The grumpy thread

[fordperv]

Birthday today. Fuck, I am OLD!

happy birthday fella

[dollywobbler]

Why do people STILL not know how to drive on a sodding motorway? We've seen some appalling lane (non)discipline today. Five lanes on the M25 at one point, yet everyone crammed into lanes four and five. FFS. 

[RoadworkUK]

^I take great pleasure in passing the whole lot in lane two at an only-just illegal velocity.^

[Sheefag]

Same here, making progress I think it's called.

[richardmorris]

I'll quite happily sit at seventy in lane one or two passing the supposedly faster traffic in three and four. If they were driving correctly they wouldn't be sat there. Signs also say avoid chaining lanes so I do.

 

Very little point doing figure of eights around the middle lane owners club lot. I've got better things to do- like paying attention to the most important thing - i.e. Being aware of what's around you and driving carefully.

[Pillock]

Yup. Except then you get the main beam of DEATH because they think you've done something wrong.

[Sheefag]

And this is why the enlightened motorist always carries a handy supply of old and unwanted heavy things, to fire out of the sunroof.

[Noel Tidybeard]

I haz booked a 'romantic' long weekend in a cottage with kinky girl for very few pounds. Not in grin thread as Ma now has face on like a week in Grimsby. I've done 4 diy jobs so far today, but no appeasement, so looks like it's go to my shed for next 2 weeks and let her get on with being mopey. Yes, I know, move out.

 

develop "selective deafness" just like what wimmin do

[DodgeRover]

Shit Dave Doesnt Want To See On A Sunday Afternoon, Number 58.....open the door to the laundry room and see the tail of a snake disappear under the washing machine.

 

FUCK. THAT.

 

Armed with my best stomping-boots and a broom with a reassuringly long handle I started up the machine in a hope it would be scared by the vibrations and come out, allowing me to stomp / sweep outside as applicable.

 

The washer made a funny noise and tripped the house breakers. I re-set it 3 or 4 times before it stayed on so hopefully the fucker is well cooked by now. Once the cycle finished I will get some welding gloves and pull the machine out for inspection. If there is no sign of the snek, I think moving house is the next logical step.

Napalm we need napalm NOW! Do you get venomous ones?

[dollywobbler]

^I take great pleasure in passing the whole lot in lane two at an only-just illegal velocity.^

 

I would have loved to be able to do that, but I'd ended up boxed in in lane 5. I did try the rather obvious trick of overtaking and then moving across. This worked once or twice (I don't go in for carving across someone's nose. If you make another car brake on a motorway, you're a fantastic disgrace) but some people really are oblivious. No doubt these twunts then complain about congestion on motorways...

[Tamworthbay]

I came back up the m6 early yesterday and saw a muppet in a transit flatbed sat in the middle lane for over twenty miles. In all that time he went past two cars. The motorway was nearly empty but there was a queue to get past him at several points. I sat at the same speed (I love cruise control) in the inside lane and when I split off t go m42 North he was in the outside of the lanes for the m6. I wonder how far he went and when he eventually decided to move over, probably did a last second dive for the junction.

[michael1703]

I see your Focus bolt,and raise you a pair of Disco 3 lower wishbone mounting bolts.....they only came off with a 9"disc cutter....

AaRrGggHhh!

 

Yeah, they are spectacularly bad, I ordered new bolts from the Land Rover specialist, I explained I was replacing the bushes and he said that they cut the arms off and fit new arms with bushes rather than replace the bushes!

[michael1703]

Faceaches new market place section thingymabob, apparently its not enough that every for sale group in the land is packed full of dodgy fags and 'Rare new £5 notes' but now FB needs to notify me of the fact.

 

Latest one is an AF23 serial number or something, so 6 digit serial numbers with 4 digit alphanumeric prefix I make that roughly the 623 millionth off the production line, in other words, if everyone in the country was given 10 new fivers each, this would be the next one out...yours for only £200.  Seriously, just stop it!

I had a £5 note with an AA code on it, looked on eBay and there were 9,250 others, so spent it

[Kiltox]

I keep bidding on them hoping to get one for less than £5, want to see if anyone will actually be stupid enough to post it

[cobblers]

I got an "Abarth Experience Track Day" when I bought my car, and it was made out to be a day of one on one professional tuition and everything, for me and a mate. 

Sounded like a wicked day out. I was expecting there to have been a load of people in the same boat as me, a load of similar cars on track etc etc.

Anyway, my mate dropped out last minute which was disappointing, but I though fuck it, I'l just use his time as well and I'll get most of the day to my self so it'll still be good. I was really looking forward to it cos I love a good track day and driving someone elses car is even better.

 

I shouldn't really moan because it "came free" with my car, but I was expecting a good few hours on a track with a bunch of similar cars.

 

It turned out to be 4 laps of a piss wet Donington park, constantly either being overtaken by people being driven round in Ferraris on "high speed passenger rides" or being held up by people driving single seaters for the first time, understandably shitting themselves. The car I was driving was also limited to 5000RPM.

The instructor was a decent enough bloke and we did what we could with 4 or 5 laps, but as far as getting any real hard driving in, I probably did more on the way there and back.

[xtriple]

Always wondered why the Bentley felt 'gutless' when on the motorway at 80 on cruise. If the car needs to accelerate it changes down rather than just use a tad more throttle. All very odd behaviour in my mind. So, I 'read the fucking manual'! Apparently, the turbo is out of the system when cruise is used! That will explain it then, sudden loss of a hundred horsepower and about two hundred ft lb of torque will, definitely make it feel gutless!

