The grumpy thread

[andy18s]

7 hours ago, UltraWomble said:

Car Manufacturer Websites

FUCK OFF with all the wanky "pazaz" and telling me how wonderful it would be to buy one of your faux  4x4 things on PCP.

Where there is the odd car that isnt a wanky off roader - do they have plenty of photos of the inside / outside or the vehicle (especially the boot space?)

No they fucking dont.  Ended up googling for photos of one of Skoda's offerings because their all singing all dancing web page doesnt include one single photo of the boot. Fucksake - show some bloody photos of all 4 sides and the inside rather than some smiling mixed race family of lesbians driving over some sand dunes.

Our car ads basically show a horse jumping some sort of Renault, and a funky stereo on a Dacias' dashboard,while stuck in traffic...

Edit; And if it's targeted advertising then they're not very good..

[angle]

On 15/04/2024 at 18:53, angle said:

I moved a mile or so up the road recently, and I'm amazed at how difficult various organisations find the concept of 'I am moving house and I would like to keep paying you money'. I spent a lunchbreak a few weeks before we moved filling out all the 'I'm moving house' forms on various websites. Results as follows:

Octopus / Bristol Water - moved me out of the house fine. The idea that I might need electricity / gas / water / sewage at the new place apparently didn't occur to them. Still, a 10 minute phone call and a new direct debit set up for each and sorted. 6/10.

Council tax - OK, bonus points for being the only organisation to work out that I still needed to pay them after I moved, they sent me all the paperwork with a new account number for the new address, the amount I was being charged, instructions for how to set up a new direct debit etc. Unfortunately they decided the sensible thing to do would be to send that to my old address, three weeks after I moved and six weeks after I told them I was moving. 'Its the address we have on file for you' - clearly its not is it, you useless bastards. Still, I paid for a mail redirect and sorted using the council tax payment portal that's run by Capita and took me right back to 2004. 5/10.

Virgin Media - the reason I'm posting this here but actually I'm not sure I have the ability to type it out in full without hurling my laptop across the room. No exaggeration, I must have spoken to 20 different people across phone / email / live chat, and I've spent at least a day doing it including one 4.5 hour phone call which ended with the guy going 'I'm really sorry, but I don't really know how to fix it, shall I just cancel your contract?' (I said yes, he didn't). Got to a stage six weeks after we moved where they said they could sort it but they needed to send out new equipment. Now apparently that needs to be signed for in person, they won't leave it with a neighbour or in my bin shed or whatever so I arranged to work from home today. Cue two emails within 15 minutes of each other this morning, one telling me it was being delivered by Yodel and the other by Royal Mail. Neither have a tracking number, neither have turned up. I phoned up (again), apparently the solution is to get an engineer round rather than use a competent courier service. The next available engineer appointment is next week.  FUCKYOU/10. 

So it turns out that even if you've got another six months on your contract, if you phone them up, tell them you want an upgrade (with a new 18 month contract) and then cancel it the day after it starts telling them you're in the 14 day cooling off period there's nothing they can do. Fuckety-bye you useless twats. 

[richardmorris]

9 minutes ago, angle said:

So it turns out that even if you've got another six months on your contract, if you phone them up, tell them you want an upgrade (with a new 18 month contract) and then cancel it the day after it starts telling them you're in the 14 day cooling off period there's nothing they can do. Fuckety-bye you useless twats. 

Our work phone bill still says department of chemistry despite moving twice since 1997.  no one seems able to correct it.

 

 

 

 

[cobblers]

Picked up a new pushbike on  wednesday, I was dead eager to get riding to work on it and go for a nice long ride this weekend.

Wednesday night I felt a bit under the weather. Been downhill ever since. turns out I've got fucking COVID. FFS!

I wouldn't have bothered getting tested but I noticed toothpaste tasted weird.... It did this the same the last couple of times I've had it.

