The grumpy thread

[GrumpiusMaximus]

5 hours ago, djim said:

Regarding people not slowing down, had something sort of similar happen to me yesterday. I saw a car with hazards on ahead on the A22 so slowed down and as i approached saw there was an Alsatian-looking dog in the road looking lost - the chap had stopped to check and get it off the road. I put my hazards on - this is about 3pm so not dark but I had lights on too - and as it is quite a fast road I pulled up 50 ft off but 2-3 feet from the kerb to give the guy some protection. The dog was not certain about the other guy so comes towards me and I get out and call it gently and it comes over and I get hold of it. Its a farm dog by the looks, collar but no tag and quite friendly. So now there's 2 cars with hazards on, broad daylight, and 2 guys standing at the side of the road with a large dog who is not really sure about either of us. Anyway, long boring story short, a couple of cars slowed down a bit to see what was going on but the general consensus was, hoon past without slowing down even slightly and give us a good glare for the hold up, like we'd decided to have some kind of pet social in the middle of the road. 

The dog was fine BTW, went with the chap who saw the direction it came from, and they went off together (with the scruffy dog on the front seat of his BMW) to ask at the nearest house.

 

I had one like that a couple of years ago.  I was driving up to the A30 coming from Exmouth and these two dogs run out of a side road and sprint down the road.  They were doing almost everything they could to get hit by my car.  Pulled over at a roundabout half a mile down the road with my hazards on and the doors wide open and the next thing, another car gets behind my car and starts using the horn as if I'm just blocking traffic!  Somebody else also gets out and we grab the dogs.  Lady Grumpius takes one of them off the other person that stopped to help and we call the number on the collar.

They answer and come to pick them up.  Takes about 15 minutes.  The grump?  Not a word of fucking thanks.  Those dogs were dead if we hadn't stopped.

[purplebargeken]

Is someone now trying to rack up points for the annual cunt count?

What a cunt. Utter cunty, cunt cunt.

[xtriple]

12 hours ago, New POD said:

Remember when you were 32, and ask yourself if your own father would have felt the same. 

 

Sadly I never knew my Father. He and my hated Mother split when I was but 2 so I have never had any learned behaviour from a strong male figure in my life, therefore I am winging it... badly. When it came to being a parent, I always asked myself what would my Mother do? Then with as much speed as possible, do the exact opposite! As she would have had the last tenner out of my pocket (and did more than once) I feel that I should pay for everything.

[New POD]

My Dad, would give me (Still at aged 52) money when asked if I were desperate, but would insist on understanding the detail of my finances, and would insist on putting together a budget with me (and my wife) and then demand that a record and justify every penny I spent for the next 5 years. 

He wouldn't loan me the money. It would be a gift. But with complications. 

Me? I know my kids screw me over occasionally and that's okay.  Except when you know you are effectively paying for their partners to get pissed. 

[Mally]

My dad had a loose brick in the garage wall.

Every now and then he used to get a few hundred quid out and give it to me.

"Don't tell her, (stepmother) she want's some new curtains".

[New POD]

13 minutes ago, Mally said:

My dad had a loose brick in the garage wall.

Every now and then he used to get a few hundred quid out and give it to me.

"Don't tell her, (stepmother) she want's some new curtains".

When a friends father died, ex HMRC tax inspector, left to own 3 restaurants, they found cash all over the house. Bundles of it. 

Cash only businesses at one stage.  I wonder what percentage went through the books. 

 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

14 minutes ago, New POD said:

When a friends father died, ex HMRC tax inspector, left to own 3 restaurants, they found cash all over the house. Bundles of it. 

Cash only businesses at one stage.  I wonder what percentage went through the books. 

This is (or was) pretty much standard practice for restaurants before the debit/credit card revolution. I used to hear stories of Chinese restaurants and takeaways (to say nothing of other establishments) frequently adjusting the books. Very occasionally one or two would get caught by the Revenue, especially after covert observation of the owner's lifestyle compared with the income declared, leading to a prosecution and very heavy penalties.

[vulgalour]

6 hours ago, paulplom said:

I think the problem with the orange lights, hazards, beacons etc is that they are far too common and used far to frequently now. They just blend into your peripheral vision and just aren't noticed anymore. Everyone seems to be using them whether they are needed or not. 

I mean bin wagons, really. Can they not be seen? Massive grab wagons the side of the road whether they are operating or not have them flashing all the time. I see council wagons, tippers etc with them on just driving normally through town and even on dual carriageways.

