What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[dozeydustman]

I think the biggest discrepancy betwixt top speed and top of the speedo that I've experienced is a smiley Transit 190TD -  speedo went up to 150, van ran out of revs at 45.

 

FTFY

[Floatylight]

FTFY

My Dad had a 2,5d smiley transit with a Luton body, that did run out of revs at about 45, drove from Stafford - Northampton & back in it once, took about £60 worth of fuel and took forever! Never bothered asking to borrow it again! awful pile of toss...

 

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[Tamworthbay]

Washing machine finally went tits up after repeated repairs today. Ordered a replacement about 4pm, due for delivery 1pm tomorrow. Blooooody ell! That’s quick.

And delivered, old one and tumble dryer have also been collected so apart from being a few hundred quid down all is well. Just hope this one does twenty years like the last one.

[Tamworthbay]

This.

Next time it should taken to the nearest Halfords where this weeks work experience ‘Wayne’ can fit one with self tappers and gaffer tape.

[fordperv]

Next time it should taken to the nearest Halfords where this weeks work experience ‘Wayne’ can fit one with self tappers and gaffer tape.

On the piss because he is bog eyed

[Cavcraft]

Bet came up trumps yeterday, one hundred and twenty lovely British pounds. Went out on my work's do and got absolutely and utterly wankered, thought I was going to call for Huey on the great white telephone this morning, but managed not to in the end.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

This.

Another example of poor people not being able to afford to run cars properly.

If it had a 2 digit number, the plate would fit perfectly in the little flat space in the centre.

[vulgalour]

If they'd bought a second hand Ferrari instead they would have had enough change to get a really nice plate with lots of numbers and letters on it.  That's the trouble with folks always wanting the newest thing, they're not being smart with their money.

[dozeydustman]

My Dad had a 2,5d smiley transit with a Luton body, that did run out of revs at about 45, drove from Stafford - Northampton & back in it once, took about £60 worth of fuel and took forever! Never bothered asking to borrow it again! awful pile of toss...

 

Sent from my Moto G (5) using Tapatalk

 

For 1986 the VE6 Transit was a bloody good van, more modern & refined than the previous model, better than most rivals.

 

By the time it became a smiler it was too outdated and noisy compared to more modern rivals - the Sprinter, PSA/Fiat J5 type, 2nd gen Master (and clones), which would cruise at 70 a lot quieter and generally feeling more modern. (Still better than a similarly aged LDV though).

[Guest Hooli]

I just purchased a right-angled USB cable on ebay for my twat-nav as the one that came with it has died.

 

The grin, they'd bothered to add a drop down box to their advert for 'left angled/out of stock'

[vulgalour]

Because the people on this forum are absolute LEG ENDS I'm getting back in a white BX and I couldn't be any happier if I tried.

[somewhatfoolish]

And delivered, old one and tumble dryer have also been collected so apart from being a few hundred quid down all is well. Just hope this one does twenty years like the last one.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, etc.

[Guest Hooli]

[DeeJay]

[richardmorris]

Anyone else just seen the antiques roadshow?

Lady who was one of the puppeteers for Gerry Anderson was on. With the original lady Penelope ( £50,000), captain scarlet ( £30,000j) etc etc. Her old age suddenly got a lot more comfortable.

[SiC]

Because the people on this forum are absolute LEG ENDS I'm getting back in a white BX and I couldn't be any happier if I tried.

Does that mean car numero tres?

[New POD]

Bet came up trumps yeterday, one hundred and twenty lovely British pounds. Went out on my work's do and got absolutely and utterly wankered, thought I was going to call for Huey on the great white telephone this morning, but managed not to in the end.

Yeah. That's why I don't drink more than 1/2 a shandy in an evening.

[New POD]

those little C1's can shift compared to our old Micra ......

Its great but the wheel trims want throwing in the sea.

[clayts450]

Didn't win an eBay auction. Why the grin ? Because the seller and I agreed when I viewed the car yesterday that if they get dicked around (again, 3rd time listed) they'll phone me and we'll do a private sale. Winner of auction ? Zero/minimal feedback.....

 

I await the call from the seller with much anticipation

[meggersdog]

Mate asked if his mate could use my ramp one evening. I said not an evening but Saturday morning.Didn't ask why before I agreed.Bloke wants to do his clutch bugger I've agreed now.So Saturday comes the car is here but not matey.I've got an MOT to do anyway but he turns up at 10.45 am.First I told him not to make a mess as I've just painted the floor and then while he is stood there "erm, no smoking in my workshop,thank you".

