Most stupid message while flogging a shiter

[Schaefft]

When "was is letzte preis" is the only thing you can think of when initiating a conversation with a seller knowing the "der die das" won't help you much either.😄

[wuvvum]

I personally think German should move with the times and make all nouns gender fluid.  Then people could use whatever definite (or indeed indefinite) article they pleased, which would make things a lot easier for those trying to learn the language.

Still wouldn't help with the Facebook Marktplatz morons though I suppose.

[Rod/b]

  On 11/02/2021 at 15:11, captain_70s said:

I like the way the art of haggling has bottomed out at simply asking "wuts ur last price" straight out of the gate. Dribblers.

Also, what even the fuck is a "last price"?

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It’s a really common Arab haggling technique. Walk into a shop in the souq, ask for last price and the (ridiculous marked) price will usually drop about 30%. And only then does the teeth sucking and negotiation start. “Oh my boss will kill me” etc. 
 

“Last price” when selling a car is a fucking nightmare for this reason. Whenever I sell a car i always write “Last price is what it says in the ad so don’t ask. I might negotiate slightly with serious buyers after you’ve been and looked at it” but even then you get the chancers who will turn up and without even looking at it ask what your last price is. There’s a lot who really do expect 50% off the asking price. 

[timolloyd]

Everything sounds better in German e.g Mund Atmer / mouth breather

[lisbon_road]

Anyone had the buyers who are on a ship at sea and want to buy the car for their son/daughter/friend/whatever?  It is some sort of scam but although I have had two of the enquiries, I've never got far enough to see how the scam works.  I did send one a load of photographs, I was very suspicious but nothing to lose by sending pictures.  Second time, I just dismissed it.  How many people on ships at sea want to buy cars unseen?  But someone must fall for this, or it wouldn't be worth their while. 

[Cavcraft]

  On 12/02/2021 at 08:40, lisbon_road said:

Anyone had the buyers who are on a ship at sea and want to buy the car for their son/daughter/friend/whatever?  It is some sort of scam but although I have had two of the enquiries, I've never got far enough to see how the scam works.  I did send one a load of photographs, I was very suspicious but nothing to lose by sending pictures.  Second time, I just dismissed it.  How many people on ships at sea want to buy cars unseen?  But someone must fall for this, or it wouldn't be worth their while. 

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I think they'd send you a fake Paypal message saying you had funds in your account, then some 9ft square bloke would turn up in a 20 year old rusty Transit beavertail and take your car away.

[Eyersey1234]

  On 11/02/2021 at 14:42, Cavcraft said:

@DodgyBastard did you get that clueless fucking simpleton from down the south of England after your Lada? I can't remember his name, but he seemed to be pestering anybody selling one with his amazing* knowledge of the values etc. Absolute turnip who basically had a budget of about 15p and wanted delivery, the moon on a stick and diamond encrusted unicorn. 

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I heard his budget was 3p plus a Mars Bar 😂

[JayB]

I had a bit of a nightmare trying to sell my Daihatsu Sirion last year. I did enjoy this exchange though... 

 

[Tickman]

  On 12/02/2021 at 08:40, lisbon_road said:

How many people on ships at sea want to buy cars unseen?  

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I think @Saabnut might be at least one of them.

[Saabnut]

  On 12/02/2021 at 12:06, Tickman said:

I think @Saabnut might be at least one of them.

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Indeed, I have bought several from onboard! Including the Solstad from Stockholm whilst offshore Norway.

[cort1977]

I have also done this. 

In fact I saw my Cortina on ebay in about 2002 when comms were much more rickety offshore.  The auction ended during an extended period with no internet and i sent a rambling email to the seller about how i could pick it up in a week or two.  Must have come across as genuine as we managed a deal in the end.

[somewhatfoolish]

  On 12/02/2021 at 14:39, cort1977 said:

I have also done this. 

In fact I saw my Cortina on ebay in about 2002 when comms were much more rickety offshore.  The auction ended during an extended period with no internet and i sent a rambling email to the seller about how i could pick it up in a week or two.  Must have come across as genuine as we managed a deal in the end.

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Ditto, although only twice as my shiting tendencies are glacial by AS standards. Sniping with gixen takes away the risk of auction fever and the ever-present risk of the goon on the bridge deciding to turn the ship and confuse the hamsters in the VSAT dome.

[DodgyBastard]

What should I respond to this? Fuck off and die?

[Cavcraft]

/\

When someone says they've just realised your miles away, it's a hint that they want you to deliver for about 8p, or take 1/20th of the asking price. The other old favourite is 'I'm interested but will have to sell my (car/van/motorbike/moped/horse/house/kid/heroin/telly) first as they are hinting at you offering a deal with it.

 

 

[bunglebus]

I don't know. Messages are well written, articulate and quite specific about what he wants and why, maybe I'm a fool but it sounds legit to me. Have you checked how much it would cost you to get the car to him?

[bezzabsa]

anyone else noticed the sudden amount of 'small dealers' that advertise on FB and the such, but will Only deliver "due to covid" but get all shy when you ask actual questions about their vehicles..they stick 5 pics up, none of the interior or engine and expect you to throw £1499 down based on that...also most cars are pictured Wet...Hmmm wonder why that is!!

Or the "Previous owner has misplaced the logbook" even though the car has Copart writing all over the screen!!!!