People are just oblivious to them now. 

Bin wagons got them precisely because people were taking zero care while the workers were around the bin wagon.  Apparently, Mrs Spankedface is too important in her Peugeot Floppytop to slow down when there's people doing their job in the road, and Mr Slappedarse hasn't got any brakes fitted to his company Audi.  So, binwagons get beacons.  then they get more signs and things on them to make people aware that hey, this massive noisy smelly vehicle with people wandering about it might be a hazard so, do you think you'd mind slowing the fuck down a bit please?  People don't.  Knock on effect is because of the fuck-em attitude of the public, it becomes a fuck-em attitude with the workers and why should they bother turning the lights off?

Council workers generally get abuse from both sides.  Management want as much out of them as they can for as little as possible, and the general public want them to do their job without being seeing.  Understandably, the workers get a case of the fuckems.  If you actually try and give a crap about your job, your fellow workers will get cross with you and try and infect you with the fuckems too.  You can't win.

All that said, people are people, no matter if it's Mrs Spankedface or Council Worker Fred, and in different situations they can be totally different and totally un/reasonable people.  Except for Mr Slappedarse, he's always an angry dickhead trying to compensate for his own perceived inadequacies.

[Jerzy Woking]

The thing is, obtaining cash is easy (illegally at least) to attain and hide from the taxman. But getting rid of it is a different ball game. If someone gave you £40k in cold hard cash, how would you spend it? There are only so many pairs of trainers or polo shirts you can buy.

[Jerzy Woking]

17 minutes ago, Tadhg Tiogar said:

This is (or was) pretty much standard practice for restaurants before the debit/credit card revolution. I used to hear stories of Chinese restaurants and takeaways (to say nothing of other establishments) frequently adjusting the books. Very occasionally one or two would get caught by the Revenue, especially after covert observation of the owner's lifestyle compared with the income declared, leading to a prosecution and very heavy penalties.

Yep, HMRC  officers will often do "test purchases" in restaurants to observe what happens when payment is taken from them (and other customers) and if cash handed over is placed through the till or put into the cutlery tray. It is often that blatant.

Take away takings are easy to estimate when HMRC count how many customers go in and come out for any specific day, then compare their observation with the shops books. Happens everyday, so I'm told.

[loserone]

50 minutes ago, vulgalour said:

Mrs Spankedface is too important in her Peugeot Floppytop 

That's not a nice name for @TheDoctor

[Cheggers]

Our new dog keeps on barking at common people.
 
 
Turns out we've bought a Jarvis Cocker Spaniel.

A friend of mine has two Cocker Spaniels called Joe & Jarvis...True but ultimately dull fact

[Tadhg Tiogar]

16 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

Our new dog keeps on barking at common people.

 

 

Turns out we've bought a Jarvis Cocker Spaniel.

This is all a bit of a Blur.

[iainrcz]

Well having spent a few hours sorting my IP camera out yesterday (the Wifi antennae had rotted through so It's now on ethernet)  I've decided it's not high enough.

It's actually the same height up the wall as previously, around 9 foot. What I hadn't factored in was it was on the corner of the house before. So was technically further away from the area being viewed.

 

So I've got to move it up, probably about a foot. Shit bags.

 

And yes, I had made numerous viewings of the feed whilst I installed it. Obviously at that point I was happy!

[Mally]

3 hours ago, Tadhg Tiogar said:

This is (or was) pretty much standard practice for restaurants before the debit/credit card revolution. I used to hear stories of Chinese restaurants and takeaways (to say nothing of other establishments) frequently adjusting the books. Very occasionally one or two would get caught by the Revenue, especially after covert observation of the owner's lifestyle compared with the income declared, leading to a prosecution and very heavy penalties.

Many chip shops still pay by cash when buying in. For sundries at least, so I'm told.

Must be common knowledge, their trucks have been robbed a time or two.

My dad worked in t'mill.

Nowt dodgy with his income, except it wasn't enough for what he did.

[HillmanImp]

28 minutes ago, Mally said:

Many chip shops still pay by cash when buying in. For sundries at least, so I'm told.

Must be common knowledge, their trucks have been robbed a time or two.

My dad worked in t'mill.

Nowt dodgy with his income, except it wasn't enough for what he did.

When i used to work at the tax office I used to enjoy it when they were investigating chippies and such as they'd buy chips for everyone over a few days, they just weighed them before we ate them to see if the amount of chips in an average portion tied up with their books etc. 

