The grumpy thread

[michael1703]

I think we can apply the classic formula: Matt black(x10 litres) + 6 months x IQ = weighbridge.

 

Shame, those things have all but disappeared.

 

If the weather was good at the moment that would be a very accurate prophecy, but as its 'kin cold for the next 3 months it will sit about for a bit until a corsa turns up cheap

 

Teenage chavs don't do cold, there arse hanging out of their tracksuits and lack of sock with rooney rep trainers and gold chain making there chest cold and not being able to do more than two minutes work without their phone pinging to give them a facebook notification or a picture text of a scraped back haired mingers pouty face taken with a camera in outstretched arm with a seductive finger pointing at pursed lip takes their mind off the job and then its munchy time and off to maccy d innit?

[Lankytim]

About 10 years ago I worked with a young lad who had an identical 213, totally standard except it was lowered on big TSW Venoms. It looked fab!

[Pete-M]

I worked out a while ago that I've spent in the region of £80k over the last 24 years of mucking about with cars, on cars. Fuel / Insurance / MOT's and servicing not included, and whatever I sold them for isn't taken off the total, so it's probably closer to £20k down the drain in real money. I've ticked a lot of cars off the massive bucket list and scratched a lot of itches when it's come to all kinds of mental cars in the process. There have been a lot of mad adventures, missions across Europe, dodgy auction purchases, breakdowns, rescue missions, scrapyard visits and temporary 'get you home' bodges involved. It's been fun. The stuff that has ended up on the path here over the years has confused the hell out of the neighbours, so it has been worth it.

 

Thing is, I also work with cars. I drive a daft amount of miles each week for work, in various cars of all shapes and sizes. I've always worked with them, that's what I've always done. I've driven Ferraris, Porsches, Bentleys, Jags, Jensens, Yugos, Tatras, Barkas, a Bristol, BMWs, Mercs, Datsuns, Maseratis, Skodas, Seats, Suzukis, Singers, Subarus, 7.5 tonners, Hillmans, Hyundais, Daewoos, Rovers, Mazdas, Toyotas, Lexii, Lotii, Mitsubishis, Allegros and all kinds of random shit in between. Even an AC ME3000, ffs.

 

I've lost interest. The perfect car doesn't actually exist, and never will because it changes every bloody day. This is one reason why I've put the Jag up for sale. I do love the thing, but I don't use it. I might flog the Subaru as well. Buy a big, fast estate for a few grand and run it til it dies. Either the UK Spec Legnum VR4 mad bastard thing my mate has, or something like an early E55 AMG. Can't afford an RS6 Avant.

 

I've lost the autofaith. My motor-Mojo has gone. The Impreza is a bloody brilliant piece of kit, but there's nowhere to play anymore. I do motorways all bloody day, and might get out to Mid Wales once in a blue moon, but that's about it.

 

Question is, what the fuck should I do now? I've always fancied being a motoring hack, but I don't have the prose and Queefness needed and my English probably makes the heads of proof readers explode.

[warren t claim]

£20k in 24 years on a car habit and you're complaining? The Mercedes I was smoking around in last week lost three times that in depreciation in the last six years! I think you've got off lightly.

[Pete-M]

I have got off lightly. Which is why I'm thinking it's time to do something else....

[Guest]

Dear World, yes I want my 4th gen iPod repairing. I want to give you money to repair it. Why is that so fucking hard to understand? It worked fine before I dropped it, I want it to work again rather than buy another one at the ridiculous fucking prices Apple want for another one.

 

Cannot be arsed with an Apple shop (yes, a shop, not a fucking 'store' you septic wannabes) because I can sense their rising eyebrows from here. Plus I feel like a need a wash every time I go in there, which isn't often. HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

[nigel bickle]

Pete. Learn to fly. Opens up a whole new 3 dimensional world.

 

Not as expensive as you'd think either (esp at this time of year!)

[Lacquer Peel]

Cannot be arsed with an Apple shop (yes, a shop, not a fucking 'store' you septic wannabes)

 

wat, yesterday:

[Pete-M]

I went flying in the Czech Republic in January. As you say it wasn't expensive, about £50 for an hour or so as a total beginner. I enjoyed it, little Cessna two seater. Just a shame my instructor didnt speak any English other than the bare minimum needed to communicate with ground control. Made flying the thing fun as he'd explained to my friend on the ground what everything did, in Czech. My mate didn't explain to me what he said fully, just "up / down / left / right".

 

Weird steering with your feet, but easy enough once it all makes sense. Having said that, I let the instructor land it. He was giving me instructions on how to, but in Czech. My Czech isn't bad, but I wasn't gonna try landing a plane with it...

 

Another temptation is boats.

[ashmicro]

Boats can be ruinously expensive

[RedSparrow]

In the meantime why not do some write-ups about some of the shite you've owned in the past to hone your journalism skills?

I for one would be interested to read about some of the motors you've owned.

