The grumpy thread

[somewhatfoolish]

  On 29/03/2021 at 20:11, richardmorris said:

Three times the drink drive limit, and the poor innocent tree jumped out in front of them.

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English not their PR's first language? Or is the first paragraph a haiku by Yoda?

[High Jetter]

Trees are bastards for moving like that, so quick.

[PhilA]

Woke up today thinking it was Saturday.

[outlaw118]

  On 29/03/2021 at 21:21, Inspector Morose said:

The next few days/weeks are not going to be good.

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Virtual non gay man-hugs from Team Fat & Blind

[Wack]

Seems Facebook don't vet their sponsored advertising , easy tiger, the one on the right 

[Fumbler]

Mosquitos. Whenever I open the window, around 3 or 4 fly in. Would be fine if that only happened once, right? No, of course not, it's happened 4 times now and the white walls and ceilings of my room are littered with either squished mosquito skidmarks or prints where my slippers have smacked the wall trying to eliminate the things. I am starting to cultivate a healthy distaste for them.

[Talbot]

  On 30/03/2021 at 21:50, Fumbler said:

squished mosquito skidmarks

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🤣

[wuvvum]

  On 30/03/2021 at 21:17, Wack said:

Seems Facebook don't vet their sponsored advertising , easy tiger, the one on the right 

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Am I the only one left wondering why you would want to apply coconut and sandalwood body balm to a prosthetic leg?

[Fumbler]

  On 30/03/2021 at 22:01, wuvvum said:

Am I the only one left wondering why you would want to apply coconut and sandalwood body balm to a prosthetic leg?

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I thought the same thing, funnily enough!

[Jerzy Woking]

Spent bloody hours trying to get my Xerox lazer printer to join my wifi network with no luck. Only prints when connected to my laptop via a cable.

Seems I dodged a bullet there then. Won't try wifi again!

[R1152]

  On 28/03/2021 at 12:58, Agila said:

Solid 8/10 rant @Leyland Worldmaster. Needed a bit more swearing though.

Good effort. My personal favourite is calling things "cunting".

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You are Paul Dacre AICMFP.

(apparently for someone who felt that England should be a 1950s pastiche of gentility that never was, many a long-suffering soul at the shitrag he edited was subjected to what became known as a "double cunting" by him.)

[R1152]

  On 30/03/2021 at 21:50, Fumbler said:

Mosquitos. Whenever I open the window, around 3 or 4 fly in. Would be fine if that only happened once, right? No, of course not, it's happened 4 times now and the white walls and ceilings of my room are littered with either squished mosquito skidmarks or prints where my slippers have smacked the wall trying to eliminate the things. I am starting to cultivate a healthy distaste for them.

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Having been food for the little fuckers in Brazil and also in Paris, I share your disdain for them. Prior to going to work in Brazil many years ago I was told "don't even leave a bottle cap full of water about 'cos they'll breed in that".

So imagine my joy to see open barrels of water being used at the place I was working as temporary road barriers.

[wuvvum]

Mossies are irritating because they're so insubstantial that they're very difficult to track around a room - you can hear them but you can't always see them.  Only place they've ever really inconvenienced me though is in southern Kenya, and that's only because they are potentially deadly there so you have to sleep under a mosquito net, which is fucking sweltering.

[Talbot]

  On 30/03/2021 at 22:01, wuvvum said:

Am I the only one left wondering why you would want to apply coconut and sandalwood body balm to a prosthetic leg?

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Wow.  I didn't even notice she had a prosthetic until you mentioned it.

I need sleep.

[New POD]

  On 29/03/2021 at 17:02, GrumpiusMaximus said:

That’s true.  They should all be burned with holy fire and then the magick incantations spoken to rid the area of their curse.

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I have 3 printers. 

Quite useful.  

[sierraman]

Just seen a sign by highways England, ‘if you break down on the motorway pull to the left...’

I mean what dickhead doesn’t know this? If you don’t know that you need banning.

[Amishtat]

  On 31/03/2021 at 07:33, sierraman said:

Just seen a sign by highways England, ‘if you break down on the motorway pull to the left...’

I mean what dickhead doesn’t know this? If you don’t know that you need banning.

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There's an equally cretinous ad on the TV to this effect too. 

[Jazoli]

  On 31/03/2021 at 07:50, Amishtat said:

There's an equally cretinous ad on the TV to this effect too. 

