The grumpy thread

[vulgalour]

Council:  We need your accounts and a form from the HMRC that we're going to refer to by a name it hasn't been for 20 years.

Me: Okay, here you go, it's called this different thing now.

Council:  Oh.  Yeah.  We don't want that, that's no use.  Can you send us some different accounts from a totally different period to the first period we asked for but can you also make sure you fill in this form we sent you that includes none of the information applicable to you or your business.

Me:  ¬.¬

[Rocket88]

Council:  We need your accounts and a form from the HMRC that we're going to refer to by a name it hasn't been for 20 years.

Me: Okay, here you go, it's called this different thing now.

Council:  Oh.  Yeah.  We don't want that, that's no use.  Can you send us some different accounts from a totally different period to the first period we asked for but can you also make sure you fill in this form we sent you that includes none of the information applicable to you or your business.

Me:  ¬.¬

 

Argos catalogues.....by the dozen.......

[vulgalour]

I'm sure the Vogons will send me a letter once they've processed the form and the covering letter telling me that I didn't actually fill the form in correctly and in fact needed to use a green biro for box 41b and box 41b (amended on the 3nd of Maytember 1972) is actually not relevant in your case but you have to put a zero in there (the word, not the number), or we can't process whatever it is we're processing.  All I know from this info is that they're doing a "mandatory check" which from previous experiences seems to involve deforestation by beuracracy and doesn't actually change anything.  The information they want is available to them easily through another government body, getting me to download it, print it, and deliver it to them is daft.  The front desk staff know it's daft too.  Unfortunately, that's just The System.

 

THE SYSTEM IS NOT DOWN NO LIGHTSWITCH RAVES.

[chaseracer]

The correct information - and the format in which it should be submitted (possibly) - is on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard.

[New POD]

Have you worked in Aerospace manufacture.

 

Why do planes cost so much?

 

Because the parts cost so much?

 

Why do the parts cost so much?

 

Because of red fucking tape.

 

I was asked why the bit of kit isn't running in production yet.

 

Because when in February I asked for a quantity of each part, I was directed to a special procedure for requesting, production parts which were not going to be used in production. I duly filled it in and it was ignored by every one if the 10 people that needed to approve it. I went to see each and everyone of them. And they were busy people, top executives. Eventually they all approved it. Most never looked at it.

Apart from a purchasing manager. It turns out that there are 100 purchasing managers. It was passed around like girls on care in Rotherham.

Eventually after 6 fucking weeks of me asking nicely they said that they couldn't do it because they didn't recognise the part numbers.

Well no. Because they are welded assemblies made of 3, 4 or 5 parts. So then I had to give them every fucking part number so they could pass it around like a fucking massive spliff at a party in Toxteth for more weeks.

Eventually one of them said they couldn't approve it because, their suppliers couldn't meet the lead times. I gave them lists of alternatives. I found parts in scrap bins, and I altered quantities down too.

Eventually they approved it. I said. How do I get the parts? You ask stores. There starts another few weeks of shite. I said how do I get them welded into assemblies.

I'm still waiting. The machine is in the factory. I've done all the testing and trials with scrap parts.

We failed a metallurgical test because of laser parameters not being quite right. So I needed one shaft of every diameter. I found 3 in the scrap bin. It took 3 weeks to get another 5. They have all been processed and gone to an outside company for microscopic analysis. I'm still waiting for one. There's 100 showing in stock but they can't find them.

When can the machine go into production?

When I have that part back from this company with a dimension which is between 2 very small numbers one of them is 0.003 mm. I reckon I've spent 500 hours filling in requests for and chasing people for parts over the last year for this one machine.

 

At my hourly rate that's a fuck load of money for pure waste.

 

That's not my rant. Oh no. I found out today that there are parts that were not on my list from Feb, in a different material spec in a smaller diameter, and these should have been on the list. I also found out that they never did any trials or testing when they introduced them on the old machine. They just said oh that looks right.

