket itself, I doubt that.

 

I can't even sell a bloody Honda Accord. And that has SICK RIMZ and cream leather. Motherphucking cream leather.

[Cleon-Fonte]

Half tempted to find another lower mileage, more well presented cheap-to-run Gallic load lugger, rather than chucking money at something with this many miles.

 

 

Mileage is purely academic if the car still works.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I like those alloys. It amuses me how they'd be worth vastly more than the car. I did consider putting a private plate on it, just to be annoying. I dunno, A1 LAG or G10 ONA?

 

It's a shame you can't put this 66 plate on the car:

 

 

So that when a colleague says "I've just got a new Polo for £189 a month" you can smugly say "That's nothing. My 190,000 mile Laguna costs me six hundred pounds a month" and instantly win at office Top Trumps.

[Partridge]

I wonder if anyone would be mad enough to finance a numberplate for £600 a month?

Mileage is purely academic if the car still works.

That's a good way of looking at it. Lets run with that point of view.