The grumpy thread

[Fumbler]

Despite me fixing the WiFi in our hotel cottage, the internet is incredibly shit, with every page taking ages to load and then being very choppy afterwards. Oh, and it's raining like there's no tomorrow. Nothing like the holidays...

[barefoot]

You're on holiday. Take a day or two off the interweb, it'll still be there when you get back home.

[Wack]

Bring back the stocks, little fuckers 

 

[Fumbler]

26 minutes ago, barefoot said:

You're on holiday. Take a day or two off the interweb, it'll still be there when you get back home.

Have been. I cycled to get bread this morning despite the weather. I only go on the Interweb in the evening: we're out all day! Fortunately it's not just me finding this internet thing odd, which is a first. I went upstairs to find Mother-Fumbler doing some gymnastic manoeuvres with the iPad in one hand to find the best place to get the best signal.

 

[Cavcraft]

I researched the legality of stun guns in case (unlikely as it is) I go through London on a scooter one day. Seems it's a very bad idea being caught with one (a stun gun or a scooter!), which is a shame. They can't be far off inventing something that remotely cuts the power if some little fucker has your bike off though.  

[chodweaver]

An acquaintance of mine, some years back, while being utterly useless with technology of any sort, had the brilliant ideas of:
1: fitting a hidden instamatic camera in the dash, that took a pic each time the vehicle was started without the camera-disabler-key inserted
2: taking the flash gun electrickery gubbins from aforementioned camera and connecting it to the ignition switch and one conductive pad on the back of the steering wheel, and again, having the gubbins 'fire' every time the car is started without the disabler-key inserted
3: having both the above devices activated at the same time so that after scrotes' failed attempt at theft, you have a few priceless pics of said scrotes being mildly* electrocuted while in the criminal act. Some of the pics might even be worth passing to the police...

*(Flash gun gubbins can deliver a fearsome punch, iirc)

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

[95 quid Peugeot]

Too early for car collection

[HillmanImp]

9 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

Seems it's a very bad idea being caught with one 

Back in the 90s my mate brought loads of CS gas canisters back from his holiday in the newly formed Czech Republic. 

We had loads of fun setting them off at partys, nightclubs, the hairdressers, sunday dinner at friends houses or wherever we were. 

Turns out they were actually classed as a firearm and it really would've not been a good idea to be caught with them. Its not just seen as something funny that makes everyone cry and cough a bit, like a hardcore stinkbomb. 

To be fair, I don't think they were that powerful as everyone was just 'For fucks sake, have you... Cough... let one of those fucking.... Cough... things off again, Gavs gonna... Cough... make a right mess of my hair if he cant.... Cough..... fuckin see". 

[Parky]

Work.  

Company has had a few issues, morale has taken a hit and whilst we are still standing and fighting there are too many people leaving and it’s getting harder and harder to spread the load amongst those remaining. 

Faced with a workforce grinding to a halt under the weight of additional responsibility, the boss sends an email last night.  What we need is something Churchillian, something to rally the troops, to fight on to ultimate victory, that sort of thing.  What do we get?  A threat that anyone who is dialling in to video conferences without enabling their video camera will be disciplined.  

Time to go I think.  Anyone who works in sales will know this, but how do the idiots always get to the top job?

[loserone]

That's shit, @Parky, but very entertainingly put.

[SiC]

1 hour ago, Parky said:

Work.  

Company has had a few issues, morale has taken a hit and whilst we are still standing and fighting there are too many people leaving and it’s getting harder and harder to spread the load amongst those remaining. 

Faced with a workforce grinding to a halt under the weight of additional responsibility, the boss sends an email last night.  What we need is something Churchillian, something to rally the troops, to fight on to ultimate victory, that sort of thing.  What do we get?  A threat that anyone who is dialling in to video conferences without enabling their video camera will be disciplined.  

Time to go I think.  Anyone who works in sales will know this, but how do the idiots always get to the top job?

What's to stop you dialing in with the camera on but a piece of insulation tape over the camera?

If Zuckerberg doesn't trust his camera, what does he know and why should we have any more trust in them?

Those that get the top jobs in sales seem to be the ones that shout the loudest and brag the most. Even if they aren't the most successful. Or even worse they take credit for and grab stuff that others have spent a lot of work doing. 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

11 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

.... They can't be far off inventing something that remotely cuts the power if some little fucker has your bike off though.  

The South Africans used to mount flamethrowers to car floorpans that could be activated in a carjacking situation, but I'm not sure if it is possible to adapt it to scooters.