The reason. They are machined from solid and not welded so they forgot to mention them.

 

When can you turn off the old machine ? Never it seems, because I need 5 of these parts to prove out the process and I'm going to have the same shit as before.

[New POD]

Just keep invoicing.

[artdjones]

Excellent rant 10/10.

[Alfamale]

Years ago I was working at a well known aircraft manufacturer on the outskirts of Bristol, on the tour we went into a testing lab and they were fire testing granite.

 

Turn some out everything used in the construction of an aircraft must be fire tested. Some Saudi prince wanted a granite bog on his private jet therefore some boffins had to spend the afternoon seeing if they could set a lump of rock on fire.

 

Whenever I think what I am doing at work is a waste of time, I remember those lads.

[Ghosty]

Apparently Spike Milligan is working for Vulgalour's local council.

[cobblers]

"Hello Mr Cobblers, this is the letting agent of the vacant industrial unit you wanted to rent a couple of months ago but we wouldn't budge on an 18 month lease. Are you still interested if we can do a shorter lease?"

 

"Yes, brilliant. I'm flexible on dates but I'd like to move sooner rather than later.

 

"Great, I'll just forward this to the property manager to get the paperwork drawn up, They'll be in touch soon"

 

5 days pass

 

"Hi letting people, I've not heard anything?, any updates?"

 

"Oh yeah sorry it's no longer available"

 

FFS

[clayts450]

The correct information - and the format in which it should be submitted (possibly) - is on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard.

 

Hitchikers AICMFP

[BorniteIdentity]

Every time I read a story like this, I think of dear old Stormzy at The Brit Awards 2018

 

 

Anyway. Good news, Young Storm. I’ve found some more.

 

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-45903524

 

Makes my custard boil and my heart very sad.

 

Ps. Not a political post. It’s a post about 11 convicted fraudsters.

[richardmorris]

"Hello Mr Cobblers, this is the letting agent of the vacant industrial unit you wanted to rent a couple of months ago but we wouldn't budge on an 18 month lease. Are you still interested if we can do a shorter lease?"

 

"Yes, brilliant. I'm flexible on dates but I'd like to move sooner rather than later.

 

"Great, I'll just forward this to the property manager to get the paperwork drawn up, They'll be in touch soon"

 

5 days pass

 

"Hi letting people, I've not heard anything?, any updates?"

 

"Oh yeah sorry it's no longer available"

 

FFS

We went through that rigmarole last time we moved - offered to move in within the month and start paying rent, but at a lower rate than they wanted ( only £1 a sq ft less ). Estate agent said no, and three months later started on heads of terms. The landlords would have had more money agreeing straight away, but the agent would have had less in fees.

[richardmorris]

My god, he's got a direct telepathic connection to Autoshite!

That’s nothing, I’m sure he was giving a talk last night at my local bike shop.

[junkyarddog]

When did Norwich become so car unfriendly?

 

Last time I was there is was easy enough to navigate.

 

It's a fucking nightmare now.

 

The on street parking,when you can find it is a fucking rip off too.

 

Cunts whoever thought it was a good idea to do that to the city.

[BorniteIdentity]

When did Norwich become so car unfriendly?

 

Last time I was there is was easy enough to navigate.

 

It's a fucking nightmare now.

 

The on street parking,when you can find it is a fucking rip off too.

 

Cunts whoever thought it was a good idea to do that to the city.

First drive in norridge would have been 2001 for me. It was dreadful then but now is horrendous.

 

Worse still, the NDR has everyone confused because, genuinely, dual carriageways are an unknown to many.

[Guest Hooli]

Fucking fireworks! They've started here already, I pity the dogs living around here.

[davehedgehog31]

My internet is down due to a problem on the line. Grim times...

 

 

My god, he's got a direct telepathic connection to Autoshite!

