The grumpy thread

[GBJ]

11 minutes ago, cort16 said:

I could decide to write it as hummus or humous so combine both.

Could or couldn't? Hummus or houmous?

 

[cort16]

6 minutes ago, GBJ said:

Could or couldn't? Hummus or houmous?

 

Sorry Dad

[cort16]

or should that be dad?

[Tadhg Tiogar]

9 hours ago, cort16 said:

Ultimate middle class grump ? I just gave myself a paper cut on a tub of humous.

Was it from Waitrose?

[cort16]

Just now, Tadhg Tiogar said:

Was it from Waitrose?

Na, Asda I'm not made of money.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

2 minutes ago, cort16 said:

Na, Asda I'm not made of money.

Not middle-class then.

[cort16]

I dunno when I was in their last there were selling bottles of Malibu. 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

14 minutes ago, cort16 said:

I dunno when I was in their last there were selling bottles of Malibu. 

Lower middle class.

[Pieman]

The dickhead in the white Volkswagen SUV thing who nearly went flat out into the back of me this evening.

I'd been behind a slow-moving car in traffic (car had either an armchair or small sofa bungeed to its roofrack so the driver didn't want to go fast) but as I was in no hurry sat behind it until I needed to turn right at some lights.  I went into the turning lane and stopped, when said SUV decided he had had enough of waiting in the traffic and floored it down the outside of the queue to try and use the turning lane to cut ahead of everyone - and didn't notice I was sitting at the lights about to turn right!  Luckily the smallest of gaps opened in the queue to my left and he somehow missed me, fuck knows how!

[chodweaver]

^^^^^ Dashcam and post the footage somewhere. He might not get prosecuted for it, but at least he will be the subject of some ridicule.

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

[New POD]

7 hours ago, cort16 said:

Na, Asda I'm not made of money.

Hummus in Waitrose is part of thier essentials range and therefore competes with Lidl on price. 

 

[angle]

10 hours ago, GBJ said:

Middle class? Why can't you spell then?

Except that as its an Arabic word, anything vaguely phonetic is the correct spelling. Picture taken from waitrose website to ensure middle class credentials. 

2/10, must troll harder. 

[loserone]

I still don't understand how anyone manages to shop at Asda without just buying utter shit and spending more money than they would have done on actual ingredients to make actual food.

 

 

My grump: fell asleep after drinking cider with the kids so woke up at 2 and went downstairs to brush my teeth.  Toothbrushes caught and the ceramic cup they live in fell into the sink

Now I need to buy a new sink.

 

Grump 2: looks like the LEAF is going knock for knock and will cost us an excess.  Fucks sake.

[loserone]

Grump 3.  Apparently a pedestal sink is impossible to clean and it either needs to be wall hanging (not a chance) or part of a cabinet.

 

Both of these sound worse to me, but then I only clean the sink when it needs it, rather than on an imaginary rota.

[MikeR]

some kunt down the road is cutting the grass next door but one with a whizzer , FFS its 8 am

thats it , no one can ever complain if I am knocking 7 bells out of the car with hammer at silly o clock ...

[myglaren]

3 hours ago, loserone said:

I still don't understand how anyone manages to shop at Asda without just buying utter shit and spending more money than they would have done on actual ingredients to make actual food.

 

 

My grump: fell asleep after drinking cider with the kids so woke up at 2 and went downstairs to brush my teeth.  Toothbrushes caught and the ceramic cup they live in fell into the sink

Now I need to buy a new sink.

 

Grump 2: looks like the LEAF is going knock for knock and will cost us an excess.  Fucks sake.

Duct tape!

[Kiltox]

3 hours ago, loserone said:

I still don't understand how anyone manages to shop at Asda without just buying utter shit and spending more money than they would have done on actual ingredients to make actual food.

 

 

My grump: fell asleep after drinking cider with the kids so woke up at 2 and went downstairs to brush my teeth.  Toothbrushes caught and the ceramic cup they live in fell into the sink

Now I need to buy a new sink.

Jesus - proper job you’ve done of that!

[Tadhg Tiogar]

4 hours ago, loserone said:

I still don't understand how anyone manages to shop at Asda without just buying utter shit and spending more money than they would have done on actual ingredients to make actual food.

The place isn't affectionately* known as Spasda for nothing.

[New POD]

3 hours ago, MikeR said:

some kunt down the road is cutting the grass next door but one with a whizzer , FFS its 8 am

thats it , no one can ever complain if I am knocking 7 bells out of the car with hammer at silly o clock ...

Oh do feck off.

I'd been at werk for an hour by that time. Not doing work. But clocked in. Actually at 8 am I was at the morning meeting trying to avoid taking actions. 

I've now managed to make 10 decent ceramic test bars and having found the perfect * parameters await an operator to do 3 Saggars worth (60) so we can get them.in a kiln and find out in 2 weeks that they are shite.

 

 

 

Edited August 22, 2019 by New POD
Confidential pictures

[Cavcraft]

Hard to know what you're moaning about, tbh. Just back in after a couple of days away and someone has stolen all the new turf we laid last week.

 

My wife is out there right now, looking forlorn. 

 

 

[High Jetter]

Crikey, they didn't let the grass grow...

...I'll get my coat

[Wack]

This proper boils my piss , 100% the police will know who he is but will any punishment affect his daily lifestyle , will it fuck 

 

[xtriple]

Well... what a day. Was going great and all things peachy in the world, until Phoebe decided to be the biggest pain on Gods green Earth.

