The grumpy thread

[New POD]

So, in October Dad was told cancer on his voice box was in his lungs and he had 6 months to 2 years. 

Before Christmas he had 6 nights in hospital due to sodium levels being low, came home Christmas Eve.  

Roll on 2 weeks, he's not got long left. Marie Curie nurses and palitive care team and District nurse in and out of his house. 

Mum phoned me last night to say he hadn't eaten for nearly 2 days, and is very week. 

Well yes. When I last saw him (28th December) he looked pretty bad.  I've left them to it since then as one sister is around the corner (4 miles away) and my other sister flew in from the USA for a week, so I kept away (there's nothing I can really do at the moment..) 

Planned to visit this weekend. 

I'm fairly sure my emotions are normal because I've discussed them with my wife and a couple of trusted colleagues, but I have no wish to be part of a vigil holding his hand.  My last few words to him when he was able to get out of bed, were "Look Dad, try and smile. You are getting everything your own way for the first time in your life, and you have no pain. You have a view of Snowdon, and know everyone loves you, so less looking like someone's pissed on your chips"  

Christ he's even written the order of service for his funeral chosen the hymns and readings and had mum get all his suits and shirts out and chosen which ones go with the tie he wants to wear......I think the tie is important as he's had a tracheotomy fitted for 2 years, and before that it was rare that he didn't have a tie on.

But based on mum's call last night I'm feeling like I just wish he'd die and get it over with. Before I visit on Saturday would be good (or more convenient)for me. I'm grumpy because this makes me seem like a twat. 

My views on death are very simple. Inevitable for all of us. Likelyhood of it happening follows the reliability bathtub curve. When it's my time make it quick. 

[EyesWeldedShut]

1 minute ago, New POD said:

I'm grumpy because this makes me seem like a twat. 

You have (more or less) echoed my sentiments from 2016 when my Dad was diagnosed with metastasised kidney cancer.
I had a good old chat with him after the delivery of the verdict and once more before he shuffled off about three/four months later. We parted on a good basis and I was happy with that.
My siblings went through the all night(s) vigil waiting for him to go (ditto my Mum) as they felt it was the thing to do. Given that neither of my parents were awake/aware in the final days then I couldn't see the point.
Maybe I'm a twat too - I prefer realist.

[Sunny Jim]

@New POD if you're in the area over the weekend and you fancy meeting up for a pint/coffee/walk or whatever at any stage drop me a PM. Some friends say I'm a good listener, if you'd like find out I'd be happy to listen.

[artdjones]

1 hour ago, New POD said:

So, in October Dad was told cancer on his voice box was in his lungs and he had 6 months to 2 years. 

Before Christmas he had 6 nights in hospital due to sodium levels being low, came home Christmas Eve.  

Roll on 2 weeks, he's not got long left. Marie Curie nurses and palitive care team and District nurse in and out of his house. 

Mum phoned me last night to say he hadn't eaten for nearly 2 days, and is very week. 

Well yes. When I last saw him (28th December) he looked pretty bad.  I've left them to it since then as one sister is around the corner (4 miles away) and my other sister flew in from the USA for a week, so I kept away (there's nothing I can really do at the moment..) 

Planned to visit this weekend. 

I'm fairly sure my emotions are normal because I've discussed them with my wife and a couple of trusted colleagues, but I have no wish to be part of a vigil holding his hand.  My last few words to him when he was able to get out of bed, were "Look Dad, try and smile. You are getting everything your own way for the first time in your life, and you have no pain. You have a view of Snowdon, and know everyone loves you, so less looking like someone's pissed on your chips"  

Christ he's even written the order of service for his funeral chosen the hymns and readings and had mum get all his suits and shirts out and chosen which ones go with the tie he wants to wear......I think the tie is important as he's had a tracheotomy fitted for 2 years, and before that it was rare that he didn't have a tie on.

But based on mum's call last night I'm feeling like I just wish he'd die and get it over with. Before I visit on Saturday would be good (or more convenient)for me. I'm grumpy because this makes me seem like a twat. 

My views on death are very simple. Inevitable for all of us. Likelyhood of it happening follows the reliability bathtub curve. When it's my time make it quick. 

There's no "right" way to deal with the situation. When my mother died she'd been on her back in hospital for seven years, not knowing where she was. So in a way she'd died 7 years before. Once you've let them go it's not the same when they finally do go.

