The grumpy thread

[Metal Guru]

3 hours ago, sheffcortinacentre said:

Not just me then, should come with Philippa Forrester in a maids outfit too at that price.

Sold!

[captain_70s]

One less Fulvia Zagato...

[Rocket88]

On 6/29/2023 at 7:06 PM, hairnet said:

michael vaughan can fuck off and take that maxwell cunt with him too

 

So can the entire Australian team after the Bairstow incident 

[jakebullet]

Clamped the tailstock on my lathe, except it didn't lever has no resistance. Took it apart and the weld holding the cam bit on the shaft had failed. Which arse welded that? Oh, me, 15 years ago.

Snotted it again and back clamping.

[sheffcortinacentre]

On 7/2/2023 at 10:43 PM, Metal Guru said:

Sold!

Get your own fantasy.

[horriblemercedes]

At work we have a Volkswagen van that needs some warranty work. I drive past the dealership so I've dropped it in. They said it'd be 30 minutes so I agreed to wait for it, now they're saying it'll be a couple of days. I don't really want to sit in the dealership that long. 

 

There's some cunt here whose purpose isn't obvious to me. He is a customer but doesn't seem to be buying anything. Instead he's telling everyone in earshot how much his daughter's school costs, how much his company turns over (and that he owns it) and how many staff it employs. 64, although I didn't want to know that. 

 

He's also British and describes himself as a CEO, which I always thought was American for MD

[Rust Collector]

11 minutes ago, horriblemercedes said:

how much his company turns over (and that he owns it) and how many staff it employs.

I know an MD who always says 'turnover is vanity, profit is sanity' when the subject comes up, but in day to day business fixates on turnover anyway 🤣

[New POD]

28 minutes ago, Rust Collector said:

I know an MD who always says 'turnover is vanity, profit is sanity' when the subject comes up, but in day to day business fixates on turnover anyway 🤣

Profit as a % of investment is where it's at.

Not as a % of turnover. 

[Rust Collector]

1 minute ago, New POD said:

Profit as a % of investment is where it's at.

Given the last few years and that it's a small manufacturing business, I'm not sure that they would like to look under that particular stone 😅

[Aston Martin]

Top fucking wankers.

"Oh, be nice you were a new driver once."

 

I also didn't do 38-40 mph on a fucking empty dry motorway. It's not a free pass to drive dangerously.

[Metal Guru]

1 hour ago, Rust Collector said:

Given the last few years and that it's a small manufacturing business, I'm not sure that they would like to look under that particular stone 😅

I used to think people who were directors of a company must be mega rich and have lots of power, until I became one. 
My wife who works in IT did a year contracting and so had to set up a company. I was just a convenient way to reduce the tax bill.

When she returned to employed status, I was sole director , so CEO /MD. My only duty was to pay myself every month until the money ran out and apply for a  VAT rebate every quarter from our accounting software subscription.

Best job I ever had.

[New POD]

2 hours ago, Rust Collector said:

Given the last few years and that it's a small manufacturing business, I'm not sure that they would like to look under that particular stone 😅

If they valued the assets, the buildings and the land the car park sits on  and it turns out that they are basically a nit fir profit job creation scheme, that's when you've got to worry. 

 

[New POD]

14 minutes ago, Metal Guru said:

I used to think people who were directors of a company must be mega rich and have lots of power, until I became one. 
My wife who works in IT did a year contracting and so had to set up a company. I was just a convenient way to reduce the tax bill.

When she returned to employed status, I was sole director , so CEO /MD. My only duty was to pay myself every month until the money ran out and apply for a  VAT rebate every quarter from our accounting software subscription.

Best job I ever had.

When I went permie, I made my wife's role as Executive Responsible for Director motivation and welfare,  redundant.  She keeps asking where the redundancy pay went. On the roof. 

[scdan4]

3 hours ago, Rust Collector said:

I know an MD who always says 'turnover is vanity, profit is sanity' when the subject comes up, but in day to day business fixates on turnover anyway 🤣

Don't forget the last line

"Cash is reality"

[sierraman]

On 7/2/2023 at 4:26 PM, Metal Guru said:

Curry’s latest ad on TV.

