The grumpy thread

[trigger]

This is Keith doing the feature, he knows his cars better than anyone, the thing is everybody knows what a Cortina is but if you ask the average person what a Tagora is they will think it's some kind of shower gel, It's about making it interesting for the masses i would say.

 

Cool that you got asked Trigger...

 

I was very flattered when he messaged me the other day.

[retrogeezer]

very true!!

[beko1987]

Just had a call from the missus, the temp needle shot up almost to the red (it never ever does that) and smelt very hot BOLLOX

 

She got to her destination, and diagnosed no oil. Told her to get a lift over to a shop and buy whatever shit they have around 10w40, and hop it fires.

 

I'm at home, CBA to go out and she's at a friends for the night. Coolant is fine, but I don't trust the waterpump anyway. For all I know it could have dropped just off the needle and be randomly smelling hot, which is does sometimes (it's due a change), but I've had a beer and have OMFG HG KAOS in my head.

 

Must drink more

[wuvvum]

Me and engines really do not mix. I bought a scooter yesterday - it was advertised as a non-runner but the price was right. Got it home and been out playing with it this afternoon. It has a spark, compression and fuel - all that should be needed for a two-stroke single to run - but will it fire? Will it bollocks like. I've even tried spraying Easy Start straight into the carb - still not a cough. The starter motor sounds like someone is disembowelling a cat (probably needs stripping and greasing, but it's a PITA to get to) so I've been using the kick start, but even that should be enough to get it at least attempting to start. It's a Honda, too, so no weird Chinese won't-run-for-no-apparent-reason shenanigans should apply here. Arse.

 

 

Please don't take this as a granny/egg sucking interface, but it's not one of those stupid bloody 'peds that need a working brake light bulb to make the engine start is it? I've seen a couple now (albeit Shin Break Dueto Summer Days Glorious Crash Chinese shit) that refused to start because you have to hold the front brake lever in then fire it up and broken bulb=no worky.

I did wonder that at the time, but as Richard mentioned it's sparking OK on the kick start even without the brake lever held in. The plug is possibly past its prime, but I borrowed the plug out of the Sym (which I know is good because the Sym runs fine) and that didn't work either. I know kick starts on modern(ish) scooters are only meant as a backup, but I'd hoped it'd show at least some signs of life. I've had another look at the starter and removing it looks like an engine out job (and it's partly held in by 15-year-old Philips screws, which are guaranteed to be fcuked) so that's an absolute last resort. I'm going to have to see if I can try something clever* like a socket on the flywheel nut spun by an electric drill or something.

 

The only thing I actually managed to do to the thing today (apart from snap off some of the tabs on the plastics) is to get the back wheel off so I could try and find out where the tyre's losing its air from. Seems to be pretty much everywhere - I don't think it's seated properly. Also some tit has put a straight valve in, which just doesn't work on a 10" wheel - you have to bend it at about 45 degrees just to get the pump on, which is going to bugger it up in the long term.

 

I'm almost beginning to wish I'd spent a bit more and bought a runner...

[Cavcraft]

What make/model is it please, Wuvv? I did have a contact 'in the know' about these things but unsure if I have his details still. If I have I'll ask him, and see if there's a common fault or something.

 

I'm guessing it's a Melody or something like that by the way, as Honda were always better known for their 4 strokes?

[wuvvum]

It's a Bali. Honda model code is SJ100. Any pointers gratefully received...

[hairnet]

http://ebookbrowse.com/honda-sj-100-bal ... d342089252

[Cavcraft]

Gah, my eyes! What have they done to Retro-Rides?

[cort16]

It's a shocker isn't it? I think when they upgraded the site it re-set a lot of the themes. There's a post on there saying he's going to try to fix the look of it at lunchtime so I expect it'll be back to normal tonight.

[trigger]

It's awful trying to view it on a phone, took ages to relog back in then there's a advert at the bottom that keeps getting in the way.

[messerschmitt owner]

Just had a call from the missus, the temp needle shot up almost to the red (it never ever does that) and smelt very hot BOLLOX

 

She got to her destination, and diagnosed no oil. Told her to get a lift over to a shop and buy whatever shit they have around 10w40, and hop it fires.