Maybe what ye need is an explosive device, so the thing goes off once the thief has gone a safe distance?

[Lord Sterling]

1 hour ago, Parky said:

Work.  

Company has had a few issues, morale has taken a hit and whilst we are still standing and fighting there are too many people leaving and it’s getting harder and harder to spread the load amongst those remaining. 

Faced with a workforce grinding to a halt under the weight of additional responsibility, the boss sends an email last night.  What we need is something Churchillian, something to rally the troops, to fight on to ultimate victory, that sort of thing.  What do we get?  A threat that anyone who is dialling in to video conferences without enabling their video camera will be disciplined.  

Time to go I think.  Anyone who works in sales will know this, but how do the idiots always get to the top job?

Yes, yes and yes. 

It's not always idiots who get top jobs though. We have an office manager who can be nice but has a nasty streak to her attitude whenever she 'feels' like it. Our boss and owner of the business is just an idiot. Loses his shit randomly and sends shitty emails to the staff like the one above, as if thats going to add to moral or something.  I doubt these bosses understand what moral is and does.

I reckon my days are numbered where I am, there is another girl joining the French team which bring us to a total of 4. At the moment there isn't enough work for 2 but I think my original colleague will be concentrating a bit more on the trade side with the recently-started trade sales girl and I'll continue on the retail side with new incoming retail sales girl.

I am currently looking for another job, something similar, not necessarily French-speaking and a bit higher paid. Not had many answers yet.

[louiepj]

I researched the legality of stun guns in case (unlikely as it is) I go through London on a scooter one day. Seems it's a very bad idea being caught with one (a stun gun or a scooter!), which is a shame. They can't be far off inventing something that remotely cuts the power if some little fucker has your bike off though.  

Those wrist strap and safety cut off switches for jetski's and motorcross bikes should be an easy mod onto a moped?

[andy18s]

15 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

I researched the legality of stun guns in case (unlikely as it is) I go through London on a scooter one day. Seems it's a very bad idea being caught with one (a stun gun or a scooter!), which is a shame. They can't be far off inventing something that remotely cuts the power if some little fucker has your bike off though.  

Kill switch from a jet ski?

[MarvinsMom]

due to the magnificent* british summer weather, tomorrows road trip to Grange over Sands car show has been cancelled cos the show field is waterlogged.

shit.

still, at least we got told today, and not tomorrow when we arrived at the show ground!

[MikeR]

3 hours ago, louiepj said:

16 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

I researched the legality of stun guns in case (unlikely as it is) I go through London on a scooter one day. Seems it's a very bad idea being caught with one (a stun gun or a scooter!), which is a shame. They can't be far off inventing something that remotely cuts the power if some little fucker has your bike off though.  

Those wrist strap and safety cut off switches for jetski's and motorcross bikes should be an easy mod onto a moped?

another one to look at is the kill cord on a running machine , it can just be a socket near the seat that you plug in to , ?

[MikeR]

just been the shops , some people have not a clue where they are walking , like f in spiders on crack , all over the place   ..and unaware of whats going on

one chap just walked at me ,,,

so I stepped aside and he met the lamp post I was leaning on ....  FFS

[Cavcraft]

Regarding work, in sales it would seem the biggest shit talkers and arse lickers seem to remain, regardless of actual ability or sales.

 

 

Is it possible to go on social media without someone posting a fucking link to Lewis Capaldi proving what an ordinary bloke he is by chatting to Mavis on the till at the local Spar, or something?

 

 

[New POD]

Video conferencing in an open office.  Now that fucks me off.  I'm trying to concentrate. Please fuck off and talk loudly somewhere else. 

* offices should be quiet. 

[Lankytim]

On 7/19/2019 at 4:01 PM, Lankytim said:

Popped back into Halfords this morning to exchange a couple of broken items from my socket set and buy some replacements for sockets lost over the years. Got there at 9.15, two members of staff on site, one changing a bulb outside and the other frantically trying to deal with customers inside. 

I managed to get an exchange universal joint thingy (abused to death) and buy 3 replacement sockets but the poor woman was rushed off her feet, didn't know how to use the system and didn't know what a 13mm double ended ratchet ring spanner was known as on the system, so couldn't order a replacement for my broken one and advised me to come back another day when there was more staff on but didn't know when that would be. I gave up on the 6 or so other replacements I needed for lost sockets, as they were all 1/4 inch and again, she couldn't find them on the system, she also didn't know if replacement cases were included in the warranty. All the time the queue of customers was getting longer and longer and I could feel eyes burning into the back of me.