 

Everyone* knows that if you point your base spec Triumph Acclaim in the direction of the Cowley plant and tune the stereo to 206kHz Longwave, you can transmit a message to Autoshite in 5 by 5 tap code using the preset store buttons.

[Fumbler]

At 300 baud no less.

[Cavcraft]

That’s nothing, I’m sure he was giving a talk last night at my local bike shop.

 

Catsinthewelder gets everywhere!

[Jon]

When did Norwich become so car unfriendly?

 

Last time I was there is was easy enough to navigate.

 

It's a fucking nightmare now.

 

The on street parking,when you can find it is a fucking rip off too.

 

Cunts whoever thought it was a good idea to do that to the city.

 

 

I'll be honest, I'm dead against it.

[warren t claim]

Firstly may I offer my apologies for not even reading, never mind posting on this thread for over a year. If any of your close family of pets have died in that time then please forgive my ignorance.

 

As most of you know I drive a taxi on the overnight shift. I'm naturally nocturnal and love the variety of passengers I have to deal with but due to circumstances, I've had to work a day shift today.

 

I got pinged a job this morning, Wallasey on Wirral going to Alder Hey children's hospital in Liverpool. Not a job I'd actively seek as it means dealing with an hour of city traffic for £17. With a heavy heart, I pull up outside the address and a young mother with her six year old daughter come out of their house and get into my Hyundai. Right then I could tell that the little girl looked very sick but she still greeted me with a cheerful hello and asked me my name. Throughout the trip she didn't stop asking me questions and wanted to talk constantly. Halfway through the journey, her mum dropped the bombshell that the poor little thing is having chemo today and even then her chances are bleak. As well as requesting that I put Planet Rock on the radio she was telling me about the friends she's missing. At first, I thought she was referring to her school friends due to having to have time in the hospital but then it finally dawned on me, she was talking about her friends on her hospital ward that have died. I'm fucking glad that it was a sunny morning and I was wearing sunglasses because I'm not ashamed to admit that I had a tear in my eye.

[Fumbler]

OOch that's deep. Liked because that would put a tear in quite a lot of people's eyes.

[Angrydicky]

When did Norwich become so car unfriendly?

 

Last time I was there is was easy enough to navigate.

 

It's a fucking nightmare now.

 

The on street parking,when you can find it is a fucking rip off too.

 

Cunts whoever thought it was a good idea to do that to the city.

There's still free, unrestricted parking to the north of Magdalen St, I usually park on Waterloo Road. Short walk into the city centre from there.

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

Why oh why do I only ever hurt myself when I am preparing something to do with health and safety? Split my finger open sticking up a sign about excessive noise... I mean... Ffs!

[wuvvum]

There's still free, unrestricted parking to the north of Magdalen St, I usually park on Waterloo Road. Short walk into the city centre from there.

And added bonus, you're only a stone's throw from the bright lights of Anglia Square.

[wuvvum]

Worse still, the NDR has everyone confused because the junctions are an absolute clusterfuck.

FTFY.  I don't think there can really be that many people in the Norwich area who have never driven on the A47.

[junkyarddog]

There's still free, unrestricted parking to the north of Magdalen St, I usually park on Waterloo Road. Short walk into the city centre from there.

Will remember that for the next time.

 

Thanks.

 

If I can be arsed to go back there.

Think i Will just stick to the coast in future.

[Noel Tidybeard]

Apparently Spike Milligan Stanley Unwin is working for Vulgalour's local council.

 

 

FIFY

[iainrcz]

To The inconsiderate cunt that has just driven slowly down my street with the most hideous music blaring out.

 

I hope at the nearest convenient point someone bigger than you takes a dislike to your face and remodels it for you.

 

You probably hadn't noticed but it's 23:25, dark and 99% of the houses in the street have no lights on, that means people are in bed trying to sleep.

 

If you want to play your music that loud piss off back to your own house, see how your neighbours like it.

 

Or given how you're probably a cocky young arsehole, see how long it takes for your dad to come out and smack you round the head.

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk