The grumpy thread

[paulplom]

8 hours ago, puddlethumper said:

They are all wankspanners, probably 10mm or less.

A 10mm one would be useful though

[purplebargeken]

^^ Ok, 9.5mm

[xtriple]

Just rung up the chemists querying why a delivery of drugs has not been delivered. They are adamant that they were... so I checked and the missing drugs were found where all the drugs are kept still in their wrapper with the date proudly emblazoned thereon - 7/8/19. Delivered at 14:20.

Wednesday was the day I got sleeping pills and I was asleep by 2:00 p.m. so sleep accepted drugs and also gave the dogs Jumbones in my sleep as the wrapper was on the top of the bin. Fed them as well! Wonder what else I did while asleep 'cos I didn't 'wake' up until 2:30 the following morning as far as I am concerned.

[MikeR]

Got my pack of 10 25amp croc clips ...

9 in the packet .... !

But still 7 more than i needed for the price of 1 in the local Ripuoff ...

☕

[barefoot]

Just tried to buy tyres from tyreleader - card declined by bank. Apparently tyreleader's operations are based in Andorra and international fraud was detected. All sorted now.

[Mally]

Just discovered my 75 will do 38 in a 30 zone.

Should have gone in the Minor.

Awareness course beckons I hope.

[Lankytim]

Taking apart an old Volvo D5 engine for spares and snapped the corner off the cylinder head because I’m a BLOODY USELESS TWAT.

[EssDeeWon]

18 hours ago, purplebargeken said:

Two more stabbings in my area over the weekend, one lad in his 20's refused to hand over his bike, he got stabbed. 6 people arrested following that. 

London becoming safer? Compared to where?? Load of bollocks. 

Not only London.  Southend is now more or less a no go at any given time with gangs, beggars, muggers, stabbings, car thefts and break ins.

I joined a local crime page on FB recently when I was bored and being nosey, fck me.  Every day numerous posts saying 'son been mugged' 'my car stolen' house broken into' 'drugs raid down my road' and so on, this is every day and numerous posts. Generally depressing reading through it all.   Time to move in the coming months and out of this corner of Essex. 

How do you reduce the homeless numbers in London?  Answer.. Give them train tickets to these towns like Southend to find housing, this is actually happening.  Well done Khan, that's not necessarily the answer though pal.  The highstreet and town centre has loads of these poor buggers in sleeping bags and tents and it seems the problem has just moved from Khans door step to somewhere else.

[Heidel_Kakao]

I had a bit of a disturbing incident in Cedric this morning. I had just parked up at Asda in Dudley when a guy in a white van pulled up next to me, he asked me how old Cedric was and where I got it from, so I said 1969 and Finland, then he asked how much was it worth. Now that's the kind of question I don't like answering especially from random people so I just tried to brush it off and said not too much. I then made to walk off and I had got a couple of feet when he beeped his horn and beckoned me back, so I walked back over and he then said again how much is it worth, I refused to tell him and he then said if I left it there it won't be there when I got back! So I just got back in the car and drove off, no way was I going to risk him doing something to it.

The worst thing about Cedric is stupidly how much I care about it, the 405 I can leave anywhere but I can't even park Cedric outside my house for one night without being paranoid that it won't be there in the morning, when it's safely locked up in the unit I feel much better. I think I may have to look into getting a tracker for it possibly.

[angle]

As much as I'm pretty ambivalent about whether Khan is any good or not, he does get a load of flack for things he doesn't have much control over. As noted above, he can decide priorities for the Met but has no control over how much money they get; similarly, homeless people being moved out of London to Southend or Walsall or whatever is down to councils, not the Mayor. Admittedly his track record on affordable housing is pretty patchy, but you could same the same about Johnson or Livingstone. 

[sierraman]

Why oh why do people insist on using those foul e-cigs that are modified to expel shit loads of disgusting fruity smelling dense smoke. Are they designed just to piss people off? 

[dozeydustman]

4 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Why oh why do people insist on using those foul e-cigs that are modified to expel shit loads of disgusting fruity smelling dense smoke. Are they designed just to piss people off? 

In my case, to give up smoking. I'm virtually on 0mg nicotine now and I'm using it a hell of a lot less each and every day. And I don't use fruit flavours, just menthol. Not had a fag since November last year.

[sierraman]

I’ve no objection to the normal devices, it’s the ones that have been altered to chuck loads of fruity smelling shit out I have a problem with. 

[EssDeeWon]

2 hours ago, angle said:

; similarly, homeless people being moved out of London to Southend or Walsall or whatever is down to councils, not the Mayor.

Erm you might want to research that.  It is totally down to the mayor of London to provide these folk with tickets out of London. Not the other way round, sorry.

[busmansholiday]

Met Tim Martin (Wetherspoons) owner tonight in my local.

Wondered why we actually had staff behind the bar, somebody cleaning tables and removing empty glasses, and no smokers stood in the entrance.

[angle]

19 minutes ago, EssDeeWon said:

Erm you might want to research that.  It is totally down to the mayor of London to provide these folk with tickets out of London. Not the other way round, sorry.

Erm its not, I'm afraid. Completely down to councils to rehome, Localism Act and Housing Act if you want to research.