 

I'm at home, CBA to go out and she's at a friends for the night. Coolant is fine, but I don't trust the waterpump anyway. For all I know it could have dropped just off the needle and be randomly smelling hot, which is does sometimes (it's due a change), but I've had a beer and have OMFG HG KAOS in my head.

 

Must drink more

I had a wife with exactly the same - tappety rattles coming from her Punto - oh, is there something wrong with it, she says!

 

Took 2.5 litres to top it up.

[beko1987]

She got just over 1ltr back in! She said sorry, and that it was just over half way, which is slightly over what it should, but then said she'd been sat in traffic...

 

She then mentioned, once I'd calmed down that the oil light had gone on and off 4 times in the last 2 weeks, but she forgot to tell me. The one thing I've told her to do is tell me, as it burns 1ltr every 1k anyway, so I use that as the top-up reminder.

 

She made me a bacon sandwich to say sorry!

[dollywobbler]

I well remember my wife giving me a call on day and saying the miniMetro we owned was making a horrible noise. She tried holding the phone near it but that didn't tell me a lot. She limped 15 miles home and it turned out it had dropped a valve! Astonishing that it kept going really. The valve had gone right through the piston by the time she got home.

[Lord Sterling]

Well, its raining meaning I've had to use the wipers on the KV6. The wipers are well passed it, the passenger side wiper has its rubbers peeling off so I decided to stop off on the way home to some local car spares store which I found to be closed with no opening times sign in the window. Tried the local petrol stations but they no longer stock wipers either.

 

I remember having some ultra cheap poundland wipers at one point but can I find them? Can I f*ck. So, up into the loft I went to find some used wipers, not sure why I've still got them. Drivers side wiper got swapped for the (a lot less) used one, which actually looks fairly new. Sadly the nowt could be done about the passenger side as its a very short.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Dentist sent me a letter, an email and a text message to let me know they had changed my appointment date. I received them all. I still went on the wrong day. I am stupid

 

Still it was a lovely morning so the 40 minute walk there and back wasn't so bad.

[dollywobbler]

Tried the local petrol stations but they no longer stock wipers either.

 

This absolutely boils my piss. I picked the silver BX up on a Sunday and 70% of the way home, it starts raining. The wiper blade fitted was having all the effect of an old dish rag - just moving the water around really. Stopped at THREE petrol stations and not one sold fuggin' wiper blades. Yet all three would happily sell me Pot Noodles, biscuits and chocolate. None of which are fitted to any car I've ever encountered. Petrol stations should sell petrol! That way, you won't be left queuing while some dopey f*ck wit tries to decide whether to buy biscuits with chocolate on them or the plain kind.

 

Happily for me, I managed to swap the rear for the front wiper blade, which gave a mild improvement but also made me realise how much the rear spoiler on a BX gets in the way when you want to change a wiper blade. Frustrating!

 

I also get very, very annoyed with people who somehow seem to manage driving around with completely knackered wiper blades. I mean, it's not like rain is infrequent in this country. How on earth do people manage to drive when they can't see? That Ford Puma I went to look at a while back had wiper blades that looked like Wolverine had won an argument with them. Idiocy.

[SambaS]

Jobcenter cockup about to cost me 2x returned DD charges with Barclays (£16) and 2x Unpaid DD charges with Premium Credit (£40). Bit fucking fuming really, to the point of wanting to cry. Hey ho. Am doley scum anyway. What the fuck do I matter etc.

[tooSavvy]

Wiperblades.... TESCO F.T.W. (on mine at the moment) excellent.

 

Rear is a long one, cut in half, from pundies - spine/rubber slides in gr8.

 

Agreed.... a lot of rear wipers are bootlaces! Drivers just cannot be arrassed

 

tooSavvy

[nigel bickle]

I bought a box of wiper refills -cos I is mean. Work out at about £2 a pair, and I just cut them down to length.

 

Works for me.

[RedSparrow]

Jobcenter cockup about to cost me 2x returned DD charges with Barclays (£16) and 2x Unpaid DD charges with Premium Credit (£40). Bit fucking fuming really, to the point of wanting to cry. Hey ho. Am doley scum anyway. What the fuck do I matter etc.

 

Don't worry, I've had several employers over the years cock up wages meaning overdraft charges. Do you think they paid the charges I got because of their mistakes? Bastards.