Took  the mutts to the park, Phoebe took her ball (of course) and when we got to where she could destroy a hedge (her favourite hobby) she decided that she would fall through a hedge made of bracken and thorns and into a stream that was just pure mud. Then, she wouldn't come out!

When she decided that she would indeed like to come out (helped by Chester getting the hump and barking at her none stop) she couldn't get out. Worse, I couldn't get to her to help/pull her out. A solution to this problem was sought out, but a none injurious way was not forthcoming. So I had to 'fall' through the same bracken/thorn undergrowth to get to her. In so doing, I was cut to fuck everywhere and when I finally got hold of her, she was just a ball of brown wet mud.

I then lifted her out whereupon, she realised I had her ball in my left hand and in her haste to get it (while in mid air with me cursing fit to bust) she bit my finger!  By the time I got her out there was much blood (all mine) and much MUCH mud all over both of us, I was also soaking wet from head to foot in the dirtiest concoction yet seen on a human. I got her back to the car and used one towel on me and another on her and they were ust disgusting.

Anyway, got her home and threw her straight in the bath/shower and it was just deeply unpleasant. Then put the towels from the car and the ones i used to dry her straight n the washing machine, then I had a shower (after cleaning the bath of about three dogs worth of hair) and washed all my clothes. I did try and get Chester in the bath after Phoebe but I just couldn't lift him - it was bad enough with 23 Kgs of Lab, 36Kgs of Basset cross was a dog too far for me and I collapsed n a breathless, sweaty heap.

Once I, the dogs and all the towels/clothes were washed, then I had to go and clean the inside of the Merc which was minging! My normal good(ish) humour had evaporated and I was in a proper, foul, fuck the world and the horse it rode in on, type mood. Not helped by a now wet (though clean) dog who refused to stay in one spot - preferably outside in the sun - and so got everything wet, carpet, rug, sofa...

So I apologise to Fat pirate for misreading his thread and i was in such a foul mood I nearly did a flounce from here over a purely imagned slight.

I am a prick, there is no disguising the matter, but fuck me, was I ever provoked. Bloody dogs.

[New POD]

5 hours ago, Wack said:

This proper boils my piss , 100% the police will know who he is but will any punishment affect his daily lifestyle , will it fuck 

 

I wouldn't ever condone taking the law into ones own hands and becoming bounty hunter, prosecutor, judge jury and executioner, but if that were my car, I'd be discussing with myself the best way to make him change his future behaviour in a legal and responsible manner.  Clearly breaking his face would be pointless. Removing both ballocks might not be legal, but is the best idea I have at 3:40 am. 

[paulplom]

Good idea. It would stop him breeding.

[Kiltox]

JFC. 

Opus Energy, whoever the fuck they are, supply the old tenant of my unit with gas. Got a bill in addressed to them - £800 in arrears. Thought I’d better call them, give them a meter reading and fuck them off.  I’ve already instructed a new supplier to do their thing anyways  

Get through to a very loud office with some gobshite in the background clearly doing that office wanker thing of being overly flirty with the only woman in the office. Good start. 

Guy takes the address 4 times and just about manages to find it, guess he can’t fucking hear for the thirsty dickhead either. 

Insists on taking my name - “kiltox’s dodgy bullshit ltd” not enough aparrently, but he can’t explain why. 

Apparently it’ll take 10 working days to swap over the supply to my company (why?)

Then, “for data protection” he wanted my date of birth - he wouldn’t accept the company’s incorporation date  

 

[myglaren]

8 hours ago, xtriple said:

I then lifted her out whereupon, she realised I had her ball in my left hand and in her haste to get it (while in mid air with me cursing fit to bust) she bit my finger!  By the time I got her out there was much blood (all mine) and much MUCH mud all over both of us,

 

She's tasted human blood and will be a man-eater from now on.  Bonio just won't do.

[wuvvum]

I will be undertaking a collection mission tomorrow, the first part of which involves a 9-hour bus journey to a distant corner of this sceptred isle.  I have somehow managed to contract a moderately severe case of gentleman's influenza and cannot stop coughing.  This should be pleasant*.  Both for myself and my fellow bus wankers.

[Parky]

On 8/22/2019 at 11:09 AM, myglaren said:

Duct tape!

Seriously I would be fibreglassing the back of that and filling the hole with P40 as a temporary repair which is still there ten years later

[GrumpiusMaximus]

The puppy (15 weeks as of today) has had some disgestive issues in the last week and a bit.  We have been to the vet and sent off some samples and recommended some special food for the meantime.

The vet is excellent but we may as well be feeding her with five pound notes!  It's eye-wateringly expensive food.  So on day two of issues (last Wednesday) we tried chicken and rice.  Cue the most foul and disgusting lawn you've ever seen.  Aafter a couple of days of head-scratching and further issue, we put two and two together.  Her symptoms started the day after we'd given her chicken slices at treats at a training class - so we cut out the chicken and continue with the banknote diet, which is working.  Now we're waiting for the results of the samples, which have all come clear apart from the last so we can have a proper chat with the vet about it.

But that's not all!  On Tuesday we did another training class so we gave her some alternative puppy kibble as treats.  No chicken.  I'm up five times in the night with her making a giant mess of the lawn again.  That kibble had turkey.  Other than the banknotes, we've fed her nothing else.

So, it would appear that the puppy may very well have some kind of poultry intolerance.  Guess what almost all dog foods have?  That's right!  Poultry...

And she was sick last night.  So at quarter to 7 this morning the dog is in the bath and I'm hosing down the crate tray.