What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[3VOM]

Hover car??? Why no tyre tracks??.

I was wondering that then realised the Tardis had landed on its side in the car park.

[twosmoke300]

Or someone slept in the car overnight ?

[Bianconeri]

Finally discharged by the medics (after almost a year) following my knee injury*

[somewhatfoolish]

Autoshite driveway contractors?

 

Cunt Drive.png

Early entry for Stealth Cunt of the Year?

[Kiltox]

Had to call up HMRC about my tax return yesterday after I'd lost my UTR number. I registered as self-employed when I was asked to do some freelance at my full-time employer outside of my contract and paid at a much, much higher rate. My manager didn't realise there had been a change in the law and it all had to go through my normal pay (and thus PAYE) so I've never actually earned anything extra that's taxable.

 

When I first called them, I got through to a human within seconds (after the robot took about 2 minutes of my time) who was pleasant, courteous and professional. They assured me that even though I would submit my return late because the UTR would take 2 weeks to get to me (and I'd failed the security check on getting a new one over the phone because they had the wrong address for me in 2014!) that I wasn't to worry and that because I'd made contact with them, I could submit late without penalty.

 

Then I mentioned that I'd never actually made any money freelancing and they put me straight through to another department. Who immediately told me that I didn't need to submit a self-assessment at all.

 

The best thing? I actually made the second lady laugh on the phone. It was genuinely friendly and she was chuckling at me describing my own mild incompetence.

 

What with the DVLA actually doing things quickly and HMRC laughing on the phone, is it that some government agencies are becoming mildly competent and good to telephone?!

Tip for anyone else in this situation - you can use Gov.uk Verify to log in to self assessment without your UTR using your passport and driving licence

[anonymous user]

Which assumes that you have a passport and driving licence

[Kiltox]

Which assumes that you have a passport and driving licence

.... then you can ring them and wait a couple of weeks for your UTR to be issued to you

[DodgeRover]

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/8253908/travelodge-digger-driver-liverpool-edge-lane-john/?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1548175446

I'm biased but a phone call to all the people depending on that money going into their accounts would take maybe half an hour, been there and done it and ended up going overdrawn myself subbing people enough money for the weekend.

Even if they had spoken to the guy on Monday when he was obviously trying to contact them would have made a difference.

You can't walk into a shop and buy food or put money on your electric meter with promises. A lot of people live week to week without having savings or credit cards.

[The_Equalizer]

You can't walk into a shop and buy food or put money on your electric meter with promises. A lot of people live week to week without having savings or credit cards.

 

I swore blind to myself that I would never ever get in a situation where I was in some else's pocket by ensuring there was always a little bit for a rainy day. Obviously, it is easier said than done, but being skint is miserable.

[chadders]

I swore blind to myself that I would never ever get in a situation where I was in some else's pocket by ensuring there was always a little bit for a rainy day. Obviously, it is easier said than done, but being skint is miserable.

I did something similar after being stitched up by my boss over a promotion. I set up a f*** you account where a put some money in every month by direct debit, so I'd miss it less.

It was hard at first but got easier as time went by as I vowed I'd never be in that position again without the ability to just resign - I'd a 6 month old baby and just moved into a new house so leaving wasn't really an option and the job market was shit at that time.

[DodgeRover]

This post in the open forum has had me giggling!

 

Elbow them in the face.

It'll take their mind off whatever's bothering them whilst reminding them that worse things can happen.

Also, if they blink through the tears of a broken nose and remain mates with you, then they might be worth persevering with.

Hth.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

.... then you can ring them and wait a couple of weeks for your UTR to be issued to you

 

 

I hadn't submitted a self-assessment before, which was the issue with getting a UTR any other way.  I had been issued one but lost it...

[chatsharris]

I'll do an update on the Prelude thread later, but finally finding someone breaking a Prelude has led me to getting a £200 ABS sensor for £55.

 

Now to await it's arrival...

[Kiltox]

I hadn't submitted a self-assessment before, which was the issue with getting a UTR any other way. I had been issued one but lost it...

Gov.uk verify would still have worked for you but you wouldn’t have been able to dodge submitting a return so it seems it’s worked out well for you

[myglaren]

[wuvvum]

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-46976834

[Wack]

Weather reporters reviewed by Ozzy Man

[John F]

Hnnnnng!

[purplebargeken]

The £600 mini digger bloke now has a clear and possibly outstanding career pathway in the demolition industry. 

[somewhatfoolish]

Scorchio.

[Snipes]

The £600 mini digger bloke now has a clear and possibly outstanding career pathway in the demolition industry.

H&S will probably send him to the slammer for a few years and he'll never get on a site again.

[The_Equalizer]

H&S will probably send him to the slammer for a few years and he'll never get on a site again.

 

Exactly. He will now lack his liberty as well as a wage packet.

[Sheefag]

Scorchio.

 

Boutros Boutros Ghali.

[myglaren]

Russian humour

https://www.facebook.com/JuliaGilasOfficial/videos/2192185931040929/

[somewhatfoolish]

Boutros Boutros Ghali.

Kethethethe, Chris Waddle.

[Ghosty]

Bonbonbonbons!

[dollywobbler]

My mate has just bought this rather lovely ZX Volcane automatic. An odd mix, but a very nice car actually. Love that it's parked next to another nineties classic.

[angle]

Office email, reproduced verbatim:

 

'Good afternoon all,

 

Please be careful when leaving the office, as there is a gentleman in the Travelodge throwing mugs out of the window.

 

Best regards

 

Susan'

[clayts450]

No fags since Tuesday morning.

 

Thought this would be a lot tougher than it is.

 

Other than vaping not providing quite the same level of instant nicotine hit, it's proceeding well without too much grumpiness or phlegmy coughing and I'm plugging the gap nicely with a low level drip feed of fruit-infused nicotine.

 

I suppose being off work (and away from the pub) helps enormously.

 

So far so good.

[Fumbler]

Bonbonbonbons!

Baby pork cylinders