The grumpy thread

[michael1703]

My grump is vertigo, had it bad 8-9 years ago not had much problem until last weekend when the world went upside down and I spent 12 hours in bed unable to move.

 

Now at work I'm forgetting and head movements are causing me to go funny, doctors Friday so hopefully some help if I don't get fobbed off.

 

I've had so many head injuries I've probably got a head like kryten underneath my balding scalp

[michael1703]

FFS. I just decided to give the Jag an oil and filter change and the bloody oil filler cap is stuck on. WTF?

It only tightens. Won't undo.

A quick google suggests that it will work again when the car has cooled down as its something to do with the plastics but I mean, how difficult is it to make a filler cap that works? Someone paid £50k for this car.

I suppose this will stop me leaving it on the rocker cover.......

Has yours got the plastic thermostat housing? If so, don't even touch it

[richardmorris]

Got home this evening to find that something the size of a Canada goose has used the merc for target practice. Rinsed it off and washed the whole car but it's etched the lacquer! What do they eat!? It's not as if I don't polish and wax it regularly so the paint should be protected.

[HillmanImp]

Has yours got the plastic thermostat housing? If so, don't even touch it

Yeah, I have a metal one lying around the garage somewhere that I need to put on. Will do it shortly. The one thats on is not bulging or owt so am not worried at the mo but its on my list of things to do.

 

Have got the oil filler off now. What a palaver.

 

Now I just need to go out and clean up all the oil that missed the drain pan.

[RoadworkUK]

Got a text from my wife earlier.

 

"can you pick up some loo roll on your way home?"

 

So I did. Diverted to my friendly and oh-so-well-stocked local Co-Op, found that the massive 16-roll family pack of Velvet "Comfort" toilet rolls were five quid, 33p ish a role. I'm all about value and don't enjoy literally flushing money away, so I took a pack to the till, along with some emergency bread.

 

Bread and bogroll went through the scanner, money was requested and the transaction completed.

 

"Have a nice evening" said the rather comely lady behind the till.

 

And here's my problem. If I was a paranoid man I'd have said something like

 

"Thanks, but what do you think I'm going to do this evening that would require sixteen loo rolls?"

 

Perhaps I look like the the kind of person who embarks on mammoth sessions of onanism of a Tuesday evening. Or, even worse, maybe she meant "have a nice evening continually shitting" as if she expected me to work my way through 16 loo-rolls worth of bowel movements. I mean, there are people out there who enjoy delivering payloads, so to speak.

 

So, do I look more like a wanker or a poo addict?

 

Of course, she was probably just being polite.

[richardmorris]

I bought a 16 roll pack just before I had my hernia repair- not heavy to carry, but one less thing to need to buy later. I made a nice pyramid display in the bathroom!

[chaseracer]

RWUK mate, you're overthinking this.  You'd probably just reminded her that she fancied a piece of toast.

[jakebullet]

Just got a flashback to the days when you got autotrader, phoned up to find the mint motor going for much cheapness has "got somebody coming to look at it mate, he's offered 50p and a mars bar, I'll phone you back if he doesn't take it".

 

Except this time it's a lathe on gumtree for £80,  "I was messaged at 15:17 with a cash offer to pay and collect at 1:00pm Wednesday if it falls through will let you know".

 

So some old boy is going to let it go for £50, n it will then be flipped onto evilbay for £300+. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

[Lacquer Peel]

Perhaps I look like the the kind of person who embarks on mammoth sessions of onanism of a Tuesday evening. Or, even worse, maybe she meant "have a nice evening continually shitting" as if she expected me to work my way through 16 loo-rolls worth of bowel movements. I mean, there are people out there who enjoy delivering payloads, so to speak.

 

So, do I look more like a wanker or a poo addict?

 

Of course, she was probably just being polite.

 

I bought tampons, not for me, from a Co-op and the woman at the till made me feel quite uncomfortable about it, obviously leaving them til last to put in the bag.

Message? Don't buy tampons if buying toilet roll freaks you out.

[Junkman]

I regularly buy tampons and fake fingernails.

The tampons are for two of the three supermodels I live with and the fingernails are for me.

They contain the best glue for car modelling for £1.29 all in.

[anonymous user]

I regularly buy tampons and fake fingernails.

The tampons are for two of the three supermodels I live with and the fingernails are for me.

They contain the best glue for car modelling for £1.29 all in.

My former colleague told me not too long ago about her dad's false fingernail. He had been doing some diy and clouted a finger. Because of the swelling he dremmelled a hole his fingernail to relieve the pressure, the nail fell off. To cover it up, until it grew back, he made his own false nail in fibreglass.

[sporty-shite]

My former colleague told me not too long ago about her dad's false fingernail. He had been doing some diy and clouted a finger. Because of the swelling he dremmelled a hole his fingernail to relieve the pressure, the nail fell off. To cover it up, until it grew back, he made his own false nail in fibreglass.

If Autoshite did beauty salons......