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They are trying to justify their incredibly dangerous 'smart' motorways after there has been several deaths.

[myglaren]

  On 31/03/2021 at 07:50, Amishtat said:

There's an equally cretinous ad on the TV to this effect too. 

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Are there covid adverts on the telly.  I have heard one a couple of times on Classic FM and it sounds like Mariella Frostrup (lovely) but have found no confirmation anywhere.

[Amishtat]

Not sure, I've stopped paying attention to anything if there's a hint of Chinasniffles about it. 

[Amishtat]

  On 31/03/2021 at 07:52, Jazoli said:

They are trying to justify their incredibly dangerous 'smart' motorways after there has been several deaths.

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Another stupid idea which really shouldn't have made it past the planning stage. Still, as we see so often, (including, it appears, the news 24 thread on here) there's fucking morons everywhere nowadays. 

[Talbot]

  On 29/03/2021 at 13:16, Supernaut said:

I don't own a printer. They're devil-spawn.

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For anyone who isn't famailar with Phillip Jackson's work:  https://www.collectedcurios.com/   His slightly* surreal series called "Spider and Scorpion" is just superb.

[Talbot]

  On 31/03/2021 at 07:33, sierraman said:

Just seen a sign by highways England, ‘if you break down on the motorway pull to the left...’

I mean what dickhead doesn’t know this? If you don’t know that you need banning.

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There's a radio advert running to the same effect in this area with a bastardised version of "go west" by the Pet Shop Boys, turned into "Go Left".  I'm very much of the same opinion that anyone who breaks down in a live lane and doesn't do everything they possibly can to get off the carriageway and just leaves it there should be banned permanently

"But why? Why am I banned?"

"Because you're too stupid to be trusted with a high-speed metal box filled with people in close proximity to many other high-speed metal boxes filled with people".

But then I'm all in favour of permanent (life long) bans for anyone caught drink driving, causing death by dangerous driving, driving whilst disqualifed, etc.etc.

[Supernaut]

  On 31/03/2021 at 10:53, Talbot said:

 

 

 

For anyone who isn't famailar with Phillip Jackson's work:  https://www.collectedcurios.com/   His slightly* surreal series called "Spider and Scorpion" is just superb.

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Wow, that's a blast from the past. Didn't realise he was still going.

The problem with Sequential Art and also Questionable Content (another long-running comic) is that as soon as you stop reading it for a few months you're completely out of the loop, as I am with both.

[hairnet]

[Zelandeth]

Oh please for the love of puppies...could the kids next door stop screaming bloody murder just for five minutes...please...

[New POD]

  On 31/03/2021 at 07:33, sierraman said:

Just seen a sign by highways England, ‘if you break down on the motorway pull to the left...’

I mean what dickhead doesn’t know this? If you don’t know that you need banning.

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Some years ago.

My uncle, with 3 top execs from his firm, broke down in a traffic queue in the outside lane on the M4 in the rush hour, in the dark and rain.  2 month old Audi 100.  

This was before mobile phones. 

It just stopped. Hazards and lights all failed too. 

It was all he could do to get 2 wheels on the central reservation.  He managed to get out and get the car behind to go to a phone and let the police know. 

They had to close the motorway to push it to the hard shoulder whilst waiting for a tow truck. 

[Wack]

  On 31/03/2021 at 07:33, sierraman said:

Just seen a sign by highways England, ‘if you break down on the motorway pull to the left...’

I mean what dickhead doesn’t know this? If you don’t know that you need banning.

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I've seen a number of "professional" drivers pull into the orange refuge areas then sit there with their indicator on waiting for a gap in the traffic so they can enter lane one at 3mph to leave , last one was in an 18T rigid on the M1

I do hope it's all camera monitored because they're supposed to call on the phone, wait for the lane to be closed then be escorted out by the highways agency , you know so somebody doing 70 isn't suddenly up the arse of a truck

[R1152]

Some friends of our family broke down on the M11 and were told to remain in the vehicle on the hard shoulder. This was in the early 80s.

You can guess what happened next; one of our so-called "knights of the road" went into the back of them.

One was left paraplegic; one with pelvic damage, one with neck damage. The insurance payout at the time apparently was a record and made the TV news, but it cost them their restaurant business.

[busmansholiday]

Lockdown is easing so Mrs BMH has decided it's time to redecorate the house !