The grumpy thread

[Sigmund Fraud]

Thanks for the advice, chaps.

 

I could never live with the embarassment of owning an Audi R8. The car in question is my povo-spec 214, for which I have yet to do a collection/recommission thread.

 

I've tried the starter trick, which didn't work. No friendly agricultural engineers close by, plus the car is in far too many bits to travel far, so I'm on my own.

 

Clutch and brakes are strong enough to hold the crank still, I just can't get enough torque on the bloody thing to move it !

 

I reckon the next step would be plenty of heat (people tend to loctite those bolts in place, pure madness if you ask me !) combined with a scaffold pole and (even) more profanity. If this fails, I will have no option but to find a 400Nm gun...

[Sigmund Fraud]

Fucking scooter broke down on the way into work this morning.  It wasn't even the cheap Chinese bike either, it was the (admittedly 31-year-old) Honda.  It'll start straight up and idle happily, but as soon as I try to give it any welly it bogs down.  I eventually found out that if I give it about half throttle until it bogs down, then let off for five seconds and give it half throttle again, it will eventually drag itself up to about 25 on the flat.  Hills are a complete no-no though.

 

My Moby did exactly the same earlier this week... It was also fuel-related, 40-year-old debris from the tank is somehow finding its way to the carb jet. Nothing that an italian tuneup can't fix !

[bub2006]

Regarding scooter wuvvum, mine did this not long after i bought it. Bits of crap in main jet. Happened twice so thought would fit an online fuel filter. My scooter has a vacuum tap and for some reason would not draw petrol through the filter properly and would not provide enough fuel at sustained high rpm. Ditched filter and just replaced vacuum tap,fuel hose and vac hose and had no issues since. My scooter was stood for a few years before i bought it

[daveb47]

Fucking scooter broke down on the way into work this morning.  It wasn't even the cheap Chinese bike either, it was the (admittedly 31-year-old) Honda.  It'll start straight up and idle happily, but as soon as I try to give it any welly it bogs down.  I eventually found out that if I give it about half throttle until it bogs down, then let off for five seconds and give it half throttle again, it will eventually drag itself up to about 25 on the flat.  Hills are a complete no-no though.

 

Feels like fuel starvation - there's plenty of fuel getting to the carb, so probably a blocked jet or summat.  Ironically, it's happened on the first proper run the bike has had since I fitted an inline fuel filter to try and avoid any crap finding its way into the carb.   

 

So I'll probably be going home by AA van tonight, as there's no way I'm riding 15 miles along a busy A-road at 20mph, and I have a feeling that the 30-year-old Philips screws that hold the float bowl on are going to be beyond the ability of Mr. AA Man to whip off in the car park - and removal of the complete carb requires the nearside rear shock to be taken off, so a royal PITA all round.  I might buzz down to Halfords after work (all downhill from here) and buy a can of carb cleaner to see if that helps at all, but I'm not holding my breath.

Take air filter hose off carb

Rev engine as much as possible

While revving put hand over intake for a second or so till it almost stops then release keeping throttle as wide open as you can,repeat a few times.

Hopefully this will draw water/shit etc though jets and clear them.

[chaseracer]

Can't you brace the breaker bar against the floor and turn the engine over on the starter?

 

 

[Asimo]

Crankshaft pulleys

 

"Breaker bars" are too springy; I keep a few 3/4" drive sockets, Tommy bar and a four foot scaffold pole for this sort of thing. always works IF there is room.

[JohnDeere]

I could never live with the embarassment of owning an Audi R8. The car in question is my povo-spec 214, for which I have yet to do a collection/recommission thread.

 

And there was me thinking you'd acquired one of these:

 

[wuvvum]

Gutted Wuvs - are you going to the East Coast Retros meet on Friday?

 

Yep.  Not by moped though.  Will probably be in the Rover of Doom.

[Wilko220]

Yeah, this is defo going to make the power-mongering world leaders think twice. WELL DONE TWATS.

 

 

 

http://www.bristolpost.co.uk/Air-cadets-distraught-Bristol-anarchists-torch/story-22874098-detail/story.html

[wuvvum]

Take air filter hose off carb

Rev engine as much as possible

While revving put hand over intake for a second or so till it almost stops then release keeping throttle as wide open as you can,repeat a few times.

Hopefully this will draw water/shit etc though jets and clear them.

Cheers, might give that a whirl.  I also thought of trying revving it up as far as it will go, turning the ignition off until the revs die right down then turning it back on again to see if I can make the bike backfire - don't know if there's any chance of that working though.

[dollywobbler]

Backfiring isn't going to cure it though. I've employed the hand-on-carb trick many times with 2CVs. DO NOT WEAR LATEX GLOVES. 

[twosmoke300]

Re the rover pulley bolt. It's not the springeyness of the bar that is the problem . It's how to lock the crank solid. If you just put it in gear then all you do is wind up the clutch hub springs and risk damaging them. Impact gun or the proper locking tool ftw.

[drum]

Thought I'd dodged that bullet. 'Sake.