[auntiemaryscanary]

I'm always grumpy Saturday morning due to the standard domestic drudegery plus the "can you just" jobs. Today was only 2 drill & rawplug holes for a mirror and corkboard in a kid bedroom.

Easy job. Tidy up. Why isn't the vac working? Unsurprisingly the bagless bag is rammed. Bagless emptied, filters cleaned still no suction

"Remember to to empty the vac and clean the filter when you've used it please darling, I've emptied it again".

Hardly earth shattering stuff but chuffed I'm off work Monday. Plan is morning at the allotment and the afternoon into evening playing* in the garage with the installed Chinese diesel heater fired up as required.

[Mally]

On 09/01/2025 at 10:11, New POD said:

So, in October Dad was told cancer on his voice box was in his lungs and he had 6 months to 2 years. 

Before Christmas he had 6 nights in hospital due to sodium levels being low, came home Christmas Eve.  

Roll on 2 weeks, he's not got long left. Marie Curie nurses and palitive care team and District nurse in and out of his house. 

Mum phoned me last night to say he hadn't eaten for nearly 2 days, and is very week. 

Well yes. When I last saw him (28th December) he looked pretty bad.  I've left them to it since then as one sister is around the corner (4 miles away) and my other sister flew in from the USA for a week, so I kept away (there's nothing I can really do at the moment..) 

Planned to visit this weekend. 

I'm fairly sure my emotions are normal because I've discussed them with my wife and a couple of trusted colleagues, but I have no wish to be part of a vigil holding his hand.  My last few words to him when he was able to get out of bed, were "Look Dad, try and smile. You are getting everything your own way for the first time in your life, and you have no pain. You have a view of Snowdon, and know everyone loves you, so less looking like someone's pissed on your chips"  

Christ he's even written the order of service for his funeral chosen the hymns and readings and had mum get all his suits and shirts out and chosen which ones go with the tie he wants to wear......I think the tie is important as he's had a tracheotomy fitted for 2 years, and before that it was rare that he didn't have a tie on.

But based on mum's call last night I'm feeling like I just wish he'd die and get it over with. Before I visit on Saturday would be good (or more convenient)for me. I'm grumpy because this makes me seem like a twat. 

My views on death are very simple. Inevitable for all of us. Likelyhood of it happening follows the reliability bathtub curve. When it's my time make it quick. 

I think the same way as your dad, and you.

I've written my arrangements a few times, but keep changing things round.

My financial arrangements are set in stone as far as possible.

My late wife went very fast with lung cancer,. You have my thoughts and wishes.

[New POD]

35 minutes ago, Mally said:

I think the same way as your dad, and you.

I've written my arrangements a few times, but keep changing things round.

My financial arrangements are set in stone as far as possible.

My late wife went very fast with lung cancer,. You have my thoughts and wishes.

Spent most of the night with him.  This was not a vigil as such just that he needs suction every now and again and blood and snot removing from his tracheotomy tube. Was glad when my sister took over at 4 am but not glad when I realised I hadn't been drinking decaff coffee like I assumed. 

Marie Currie nurse staying tonight.  Seems to be a random thing. They ring about 1pm to say they are coming at 10 pm. 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Wishing you all the best at this difficult time @New POD.

[Mally]

3 hours ago, New POD said:

Spent most of the night with him.  This was not a vigil as such just that he needs suction every now and again and blood and snot removing from his tracheotomy tube. Was glad when my sister took over at 4 am but not glad when I realised I hadn't been drinking decaff coffee like I assumed. 

Marie Currie nurse staying tonight.  Seems to be a random thing. They ring about 1pm to say they are coming at 10 pm. 

We nursed my dad at home for 3 months on our own. My wife stopped work, I was on the best wage.

We were both dead beat, turned him over every 2 hours. The promised night relief turn up the day after he died. We had informed them.

My wife was in hospital, so easier, but spent many nights on a reclining chair.

Strangely it's still a shock when it finally happens.

[Metal Guru]

41 minutes ago, Mally said:

We nursed my dad at home for 3 months on our own. My wife stopped work, I was on the best wage.

We were both dead beat, turned him over every 2 hours. The promised night relief turn up the day after he died. We had informed them.

My wife was in hospital, so easier, but spent many nights on a reclining chair.

Strangely it's still a shock when it finally happens.