[HillmanImp]

Boats can be ruinously expensive

 

Depends what you want. I am after a small cabined fishing boat like this as used to rag around in one as a teenager and loved it:

 

 

Can pick them up for under a grand in reasonable condition with an engine and trailer. I want it for on the canal in the summer.

 

As I live inland there is no point getting a speedboat as you will never be able to use it at any speed. Pete lives next to the sea though. Possibility for a speedboat?

[Guest]

Boats can be ruinously expensive

 

Depends what you want. I am after a small cabined fishing boat like this as used to rag around in one as a teenager and loved it:

 

 

Can pick them up for under a grand in reasonable condition with an engine and trailer. I want it for on the canal in the summer.

 

As I live inland there is no point getting a speedboat as you will never be able to use it at any speed. Pete lives next to the sea though. Possibility for a speedboat?

 

Yeah, you can pick the boats up for reasonable money provided you're not expecting a 30 ft cabin cruiser for a tenner. It's the marina, antifoul and general storage fees that are the killer. FATHA_WATANABE is a boatist and has been for years. The marina fees take the piss and the running costs of anything boat related rockets because the manufacturers class 'marine' anything as an excuse to jack the price up by 765%. Plus the fact that petrol boats are hella thirsty, the diesel equivalent is something like 400 times more expensive, and you still end up going back and forth between Puffin Island and somehow spend £400 doing so.

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

I've often toyed with the idea of learning to fly (seeing as I really enjoy travelling by plane- especially if I've used my miles etc to fly very cheaply in business class!), and I'm surprised at just how cheap some boats are. But looking at costs for maintenance and parking is enough to give most people a stroke.

 

If it flies, floats, or fucks...

[willswitchengage]

Just got an e-mail from my building society saying "as this account has been so popular, you will no longer be able to add to your savings from January". WTF? I opened it because it was high interest AND allowed unlimited transactions . Maybe I should start investing in personalised numberplates instead

[Lankytim]

Flying is a passion of mine too, it is just too damn expensive for me though.

 

Anyway, my grump. Travelled down to Brum today with the Mrs and Lankytim jnr to stay over at Dads and go to the Crown court tomorrow to attend the sentencing of the guy who ran over and killed my Mum. Except the judge wanted Friday off and rescheduled the case for today...and didnt tell anybody. No defence barrister, no defendent, no Prosecution and obv no us! What a fuck up! Case is now postponed until next week, or next year. What a shower of shit!

[HillmanImp]

Yeah, you can pick the boats up for reasonable money provided you're not expecting a 30 ft cabin cruiser for a tenner. It's the marina, antifoul and general storage fees that are the killer. FATHA_WATANABE is a boatist and has been for years. The marina fees take the piss and the running costs of anything boat related rockets because the manufacturers class 'marine' anything as an excuse to jack the price up by 765%. Plus the fact that petrol boats are hella thirsty, the diesel equivalent is something like 400 times more expensive, and you still end up going back and forth between Puffin Island and somehow spend £400 doing so.

 

I know what you mean. I have a marina down the road from me and they do seem to charge a lot. They want £25 for me just to put the boat in the water each time I use it! I have some mates who live with their flat backing onto the canal just down from there but don't know the legalities of keeping it at theirs for long periods etc.

 

Hopefully i will have some room in my lock up a few miles away by the time this plan comes to fruition and can keep it there. I am sure there will be somewhere to drop it into the canal for free pretty locally.

[jonathan_dyane]

Hadn't been on thepiratebay for a while, and now I'm greeted with this:

 

 

Thanks internet police.

 

try this one: https://tpb.pirateparty.org.uk/

[skattrd]

Arse, central heatings playing up

The boiler kicks in when I set it to hot water only, but nothing when I turn the c/h on. I'm guessing 3-way valve.

[Micrashed]

I shouldn't Micrashed, but that sort of looks like the kind of wiring you'd expect to see on a council house at Christmas.

 

Well the Rottweiller* went to work today and phoned them up, spoke to a chap in Scotlandshire and laid into him, an hour later the guys were back and took up the cable, re-laying it in a nice green plastic tube, getting rid of the surplus cable hidden in the bushes and installing a new wall box (though not any conduit on the wall, but I can live with that).

You can see the old green duct under the new one here...

 

New wall box

 

No more the great swathes of cable....

 

And this is where it emerges from under the lawn

 

Though it was the rottweiler describing the workmen as a "pair of clowns" to what she thought was the area manager on the phone but in fact it was the bloke who installed the cable that made me ROFL.

*Mrs Micrashed - 22 years tomorrow we have been shackled together.

[Pillock]

I once had the pleasure of VM installing a new cable to the house. They "buried" it about an inch under the grass, diagonally across the front garden. It lasted about a month before a particually brutal lawn mowing severed it.

They came back and did it properly, they were pretty OK about it really but then again they cocked it up in the first place and it was pretty obvious looking at it how much they'd rushed it. I then lobbed a good 10 tonnes of rubble and 16 railway sleepers on top so good luck if it goes wrong again, don't live there now!

