What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[twosmoke300]

2022 biking season begins ! Trail riding in wales booked for March and Castle Coombe track day in April 😀

[anonymous user]

20 hours ago, Wack said:

Let's just say my wife and I had a cooped up for too long domestic earlier this evening 

This just popped up on Facebook , what do they know that I don't 

I get those fairly often. As even I don't like me, I think it's extremely unlikely to work.

[Wack]

3 hours ago, gm said:

some years back i was watching a guy working on a very nice jag while i was having tyres fitted. i presume the jag was needing a ball joint or track rod end as the guy had the oxy acetylene torch out and was belting seven bells out of something. 

then it went very quiet. 

then the shouting started. 

then the customer saw the massive gouge in his wing from a misjudged swing of the lump hammer.

not sure how it ended as my tyres were done and i nicked off sharpish before things got too heated  

I once misjudged the width of the pit when driving over it to get my exhaust changed , a mate worked there , I think I'd have been about 18 , drove over it without anyone watching me , because 18 , next second in it 

It was only an old Cortina , put a dent in the sill that went with the other dents 

The same guy a few weeks after drove a reliant robin over the pit instead of reversing it , that didn't go as well 

[Remspoor]

15 hours ago, somewhatfoolish said:

All of those smelt like teargas then and still do; why do people perpetrate such nasal atrocities upon everyone?

Better than smelling like a tramp or fishmonger.

[808 Estate]

[808 Estate]

[808 Estate]

[robinmasters]

14 hours ago, Remspoor said:

Better than smelling like a tramp or fishmonger.

It really isn't. 

 

[Bren]

When your flatulence smells so funky that it makes the people around you angry....

[Mally]

I have a Saab with a working clutch.

This may or may not last, but it got me home.

Possibly still a bit of air in it, I'm not sure I've never had a Saab with a new clutch before.

Would I do the job  again?

Well if you gave me a car, and a new clutch possibly, but then again probably not.

[Wack]

14 hours ago, Bren said:

When your flatulence smells so funky that it makes the people around you angry....

That's the position I'm in at the moment , eaten something that's disagreed with me , smelliest farts I've even known , they're even offending me 

[Wack]

15 hours ago, robinmasters said:

It really isn't. 

 

In the 80s I knew a guy who was a fishmonger , he said the smell was in his pores , couldn't get rid of it , when he went out to pubs & nightclubs he said he could see people sniffing the air 

Can you smell fish 

[face]

Volume up.

 

[robinmasters]

10 hours ago, Wack said:

In the 80s I knew a guy who was a fishmonger , he said the smell was in his pores , couldn't get rid of it , when he went out to pubs & nightclubs he said he could see people sniffing the air 

That's Lynx for you. 

[Ghosty]

On 1/1/2022 at 11:13 PM, Bren said:

When your flatulence smells so funky that it makes the people around you angry....

A very good mate of mine has that problem, he also noticed that certain foods significantly affect his movements. 
He's type one diabetic and never thought much of it - I pointed out to him that he probably has IBS... 

 

[barmatt]

I'll happily clean fish, the worst for me is the smell that comes out of you after you've dressed any amount of game birds. Pheasant, partidge, even well mature turkeys. The smell gets through your skin and into your system, after that every fart stinks of rotting bird guts. 

I avoid it at all costs these days.

 

[mitsisigma01]

Back when I was young and had a job that got me unlimited use and free diesel for a brand new rental Bedford Astramax , when I wasn't traveling round Englands slaughterhouses collecting blood straight from the animals throats and getting van loads of cheap fresh meat, when we were quiet we used to skin and joint up Venison carcasses . We also used to do well hung pheasants and pigeons....after a day of machine plucking hundreds of birds it didn't matter how much you showered , even with Lynx type products, I could empty a busy pub on music gig nights with just one tiny little fart , they were horrendous almost vomit inducing . 🤮🤮🤮

But hey ho ,I put up with it for the Astramax and on other occasions a Bedford Bravo pick up or a Peugeot 505 at 19 years old 

[andy18s]

I was a trimmer at the abattoir that handled Jamie Oliver's 28 day hung beef for Sainsburys back in the day.

Instead of our usual 5-6 hour shift ( job and jack), we would run for 2 12 hour shifts to get it all through the lines in 1 go

Guys who had been there for years were retching,If anyone thought they were actually going to puke had to run to a designated area

Once done the whole building had it's regular deep clean and hygiene 8hr shift, but was repeated another 2 times

[Rab]

Due to my erratic travelling life disaster..where i leave a trail of negatives..cars-trucks and stuff ..some of it never to be seen again..especially photographs.. its always amazing when i do recover something..so in my final days in Munich 1992..i worked on the Art Projekt at the State Opera House..Lou Reed..Laurie Anderson..John Cale..John Zorn and Babes in Toyland. I was a lowly stagehand with a camera..so i befriended everybody..and i got Laurie Andersons portrait. Then..lost negatives. I did manage to give away a print to a friend in Berlin in 1993..and she just found it in her Mums attic.It was always the missing piece in that story..as it was Babes in Toyland who took me to Berlin...where i stayed until 1997.

[goosey]

A big thank you to whoever left the heating on in the workshop toilet today, the temps were “just right “ when I landed in there this afternoon 👌

[Andyrew]

I like to think the driver was pulling the same face just before impact.

[dozeydustman]

[808 Estate]

[Rab]

[AnnoyingPentium]

4 hours ago, Andyrew said:

I like to think the driver was pulling the same face just before impact.

These little cars always looked shocked anyway, bet you this one was shocked to see that car in front stopping so suddenly!

[MorrisItalSLX]

My parents gave me an old Polish telephone for Christmas which had a plug I’d never seen before, much research later and I found a chap in Lithuania who would sell me an adapter and post it to Australia.

Much to my surprise the adapter arrived today, just one week after I ordered it, so I plugged it all together and it works!

 

I am suitably impressed with the Soviet era Polish telephone manufacturers and the Lithuanian postal service.

[Wack]

2 hours ago, MorrisItalSLX said:

My parents gave me an old Polish telephone for Christmas which had a plug I’d never seen before, much research later and I found a chap in Lithuania who would sell me an adapter and post it to Australia.

Much to my surprise the adapter arrived today, just one week after I ordered it, so I plugged it all together and it works!

 

I am suitably impressed with the Soviet era Polish telephone manufacturers and the Lithuanian postal service.

I bough this from a charity shop a few weeks ago , plugged it in to test it and I love the ring , so 1960s , only scammers call us on this number so it's like a scammer alert 

[Fumbler]

I need to get another old bell phone. I currently have an AT&T 2500 clone that somehow made it to our shores. It's built so damn well it's unbelievable.

[JeeExEll]

Young lad started working with us a few weeks before Christmas. First time really living on his own. He asked about how to make a pan of veg soup using a bought veg-broth soup mix so I explained the basics.

Add some more chopped veg, stock cube and a little cornflower and some cooked meat of your choice. Let it simmer.

Silly cunt put in 2 frozen breaded haddocks from Asda.

He ate it too.

[Remspoor]

43 minutes ago, JeeExEll said:

Young lad started working with us a few weeks before Christmas. First time really living on his own. He asked about how to make a pan of veg soup using a bought veg-broth soup mix so I explained the basics.

Add some more chopped veg and a little cornflower and some cooked meat of your choice. Let it simmer.

Silly cunt put in 2 frozen breaded haddocks from Asda.

He ate it too.

At least he is trying. 9/10 for effort. One mark less for the fish.