The grumpy thread

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Perhaps it has, but you wouldn't know as you didn't get a ticket because it couldn't read your number

The ANPR readers at Heathrow T5 and T2 carparks could never read the plate on my V70 , although the older T3 machines could. Anyway , I used to think that maybe speed cameras couldn't either, right up until I recaived a NIP from the camera near Luton on the M1 in the smart* motorway.

The short plate is 100% legal, so was surprising some cameras couldn't read it. Volvo seen here in its usual state, waiting for the RAC.

[mercrocker]

Last time I used T5 at Thiefrow the carpark ANPR thing totally mis-read the Merc's front plate.   It kept rendering the "H" prefix as an "R".   I thought it would have compared with DVLA to cross-check against a known registration.   Apparently not.... 

[beko1987]

The Zafira doesn't work on ANPR either, the plate is fading I think.

 

Gr9 for the car parks in town that dont have barriers, and just flash up the time you entered and left ready to send a 'fine' in the post, bit more of a pain in the arse at big multi stories where the buzzer needs to be pushed.

 

I had the same on the ZX with it's original L plate numberplate, could parki n town for hours, then have my numberplate 'not recognised' and push the 30 mins - 50p button! Get a receipt  just in case as proof then leave

[Sheefag]

Not big issues, no. If they miss the engines you're good. If you're in a DC-10 and a bird hits you might have a slight* explosive decompression but it's nothing to worry about!

 

Good luck with finding a DC-10 that's still carrying passengers in British airspace.

 

https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/dc-10-last-flight/index.html

[Sheefag]

Let's not forget that this was after I'd just been charged something like £28 to park for two hours and three minutes. Ah, the joys of meeting someone there where their flight is meant to be shorter than the drive to the airport...so you don't find out their flight is late until you arrive to collect them.

 

I always chuck a flight into 'flightaware' to check realtime progress and then track it on 'flightradar'.

 

https://uk.flightaware.com

 

https://www.flightradar24.com

 

 

 

 

[oldcars]

Good luck with finding a DC-10 that's still carrying passengers in British airspace.

 

https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/dc-10-last-flight/index.html

Flew on a MD83 in South Africa. It was class. Old slam doors and a very steep take off.

[Sheefag]

Flew on a MD83 in South Africa. It was class. Old slam doors and a very steep take off.

 

There's still shedloads of MD-80/83s still flying in the US and will be for some time to come - impressive power to weight ratio.

[Fumbler]

Their boneyards are bound to have shedloads of parts or them as well.

[dozeydustman]

Grandfather has been diagnosed with cancer.  First one in my family that I know of.  He is 90.  His reaction - to go off bellringing.  It's not like they can do anything for him anyway so we'll just have to see.

 

 

That's a bummer, Grump, specially at this time of year. If it's any help, I think grampa grump probably has the best idea, just get on with things save mithering around at home while he still can.

[Aston Martin]

Driving along and "pop" right in my ear. Loud enough to make it ring.

 

I have a bottle of Tango that was frozen solid last night next to me. It's now half tango as a liquid but pressurised... But it's still pressurised.

 

I thought a can may have exploded in the fridge but there's just cold cans.

[Captain Furious]

There's still shedloads of MD-80/83s still flying in the US and will be for some time to come - impressive power to weight ratio.

Impressively (ludicrously) high landing speeds and appalling deep stall characteristics too. I flew on an MD-80 from DFW to Vegas and was fairly happy when on the return leg it was broken so they replaced it with a 737

 

Mind you, it was still the scariest flight of my life, I’m not a nervous flyer but that was turbulence on a scale I’ve not experienced before or since

[GrumpiusMaximus]

That's a bummer, Grump, specially at this time of year. If it's any help, I think grampa grump probably has the best idea, just get on with things save mithering around at home while he still can.

 

 

You're quite right and - as my Dad said - he's at the age where it might not be the thing that eventually kills him.  He doesn't expect to get to the same age as his Dad (96) or his Grandfather (98) or his Great Aunt (101).  We just don't know what it's going to be like and he's not going to change anything if he can help it.  He's just an autistic pragmatist, really!

