The grumpy thread

[New POD]

1 minute ago, MikeR said:

I thought the idea was to put the space saver on the arse end  .

and move a good back tyre to the front to replace the duff wheel you thrown in the hedge as it wont fit in the space saver well ...

Only ever used one on the back, due to putting a gash in the side wall of a brand new 90 quid tyre. That was the most economical 300 mile journey in.the omega I've ever done. 

[yes oui si]

21 minutes ago, MikeR said:

I thought the idea was to put the space saver on the arse end  .

and move a good back tyre to the front to replace the duff wheel you thrown in the hedge as it wont fit in the space saver well ...

Yup, front end does the braking and steering. Stick the space saver on the back. 

[New POD]

4 minutes ago, yes oui si said:

Yup, front end does the braking and steering. Stick the space saver on the back. 

They do say put the best tyres on the back. Something about safer to understeer than overseer. 

[xtriple]

1 minute ago, New POD said:

They do say put the best tyres on the back. Something about safer to understeer than overseer. 

The say that, but it's bollox, understeer is for wimps, oversteer is for the real men (and women)  

[yes oui si]

5 minutes ago, New POD said:

They do say put the best tyres on the back. Something about safer to understeer than overseer. 

Pop your space saver on the front and do an emergency stop, then do the same with it on the rear. 

They're designed to get you to somewhere you can get a proper tyre sorted, not to be driven on for weeks. 

[New POD]

25 minutes ago, yes oui si said:

Pop your space saver on the front and do an emergency stop, then do the same with it on the rear. 

They're designed to get you to somewhere you can get a proper tyre sorted, not to be driven on for weeks. 

You are not wrong. 

[155V6]

38 minutes ago, yes oui si said:

Pop your space saver on the front and do an emergency stop, then do the same with it on the rear. 

They're designed to get you to somewhere you can get a proper tyre sorted, not to be driven on for weeks. 

Just hope that they get another puncture if they don't change it soon.

[xtriple]

Just before I took the mutts out to the park, I had one of my periodic falls. During this (all to) frequent event, I somehow managed to bash my right hand into the door lock, this resulted in a small but deep cut between my first two fingers, the bit where fingers join hand. Bleed? You have never seen anything like it since the last horror movie you watched made you feel sick! Because the dogs were both doing the time worn dance known to all dog owners (take me out NOW or I shall piddle/poo everywhere you step you useless twat!) I wrapped a load of kitchen roll around it and carried on.

I went to the Co-op on the way,  I was stuck in traffic for a few minutes, finally I got to the park and the bastard was still bleeding, blood running down my fingers and dripping everywhere (jeans now in the wash) and one dog, who is I'm sure part vampire, desperate to get at this scene of gore and horror. It finally quit when I sat at the park, then my mate turned up and he pointed out that my lifes-blood was again leaking out. Is it a record that the bastard was still bleeding when I got back from the park? That's about an hour and a half of leakage. If I was a Rover group product I would be waiting for the AA to recover me.

[Roobarb]

12 hours ago, New POD said:

My driving instructor smoked 10 fags in my first lesson. 

 

Mine used to down multiple stomach acid pills, like they were fruit gums. Never offered to share either...

Re Learning to drive, there’s a great poster at my son’s school: ‘Every expert was once a beginner.’ 

[wuvvum]

Not me.  I came out of the womb on a dab of oppo.

[Kiltox]

Last year my van got an advisory “front brake pads wearing thin starting to get low”.  Obligatory £ridiculous quote to replace meant I left it. Have only done a couple of thousand miles in the past year and it’s in for test tomorrow. 

Bought the pads ages ago so went to do it tonight 

 

WTAF

[Spiny Norman]

Twatting TSB!

Tuesday, stuck £20 worth of dead dinosaurs into the MIcra and went to the kiosk to pay. Card declined.
Luckily for once I actually had some dosh on my person, I don't always. Went home and phoned their help* line and after many button presses wading through endless sub-menus of options I finally get to speak to an actual person. AP says there's a problem with my address and have I moved house recently?

