The grumpy thread

[paulplom]

The twat upstairs put her washing machine on. Not really a grump in itself but it hit the spin cycle at 6 fucking 05 AM! She really is a thick, selfish cunt.

[Roobarb]

damn nose hair was freezing up as I walked across the car park and into work this morning. 

Why couldn’t the company have been based in California???

[New POD]

6 hours ago, paulplom said:

The twat upstairs put her washing machine on. Not really a grump in itself but it hit the spin cycle at 6 fucking 05 AM! She really is a thick, selfish cunt.

Hi, I'm the guy from downstairs. 

I'm not sure you realised this, but your washing machine is really noisy at 6 o'clock in the morning. 

Perhaps you could run it at a different time? Please. 

Now I'm not saying that the direct approach always works, but it's worth a try? 

Sometimes people don't know. But once they do they change. Others do know and deliberately do it. 

 

[SRi05]

3 minutes ago, New POD said:

Hi, I'm the guy from downstairs. 

I'm not sure you realised this, but your washing machine is really noisy at 6 o'clock in the morning. 

Perhaps you could run it at a different time? Please. 

Now I'm not saying that the direct approach always works, but it's worth a try? 

Sometimes people don't know. But once they do they change. Others do know and deliberately do it. 

 

Broom >>>>> Ceiling

[face]

9 minutes ago, New POD said:

Hi, I'm the guy from downstairs. 

I'm not sure you realised this, but your washing machine is really noisy at 6 o'clock in the morning. 

Perhaps you could run it at a different time? Please. 

Now I'm not saying that the direct approach always works, but it's worth a try? 

Sometimes people don't know. But once they do they change. Others do know and deliberately do it. 

 

Piss >>>>> Letterbox

[paulplom]

She already knows. She's just being a cunt.

[SRi05]

4 minutes ago, paulplom said:

She already knows. She's just being a cunt.

Definitely piss through her letterbox then

[New POD]

2 minutes ago, paulplom said:

She already knows. She's just being a cunt.

In which case, I'd pretend that she doesn't know and knock on her door anyway.  At midnight. To tell her you are having to turn off her water supply.

Actually just turn it off. Don't tell her. Put it back on at 7 am.

[New POD]

20 hours ago, anonymous user said:

Just fed up with life, as soon as I make an offer on a house, someone immediately offers more, they can have it then. I'm not desperate to move, just fancy downsizing so that I'm forced to get rid of some of my crap.

Offer more. Keep offering more. Then change your mind a week later.  

[Rod/b]

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 

 

[Christine]

Why is there a tape measure on the bridge ? /\ /\

[Rod/b]

Its an advert, for the advertising company that owns that site. Nobody knows what it means. They’ve also got signs up that just say “Uptown top ranking” which nobody outside of a handful of sad 70s girl-reggae fans will even recognise, let alone know what the relevance is in respect of the billboard sites. It’s no wonder they have so many empty sites. 

[xtriple]

Just watched some utter throbber reverse his BMW into the front of my car. He seemed curiously disinterested at my rejoinder that he was a 'fucking useless cunt' and drove off! Bloody base spec 3 series (maybe a 5, not sure) with the tiniest exhaust pipe I've seen on a car in years. Perhaps his attitude was something to do with exhaust pipe envy (my car has TWO HUGE throbbers!    ). Anyway, not done any damage as far as I can see in the pouring rain and the number plate is still in one piece so maybe it's alright.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

10 minutes ago, xtriple said:

Just watched some utter throbber reverse his BMW into the front of my car. He seemed curiously disinterested at my rejoinder that he was a 'fucking useless cunt' and drove off! 

That seems to be the attitude of some now: don't engage with / pretend not to see the driver you collided with and you can drive away as if it never happened.

[ruffgeezer]

My Datsun is up for sale again with a lot of the repair work it needed, done.

Good to his word the owner contacted me to tell me, but I really can't afford it ?

[Garythesnail]

1 hour ago, Tadhg Tiogar said:

That seems to be the attitude of some now: don't engage with / pretend not to see the driver you collided with and you can drive away as if it never happened.

I'd be more concerned that he's going to claim he was rear ended while he was stationary.