 

Still.  First one in my family to have it (that I know of).  I'm very lucky that I've still got two of my Grandparents at 30 and it's not like they haven't lived fulfilling lives.  I'm particularly grateful to Bill because he gifted us half the deposit for our house and I couldn't possibly be more grateful to him for that act of kindness.

[meggersdog]

Driving home tonight and a Delaine bus has overshot the bus stop (layby) by a good two bus lengths.Where he/she has stopped there is no footpath and a dark clothed pedestrian is running in the middle of the road.Just as I'm about to overtake the parked bus this dark figure moves across so I gave them a short toot of my horn to let them know I was there.Twatty bus driver, oblivious to my almost new bonnet emblem, gives me the high beam treatment as I overtake and doesn't let up until something comes the other way.Buses have dash-cams and the internal cameras have audio so I might just lodge a complaint in the morning.

[rantingYoof]

May I have a quick* rant about toilet conditions at work?

 

We have a couple of male/female only toilets and then unisex cubicles; all of these are self-contained in that they are entirely enclosed and all have a toilet/sink/hand towels etc. Isn't it staggering the states such facilities can be left in when near complete anonymity is guaranteed?

 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to whinge about odours or anything. Toilets are toilets and everyone is seemingly human. But is it not common courtesy to tidy up after yourself, regardless of your experience while in there? I've had to do an increasing number of hasty U-turns in recent weeks and, on some occasions, have probably accidentally incriminated myself to someone approaching.

 

There are a number of scenarios or 'user experiences' I've been able to categorise over the years because I've clearly nowt better to do, and I provide some of them below while wondering if anyone can relate to these or even expand upon it in the interests of science*?

 

The 'Death has occured in here' WALL-OF-STINK

I know I wasn't going to whinge about odours but seriously, have you not sometimes unfortunately crossed the threshold a little too recently after the last person and basically felt like you've walked into a concrete wall of stench? The sort that convinces you that someone has just dragged a sixteen-day old corpse into the building and has spent the last hour flushing various bits down the toilet? If smells like that are being created by some sort of natural process inside a living person then I'm just saying that perhaps actual scientists need to be involved.

 

The 'Distant gunfire'

Imagine walking into the World War 1 exhibit in a posh museum and triggering an automated ambient soundtrack that helps place you mentally in the trenches with various scales of weaponry discharging around you. Or perhaps imagine some miscreants setting off firecrackers in a shipping container. A sure fire indicator to avoid that cubicle in particular for at least a fortnight.

 

The 'False alarm'

You walk in, you shut the door, there is no odour, all appears to be fine. Door is locked, you're committed...then you notice the toilet seat is completely down. Oh god...what unholy mess does this lid hide from view? You approach the toilet and gingerly lift the seat up as if it were a landmine. However, it becomes swiftly apparent that everything is indeed fine, but you sure as hell did not need that adrenalin rush right then.

 

The 'HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN?' physics-defying stainage

Put quite simply, upon entry to the cubicle you note that the last person appeared to take a shit either from a great height or with tremendous force (see 'Distant gunfire'). It basically looks like someone has used a cannon to launch a chocolate gateux directly downwards into the toilet bowl.

 

The 'Awkward soundtrack'

Someone has abandoned any attempts at discreetness and is emitting sounds from within that bring to mind the effort required to push a Steinway piano up a flight of stairs. Bonus points if accompanied some time later by the sort of 'plop' that you get when a tiny fish breaches the surface of a pond for a midge.

 

The 'sinister undertakings'

Someone enters a cubicle, spends five minutes in there making absolutely no noise at all, emerges and departs. What sort of magic defacation skills have these wizards mastered?

 

The 'I don't bother checking to see if the door is locked and just try the handle anyway'

These people can, to be quite honest, rapidly propel themselves ocean-bound with immediate effect. Nothing like having the handle violently banged down and the door shoved to cause that stream of piss to end up flying in an unwanted direction, or to cause a half-emerged shit to undergo accidental crimpage. In fact, this particular issue will either guarantee constipation or be an effective solution to it, depending on your mindset.

 

-------------

 

You probably can't tell at all, because I'm really good at hiding it, but my actual grump is that I'm quite bored, and I want to get stuck into some game or other, but I'm having to wait for shopping to arrive (which is now 10 minutes late)...