[Cavcraft]

Congrat's (your experience may vary) on tomorrow Marty!

 

 

 

 

Pissing me off for the 4th day in a blast this week is the A41 between M53 and Rock Ferry, especially when heading back from Rock Ferry. Every penile infection in his flash/company/cock extension car wants to drive like an absolute wanker to try and shave 20 seconds off their time. Luck, reading the road ahead and crafty driving has seen me manage to get in front of a couple of most of them and being a sad bastard I class the ramp onto the M53 as the winning line.

Just to prove it's not all about German cars I have noticed Vauxhall drivers feature heavily in the gobshite league on that road at least: a few Insignificants (probably some wanky shiney suited sales reps) and for some reason the absolute wanker chariot of choice recently is the Meriva. Quite why I don't know, but honestly there's been scores of the fuckers recently piloted by A grade jelly knobs.

[cobblers]

Vauxhalls are deffo the choice of people who absolutely cannot drive these days, mk5 astras full of young lads driving like nobs and swerving all over the place etc, whatever it is (maybe astra?) convertibles by women paying absolutely no attention to the road and going 33mph everywhere, Merivas are an equal split between angry football hooligan dads and mentally disabled biffos. At least the rep behind the wheel of an insignia is somewhat predictable.

[sporty-shite]

I would imagine the average drive-a-Meriva-like-a-twat, would be the sort of blke whose wife made him buy one when they had their first child "because we need a family car".

 

He's now furious that he's been browbeaten, and feels the need to re-assert his masculinity on other road users.

 

CUNT.

[Albert Ross]

Arse, central heatings playing up

The boiler kicks in when I set it to hot water only, but nothing when I turn the c/h on. I'm guessing 3-way valve.

I used a shite fix. A bit of dashboard cable from a Series 3 Land Rover, tied around a cable, holds the valve in the right place. Has done for 9 years. Other wiring loom bits are available, as is string or a stack of jazz mags.

[autofive]

I would imagine the average drive-a-Meriva-like-a-twat, would be the sort of blke whose wife made him buy one when they had their first child "because we need a family car".

 

He's now furious that he's been browbeaten, and feels the need to re-assert his masculinity on other road users.

 

CUNT.

 

ha ha

 

you just described my thumb-marked brother

[Bobthebeard]

 

Thing is, I also work with cars.

 

I've lost interest. The perfect car doesn't actually exist, and never will because it changes every bloody day. This is one reason why I've put the Jag up for sale. I do love the thing, but I don't use it. I might flog the Subaru as well. Buy a big, fast estate for a few grand and run it til it dies. Either the UK Spec Legnum VR4 mad bastard thing my mate has, or something like an early E55 AMG. Can't afford an RS6 Avant.

 

I've lost the autofaith. My motor-Mojo has gone. The Impreza is a bloody brilliant piece of kit, but there's nowhere to play anymore. I do motorways all bloody day, and might get out to Mid Wales once in a blue moon, but that's about it.

 

Question is, what the fuck should I do now? .

 

 

Hmmm. Dilemma indeed. Need an escape?

You could give it all up, purchase a Honda Accord, and re train to become a moderator on a niche market web based old car forum. Protect yourself from humanity and the world in general by the simple use of a tin foil hat, and live on a canal boat. The Honda will last for ages, never ever break down and you will have plenty of spare time to learn to fly, grow a beard, or even both! Fit a wood burning stove to the canal boat, paint everything beige and matt black, and keep some cats. The more the better. Or become a financial advisor? ( )

[dollywobbler]

I've rather lost my mojo as well. That thundering desire to leap on Ebay and buy a crock of shite just isn't there. BX does me nicely, 2CV is more fun locally. I don't actually feel the need to own anything else. I find that a bit shocking given what I'm usually like. Maybe it's just experience - one too many disappointments so stick with what you know.

 

I love living here in mid-Wales because the roads are awesome. Any trip to England is generally filled with tedium and/or traffic jams. On one trip to Milton Keynes this autumn, I spent about two hours sat on motorways not moving at all due to accidents. We managed to get stuck both ways. Trips to the South East have been pretty kind to us lately, but even then the last one involved a queue session on the M4 and we narrowly avoided OMG TRAFIC KAOS on the M25.

 

I seriously need another non-autoroute trip to France. If you stay on the back roads, France is exceedingly peaceful, very scenic and rather lovely.

[Cavcraft]

And me, Ian. I think getting into bikes has helped wean me off shit cars, so atm I'm more than happy to whang round everywhere in the 306 and not actively chase more shite. Also finding cycles are much easier to repair, take up less room and cost less (mostly) to buy.

[rml2345]

Just spent four hours in the pissing rain trying to get the front flexi hoses off the Volvo's brake caliper.

The bastarding things refuse to budge from either the unions or the caliper...

ARGH!