[robinmasters]

My former colleague told me not too long ago about her dad's false fingernail. He had been doing some diy and clouted a finger. Because of the swelling he dremmelled a hole his fingernail to relieve the pressure, the nail fell off. To cover it up, until it grew back, he made his own false nail in fibreglass.

Fiberglass nail? Didn't Princess Anne have one of them?

[fordperv]

A good use for acrylic nail glue is to glue skin back together when you've cut yourself working on the car

[Doctormop]

The last time I bought tampons for my good lady the chap behind the counter mentioned that they had a special offer that day on lawnmowers, I asked him why he thought that would be of interest to me and; having thought for a moment said, "Well, it looks like  you've nowt else to do Sunday morning so you might as well cut your grass"

[xtriple]

Just been up Daddy hole wiv the mutts and these two chaps who have joined the gang turned up. They have a lab called Benson who is both HUGE and just a puppy (11 months old). Pete (who I've known for years) is okay, bit loud but a nice guy while his mate, Dave, is a complete pain in the arse who only ever talks about the telly boxes he sells (and which I bought) and how to upgrade them, use them, what to watch, what not to do, what to do....

 

Today, Benson was an absolute fucking pain as well: he wound Chester up so much he was growling and snarling at eveyone and their dog - even the people he likes and the dogs that are his mates! Benson kept biting his ears and chewing his face and finally, Chester started getting a bit nasty.... at that point when I really needed to get Chester under control and keep Benson away from him for a bit, Dave started his incessant waffle about these fucking telly boxes, totally oblivious to the ruck that was happening under the bench and was threatening to spill out into full scale war with every dog in the area involved.

 

Benson then moved onto another dog (another lab as it happens) and Chester was incensed and then this other dog went for Benson... It was all getting a tiny bit out of hand. Pete is on the phone to someone and not watching, and Dave is rabbiting on STILL about the tv boxes and I was going puce at trying to keep Chester away from the fight that had broken out and trying to get some sense of control over Benson who isn't my fucking dog!

 

I was so pissed off I put Chester on his lead and got him and Phoebe in the car and fucked off and went elsewhere. I have just rung round the usuals and re-organised our meets to a different location to keep away from these two (plus one).

 

Sorry for the rant but so annoyed I thought I'd bother a poor unsuspecting group of innocents on the internet!

[AlabamaShrimp]

Daddy hole? And you've been up it you say? Is this by any chance the start of a Carry On film?

[fordperv]

Erm that is a dodgy name to say the least, please tell me it's a dogging spot

[robinmasters]

Daddy hole

Whilst I am curious, and an normally willing to Google anything, that's crossed a line.

[Richard]

You would have to be crazy like a fool to go there.

[dugong]

Fleet reduction imminent. Had enough.

[maxpower]

NISSAN... I have been given 5 different contact phone numbers... all answered by fkin robots!!

all the people whose numbers i have work at the same dealership and i sure as hell never had 1 single robot dealing with me when they were trying to relieve me of my hard earned...TWUNTS

[xtriple]

Daddyhole is, or should have been, all one word. Lovely spot, but... I am reliably informed (by my son no less) that at night it is a hot bed of rampant sexual activity. When pressed as to how he knew this, he replied that he used to go there with his girlfriend.

 

I was shocked and appalled....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

that it's so quiet during the day!

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

eBay sent me this:

 

 

But I've done the sums and I think it's cheaper for me to lease a brand new barn find on a personal lease.

[xtriple]

Just had an embarrassing interview outside with a neighbour.

 

Yes, it was 11:15 p.m.

 

Yes, I was polishing the back door of my car.

 

Yes it was pitch dark (apart from street lights).

 

Yes, I am utterly and without hope of redemption, totally fucking insane!

 

But, in fairness, it did have a slobber mark on the top of the passenger side door that I had failed to remove earlier, and, Chesters slobber seems to be 50% pure acid that eats its way into the paint of any car if left for a day or two (Mazda had to have serious effort put into removing a few the other day and even the Honda used to get them) so I usually just wipe off the drool stains that run all the way along the back doors and wings after even the shortest journey.

 

Woman taking her dog for the last walk of the day was seriously confused and fair galloped away dragging the poor little mutt behind, it was attempting to squat, she was attempting to put distance between herself and what she saw as dangerous insanity.

 

I think she is right to be honest!

[Cavcraft]

I don't know what you lot are moaning about, I had to go to a petrol station the other day and put something called 'diesel' in my car. Thanks God I found my Costco card again and normal service was resumed.

[dugong]

A Costco car park was the very first place I a: copped off and b: did a donut in a RWD car.

[mercedade]

Impressive multitasking.

[oldcars]

A Costco car park was the very first place I a: copped off and b: did a donut in a RWD car.

It was also the first place i thought i was going to get battered by a lot of travelers pitch up there. Never go in the dark to by lots of beer near Christmas scary stuff.

[The Moog]

Decided that I want a 405 estate again. Really miss the one I had from station.

 

Means I need to do a total rejig of thinking and find one that isn't totally shagged.

 

I wish I could make my mind up sometimes.