I’ve only really got experience of one health authority here but I get the impression it’s fairly wide spread, but the organisation of support workers for caring at home is absolutely shocking. I’m not talking about the care received ( which can be patchy but it’s not a nice job and people will have bad days etc), but the logistics , where and when they’re supposed be there , equipment needed delivered after death, unbriefed staff turning up and having to be told the  whole story from scratch, staff turning up at home after hospital admission or death , etc etc.

All that is wasted resources supposedly in short supply but nothing changed in the three years between my Mum and Dad requiring them.

No one is willing to criticise the NHS, but it can’t be denied that it is run by complete idiots. 

[Mally]

18 minutes ago, Metal Guru said:

 

No one is willing to criticise the NHS, but it can’t be denied that it is run by complete idiots. 

I replied to this but have deleted. 

There were a few cock ups with my wife along the way.  Both  doctors refused to sigh the death certificate,

Coroner wanted  a post mortem, maybe inquest.  My decision, and we let it go.

The kids wanted it over and done by Xmas, which was what happened.

Probably for the best.  We all make mistakes, as they said when I scrapped a £6,000 panel at Aerospace.

I wouldn't like to be playing with human bodies.

[Metal Guru]

6 hours ago, Mally said:

I replied to this but have deleted. 

There were a few cock ups with my wife along the way.  Both  doctors refused to sigh the death certificate,

Coroner wanted  a post mortem, maybe inquest.  My decision, and we let it go.

The kids wanted it over and done by Xmas, which was what happened.

Probably for the best.  We all make mistakes, as they said when I scrapped a £6,000 panel at Aerospace.

I wouldn't like to be playing with human bodies.

I’ve no real problem with the actual medical care, it’s just various departments don’t have a clue what others are doing. For example, they had a meeting re my mother going home, half an hour before she died. No one had checked on her condition to be sent home but they were “organising” beds, local cover etc. Also no one ever involved our family in these discussions. I live 100 miles from my mother’s house, my siblings 300. They never asked us how we’d organise things or how long we needed to rearrange our lives around it. 

This is a Trust that has put “integrated” into their title. Deluded!

[sierraman]

Radio Presenters on Greatest Hits… why do they talk incessant bollocks. Had Greatest Hits Radio on earlier, Gerry Rafferty Baker Street was on, gets the to guitar solo and he comes on and talks over it! What a cunt!!! And why do they have this constant ‘countdown to the weekend’ I do actually have some sort of pleasure and enjoyment on weekdays. 
 

This interruption is tantamount to getting your end away then just as you are getting to the vinegar strokes some fucker walking in and asking you to sign something or the radio coming on disrupting your rhythm. 

[beko1987]

1 hour ago, sierraman said:

Radio Presenters on Greatest Hits… why do they talk incessant bollocks. Had Greatest Hits Radio on earlier, Gerry Rafferty Baker Street was on, gets the to guitar solo and he comes on and talks over it! What a cunt!!! And why do they have this constant ‘countdown to the weekend’ I do actually have some sort of pleasure and enjoyment on weekdays. 
 

This interruption is tantamount to getting your end away then just as you are getting to the vinegar strokes some fucker walking in and asking you to sign something or the radio coming on disrupting your rhythm. 

It's why you load up a usb/sd/minidisk with a ton of music and don't bother with the radio at all. 

I remember being sad when I broke the dab aerial in my head unit 3 or 4 cars ago now. Took me a month before I realised how much of my 45 minutes in to lbc was just ads. I don't have the fm tuned in either 🤷

Granted the mp3's in my car have been the same 8gb's worth for the last 10 years but it's good stuff 😂

[Supernaut]

1 hour ago, sierraman said:

Radio Presenters on Greatest Hits… why do they talk incessant bollocks. Had Greatest Hits Radio on earlier, Gerry Rafferty Baker Street was on, gets the to guitar solo and he comes on and talks over it! What a cunt!!! And why do they have this constant ‘countdown to the weekend’ I do actually have some sort of pleasure and enjoyment on weekdays. 
 

This interruption is tantamount to getting your end away then just as you are getting to the vinegar strokes some fucker walking in and asking you to sign something or the radio coming on disrupting your rhythm. 

You just reminded me.

On Friday 6music were doing a 1990s day. Chris Hawkins played Saltwater by Chicane on his show then talked all over it at the best part.

I need to go and listen to it elsewhere now, without interruption.