The car is a Hyundai coupe, matey says as it's a V6 must be rear wheel drive.Didn't look and yes ofcourse it's fwd.We push it on the ramp and he starts getting his tools out.Doesn't have a breaker-bar or a 21mm socket and struggles with the cars wheel brace.So I lend him a bar and socket and an air gun.Using the jacking beam he jacks the car up on the suspension arms......Put him right then asked if he had a clutch aligning tool to be met with a blank stare.Whilst he was fucking about with the few Mickey Mouse tools he'd got in a christmas cracker I'd got on with cutting up some pallets for firewood."Right I'm off to the bank before it shuts" says I. He asks if I have any tea bags.There is a kettle,mugs,spoons,tea,sugar and coffee in an alcove in the office.The fridge is in the workshop as there's no room in the office.

From the bank I went home to stack my firewood and collect a clutch aligning tool from the toolbox at home.My mate phones up while I'm at home "how's he getting on" Told him it's a right farce and a real comedy of errors and Id probably be fitting his clutch when I got back."yeah, he's like that at work.Starts a job and hasn't got a clue what he's doing.Then someone else takes over" says my mate.Cheers pal.Told him I bet matey can't find the fridge for some milk.

I pull up at the workshop and he's putting the wheels on.Flippin' heck I've only been gone an hour might have mis-judged him...Nope he'd given up and didn't find the fridge until his tea was cold.What a fucking clown but it doesn't stop there.

What ever he dismantled the car now won't start, turns over but won't fire.We push it out the workshop and he tells me he will tow it away that night.Sunday night 11pm my mate phones "he's just found the keys but can we pick it up tomorrow" Apparently he'd lost the keys Saturday afternoon but found them in the back garden Sunday night.?? Well it is now in the way.He'd bought it with a slipping clutch then Christmas eve drove to Leeds (as you do) to deliver some parcels.On the way back to Peterborough he burnt the clutch out in Birmingham...wtf.  Oh yeah he bought the car because his other one is in the police pound for having no tax,mot or insurance.....What a fucking clown. Should be a grump as the car is now in the way but it is so comical made me laugh.Well apart from the big pile of fag ash he'd left on the ramp I found this morning.

[PhilA]

Arrived kinda early at one of our sister company sites this morning. Never been here at this time on a Monday.

 

Outside talking to the headend engineer and suddenly:

 

whooOOOOOOOOoooomm WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM

 

Massively loud air raid style sirens start going off.

 

I'm starting to worry, headend engineer shrugs and says they're sounding the all clear- Monday morning test for the chemical spill system at the chemical plant on the river.

 

Eerie sounding!

 

Phil

[captain_70s]

Autoshite don't do The Fast and the Furious, but if they did...

 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Arrived kinda early at one of our sister company sites this morning. Never been here at this time on a Monday.

 

Outside talking to the headend engineer and suddenly:

 

whooOOOOOOOOoooomm WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM

 

Massively loud air raid style sirens start going off.

 

I'm starting to worry, headend engineer shrugs and says they're sounding the all clear- Monday morning test for the chemical spill system at the chemical plant on the river.

 

Eerie sounding!

 

Phil

 

 

I was volunteering at a Primary School up North about 8 years ago or so when I was a student.  About Noon, I hear this sound like an air-raid siren and look over to the class teacher, slightly surprised and a little perplexed.

 

'Oh, that's just the shift change and the nuclear power station down the road.'

 

Heysham.

[Ohdearme]

In massive Tesco’s this evening there were two birds of the winged variety flying around the rafters inside and chirping away.

 

I was stood next to an older lady who looked up and said, kind of to herself, not really to me “Oh those poor little birds”.

 

She then nonchalantly placed half a dozen eggs in her basket and toddled off to finish her shopping.

[Skizzer]

I worked up in Teesside for a bit a few years ago next to a fertiliser factory with a hazchem siren like that. The test was eerie enough on its own, but when it coincided with the distant ice cream chimes of the sandwich wagon driving round the mostly deserted site it properly freaked me out.

[DodgeRover]

For a minute I was expecting her to release a hawk from her handbag..

[iainrcz]

Learned something new today.

If you have the numberplate GH05 TXP, and illegally space the lettering to spell GH05T XP apparently it becomes a valuable "Private plate"

 

Either that or people will think you're an insufferable cunt.

 

Either way it means you own a shit, purple Range Rover.

 

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[Aston Martin]

Ha

[Kiltox]

That’ll do.

 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

.....My mate phones up while I'm at home "how's he getting on" Told him it's a right farce and a real comedy of errors and Id probably be fitting his clutch when I got back."yeah, he's like that at work. Starts a job and hasn't got a clue what he's doing. Then someone else takes over" says my mate.Cheers pal.....

Or maybe that's the fella's sly way of getting other people to do his tasks, preferably unpaid?