 

 

[hairnet]

So goodier is gonna be doing oick of the pops on radio 2

So they have allinson now on instead on ghr thats ok

But then they said theyre gonna be doing an 80s thing like gary davies - with Martin kemp ffs on a saturday at the same time - big swerve there i think

Oh dear

edit yeah thanks barefoot  hes a bit old for oick/oik

 

[cort16]

I was giving our Leon a service (it's first in 5 years) and wanted to change the spark plugs. Access is shit as it's behind the intake manifold but managed to change 3 at the weekend but couldn't get to no 2 cylinder as there was no way to get in to get the lead off. I ordered some long pliers and popped down last night, got the lead off fine. With a wobbly socket I got the spark plug out okay and the new one in no problem.

I went to put the lead back on and it would not go on. It in a really hard to access bit so thought it maybe wasn't quite at the right angle.  took it out, put some WD40 in it but nope. Tapped it down with a bit of wood and a hammer, nope totally loose. Took out the airpump for more access but didn't make any difference. 45 minutes later  I decided to go and do something else and after 5 minutes it occurred to me to check the spark plug socket and yes the rubber boot in the socket had stayed on spark plug. The plug was so far hidden I couldn't see it. I managed to pop it off with a scewdriver and funnily enough the plug lead went on fine.  That's what I get get for buying cheap tools and no I didnt put it back in the spark plug socket so I could go through it all again in a few months. 

[barefoot]

46 minutes ago, hairnet said:

 oick of the pops 

😀

[Metal Guru]

Has anyone ever got a useful answer out of automated chat on a company’s website? What is the point? It is a complete waste of time . Whatever moron thought this up and even dimmer morons programming it?

[cobblers]

Suns out, so now I basically live on a fucking motorbike test track.

All day, every fucking day from now until late September, middle aged pricks will just sit at the traffic lights nearby revving the fuck out of their bikes for no good reason. Starts at 6am (I was literally woken this morning by a bike being pinned on the limiter for about 15 seconds) and goes on til about 10pm. Double glazing etc makes no difference because most people have some horrific sounding sports exhaust on. Harleys are the worst by a long shot.

Can't stand to be at home at all on a weekend, I just stay at work or go and park up in my van a few miles away. Hopefully we'll move soon.

I knew there would be road noise when we moved here, which I can cope with. I *really* wasn't prepared for the cunt noise. 

[Pieman]

Brilliantly sunny day here in the Midlands, got some washing dried and some work done on the garden, then cooked a nice dinner.

Decided to go for a walk for the first time in weeks after dinner as I need to exercise more.  Got to the end of my road and you can guess what fucking happened.

I think I'll just stay in my house gaining weight until my heart packs up, cos I'm clearly not allowed to go outside.

[myglaren]

1 hour ago, cobblers said:

Suns out, so now I basically live on a fucking motorbike test track.

All day, every fucking day from now until late September, middle aged pricks will just sit at the traffic lights nearby revving the fuck out of their bikes for no good reason. Starts at 6am (I was literally woken this morning by a bike being pinned on the limiter for about 15 seconds) and goes on til about 10pm. Double glazing etc makes no difference because most people have some horrific sounding sports exhaust on. Harleys are the worst by a long shot.

Can't stand to be at home at all on a weekend, I just stay at work or go and park up in my van a few miles away. Hopefully we'll move soon.

I knew there would be road noise when we moved here, which I can cope with. I *really* wasn't prepared for the cunt noise. 

I don't get the repeated revving of bikes.

[cobblers]

7 minutes ago, myglaren said:

I don't get the repeated revving of bikes.

Neither do I - They pull up and just have to sit there revving it periodically. Wouldn't be so bad if they'd just let em idle!

[High Jetter]

2 hours ago, myglaren said:

I don't get the repeated revving of bikes.

Wannabe chainsaw operators?

[scaryoldcortina]

Won't tick over cos you're too tight to get the carbs balanced?

[Jazoli]

6 hours ago, scaryoldcortina said:

Won't tick over cos you're too tight to get the carbs balanced?

Give over it’s just typical alpha male behaviour and they want to be noticed, bikes have been fuel injected since 2000 ish.

[scaryoldcortina]

3 hours ago, Jazoli said:

Give over it’s just typical alpha male behaviour and they want to be noticed, bikes have been fuel injected since 2000 ish.