[purplebargeken]

5 mins from home. Road blocked by what appears to be all of the police in Edmonton/Enfield/London/the UK. Police chopper hovering overhead.

 

Hmm. Drug bust? Routine traffic stop? No insurance? Nope. 

 

Get home to be told that some fuckwit has decapitated a woman and a cat. I knew I hated the area. Police have the fuckwit, quite impressive, however, It'll be the one covered in blood officer.

 

seems like he stayed put after the deed which has to put him in the following categories:

 

1. Complete raving nut job.

 

2. Jealous ex-partner.

 

3. Jihadi wannabe

 

4. Jealous ex-partner raving nut job.

 

I'm going for #4

 

We are all a bit doomed aren't we.

[Cavcraft]

/\

Sorry, according to Facebook it was a Muslim/all mosques should be burnt to the ground immediately/send them back/don't belong here/we were warned about this/there's a lot of them in that area/it's not stereotyping/I'm not racist/send them back.

[purplebargeken]

Andy Love (himself) MP wheeled himself out and made a comment to some news hack. He included this gem:

 

“This is a relatively solid community with relatively good relations between all of the people living there. It comes as a shock that it has happened.

 

Oh really? What part of the fucking multiverse did you just drop in from. Oi, Love...... the area is an arse pit, 99% full of fuckwits. Especially the road that contains my sister in law. Oddly it was the same road that the poor woman and cats were decapitated.  

[purplebargeken]

Oh, and overuse of the word 'relatively'. Twat. 

[Lankytim]

Maybe her head just fell off by itself?

[Cavcraft]

Good job she didn't LMFAO, that would have been messy to clear up.

[Asimo]

Re the rover pulley bolt. It's not the springeyness of the bar that is the problem . It's how to lock the crank solid. If you just put it in gear then all you do is wind up the clutch hub springs and risk damaging them. Impact gun or the proper locking tool ftw.

Now I have not tried this: what about hydraulically locking the engine by filling the front cylinder with oil?

 

Would have to be 90 deg. ish before tdc on the compression stroke or on the power stroke at about 90deg. after tdc depending on which way the engine runs.

[Richard]

I think a less messy version of that is feeding rope into the spark plug hole.

[purplebargeken]

Seems it was an 82 year old woman (rumour has it). Easy target for a passing nut job with a sharp implement. Hello Broadmoor/3 Bridges. 

[sporty-shite]

Oh, and overuse of the word 'relatively'. Twat. 

It's all relative.

 

[Bren]

I was wondering why the batteries on the SD1 and busa have not responded to being charged.

 

Answer = fuse has gone in charger.

 

New 30A fuse fitted - lets see what happens.

[Noel Tidybeard]

My own grump - supposed to be a quiet day off work today but its been shattered by builders setting up scaffolding right outside my fucking window.

 

Seems that the neighbours are getting some bloody awful looking exterior insulation and faux rendering nailed to the outside of their house. 

P1000802.JPG

 

To the left is the access to my garden and garage, so now I cant get cars in and out. Before they got too far along I moved the car out into the street.

 

"How long will you be here for...a couple of days?" I asked, thinking that a long weekend at home might be just the tonic to revive flagging moral.

 

"Be about 3 weeks" the dude replied.

 

3 weeks? THREE WEEKS? how the fuck is it going to take them three weeks to do that, they are only doing two walls.

And then they fucked off sharpish at 11.45 for lunch and its now 3pm and they are still not back yet - thats why its going to take them three weeks.

did anyone ask permission to block your access?

[HillmanImp]

Well, thats the last time I will be using 'auto lights' on the Jaguar.

 

Going over Otley chevin this morning it was probably the worst fog I have ever experienced. You could not see more than a few feet ahead of you so I had my front and rear fog lights on. The headlights were also on as the car had decided that it was dark enough for them.

 

At some point at the top of the chevin the car decided it was light enought to turn off its lights, INCLUDING THE FOG LIGHTS and not think it was necesarry to turn them back on 30 seconds later when I decended back into the pea soup.

 

I wondered why people were flashing at me for half a mile until I realised I had no lights on FFS.

 

Technology can go and bite my shiny metal ass.

[dave21478]

This is France. Nobody gives a fuck about stuff like that. Tradesmen are a law unto themselves.

 

If I closed off a road and put up a wobbly scaffold on it, the mayor would be round pronto and would bring whatever clipboard wielding official he thought necessary to have me bollocked and make me take it down, but because this is being done by a registered business they can do whatever the fuck they want and nobody bats an eyelid.

 

 

 

They never came back yesterday afternoon and its now 9am and no sign of them arriving so far today either. It seems that these guys follow the traditional French tradesmans working methods of doing a day here, and afternoon on a different job, a couple of days on a job miles away, another day here, then the rest of the week elsewhere...basically working* all over the place but actually achieving fuck all progress anywhere.

[Jim Bell]

Spend a few hours loosening bolts.

It's probably quite therapeutic.

[dave21478]

Im thinking more along the lines of how cozy my loft would be if some of those styrene panels found their way up there.

[Jim Bell]

Well it is pretty windy. Stuff like that probably blows away all the time.