[SiC]

On 1/15/2020 at 5:22 PM, Lankytim said:

We're selling our home and are in the middle of a chain. The elderly woman selling the house we're buying has been fucking about for months, taking weeks to respond to solicitors letters, refusing reasonable requests and generally being an awkward pain the the backside and very much doing everything on her terms. The buyers of our house have been patiently waiting but inevitably today their good will has run out and they are insisting we either complete by the end of the month or lose them as buyers.  The lady we're buying from isn't willing to move out and stay with her son for a few weeks until her bungalow is ready to move in to so to avoid losing our buyer and the whole chain collapsing we as a family of 4 are having to move in with the in laws for a while.  This isn't ideal and shes the kind of woman who could decide to stay put or the purchase of the bungalow she wants to move into could fall through, leaving us properly up shit creek. It's all a massive myther we could do without. 

Count yourself lucky. Currently on 5 buyers and, after aborting from our second house purchase over Right of Way issues, on our 3rd attempted purchase. I'm dreading our conveyancing bill. 

2019 seemed a complete washout on the housing market.

[Wack]

Just been to the cinema , something new to add to the yes that's pissing me off list of crinkly wrappers, popcorn, mobile phone screens & talking 

Bastard smart watches, a bald guy kept rubbing the top of his head , only whever he moved his fucking wrist his watch lit up , which he then rubbed all over his noggin for 20 seconds every 5 fucking minutes right under my nose

Lucking the film (star wars) was total shit so I gave up and left , I had no idea who anyone was except carrie fisher and chewbacca who are both dead so it was just running , illuminated sword fights and laser guns 

 

[chodweaver]

4 hours ago, xtriple said:

Just watched some utter throbber reverse his BMW into the front of my car. He seemed curiously disinterested at my rejoinder that he was a 'fucking useless cunt' and drove off! Bloody base spec 3 series (maybe a 5, not sure) with the tiniest exhaust pipe I've seen on a car in years. Perhaps his attitude was something to do with exhaust pipe envy (my car has TWO HUGE throbbers!    ). Anyway, not done any damage as far as I can see in the pouring rain and the number plate is still in one piece so maybe it's alright.

Get a dashcam. A decent one that is capable of recording front and back and when the ignition is off. I hope I live long enough to have a dashcam 'implant' - it'll be fascinating to see how much more law abiding everyone* becomes once they're being recorded in every interaction with another person. Also, I'm looking forward* to finding out just how unreliably my own memory is...

[High Jetter]

Talking of cinemas, our 100 year old local, independant 3-screen one closed tonight due to lack of custom after the big chain multi-screen moved from out of town into the town centre, about 500yds away. (Not that I've been to a cinema in about 30 years, but that's not the point...)

[Wack]

18 minutes ago, chodweaver said:

Get a dashcam. A decent one that is capable of recording front and back and when the ignition is off. I hope I live long enough to have a dashcam 'implant' - it'll be fascinating to see how much more law abiding everyone* becomes once they're being recorded in every interaction with another person. Also, I'm looking forward* to finding out just how unreliably my own memory is...

I'm hoping I'll be well dead before we're all grassing each other up to the Gestapo 

[jakebullet]

I'm going to a gig* tomorrow. I've been excited all week. Made the mistake tonight of saying to the mrs. are you excited? Response: O. Followed by demanding she must have a seat.

Er, you've been there before. It's a flat roof working men's club dive. It's always full of sweaty 50's bald men bouncing around pissed out of their gourds thinking they're still 19 to tribute acts of dead people. Seated it isn't. Worse she's booked 2 more there that I can't even name a song for, but I suppose they will be fine standing 'cos she wants to go to those. Less than impressed when I said fine we'll stay in and watch another fucking dismal amazon prime film as per usual.

[Wack]

On 1/15/2020 at 6:41 PM, barefoot said:

Similarly, pall bearers. To watch a team of six experienced blokes heft the coffin onto their shoulders and walk effortlessly without using their hands and perfectly in step, is a pleasure to behold. When they stick a short arsed woman amongst them or worse still, let some relatives have a go, it turns rapidly into an unbalanced, top heavy farce.

This

I got a phone call from the brother of a mate I hadn't spoken to in 5 years asking if I'd be a pall bearer , attending his funeral was fine but I really tried to get out of it , I was even more surprised when the church was full as to why they'd asked me.

It was exactly as you've described , 6 guys of varying height , the funeral directors arranged us as close to the same height as possible with the shortest at the front.