[KruJoe]

rear spoiler on a BX gets in the way when you want to change a wiper blade. Frustrating!

Pov spec for the win!

Also, those planks are bloomin heavy. Do they serve any purpose?

[cort16]

Wiperblades.... TESCO F.T.W. (on mine at the moment) excellent.

 

Rear is a long one, cut in half, from pundies - spine/rubber slides in gr8.

 

Agreed.... a lot of rear wipers are bootlaces! Drivers just cannot be arrassed

 

tooSavvy

 

Luckily Google translate has come to the rescue.

 

[dollywobbler]

rear spoiler on a BX gets in the way when you want to change a wiper blade. Frustrating!

Pov spec for the win!

Also, those planks are bloomin heavy. Do they serve any purpose?

 

I very much doubt it, other than downforce generated by sheer weight.

[HillmanImp]

There was an 04 plate Megane ahead of me coming out of Leeds just now and he had no brake lights. Being the helpful chap that i am i got out at a junction and knocked on his window, explaining that the brakes lights were out. He just looked at me and said 'I know'.

 

Twat.

[vulgalour]

I bet he wasn't using proper hand signals either to let other drivers know when he was slowing down... not that other drivers would know what the hand signals meant, they're not taught any more as far as I know.

[cort16]

FLAPSFLAPSFLAPSFLAPS.

 

I thought I'd nip in and quickly change the oil on the Astra so I could get it up for sale. I drained the oil then realised there was more than their should be on the floor only to find my trusty oil drainage container had developed a discreet hole, which the oil was now pissing out of. I got the stupid paper oil filter out to find a spring valve thing rolling around in the bottom of the filter housing. This I think is the oil pressure relief valve and should be attached to the housing and I recon I'll have to replace the whole housing (which will be a piss laugh) to fix it. Nobs.

[willswitchengage]

Who remembers the Edinburgh tram system, the best* managed infrastructure project in Europe? Turns out they've done a GR9 job of safely integrating tram lines with new cycle lanes.

 

A Bloody Trambles by the Magnificent Octopus, on Flickr

[autofive]

should have just bought some fresh oil and given it to the buyer

[cort16]

Oil was pissing out the filter housing as someone had tried to plug it with bathroom sealant rather than putting an o-ring on it. I'm not sure if it'll explode or not without it being in there,

[SambaS]

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY: Today I got arrested on suspicion of "theft from a motor vehicle"

 

17:30 Cue four Police turning up at my door, 3 undercover CID and one uniformed officer.

 

Are you Mr...........?

 

Yes.

 

I am arresting you on suspicion of theft from a motor vehicle. You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

 

Nice one. Shit pants.

 

So last month on a certain date (sorry I can't give specific details as the case is still ongoing) it was alleged that I broke into a white van, a popular white van, not a Ford Transit. Actually a Mercedes Benz, but not a Vito a bigger one... and stole a great deal of moneys worth of tools.

 

Right-fucking-o..... was not my response at all. I kind of fell apart a bit and wondered what the fuck was going on. I checked my calendar not being able to remember where I was at that particular date and time. (With Mr Cyanide I gave them Mr Cyanide's phone number (and real name)).

 

So I got a nice ride in the back cage of a Police van, 1 meter by 0.5 meter and taken to the Police station.

 

Some nice custody sergeants booked me in and I got to spend some quality time with myself in a cell, it was nice and warm, I was offered a cup of tea (that I didn't get) and I lay on the bed for a while thinking exactly what I was doing on the date in question.

 

Roughly half an hour later I was interviewed by 2 of the officers that were at my house.

 

I answered all of their questions, and mid way through the interview they produced a bag... containing my gloves... with my dna on them... found in the van.

 

"My gloves!" I said...

 

 

//my mates just turned up half cut. I will up load some pictures of my flat in a minute so you can imagine just how many tools are all over my flat at the minute. There's tools fucking everywhere.

 

EDIT

 

Haven't moved a thing.

 

Kitchen side:

 

 

Kitchen floor:

 

 

Spare Room:

 

 

They also checked my outside cupboard, also full of tools and my cars and my ex garages.... the reason for all this mess.

 

What do you do with all these tools Mr.............