(edit - by councils I mean London councils, Brent or Westminster or Croydon or whoever. They're nothing to do with the mayor, though) 

[EssDeeWon]

1 minute ago, angle said:

Erm its not, I'm afraid. Completely down to councils to rehome, Localism Act and Housing Act if you want to research.

 

So the local councils pay their train fares and invite extra responsibility for housing these homeless from London, ah ok.  

Its not to do with Khan trying to reduce the homeless numbers in London, righto.

[angle]

No, see my edit. It's a London thing, but it's nothing to do with the Mayor. 

[Fumbler]

Despite me fixing the WiFi in our hotel cottage, the internet is incredibly shit, with every page taking ages to load and then being very choppy afterwards. Oh, and it's raining like there's no tomorrow. Nothing like the holidays...

[barefoot]

You're on holiday. Take a day or two off the interweb, it'll still be there when you get back home.

[Wack]

Bring back the stocks, little fuckers 

 

[Fumbler]

26 minutes ago, barefoot said:

You're on holiday. Take a day or two off the interweb, it'll still be there when you get back home.

Have been. I cycled to get bread this morning despite the weather. I only go on the Interweb in the evening: we're out all day! Fortunately it's not just me finding this internet thing odd, which is a first. I went upstairs to find Mother-Fumbler doing some gymnastic manoeuvres with the iPad in one hand to find the best place to get the best signal.

 

[Cavcraft]

I researched the legality of stun guns in case (unlikely as it is) I go through London on a scooter one day. Seems it's a very bad idea being caught with one (a stun gun or a scooter!), which is a shame. They can't be far off inventing something that remotely cuts the power if some little fucker has your bike off though.  

[chodweaver]

An acquaintance of mine, some years back, while being utterly useless with technology of any sort, had the brilliant ideas of:
1: fitting a hidden instamatic camera in the dash, that took a pic each time the vehicle was started without the camera-disabler-key inserted
2: taking the flash gun electrickery gubbins from aforementioned camera and connecting it to the ignition switch and one conductive pad on the back of the steering wheel, and again, having the gubbins 'fire' every time the car is started without the disabler-key inserted
3: having both the above devices activated at the same time so that after scrotes' failed attempt at theft, you have a few priceless pics of said scrotes being mildly* electrocuted while in the criminal act. Some of the pics might even be worth passing to the police...

*(Flash gun gubbins can deliver a fearsome punch, iirc)

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

[95 quid Peugeot]

Too early for car collection

[HillmanImp]

9 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

Seems it's a very bad idea being caught with one 

Back in the 90s my mate brought loads of CS gas canisters back from his holiday in the newly formed Czech Republic. 

We had loads of fun setting them off at partys, nightclubs, the hairdressers, sunday dinner at friends houses or wherever we were. 

Turns out they were actually classed as a firearm and it really would've not been a good idea to be caught with them. Its not just seen as something funny that makes everyone cry and cough a bit, like a hardcore stinkbomb. 

To be fair, I don't think they were that powerful as everyone was just 'For fucks sake, have you... Cough... let one of those fucking.... Cough... things off again, Gavs gonna... Cough... make a right mess of my hair if he cant.... Cough..... fuckin see". 

[Parky]

Work.  

Company has had a few issues, morale has taken a hit and whilst we are still standing and fighting there are too many people leaving and it’s getting harder and harder to spread the load amongst those remaining. 

Faced with a workforce grinding to a halt under the weight of additional responsibility, the boss sends an email last night.  What we need is something Churchillian, something to rally the troops, to fight on to ultimate victory, that sort of thing.  What do we get?  A threat that anyone who is dialling in to video conferences without enabling their video camera will be disciplined.  

Time to go I think.  Anyone who works in sales will know this, but how do the idiots always get to the top job?

[loserone]

That's shit, @Parky, but very entertainingly put.

[SiC]

1 hour ago, Parky said:

Work.  

Company has had a few issues, morale has taken a hit and whilst we are still standing and fighting there are too many people leaving and it’s getting harder and harder to spread the load amongst those remaining. 

Faced with a workforce grinding to a halt under the weight of additional responsibility, the boss sends an email last night.  What we need is something Churchillian, something to rally the troops, to fight on to ultimate victory, that sort of thing.  What do we get?  A threat that anyone who is dialling in to video conferences without enabling their video camera will be disciplined.  

Time to go I think.  Anyone who works in sales will know this, but how do the idiots always get to the top job?

What's to stop you dialing in with the camera on but a piece of insulation tape over the camera?

If Zuckerberg doesn't trust his camera, what does he know and why should we have any more trust in them?

Those that get the top jobs in sales seem to be the ones that shout the loudest and brag the most. Even if they aren't the most successful. Or even worse they take credit for and grab stuff that others have spent a lot of work doing. 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

11 hours ago, Cavcraft said:

.... They can't be far off inventing something that remotely cuts the power if some little fucker has your bike off though.  

The South Africans used to mount flamethrowers to car floorpans that could be activated in a carjacking situation, but I'm not sure if it is possible to adapt it to scooters.

Maybe what ye need is an explosive device, so the thing goes off once the thief has gone a safe distance?