 

So you can blame any unwanted mental imagery on Tesco I'm afraid.

[SierraMikeHotel]

Literally crying with laughter rantingYoof!

[Pillock]

I used to have to check the bogs at work before locking up. GRIM. It was a small place, and only about a dozen women worked there but the ladies toilets were usually the worst. Stuff you'd expect to see in a derelict pub that's had squatters in and no water supply.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

I'm not sure anybody can complain about toilets unless they've experienced the toilets at the Red Lion in Gravesend at about 11.30PM on a live metal night.  I used to neck a few, sometimes I'd be playing and eventually I'd have to break the seal.

 

I lived about a ten minute walk away and I'm not sure I can count the number of times I nearly pissed myself walking home drunk because I couldn't face the toilets.  And I don't care much when I'm wankered.

[bub2006]

Fuck sake. Oh well. Shit happens.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

....The 'sinister undertakings'

Someone enters a cubicle, spends five minutes in there making absolutely no noise at all, emerges and departs. What sort of magic defacation skills have these wizards mastered?....

Who says they were having a shit? I reckon they were having a quick wank.

[gm]

I received an unexpected payday gift of £15 from a Richard Black who added the note "I LOve YOu "

 

an hour later, PayPal were investigating an unauthorised payment reversal and my £15 is gone

 

now, is this a case of :

 

1. my secret admirer has had cold feet ?

2. one of you lot has ballsed up a roffle payment ?

3. my account has been hacked by the bad guyz and I'm about to become very poor ?

 

I assumed option 2. but didn't recognise the name - can anyone help ?

[Guest Hooli]

Talking of bogs where I work has a 'phantom floor pisser'.

 

Quite often you'd need wellies to get within 3ft of the bog without getting wet feet.

[LightBulbFun]

May I have a quick* rant about toilet conditions at work?

 

We have a couple of male/female only toilets and then unisex cubicles; all of these are self-contained in that they are entirely enclosed and all have a toilet/sink/hand towels etc. Isn't it staggering the states such facilities can be left in when near complete anonymity is guaranteed?

 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to whinge about odours or anything. Toilets are toilets and everyone is seemingly human. But is it not common courtesy to tidy up after yourself, regardless of your experience while in there? I've had to do an increasing number of hasty U-turns in recent weeks and, on some occasions, have probably accidentally incriminated myself to someone approaching.

 

There are a number of scenarios or 'user experiences' I've been able to categorise over the years because I've clearly nowt better to do, and I provide some of them below while wondering if anyone can relate to these or even expand upon it in the interests of science*?

 

The 'Death has occured in here' WALL-OF-STINK

I know I wasn't going to whinge about odours but seriously, have you not sometimes unfortunately crossed the threshold a little too recently after the last person and basically felt like you've walked into a concrete wall of stench? The sort that convinces you that someone has just dragged a sixteen-day old corpse into the building and has spent the last hour flushing various bits down the toilet? If smells like that are being created by some sort of natural process inside a living person then I'm just saying that perhaps actual scientists need to be involved.

 

The 'Distant gunfire'

Imagine walking into the World War 1 exhibit in a posh museum and triggering an automated ambient soundtrack that helps place you mentally in the trenches with various scales of weaponry discharging around you. Or perhaps imagine some miscreants setting off firecrackers in a shipping container. A sure fire indicator to avoid that cubicle in particular for at least a fortnight.

 

The 'False alarm'

You walk in, you shut the door, there is no odour, all appears to be fine. Door is locked, you're committed...then you notice the toilet seat is completely down. Oh god...what unholy mess does this lid hide from view? You approach the toilet and gingerly lift the seat up as if it were a landmine. However, it becomes swiftly apparent that everything is indeed fine, but you sure as hell did not need that adrenalin rush right then.

 

The 'HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN?' physics-defying stainage

Put quite simply, upon entry to the cubicle you note that the last person appeared to take a shit either from a great height or with tremendous force (see 'Distant gunfire'). It basically looks like someone has used a cannon to launch a chocolate gateux directly downwards into the toilet bowl.

