Jump to content

The new news 24 thread


Father Ted

Recommended Posts

I tell everyone that in my 1.1 AX you feel like you're doing 72mph when you're actually doing 27mph but secretly I believe it's an unbeatable cornering great that no car could keep up with along windy roads.

On my way back from work tonight, along my favourite 8 mile stretch of quiet, bendy woodland road I was having some spirited driving fun. Despite all the fun I could muster and however hard I funned I couldn't shake off the headlights of a car behind me, matching me all the way. Respect, I thought. They must have some pretty heavy artillery to be keeping up with my race car.

At the end of the woodland special stage, we both pulled up at some traffic lights and past the headlight glare I could finally make out the Suzuki Jimny in my rear view mirror.

Disappointed.

Suzuki made a turbo MegaJimny didn't they? Right?

 

Classic Mini ownership in a nutshell.

You are "on one", pushing hard, rev matching and double declutching, heel-toeing like the reincarnation of John Cooper himself, clipping the apex just right....literally nothing can beat you....then you check the rearview and easily keeping up with you is some bored looking woman doing the school run in a Scenic with a telephone in her hand....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Classic Mini ownership in a nutshell.

You are "on one", pushing hard, rev matching and double declutching, heel-toeing like the reincarnation of John Cooper himself, clipping the apex just right....literally nothing can beat you....then you check the rearview and easily keeping up with you is some bored looking woman doing the school run in a Scenic with a telephone in her hand....

You ain’t doing it right then, I have lost all manner of exotics in my old 1275s and even a few in the 998s. The most amusing being a dickhead in a boxsterS who was right up my chuff on a road I knew and I guess he didn’t. The Yoko list 1B tyres helped but even still I wasn’t really pushing it that hard on a 90degree bend when he went sideways in cloud of tyre smoke as he panic braked and lost it. The key is momentum, they don’t accelerate that well unless you really fuck about with them but set up right the mechanical grip is obscene for such a basic car.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tell everyone that in my 1.1 AX you feel like you're doing 72mph when you're actually doing 27mph but secretly I believe it's an unbeatable cornering great that no car could keep up with along windy roads.

On my way back from work tonight, along my favourite 8 mile stretch of quiet, bendy woodland road I was having some spirited driving fun. Despite all the fun I could muster and however hard I funned I couldn't shake off the headlights of a car behind me, matching me all the way. Respect, I thought. They must have some pretty heavy artillery to be keeping up with my race car.

At the end of the woodland special stage, we both pulled up at some traffic lights and past the headlight glare I could finally make out the Suzuki Jimny in my rear view mirror.

Disappointed.

Suzuki made a turbo MegaJimny didn't they? Right?

 

I fitted 185/55/13's to my 1.4D AX and Spotlights, to Aid my commute from Long Preston on the A65 to Burnley Every day.

The problem with the extra wide tyres was that it fucked the acceleration up, and so I was forced* to take every downhill bend flat out in the rain. 

Over 2 years I perfected that road, and once summer came, looked forward to attempting to overtake (motor)cyclists, who just didn't know the road and didn't have the bottle (occasionally you'd come around a bend and find one lying in a field, usually just stunned, at their own stupidity)

Anyway 45 Mpg was my average fuel consumption when alone. I bought that car believing I'd see at least 75 mpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You ain’t doing it right then, I have lost all manner of exotics in my old 1275s and even a few in the 998s. The most amusing being a dickhead in a boxsterS who was right up my chuff on a road I knew and I guess he didn’t. The Yoko list 1B tyres helped but even still I wasn’t really pushing it that hard on a 90degree bend when he went sideways in cloud of tyre smoke as he panic braked and lost it. The key is momentum, they don’t accelerate that well unless you really fuck about with them but set up right the mechanical grip is obscene for such a basic car.

 

 

I fitted 185/55/13's to my 1.4D AX and Spotlights, to Aid my commute from Long Preston on the A65 to Burnley Every day.

The problem with the extra wide tyres was that it fucked the acceleration up, and so I was forced* to take every downhill bend flat out in the rain. 

Over 2 years I perfected that road, and once summer came, looked forward to attempting to overtake (motor)cyclists, who just didn't know the road and didn't have the bottle (occasionally you'd come around a bend and find one lying in a field, usually just stunned, at their own stupidity)

Anyway 45 Mpg was my average fuel consumption when alone. I bought that car believing I'd see at least 75 mpg

 

 

The same road in the wife's Metro 1275 sport was MUCH more fun. It screamed. That engine in a mini, now that would have been even better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tell everyone that in my 1.1 AX you feel like you're doing 72mph when you're actually doing 27mph but secretly I believe it's an unbeatable cornering great that no car could keep up with along windy roads.

 

This... this is why every five years or so I get a sudden urge to procure a Mk2 Fezzer or Polo breadvan and cane it round the back roads like a good 'un, yet probably never really crack 50mph. I've done track days in moderns, but I've found that dragging the doorhandles on a curve in a thirty year old biscuit tin offers me rather more smiles per mile.

 

I'm beginning to think I need an AX in my life...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jesus Christ, the amount of utter crap on the motors section on gumtree is amazing. If I had a quid for every advert title that had but in it...or TLC needed, I'd be a touch more wealthy.

 

It's probably a futile search I've got going on, but I've bought some right bargains off of there before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the end it's immaterial to me how fast I am actually going, I'm always having a riot. I drive that car every day, and that's not enough.

 

On a side note, there was a 1.5D AX with the four stud conversion and upgraded suspension and brakes and stuff on eBay recently which I missed out on for £211 or summat because cider in Somerset. That would have been a proper momentum weapon. It wasn't anyone on here that bought it was it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was wanting to fit a wank chinese rev counter and usb charging socket to my race car engined* cortina.

