Talk you never want to hear on viewing a car...

[Tenmil Socket]

Bought it last week but just found out the Mrs is pregnant so need a bigger car...

[sierraman]

14 minutes ago, Tenmil Socket said:

Bought it last week but just found out the Mrs is pregnant so need a bigger car...

Yeah that’s bullshit isn’t it. ‘Wife doesn’t like it’ reads as ‘I’ve bought a complete pup and I need to get shut’

[motorpunk]

No logbook but will write a receipt.

full VOSA history 

[AnnoyingPentium]

2 hours ago, DavidB said:

“Here we have … “

"...this stunning [misspelled model of a completely different car]..."

[Split_Pin]

'5 other people are interested'.

[EyesWeldedShut]

Too big for t'missus....

(Fnarr, fnarr)

[Bren]

28 minutes ago, motorpunk said:

No logbook but will write a receipt.

full VOSA history 

Motor traders use the VOSA shit.

I was looking at a diesel merc.

Cat N.

"A bit slow to start in the morning".

This is the 3.0 V6 diesel.

It's a no from me.

[timolloyd]

‘Doctor owner’

[CreepingJesus]

"I'll pick you up from the bus station..." but not in the car I went to buy, no, in the one that worked properly. And was fit to be seen on the drive, not parked 100yds away. To be fair, the guy was really sound, but them's some alarm bells.

[RoverFolkUs]

"but it doesn't affect it passing an MOT"

[DVee8]

1 hour ago, timolloyd said:

‘Doctor owner’

Doctor Retro owned.

[High Jetter]

"Only 1 previous owner. I think he was not English, the V5 says his name is Avis"

[Alan_Green]

"It is what it is".  

[neil1971]

4 hours ago, sierraman said:

‘I can’t see any problems with it passing the MOT... to be best of my knowledge...’

I just haven't had the time to take it for a test...

[83C]

57 minutes ago, CreepingJesus said:

"I'll pick you up from the bus station..." but not in the car I went to buy, no, in the one that worked properly. And was fit to be seen on the drive, not parked 100yds away. To be fair, the guy was really sound, but them's some alarm bells.

I dunno, I'd rather collect someone in another car if possible, mainly so that they can see the car they're buying started from cold, not warmed though to mask anything etc. 

[Pieman]

Reading threads like this makes me too frightened to buy or sell cars.

[Shedking]

Yep the classic for a heap of shit with 2 days MOT left that will "fly through another no problem ", well fucking test it then! Amoeba brain doesn't know that you have access online to the last MOT with 75 advisories none of which they will have bothered with. 

Then there's the "this car has wanted for nothing " and on viewing the tyres have 2mm of tread at best, it's held together by the carpets and hasn't been washed for 5 years, much like the vendor. 

[Mrcento]

1 hour ago, EyesWeldedShut said:

Too big for t'missus....

(Fnarr, fnarr)

See also

'The mrs doesn't like driving it, it's too powerful for her'

Has she tried not pressing the big shouty go pedal as hard?, Only thing that goes up quicker than the speedo is my bullshit meter.

Authorable mention for the classic

'Will fly through the next MOT'

Will it really?, Does it have wings? Will it land at the local breakers yard?, If you're that confident, put it in then, i dare you.... sell it with a years clean ticket, make more money, win/win for you surely?, No?. Says all you need to know.

[83C]

1 hour ago, timolloyd said:

‘Doctor owner’

As meaningless as 'Lady owner/driver' - half the women I know treat their cars like utter shite, just like a similar percentage of men regardless of profession or status. The only reason I'm not concerned about my wife's cars is because I maintain them. A long time ago I bought an Astra very cheaply that had been owned from near new by quite a well to do lady (big country house etc). The interior looked like it had been used as a mobile skip and smelled like a rubbish tip, so it all got thrown away and replaced by one from a scrapper which also surrendered bumpers, bonnet and a set of wheels that were actually round and hadn't gone 10 rounds with the local kerbstones. Made a few quid on it eventually but a solid week of evenings after work went into correcting several years of absolute abuse.

[hairnet]

Silent as a great

[bigfella2]

'Cambelt just changed mate', even though the engine in question has a chain.

[goosey]

When you arrive to view and the FSH in the Advert turns out to be a 2 receipts from GSF for wiper blades and a bulb 

[MantaGTE85]

7 hours ago, sierraman said:

‘Will do 90 in third...’

RED HOT FLAG!!! That bugger has been caning it to (almost) oblivion. You should never buy anything if the seller at any time talks bollocks about its performance. MPG is more important than MPH.

[pilninggas]

"....and if I can't move it on that way, how does £10 a ticket sound or 2 for £18?"

[Mrcento]

3 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

'5 other people are interested'.

An increasingly common one, and one that i will 100% walk away from a car instantly from is

'There are loads of people interested and i just had a guy offering me £ (above the asking price) if i held it for him, but i had to tell him you were already on the way.

Aye because people regularly see a car for £1500 and will immediately get in touch screaming '£1800 if u W8 M8'

Not at all a way of trying to pressure you into a sale, and try to get above the advertised asking price whilst trying to pretend he's doing you a favour and that you're actually costing him money if you buy his car....

[MantaGTE85]

3 hours ago, timolloyd said:

‘Doctor owner’

My doctor has two big dogs, three children under 5, and drives a fucked '04-plate Multipla. Worth buying, should he sell it?

[CaptainBoom]

"Never been raced or rallied"

No, it hasn't been raced, it's a 1996 Corsa D or whatever, the only race it would win is a three legged race up against Red Rum and Lord Lucan.  It's not been rallied except that unfortunate incident where the gormless chicken molester of a seller put it into a ditch after avoiding a MASSIVE car coming the other way on a narrow lane. 

It LOOKS like it has been through a rally, specifically a forest stage and has ended up in the forest at several points, then caught fire, then been put with out the driver and co-driver's piss.

What it HAS been is run to the shops, every day for years on end for a journey of about 500 yards.  Fourth and fifth gear have never been used, the tyres are now as hard as plastic, the paintwork as rough as dried Weetabix and the brake pedal feels as wooden as the seller's head.

[Noel Tidybeard]

7 hours ago, Six-cylinder said:

It was twice owned by "Six-cylinder!"

*edited* 😁

[DavidB]

“I brought this car last year and … ”

[Rust Collector]

2 hours ago, High Jetter said:

"Only 1 previous owner. I think he was not English, the V5 says his name is Avis"

Previously owned by a Dutch millionaire; Herz Van Car Rental...

2 hours ago, 83C said:

As meaningless as 'Lady owner/driver' - half the women I know treat their cars like utter shite

I can't remember where I heard it, but the jovial/sexist retort to somebody volunteering the phrase 'one lady owner' is supposed to be 'clutch is fucked then'.