 

How odd though, why? Don't know why that makes me feel grumpy but it does. As does being old and posting this in the wrong thread and then trying to justify it

[Cavcraft]

My missus is watching some old dross on the telly where rich, clever conmen make gullible buffoons believe they can speak to the dead.

[320touring]

My missus is watching some old dross on the telly where rich, clever conmen make gullible buffoons believe they can speak to the dead.

I'd that not just how you get yer stock?

[Pillock]

Is that the Celebrity Haunted Hotel crap?

I stuck it for about 20 minutes.... the celebrities weren't, the ghosts weren't, and TBH the only thing that kept me watching that long was the female presenter was wearing PVC leggings.

 

Last year they did some sort of Most Haunted in a supposedly massive creepy house. Live on Youtube so you could watch along and tweet in when you saw evil spirits dipping into the biscuit barrel and nicking all the Digestives or something. Anyway, both myself and Mrs_Pillock got blocked on twitter by Yvette "only dogs can hear me now" Fielding after we were massively taking the piss when they were caught out faking stuff. Some bloke was "pulled up the stairs" by an evil force but you could see the rope FFS. Someone then created a twitter account in the name of "Most Haunted Rope" and started winding her up too.

[3VOM]

Been there and done it, got a new one without receipt. Guy said " you must have given this some welly" I answered "it's a Fookin breaker bar what you expect ?" I believe current policy is if it's got Halfords stamped on it they'll change it. I'm a regular offender and never had an issue in the 12 or so times I've swapped broken stuff 

It's a NOT grumpy old man post. Halfords replaced the breaker bar with no bother.

[tooSavvy]

And this is why the enlightened motorist always carries a handy supply of old and unwanted heavy things, to fire out of the sunroof.

...... another valid reason to find the tilt/slide, in ToMM©, a 'must have'

 

TS

[panhard65]

Always wondered why the Bentley felt 'gutless' when on the motorway at 80 on cruise. If the car needs to accelerate it changes down rather than just use a tad more throttle. All very odd behaviour in my mind. So, I 'read the fucking manual'! Apparently, the turbo is out of the system when cruise is used! That will explain it then, sudden loss of a hundred horsepower and about two hundred ft lb of torque will, definitely make it feel gutless!

 

How odd though, why? Don't know why that makes me feel grumpy but it does. As does being old and posting this in the wrong thread and then trying to justify it

That is probably quite sensible to not have the turbo when using the cruise. As the system basically just moves the throttle if it buried it to regain speed and the turbo cut in it wouldn't be very smooth, as it would soon go over the selected speed and start the whole game off again. I don't think I have used cruise in the UK for years as there is no where really that you can stick at a constant speed without some dick head pulling out in front of you.

[daveb47]

Just been  round the local shops,thick fog.

virtually every vehicle with no lights or sidelights,many on phones.

Also some twat in naverro with large trailer double parked on bus stop,road not wide enuff for bus to get pass.

Wankers

[M'coli]

^^^ 

 

But my lights should be on, they're set to automatic!

I was following a guy in a newish BMW estate on the way into the supermarket a fortnight ago with no lights on because of the DRL/dash display lights problem, and his lights had been set to automatic - but because the DRLs are so bright and the dashboard lights are now "always on", he hadn't noticed.

[dollywobbler]

DRLs. Necessary because 'automatic' headlamps are utterly shit. There was loads of mist and fog on the motorways yesterday. Some people correctly had their headlamps on. Some twats had fog lights on (and had probably turned them on at home because 'fog' was mentioned in a weather report. Quite a lot had no lights on at all.

[Lord Sterling]

^I take great pleasure in passing the whole lot in lane two at an only-just illegal velocity.^

A bit late to the party but I have to do this more regularly than I want to. People seem to be simply unaware/uncaring of where they are or what they are doing as long as they are travelling forward to their destination. It seems too much effort for many to think about what they are doing and where they are on the road let alone be courteous or even simply think ahead whilst driving.

 

We need those old (pre worboys?) signs on roads and motorways warning to "keep left unless overtaking"

[DodgeRover]

That is probably quite sensible to not have the turbo when using the cruise. As the system basically just moves the throttle if it buried it to regain speed and the turbo cut in it wouldn't be very smooth, as it would soon go over the selected speed and start the whole game off again. I don't think I have used cruise in the UK for years as there is no where really that you can stick at a constant speed without some dick head pulling out in front of you.

I do a lot of night runs and find I'm using cruise 80% of the time in roadworks it's especially handy with the average speed check BS

[DodgeRover]

Another grump, light mist this morning, excellent visibility and I've got dicks flashing their lights as mine are turned off. FFS if you can't see me you really shouldn't be driving

[xtriple]

I use cruise control 'cos I am a  lazy bastard, if held up a quick press of 'resume' and it's back to speed, so much easier than all that tedious pressing the throttle nonsense

 

Also discovered (reading the handbook is quite enlightening!) that the turbo is restricted/not used until the engine is up to temp which is why some days it feels a bit flat after the one serious chicane on a steep hill. I really should:

 

A, read the fucking handbook sooner than a year after purchase...

 

B, use the bastard car more so it actually warms up!

 

Lights: my car has 'automatic lights' and they come on if the brightness outside drops below the need for sunshades and factor 50 sun-block! They are a bit 'keen' but, again saves the need for all the strenuous turning of a light control if it actually gets dark/dim

[Captain Furious]

That's a shame that you get no turbo on cruise control, because it's a well known fact that the fastest a car will ever accelerate is when you hit the resume button from 30 to 70.