 

I did like the buzz of shiny new tools going into my elderly socket set though.

 

I'll go back another day.

 

 

The saga continues.

I returned a few days later to find someone that did know how to use the system* and they ordered me a replacement ratchet spanner and blow molded case, "come back in a few days and they'll be here" I decided to ring up after 5 to make sure.... "oh, I can't find them, but they might be here, I'm not sure" Popped in the next day to find the receipt they gave me didn't work as they had pressed the wrong button when ordering and cancelled everything. Right.. thanks.

Much apologising by staff and a re-run of the ordering process. "Theyll deffo be in after 3 days or so" 

Return a week later (today), the girl on the check out needed to find someone who someone who could "work the system" (she was attractive, but I then remembered how old I was and I ended up feeling a bit ashamed) 5 mins later a guy walks up to the desk...

 "they're not here yet, but they should be here by tomorrow, they're all ordered"- Que uncharacteristic outburst from myself, explaining how i don't believe him and how i've been waiting a month odd and been up and down 4 times to his poxy branch and got nowhere.

Speed off home and make a complaint on their live chat system.

I deal with someone called Jay who i;m not sure is a real person or a robot. Jay says the case isn't included in the warranty, but will email the branch to reiterate my acute dissatisfaction with their quite frankly shit service. As i'm chatting to Jay I miss a call, it's Mark from Halfords and he wants me to ring them back. 

I ring back but get through to the bike department upstairs.. The youngster on the phone sounds a bit flustered. Turns out he doesn't know how to transfer me to the phone downstairs so tells me the best thing to do is to hang up, ring back and hope that Mark answers...

This I do and Mark himself answers... It's the guy I accused of lying earlier on.

Apparently the ratchet spanner and the case are there, and have been there for days "but we forgot to book them in" he awkwardly chuckles. Sorry about that.

I'm popping back in tomorrow to pick them up. Anybody want to give me odds on them either,

A) Getting lost between today and tomorrow,

b) Being the wrong bits

C) not existing in the first place

 

PRACE BETS NOW.

[louiepj]

Kill switch from a jet ski?

Yup most jet ski's are 12v and the switches should* be waterproof and perfect on a moped in summer

[anonymous user]

7 hours ago, louiepj said:

20 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

I researched the legality of stun guns in case (unlikely as it is) I go through London on a scooter one day. Seems it's a very bad idea being caught with one (a stun gun or a scooter!), which is a shame. They can't be far off inventing something that remotely cuts the power if some little fucker has your bike off though.  

Those wrist strap and safety cut off switches for jetski's and motorcross bikes should be an easy mod onto a moped?

But not much good if they hack your hand off with a machete.

[Parky]

3 hours ago, HarmonicCheeseburger said:

I see no rules about being dressed as Batman for said calls. 

I am thinking of getting a hat saying “xxxxx is a cunt” and wearing that.  After all if I am in my own home dialling in i can wear home working attire

If he complains or threatens me, I will do the next one in a hat saying “last hat still applies”

[MikeR]

4 hours ago, New POD said:

Video conferencing in an open office.  Now that fucks me off.  I'm trying to concentrate. Please fuck off and talk loudly somewhere else. 

* offices should be quiet. 

and you always get the one who does not need a phone to talk to the other side of the world ....

[richardmorris]

1 hour ago, MikeR said:

and you always get the one who does not need a phone to talk to the other side of the world ....

My Grump would be the other way - those that phone you up but you can’t hear because they are holding their mobiles flat  like brain dead idiots off the tv. 

[chaseracer]

6 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

...Lewis Capaldi...

Who?

[3VOM]

14 hours ago, Parky said:

I am thinking of getting a hat saying “xxxxx is a cunt” and wearing that.  After all if I am in my own home dialling in i can wear home working attire

If he complains or threatens me, I will do the next one in a hat saying “last hat still applies”

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwiGoOu3ufrjAhWm34UKHU8CB2wQjRx6BAgBEAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FPaused-Game-Here-Gamer-Baseball%2Fdp%2FB07DKPDR6G&psig=AOvVaw3ZV7rogUHjzyQGdwF3reKS&ust=1565600216262531

[EssDeeWon]

5G IS COMING! Whoopee Doo!

Still waiting to see proof this shiz is safe to be blasted out around us mere mortals and the wildlife.  

For anyone who thinks 5G is just a better quicker version of 4G maybe read up and make your own minds up. 

[Parky]

I personally welcome our Chinese masters knowing that I saw a Hyundai Grandeur in Frinton three weeks ago