[reb]

I've never particularly liked the radio. When I got my first car I went to HMV and bought £120 worth of compilation CDs and a big CD wallet. That served me well for the first couple of years of driving before I got spotify and a bluetooth stereo.

[myglaren]

Bluetooth in my car has gone on strike.  Always listen to stuff saved onto my phone.  Silent journeys from now on.

[New POD]

On 11/01/2025 at 17:01, Mally said:

We nursed my dad at home for 3 months on our own. My wife stopped work, I was on the best wage.

We were both dead beat, turned him over every 2 hours. The promised night relief turn up the day after he died. We had informed them.

My wife was in hospital, so easier, but spent many nights on a reclining chair.

Strangely it's still a shock when it finally happens.

He died at 10:15 this morning. Mum.and sister were with him, I was brushing my teeth. His last breath was about 5 minutes before I came into the room.  I was the person that confirmed that "Yes..he's dead"

Mum really pleased it was so peaceful with the sun shining and a lovely view of Snowdon.  Doctor has just been 7 hours later, and we are now awaiting the undertaker.  

Maybe this should be in the grin thread, because I'm pleased that he and mum experienced the death they wanted. 

I've had a glass or 2 of his best scotch. 

and a glass or 2 of red.

This is Dad (and mum) on Christmas day. Dad's food was mechanically mashed to mush. 

this is  the last picture I took 4? days later when I told him to stop being miserable, and that he had everyone running around after him, and he wasn't in any pain. That was exactly 2 weeks ago.  He was eating a banana.

He'd really gone down quickly over the last few days but I wasn't planning to be here for the end. And am glad that I was brushing my teeth. 

Took my sister for a walk on Red Wharf bay this afternoon, and held her whilst she cried her little heart out. 

[New POD]

Undertaker arrived. 

[Wibble]

Condolences, may he rest in peace. It’s hard, even when expected.

[junkyarddog]

Condolences to you and your family.

R.I.P.

[New POD]

6 minutes ago, Wibble said:

Condolences, may he rest in peace. It’s hard, even when expected.

To be honest, it's a relief. 

He didn't suffer (apart from weeks of radio therapy in 2023. 

[Wibble]

5 minutes ago, New POD said:

To be honest, it's a relief. 

He didn't suffer (apart from weeks of radio therapy in 2023. 

I know, I’m glad it was peaceful and painless.

[High Jetter]

A lot to process, my thoughts are with you. You'll find relief, and release, god willing.

[maxxo]

Decided to upgrade my parents house alarm today as the previous panel has a failure of the microprocessor 

thought to myself, surely, can’t be that bad

 

welp

9 hours in the cupboard later

did over 30 years so can’t complain

but fuck me

my back is fucked

whoever fitted it labelled nothing

what a fucking nightmare

have to go back tomorrow to make some last tweaks as 7pm was late enough for me

what a nightmare 

 

[richardmorris]

2 hours ago, New POD said:

To be honest, it's a relief. 

He didn't suffer (apart from weeks of radio therapy in 2023. 

I’m sorry for you and the family. To be fair I felt like that about my grandmother a few years back. It was sad but a relief as she was in a lot of pain before and had no quality of life.

[IronStar]

In today’s episode of where the fuck did you get your license - mk1 Focus estate jumped into the traffic from the gas station on the other side of the road 5m in front of me. Mashed the brake, locked up, skidded, but thankfully there was no one on the sidewalk so climbed the kerb and stopped there not to ram the idiot. Few meters after where his car was. 
He didn’t even floor it when joining to have a chance in hell to make it without a crash. No apology either, just drove away. For extra WTF points, there were no cars behind me, so he could’ve just waited 5 extra seconds.
I really hope I didn’t bend any suspension components from climbing the kerb at 40ish kmh. 

[Westbay]

@New POD

Condolences ...

[alcyonecorporation]

Employers who take the 8K piss for six months, find my breaking point, then act wounded when I explode. 

'How...how dare you! You can't do that, you can't say that...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah what an over-reaction'. 

Oh, just fuck off. I'm not working when my car's dropping coolant all over the ground, because you sure as fuck aren't buying me a new engine. 

'Oh well this is a failure on your part, the area manager's being rung, you're probably sacked.' 

"No mither, I quit, then."

'Oh! Well! Thank you!' 

"You're welcome [slams phone down]". 

[comfortablynumb]

I've chucked a few jobs like that @alcyonecorporation, just try not to let it get to you.

Bugger them 🙏