New Dyson from  £849! £849 for a vacuum cleaner!? FFS! 
Can’t be long before there’s a £1000 one.

I do know of people that would buy a £1,000 hoover for no other virtue than to tell people they’ve got one. 

[EyesWeldedShut]

2 minutes ago, sierraman said:

I do know of people that would buy a £1,000 hoover for no other virtue than to tell people they’ve got one. 

Oscar Wilde has the saying:

 ‘a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.‘  

 

[cobblers]

20 minutes ago, sierraman said:

I do know of people that would buy a £1,000 hoover for no other virtue than to tell people they’ve got one. 

My wife would buy a £1000 hoover just to use it til it's completely full, carry on using it til all the pipes are blocked solid and then say "dave this new hoover is rubbish"

[Rust Collector]

5 minutes ago, cobblers said:

My wife would buy a £1000 hoover just to use it til it's completely full, carry on using it til all the pipes are blocked solid and then say "dave this new hoover is rubbish"

'Josh, the hoover isn't working' is what normally precedes me stripping the thing apart and finding the hose blocked solid with stuff a sane person wouldn't think to try and hoover up.

[cobblers]

Just now, Rust Collector said:

'Josh, the hoover isn't working' is what normally precedes me stripping the thing apart and finding the hose blocked solid with stuff a sane person wouldn't think to try and hoover up.

Oh man don't get me started!!!!!!!!!! 10 metres of string? Fuck bending down to pick it up, we've got a dyson for that!!! Cotton buds? Hair pins? an entire broken pint glass? HAVE AT IT

[sierraman]

The wife is quite fastidious with the hoover. The structure of the house, garden and the car can just go to hell in a hand cart though. 

[Spiny Norman]

£850 for a new Hoover*? Think I'd just buy a new carpet instead.

[Aston Martin]

£1600 but it mops, hoover and empties itself.

 

 

[Markeh]

2 minutes ago, Aston Martin said:

£1600 but it mops, hoover and empties itself.

 

 

And it's even named after a Daft Punk song as well. Take my money!

[hairnet]

Motherfucker

Should be happy but no

Fuck this week (and it's nothing to do with me)

[Bren]

Doing the BMW's diff oil.

Went to screwfix to get a syringe to replace fluid - none in stock. Mention was made of "tomorrow" but the car is up on my ramps and tomorrow doesn't mean anything these days.

Sadly I had to get my wife to order one from Amazon which gripped my shit - I try to avoid them but I was left with no choice - it will come tomorrow.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

On 7/4/2023 at 1:11 PM, cobblers said:

My wife would buy a £1000 hoover just to use it til it's completely full, carry on using it til all the pipes are blocked solid and then say "dave this new hoover is rubbish"

We bought a cordless hoover to supplement our Sebo at the end of last year.  It does a really good job but it's not as powerful so when we had carpets fitted back in April, I told my other half that they could use the Sebo as it could handle large chunks of carpet loop.

No, she just got them the cordless (which she'd never used) and after about two minutes they didn't think it was working.  The carpet fitter then proceeded to empty it into their rubbish bag - including the whole filter assembly, which comes out when you empty it.  I ended up having to hoover the house myself with the Sebo (like I'd said they would need to) and having a back-and-forth with the owner of the carpet shop for three days to get my fliter assembly back.  In the end, he had to go bin raiding and found it in their wheelie bin after I told him the cost of replacing the whole cleaner.

There's a reason I don't let my other half near the hoover.

[hairnet]

So its all you can eat

Not even interested 

And I'm a fat bastard

[High Jetter]

53 minutes ago, hairnet said:

So its all you can eat

Not even interested 

And I'm a fat bastard

Are you all right, chap?

[hairnet]

Lyons.

Fecker.

@The Vicar

@They_all_do_that_sir

[Zelandeth]

No idea what the hell is going on around here today, but it's insanity out there - it seems that about 3/4 of the population of Central England have descended on Milton Keynes this afternoon.  It's been like "last weekend before Christmas" levels of busy.

Took me the best part of a bloody hour to get from Bletchley to Central Milton Keynes earlier this afternoon - that should be a 10-15 minute trip.  Just queues upon queues upon queues.  Taking the Rover it turns out was a poor choice, my clutch leg was bloody tired by the time I eventually got home!