Dunno mate, is 15 years ago recently? Apparently for some reason their computer had decided my address wasn't confirmed and had frozen my account.
Help* line says they can't because security and I have to go into a branch to sort it out.

Yesterday I do that very thing and after jumping through various hoops including having to give them my mobile phone number before they'd help.  (When did mobiles stop being able to tell you their own number? That's a grump for another day)  
That was far more of a faff than it needed to be but eventually by phoning a friend I dug it up and they said they'd fixed it and the card was unblocked. By then I was over an hour behind schedule and like an idiot I believed them and left in a hurry to carry on my day.

Guess what happened when I tried to use my card in B&Q tonight?

Tomorrow's encounter with the knobjockeys will be far less polite...

[mitsisigma01]

Having similar shit with my Cuntrywide building society.... Log in for online banking.... Been trying to for years..... Please go to branch.... Went to branch, they said no problem all DD and standing orders no problemo. 

24 hours later.. Account frozen because of numerous log in attempts.... by their own cunting staff....... ???

[somewhatfoolish]

2 hours ago, Kiltox said:

Last year my van got an advisory “front brake pads wearing thin starting to get low”.  Obligatory £ridiculous quote to replace meant I left it. Have only done a couple of thousand miles in the past year and it’s in for test tomorrow. 

Bought the pads ages ago so went to do it tonight 

WTAF

 

Ockham's razor;

1. the brake pad fairy has been in and swapped them

2. MoT tester was doing their own little bit to stimulate the economy in the run up to B****t.

There's a lot of it about.

[DeeJay]

Have you checked the other side?

[Kiltox]

1 hour ago, DeeJay said:

Have you checked the other side?

No, because it doesn’t drive itself in circles / pull to one side / fail for having a binding / imbalanced brake. 

worth noting the front wheel bolts were done up to so many ugga duggas I struggled for ages to crack them loose - I suspect it had new front pads not long before it was written off.  Genuine Citroen pads too - lease company was paying I guess  

The rears were advised too and granted, they were low. I suspect it was a cash grab attempt by the garage (Halfords Autocentre, surprise surprise)

[Angrydicky]

When dad had his Rover 600 we took it for its MoT at an independent garage, for it to fail on a few minor things, including front brake pads under the limit. Took it away and ordered the parts.

The other failures were correct, but when we came to change the pads, we were very surprised to find they still had loads of meat on them, they were only about 1/4 worn if that. I reckon they tried it on because we'd been in with the Zafira the week before and had paid straight up for them to do a full exhaust and a set of drop links.

Unsurprisingly, we didn't go back there again. They lost a good customer too as we had given them quite a bit of work until that point. I guess they thought we would have just asked them to sort it out!

[Kiltox]

It’s going to the same cunts for a test today too ?

Worst thing is they’re going to definitely have me for a very borderline tyre i would rather pay anyone else in the world to sort - was going to whang the spare on but don’t have the wheel brace that came with the van so can’t lower the bloody thing!

[Angrydicky]

I guess so many of these vans are owned by companies who just pay whatever the bill is to keep it on the road, and don't ever do any maintenance themselves, coupled with drivers who don't give a shit. So an easy fleecing target. Bastards.

[Supernaut]

8 hours ago, wuvvum said:

Not me.  I came out of the womb on a dab of oppo.

Wuvvum is Troy Queef AICMFP.

[Jerzy Woking]

14 hours ago, yes oui si said:

Pop your space saver on the front and do an emergency stop, then do the same with it on the rear. 

They're designed to get you to somewhere you can get a proper tyre sorted, not to be driven on for weeks. 

Saw a TV program - can't remember what it was- where they put four space savers on a car. Bloody scarey as it had no grip at all. Obviously they then thrashed the nuts off of it, destroying all 4 tyres very quickly.