 

The 'Awkward soundtrack'

Someone has abandoned any attempts at discreetness and is emitting sounds from within that bring to mind the effort required to push a Steinway piano up a flight of stairs. Bonus points if accompanied some time later by the sort of 'plop' that you get when a tiny fish breaches the surface of a pond for a midge.

 

The 'sinister undertakings'

Someone enters a cubicle, spends five minutes in there making absolutely no noise at all, emerges and departs. What sort of magic defacation skills have these wizards mastered?

 

The 'I don't bother checking to see if the door is locked and just try the handle anyway'

These people can, to be quite honest, rapidly propel themselves ocean-bound with immediate effect. Nothing like having the handle violently banged down and the door shoved to cause that stream of piss to end up flying in an unwanted direction, or to cause a half-emerged shit to undergo accidental crimpage. In fact, this particular issue will either guarantee constipation or be an effective solution to it, depending on your mindset.

 

-------------

 

You probably can't tell at all, because I'm really good at hiding it, but my actual grump is that I'm quite bored, and I want to get stuck into some game or other, but I'm having to wait for shopping to arrive (which is now 10 minutes late)...

 

So you can blame any unwanted mental imagery on Tesco I'm afraid.

 

PMSL! 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

PMSL! 

 

 

Hope you clean up.  Maybe you're the Phantom Floor Pisser!

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Give that man the Nobel Prize for Literature.

[Guest Hooli]

Shit hot writing skills.

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

I find those notices in toilets an irritating pain in the arse...

 

'please leave these facilities as you would wish to find them'.

 

I can't. The tiling is the wrong colour, soap wrong flavour, maybe I would have added some deep pile carpet... It would cost a bloody fortune to change the decor in every toilet I went in. But...

 

'please leave THE CONDITION OF these facilities as you would wish to find them'.

 

...makes everything ok.

[cort16]

Imagine you finish work at lunchtime at go out for a few drinks . Now imagine you drink 6 pints and two double whiskys in 3 hours having not much to eat then going to bed at 8pm. Imagine you should know better. Now imagine waking up and spewing all over the bedroom carpet . Now imagine your daughter getting wakend up as your wife angrily shouts at you because you’ve spewed all over her freshly decorated chest of drawers. Now imagine your wife angrily standing over you and your daughter crying while you try to clean up sick with a dustpan and brush.

 

Just imagine

 

Happy Christmas everyone

[New POD]

Imagine you finish work at lunchtime at go out for a few drinks . Now imagine you drink 6 pints and two double whiskys in 3 hours having not much to eat then going to bed at 8pm. Imagine you should know better. Now imagine waking up and spewing all over the bedroom carpet . Now imagine your daughter getting wakend up as your wife angrily shouts at you because you’ve spewed all over her freshly decorated chest of drawers. Now imagine your wife angrily standing over you and your daughter crying while you try to clean up sick with a dustpan and brush.

 

Just imagine

 

Happy Christmas everyone

Yes imagine.

 

It's okay.

 

It's a life lesson for your daughter about the evils of drink/men/marriage and will ensure that she's emotionally fecked into adulthood.

 

She'll have no respect for you ever again. Your wife will see to that.

 

It's not surprising that suicide rates increase as men get older.

 

Yesterday I was chastised because i misunderstood my wife's concerns and relayed them to my sister in law in passing who took it completely out of context and told my wife that I was lying about her mental state. Apparently I'd implied she was a nut job.

Their then followed 40 minutes where she threatened divorce.

Anyway I'm reading a book called Irritable Man Syndrome

There's a survey in it with 50 questions about your behaviours.

Apparently I've got IMS and am also probably clinically depressed. I should see someone. I don't think that would help. I have no intention of having an affair.

[busmansholiday]

Talking of bogs where I work has a 'phantom floor pisser'.

 

Quite often you'd need wellies to get within 3ft of the bog without getting wet feet.

I know of an incident in a newly refurbished set of company toilets where some numbskull thought the new style Dyson hand drier was a modern urinal.....

[cort16]

My wife’s taken it quite well all things and the amount of sick considered.

My daughter is having her revenge by jumping on my head this morning .