[Billy - Medhurst]

  On 05/03/2021 at 18:11, bezzabsa said:

anyone else noticed the sudden amount of 'small dealers' that advertise on FB and the such, but will Only deliver "due to covid" but get all shy when you ask actual questions about their vehicles..they stick 5 pics up, none of the interior or engine and expect you to throw £1499 down based on that...also most cars are pictured Wet...Hmmm wonder why that is!!

Or the "Previous owner has misplaced the logbook" even though the car has Copart writing all over the screen!!!!

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LOLZ - Neighbour bought a Focus hatchback on that basis. Windscreen chalked up with co part stock number etc on it.

[Leyland Worldmaster]

  On 05/03/2021 at 17:52, DodgyBastard said:

What should I respond to this? Fuck off and die?

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Comedy gold! It would be great if a book was published with these conversations! 

I've been pissing myself laughing at these! 

😂😂😂

[DodgyBastard]

  On 05/03/2021 at 18:08, bunglebus said:

I don't know. Messages are well written, articulate and quite specific about what he wants and why, maybe I'm a fool but it sounds legit to me. Have you checked how much it would cost you to get the car to him?

The event he is entering costs over £3k to participate and he wants to haggle over a couple of hundred quid.
I couldn't give a flying fuck about his sob story.

Sent from my moto g( power using Tapatalk

[somewhatfoolish]

  On 05/03/2021 at 18:08, bunglebus said:

I don't know. Messages are well written, articulate and quite specific about what he wants and why, maybe I'm a fool but it sounds legit to me. Have you checked how much it would cost you to get the car to him?

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An extended fairy story about how he's going to do a lot of work for charity? It's panhandling, just short of asking for the car for free.

[New POD]

  On 12/02/2021 at 05:37, Rod/b said:

It’s a really common Arab haggling technique. Walk into a shop in the souq, ask for last price and the (ridiculous marked) price will usually drop about 30%. And only then does the teeth sucking and negotiation start. “Oh my boss will kill me” etc. 
 

“Last price” when selling a car is a fucking nightmare for this reason. Whenever I sell a car i always write “Last price is what it says in the ad so don’t ask. I might negotiate slightly with serious buyers after you’ve been and looked at it” but even then you get the chancers who will turn up and without even looking at it ask what your last price is. There’s a lot who really do expect 50% off the asking price. 

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I've previously said or typed, "If you find any faults that I haven't put in the advert, I'll knock £10 a fault off" 

[Rod/b]

  On 05/03/2021 at 19:41, DodgyBastard said:

The event he is entering costs over £3k to participate and he wants to haggle over a couple of hundred quid.
I couldn't give a flying fuck about his sob story.

Sent from my moto g( power using Tapatalk
 

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It’s also not for another 9 months so he’s got plenty of fucking time to save up for delivery or to come and get it (if you haven’t made a video of you feeding it it into a metal shredder to send to him before then)

[artdjones]

  On 05/03/2021 at 17:52, DodgyBastard said:

What should I respond to this? Fuck off and die?

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I'm not minimising what cancer does, but it seems to have become shorthand for "can I have some of your money?"

[Jikovron]

I've been clearing out crap from the workshop as its become abit too much, the recipe for buyer engagement always seems to follow an enquiry to its availability with silence, most of these are coming in at early hours of the morning for things like kart wheels, mower engines etc.

I've also shot myself in the foot with a small engine and clutch, a chap from the lake district came on wanting it but he's planning on getting it when lockdown ends, at the time I didn't give a shit whilst in hospital as his enthusiasm was positivity that I appreciated however now I'm back home I'm thinking that it's going to hang around for potentially 6months or more, I did think to see if he wants it posting but that's inviting a host of labour I want to avoid so I'll file it away for however long.

 

[sierraman]

I’ll be honest I think going to someone and expecting a discount because a relative has died (supposedly) is absolutely fucking shameful. I’d  be surprised if he isn’t lying his tits off, you can’t underestimate how low people will go these days. 

I’ve had a load recently when I’ve been selling a Rotavator of all things. I don’t know why but it’s caused all sorts of dicks to come out of the woodwork. I had this one the other day (a new Rotavator like this one is actually £250 minimum)

[Rocket88]

On here, just now, .... “I’m not going to buy your Rover because it shows

up on a ten year old HPI check....”

From a lurker on here

[Split_Pin]

  On 05/03/2021 at 19:41, DodgyBastard said:

I couldn't give a flying fuck about his sob story.


 

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My thoughts exactly. His story is irrelevant to the sale. I'd just ignore/block.

[sierraman]

  On 06/03/2021 at 10:07, colc said:

On here, just now, .... “I’m not going to buy your Rover because it shows

up on a ten year old HPI check....”

From a lurker on here

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If for £500 there’s no free pissflaps, 3 year unlimited mileage warranty, a Christmas Card, 5 years free servicing and a bunch of flowers on the back seat for the wife then I’m out. 

[sierraman]

This is all great material for a Viz spoof advert. ‘Had anyone succumb to a terminal illness recently? Here’s a 50% discount code on any cars that we have for sale today!’

[HMC]

Actually elaborate reasons why a lower price should be accepted are a good one. The only one I’ve had on gumtree is the commonly deployed distance card-

Im coming from X so will you acccept Y

Im sure there are much more short story worthy corkers out there