[cort1977]

On the way to the ferry in Newcastle last week i had a Tesco fuel voucher so i thought i would fill up at the one on the coast road.  Because i am a twat i ended up driving up a road that has been turned in to a bus lane in the twenty years since i was last there.  Saw the sign, realized my mistake, turned around and drove round the long way.  

Bastard fine through the door this morning.  Going to write them a weaselly letter trying to get out of it but the moral of the story is that sometimes its not worth the bother fucking about with 5p a litre coupons.

[cort16]

I thought I’d take the Megane to work today but couldn’t get the car out as this farmfood fuckwit had blocked the lane unloading his chicken dippers .

[barefoot]

15 hours ago, xtriple said:

Just before I took the mutts out to the park, I had one of my periodic falls. During this (all to) frequent event, I somehow managed to bash my right hand into the door lock, this resulted in a small but deep cut between my first two fingers, the bit where fingers join hand. Bleed? You have never seen anything like it since the last horror movie you watched made you feel sick! Because the dogs were both doing the time worn dance known to all dog owners (take me out NOW or I shall piddle/poo everywhere you step you useless twat!) I wrapped a load of kitchen roll around it and carried on.

I went to the Co-op on the way,  I was stuck in traffic for a few minutes, finally I got to the park and the bastard was still bleeding, blood running down my fingers and dripping everywhere (jeans now in the wash) and one dog, who is I'm sure part vampire, desperate to get at this scene of gore and horror. It finally quit when I sat at the park, then my mate turned up and he pointed out that my lifes-blood was again leaking out. Is it a record that the bastard was still bleeding when I got back from the park? That's about an hour and a half of leakage. If I was a Rover group product I would be waiting for the AA to recover me.

Next time you sustain an injury like this, I suggest that you offer your wound to your dogs to lick. They seem to enjoy doing it and you will not believe how quickly it will A, stop bleeding & B, heal up. There's something very special in dog saliva. Although if you suspect that they've been licking their genitalia in the past ten minutes, I'd give them a glass of milk first.

[HillmanImp]

Just proper sprinted to catch a train. I'm so unfit my nose is running and my chest hurts. 

Grin is I made it. 

Grump is the train just sat there for ages doing nothing until it set off so I could've walked, still caught it and wouldn't have the taste of blood in my mouth. 

[Mr Pastry]

36 minutes ago, barefoot said:

Next time you sustain an injury like this, I suggest that you offer your wound to your dogs to lick. They seem to enjoy doing it and you will not believe how quickly it will A, stop bleeding & B, heal up. There's something very special in dog saliva. Although if you suspect that they've been licking their genitalia in the past ten minutes, I'd give them a glass of milk first.

FWIW Human saliva contains the same stuff.  "Licking your wounds" does make a bit of sense.

[djoptix]

3 hours ago, Supernaut said:

Wuvvum is Troy Queef AICMFP.

This should be on the anti-grumpy thread, but I do love the secret-handshake style signals that car people have to say "I used to be on the Evo forum before it went to shit".

[somewhatfoolish]

I thought Troy was SniffPetrol's invention?

[barefoot]

1 hour ago, Mr Pastry said:

FWIW Human saliva contains the same stuff.  "Licking your wounds" does make a bit of sense.

But not in the same concentration.

Did you see that bloke who spent all his days living with wolves in that Cornwall Zoo? One of them bit his face in error and off he went to hospital to be stitched back up. When he returned to the wolves, a female carefully removed the stitches & spent some time licking his wounds. They had healed up within the week.

I always let my dog lick my injuries, and I believe that it works.

1 hour ago, Nyphur said:

I'm sure I read a post about his dog eating it's own shit here the other day. I reckon Dettol is probably a better bet.

Dog's only eat shit, either their own or others, if there is something missing from their diet.

 

I think it goes without saying that if I'd just watched Steve eating a mountain of shit, I probably wouldn't let him near my gash*.

[yes oui si]

Letting dogs lick your wounds is a prime recipe for sepsis tbh. 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2019/11/26/healthy-man-was-licked-by-his-dog-he-was-dead-within-weeks/

Fuck that.