Yes, but where did the habit originate? I haven't ridden bikes in decades but I definitely remember that as soon as you fit "performance" filters and exhaust it wouldn't tick over properly and the two strokes would stop any time they felt like it so you get the habit of blipping to keep it going. Watch the start of any Motocross event, they're not doing that to look cool.

[castros_bro]

As bikes tend to be more vulnerable and often invisible to 3 tonne SUVs which share the same space by traffic lights the riders like to leave quickly rather than die.  In order to do this they need to accelerate out of the way asap.  Old 4 strokes with big flywheels so need rotational energy stored in order to shift quickly, two strokes are "tuned" so no power at low revs, they'll get bogged down at low revs so keeping then spinning will keep then in the power band.  Obviously not every rider does this but then you'd not bother to notice the ones who are not blipping throttles as having already convicted  all motorcyclists as cunts.

 

 

[Jazoli]

5 hours ago, castros_bro said:

As bikes tend to be more vulnerable and often invisible to 3 tonne SUVs which share the same space by traffic lights the riders like to leave quickly rather than die.  In order to do this they need to accelerate out of the way asap.  Old 4 strokes with big flywheels so need rotational energy stored in order to shift quickly, two strokes are "tuned" so no power at low revs, they'll get bogged down at low revs so keeping then spinning will keep then in the power band.  Obviously not every rider does this but then you'd not bother to notice the ones who are not blipping throttles as having already convicted  all motorcyclists as cunts.

 

 

A lot of them are, and no bike made in the last 20 years requires blipping at all to make a fast getaway from the lights so your analogy probably applies to a tiny percentage.

I ride bikes and have done for over 40 years, the overwhelming majority of blippers are just attention seeking knobheads, same as boy racers with their pops and bangs.

[barefoot]

I seem to have to blip my carburettor fed Scirocco to keep the engine spinning and ready to go. Perhaps I'm a twat.

[sheffcortinacentre]

That's probably the knackered pierburg carb.

[Spiny Norman]

Don't know if it's just me but is the Auto Trader website as shit as I think it is?
Set the price and a couple of other filters, enter postcode in the west end of Glasgow, radius 50  miles and it shows maybe 10 results per page, at least two of which are for cars in Wales or Hull and another couple are twice the maximum price I set.

Between that and their premium rate phone numbers they can GTF.

[Low Horatio gearbox]

The Volvos handbrake being simultaneously  unable to hold it on anything other than flat ground and still have the pads dragging on the drum with the handbrake released.  

[dozeydustman]

The Saab obviously is jealous of the new-to-me 205 and it shat its back box off.

It was rotten though, but I also need a centre section. Because that’s where it sheared.

Harumph.

[Lord Sterling]

I've come to the realisation that here in the UK, we always seem to have wanky stock when it comes to cars and even car parts.

I first learnt this years ago when I saw the spec of the Mk1 Rover Sterling in the US compared to the UK. The yanks got integrated car phone and ruched leather on the door cards, we got flat fabric, and the car phone was an big expensive extra ffs.

In terms of parts, I'd like to buy some rubber mats for a car, but all I can find are these wanky cheap checker crap mats that absolutely everyone is offering now. The mats come in all different prices but are basically all the bloody same, flat wanky plasticky"rubber" with some cheap fabric edges available in different colours.

Some time last year I bought the Fatha_Sterling some rubber mats for his Mitsubishi ASX from a manufacturer in Europe, they were amazing looking with a very OEM look to them, heavy duty, well made and not too expensive, so much so, old man took them out of the Mistubishi and put them in his Passat! 

They looked like this, big, heavy, purposeful proper moulded rubber mats.

Yet here in the UK, we get offered this shit thay doesn't even fit right 😡

I had these in my BMW and they really were wank, flat, barely lasts a year etc...

Why do we put up with this shit?

[Spiny Norman]

Always liked the heavy duty rubber mats you got in the old Volvo 240. Silly money now though.

Volvo mats

[Lord Sterling]

On 30/04/2024 at 19:56, cobblers said:

Suns out, so now I basically live on a fucking motorbike test track.