[beko1987]

5 hours ago, Jerzy Woking said:

The thing is, obtaining cash is easy (illegally at least) to attain and hide from the taxman. But getting rid of it is a different ball game. If someone gave you £40k in cold hard cash, how would you spend it? There are only so many pairs of trainers or polo shirts you can buy.

Petrol, weekly shop, drugs, charity shops, car boots, broken hoovers, buy car parts from ECP and pay in cash, the pub ... I could make it work very well for me, dripped away over the years

[twosmoke300]

Meals out , petrol ( spread over a few vehicles and chop n change regularly) drink etc .,Most other stuff is traceable 
 

Apparantly ?

[Mally]

6 hours ago, Jerzy Woking said:

The thing is, obtaining cash is easy (illegally at least) to attain and hide from the taxman. But getting rid of it is a different ball game. If someone gave you £40k in cold hard cash, how would you spend it? There are only so many pairs of trainers or polo shirts you can buy.

You buy a small loss making business and turn* it into a profit making business.

Be careful though. Money Laundering is also illegal.

[LightBulbFun]

6 hours ago, Jerzy Woking said:

If someone gave you £40k in cold hard cash, how would you spend it? There are only so many pairs of trainers or polo shirts you can buy.

come on, this is autoshite! how do you think @Six-cylinder and @Mrs6C have the impressive fleet that they have? 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

14 minutes ago, Mally said:

You buy a small loss making business and turn* it into a profit making business.

Be careful though. Money Laundering is also illegal.

Or, to put it in Citroën terms, to make a small fortune on a CX, start with a large one.

[LightBulbFun]

it does remind me when I was drawing cash from the cash machine to pay for REV, I was a bit worried if the bank would get suspicious, as I can only imagine how they would of reacted if I got asked and I (truthly!) told them "to buy an invacar!"

[Cavcraft]

6 hours ago, Cheggers said:

22 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

Our new dog keeps on barking at common people.
 
 
Turns out we've bought a Jarvis Cocker Spaniel.

A friend of mine has two Cocker Spaniels called Joe & Jarvis...True but ultimately dull fact

Was only kidding about our dog, he's actually a border collie.

 

 

He gives us £20 per week.

[HillmanImp]

27 minutes ago, Cavcraft said:

Was only kidding about our dog, he's actually a border collie.

 

 

He gives us £20 per week.

I took my dog to the vet the other day as I thought he had a sore throat. Turns out he's just a little husky.

[Cavcraft]

Stupid questions (already answered on advert), which I ignored, followed by

 

'240 for car come tonight 50 miles tonight'

 

That's a big fat no

 

'Please take 240'

 

No

 

'Come right now manchester'

 

Still no

 

'240'

 

No

 

'220'

 

Is this some sort of reverse bargaining style?

 

'Is all I have'

 

If I said no to £240, why would I say yes to £220?

 

'That's all I have'

 

You said £240

 

'no I say I have 240 give you 220'

 

No now, no tomorrow, no forever

 

'ok'

 

 

[captain_70s]

I wonder if it's possible to pinpoint exactly when the average IQ of a British citizen dropped to a single digit number.

[HillmanImp]

4 minutes ago, captain_70s said:

I wonder if it's possible to pinpoint exactly when the average IQ of a British citizen dropped to a single digit number.

The national IQ recovered sharply in 2009, whats gone wrong since?

[SiC]

7 minutes ago, captain_70s said:

I wonder if it's possible to pinpoint exactly when the average IQ of a British citizen dropped to a single digit number.

Who says they are British? There is only one explanation for this...

They must be illegal aliens

[Cavcraft]

1 hour ago, HillmanImp said:

The national IQ recovered sharply in 2009, whats gone wrong since?

 

Completely agree, though sadly that fucking turbo moron just spawned countless more. Ryman/TOWIE/that braying gobshite woman off ITV daytime (doesn't really narrow it down, though)/etc.

[andy18s]

1 hour ago, Cavcraft said:

Stupid questions (already answered on advert), which I ignored, followed by

 

'240 for car come tonight 50 miles tonight'

 

That's a big fat no

 

'Please take 240'

 

No

 

'Come right now manchester'

 

Still no

 

'240'

 

No

 

'220'

 

Is this some sort of reverse bargaining style?

 

'Is all I have'

 

If I said no to £240, why would I say yes to £220?

 

'That's all I have'

 

You said £240

 

'no I say I have 240 give you 220'

 

No now, no tomorrow, no forever

 

'ok'

 

 

So by his logic,he's  picking it up tomorrow?