This ended up as a 12st body plus the coffin being carried on a downward slope , I was terrified of dropping it or watching it slide off the front like a lifeboat going into the sea so held on to the handle on the side for dear life until the funeral director told me they were only for decoration and I might pull it off as we were walking into the church 

There was a gasp as we put it down front end first, I've never been so relieved in my life we didn't drop him.

It was as bad as an experience as I was expecting it to be.

[gm]

11 hours ago, jakebullet said:

I'm going to a gig* tomorrow. I've been excited all week. Made the mistake tonight of saying to the mrs. are you excited? Response: O. Followed by demanding she must have a seat.

Er, you've been there before. It's a flat roof working men's club dive. It's always full of sweaty 50's bald men bouncing around pissed out of their gourds thinking they're still 19 to tribute acts of dead people. Seated it isn't. Worse she's booked 2 more there that I can't even name a song for, but I suppose they will be fine standing 'cos she wants to go to those. Less than impressed when I said fine we'll stay in and watch another fucking dismal amazon prime film as per usual.

Sod that, just go on your own - I got fed up of taking unappreciative partners to gigs so started going on my own - had much more fun, drank a load of beer, jumped around down at the front and sang myself hoarse

who are you planning to see ? 

[loserone]

I took a mate to a gig last year.  He got so drunk on strong IPAs that he heckled abuse enough to make the band stop, and was then an embarrassment for the rest of the evening.  He was also such a state when I dropped him home that his Mrs didn't talk to me or my Mrs for a month, and apparently the next two days were a right off.

[Mally]

On 1/15/2020 at 6:41 PM, barefoot said:

 Similarly, pall bearers. To watch a team of six experienced blokes heft the coffin onto their shoulders and walk effortlessly without using their hands and perfectly in step, is a pleasure to behold. When they stick a short arsed woman amongst them or worse still, let some relatives have a go, it turns rapidly into an unbalanced, top heavy farce.

I've done it a few* times. Don't really enjoy it, but you're not supposed to.

It's a sort of honour to be asked, and if it's someone very close you definately want to. 

It's also cheaper. Why pay for 6 when a couple will suffice.

Never had any mishaps so far. Perhaps they will drop me?

[loserone]

1 minute ago, Mally said:

It's also cheaper. Why pay for 6 when a couple will suffice.

This is an important point oft not considered.  

[Mally]

I'm something of an expert on cheap but efficient funerals.

 

Edit, I feel the word cheap may be inappropriate in the circumstances.

if it offends you please insert 'inexpensive' instead.

 

 

[Roobarb]

The Beat came to Minneapolis and because their US following is nothing like it was in the UK, you could actually get tickets without having to try to get them within 5 minutes of them being released. 

Took the Mrs and a couple who are good friends of hers. The first four songs were bloody amazing. But invited couple said ‘this isn’t very good’ and wanted to leave. So we left. 

I still regret not saying ‘Well you bugger off down the bar. I’ll see you in a couple of hours’. 

Now I never go with people that either don’t want to get their moneys worth (however painful they might find it), or wouldn’t think me rude telling them okay, I’ll see you later then. 

[HillmanImp]

1 hour ago, loserone said:

I took a mate to a gig last year.  He got so drunk on strong IPAs that he heckled abuse enough to make the band stop, and was then an embarrassment for the rest of the evening.  He was also such a state when I dropped him home that his Mrs didn't talk to me or my Mrs for a month, and apparently the next two days were a right off.

Ha, my mate did exactly the same once. I thought we were going to get lynched. 

I did tell Primal Scream to stop being shit once in-between songs but that was a fair point as they were.

1 hour ago, gm said:

Sod that, just go on your own - I got fed up of taking unappreciative partners to gigs so started going on my own - had much more fun, drank a load of beer, jumped around down at the front and sang myself hoarse

Yeah, this is the way forward. Unfortunately Mrs Imp gets into a sulk because I don't want to take her to a gig she wouldn't enjoy as she's fucking mental. She also gets upset if I don't want to go to a gig where some whiney ballad singer is playing that she likes.

It'a all pretty redundant now anyhow. For the last few years I've been complaining about the absolutely shite sound system at Leeds 02. I can barely hear the music it's so distorted. I went to a gig somewhere else where I've been to loads which I know has a perfectly good sound system and was surprised to find it exactly the same. 

It was at that point I realised the sound system wasn't the problem it was my ears......

I've not been to a gig since. I think someone suggested getting some ear plugs but I've not tried yet as haven't enjoyed gigs for so long that I just don't have the desire to go to one anymore.