All day, every fucking day from now until late September, middle aged pricks will just sit at the traffic lights nearby revving the fuck out of their bikes for no good reason. Starts at 6am (I was literally woken this morning by a bike being pinned on the limiter for about 15 seconds) and goes on til about 10pm. Double glazing etc makes no difference because most people have some horrific sounding sports exhaust on. Harleys are the worst by a long shot.

Can't stand to be at home at all on a weekend, I just stay at work or go and park up in my van a few miles away. Hopefully we'll move soon.

I knew there would be road noise when we moved here, which I can cope with. I *really* wasn't prepared for the cunt noise. 

I have a similar issue. But it isn't just middle-aged tossers trying to capture a life that never was, but also youngsters in their Fiestas with loud pop-pop exhausts and some tosser trying to kill a 3-series BMW ragging it around everywhere with a massive hole in the exhaust, you can hear the hollow insides of the exhaust trying to get out. This is a fucking market town, the road sways and gets carved up so why the fuck these arses come here is beyond me (properly because they're too scared/tight fisted to go into bigger cities)

[Mrcento]

10 hours ago, Spiny Norman said:

Don't know if it's just me but is the Auto Trader website as shit as I think it is?
Set the price and a couple of other filters, enter postcode in the west end of Glasgow, radius 50  miles and it shows maybe 10 results per page, at least two of which are for cars in Wales or Hull and another couple are twice the maximum price I set.

Between that and their premium rate phone numbers they can GTF.

Yup, i have the exact same, It's been garbage for a long time. There's something very wrong with their distance filters in particular. Works fine for 10 miles for me from Dundee, I'll only see cars in that vicinity, but if i up that to 20 miles, i start getting shown hundreds of cars in Yorkshire and the Midlands, also several miles outside whatever price i set.

But the price thing alone isn't that a new thing, think it's been like that for ages, always assumed they are 'premium' ads and are getting paid a little more from those vendors to be pushed out to more people regardless of search criteria.

[Dyslexic Viking]

I had the fun of doing the worst job on a gen 2 i10 now, changing the daytime running light lightbulbs.

This involves removing the wheel and loosen the front of the arch liner so sticking your hand into the back of the bumper without seeing much and tearing off large amounts of skin on your hands while fighting a light bulb holder that won't go off or on again. I replaced both bulbs with new ones from Osram which will hopefully last a long time so I won't have to do this again anytime soon. And I got a little angry so I destroyed an arch liner so need to change that also.

Those who work as mechanics who have to do this daily have my greatest respect.

[Rust Collector]

On 01/05/2024 at 21:06, sheffcortinacentre said:

That's probably the knackered pierburg carb.

I had a Mk2 Scirocco Scala with a knackered pierburg carb, when I came to a stop I had to dump the clutch and hold the throttle to avoid stalling it out. Winter was coming and I didn't need another project, so I sold it for £250 with £125 of tax left in the window to a lad who would definitely fix it, who scrapped it a few weeks later.

I'm definitely a twat.

[Jazoli]

13 hours ago, Lord Sterling said:

I've come to the realisation that here in the UK, we always seem to have wanky stock when it comes to cars and even car parts.

I first learnt this years ago when I saw the spec of the Mk1 Rover Sterling in the US compared to the UK. The yanks got integrated car phone and ruched leather on the door cards, we got flat fabric, and the car phone was an big expensive extra ffs.

In terms of parts, I'd like to buy some rubber mats for a car, but all I can find are these wanky cheap checker crap mats that absolutely everyone is offering now. The mats come in all different prices but are basically all the bloody same, flat wanky plasticky"rubber" with some cheap fabric edges available in different colours.

Some time last year I bought the Fatha_Sterling some rubber mats for his Mitsubishi ASX from a manufacturer in Europe, they were amazing looking with a very OEM look to them, heavy duty, well made and not too expensive, so much so, old man took them out of the Mistubishi and put them in his Passat! 

They looked like this, big, heavy, purposeful proper moulded rubber mats.

Yet here in the UK, we get offered this shit thay doesn't even fit right 😡

I had these in my BMW and they really were wank, flat, barely lasts a year etc...

Why do we put up with this shit?

You aren’t looking very hard

I buy all my mats from Calibre Autoparts Direct on eBay and they are exactly as you describe., around 40 quid a set.