I found the wiring for the stereo I thought I could use as I'm not going to have a stereo but it's on a constant live to the battery so it on all the time. This should be good for causing a fire given the cables are just flapping about inside the dash. It also means I need to try to wire the live to the ignition switch so it's only on when it's meant to be.

Cue lots of swearing and connectors falling off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a Polo breadvan with 175/summinkR13 tyres off a golf. It stuck like shit to a blanket & could do any corner on three wheels no matter how wet the roads were. Much fun was had.

You can get properly epic lift off oversteer in a Polo, many funs had raising eyebrows drifting round wet roundabouts as a yoof.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You ain’t doing it right then, I have lost all manner of exotics in my old 1275s and even a few in the 998s. The most amusing being a dickhead in a boxsterS who was right up my chuff on a road I knew and I guess he didn’t. The Yoko list 1B tyres helped but even still I wasn’t really pushing it that hard on a 90degree bend when he went sideways in cloud of tyre smoke as he panic braked and lost it. The key is momentum, they don’t accelerate that well unless you really fuck about with them but set up right the mechanical grip is obscene for such a basic car.

I really hope you had the window open and one arm hooked round the roof whilst doing that....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can get properly epic lift off oversteer in a Polo, many funs had raising eyebrows drifting round wet roundabouts as a yoof.

 

Indeed and at rather stupid speeds with those tyres on too :D I once beat a mate (who was a bloody good fast driver) around town in that Polo when he was in a XR4i, mostly because he was laughing too much at it cocking a leg to drive...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You ain’t doing it right then, I have lost all manner of exotics in my old 1275s and even a few in the 998s. The most amusing being a dickhead in a boxsterS who was right up my chuff on a road I knew and I guess he didn’t. The Yoko list 1B tyres helped but even still I wasn’t really pushing it that hard on a 90degree bend when he went sideways in cloud of tyre smoke as he panic braked and lost it. The key is momentum, they don’t accelerate that well unless you really fuck about with them but set up right the mechanical grip is obscene for such a basic car.

 

I couldn't even out drag a diesel SIII Land Rover in my 1000cc auto, which was probably for the best considering the brakes were amongst the worst I had ever experienced on anything this side of a push iron. The Mini was a car I always considered cool until I owned one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I couldn't even out drag a diesel SIII Land Rover in my 1000cc auto, which was probably for the best considering the brakes were amongst the worst I had ever experienced on anything this side of a push iron. The Mini was a car I always considered cool until I owned one.

Auto mini, shit, so shit they made sure you couldn’t even put the engine on a manual box in case the shitness infected it. Brakes would be drums I guess, designed to Kill anyone in auto minis I think.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Auto mini, shit, so shit they made sure you couldn’t even put the engine on a manual box in case the shitness infected it. Brakes would be drums I guess, designed to Kill anyone in auto minis I think. Good call.

 

Even if it had been possible to convert it to manual, the miserable POS engine wouldn't have been worth the effort anyway. Brakes were indeed drums, but it has to be said that other manufacturers had, by 1983, managed to produce examples of the breed that actually worked.

 

When it eventually lost the ability to change up into top, I bought another complete lump from a man called Psycho Dave (no alarm bells rang, obviously). A weekend was spent swapping the two over, a short test drive revealing that the new 'box was even more fucked than the one I'd slung out. I limped it home, got out and stoved the driver's door in with a satisfying blow from my Size 9. The next day it was bridged - the second worst car I've ever owned.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've just heard the new Peugeot Partner replacement is to be called the Rifter... Fackin LOL!

 

Edit....

 

Dunno if it's just a scottish thing, but a rift is a burp, or belch.

 

 

"

To me, the Scots word rift does sound rather discreet, although it actually describes the same in-your-face action as belch. Somehow it conjures up a picture of someone politely trying to suppress the full blast of the sound, perhaps behind a strategically placed hand.

But this is fancy on my part. To rift is but to belch and a rift is a belch. The word rift, which was first recorded in the middle of the 15th century, has come down to us via Middle English from Old Norse rypta.

At one point in its history rift could describe wind being expelled from either end, not just the mouth. I have seen expelling wind from the nether end described as “to break wind backwards”. Now there is a discreet expression!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a Polo breadvan with 175/summinkR13 tyres off a golf. It stuck like shit to a blanket & could do any corner on three wheels no matter how wet the roads were. Much fun was had.

ToMM© is driven as if funeral....

 

However, many 'Tango suited' road workers "we HAVE seen it all!" cast a not-too disinterested eye over to us, sitting for the lights.

 

I'm a bit of a 'slow burner' meesel, preferring an eye cast over a nice motor/don't see many of them about, rather than trying to drop a guys keggs at every 'TLGP'...

 

EACH to their own..... ;)

 

 

TS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Err... I did a little collection today.

 

thumbnail_20180221_133241.jpg

 

Big thanks to HMC... A1 seller, would buy 30 year old Poojo again.

Congratulations. I think you beat me to this by about 10 minutes. I hope you really enjoy it.

If you inexplicably get bored of it, I'll have warm floppy cash waiting for you.

Even the girlfriend was quite excited by the 205, and she very rarely gets enthused by any of the cavalcade of rammel I pass under her nose.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Auto mini, shit, so shit they made sure you couldn’t even put the engine on a manual box in case the shitness infected it. Brakes would be drums I guess, designed to Kill anyone in auto minis I think.

An ex work colleague had one as a stop gap. I remember the auto selector was very odd - as if BL had ran out of steel. He put the wipers on one cold morning and the blades did a passable impression of a lemming by throwing themselves into the undergrowth. Car mysteriously* caught fire a short time later.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...