2021 Quote Thread

[wuvvum]

I'd like to kick off this year with this classic Bo11ox rant from Bornite's Clio sale thread.

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I hate 'its only worth what someone is willing to pay' cos it is such a tedious, predictable, pointless cliché of a sentence that adds nowt. When you see these bell ends on FB asking 'whats it worth' day in day out, EVERY SINGLE TIME you get some parsnip-fingered nonce piping in with 'its only worth what someone is willing to pay' like its some great nugget of profound wisdom that's going to part the clouds of uncertainty and finally allow beautiful rays of deal-making sunshine to fall on the whole dismal exchange, when in reality its just the car-trading equivalent of two tubercular cretins pointlessly throwing breadsticks at each other.

 

[sdkrc]

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What a terrible pile of shit; it's like an LDV Convoy made in Naples. Well bought!

@somewhatfoolish  on the Iveco thread

[Split_Pin]

Jim Bell's advice on how to advertise a MK3 Astra:

"That looks like a wonderful thing to sob in after you've followed your wife to her karate instructors flat and watched them do sex in silouette form through the bedroom window when the blinds are shut but there's a light behind them so you can see all position changes from your hiding place in an adjacent tree. 

 

Might be worth putting that in the advert".

[JimH]

@St.Jude on the subject of the calibre of people giving advice on protecting the things most precious to us.
 

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To be fair to her, she worked Sundays and would often work with a hangover.

Which just shows how gulable people are, as in they will worry about what car they're in but don't mind a teenager who stinks of stale archers and lemonade fitting the car seat for them.

 

 

[St.Jude]

2 hours ago, JimH said:

@St.Jude on the subject of the calibre of people giving advice on protecting the things most precious to us.
 

 

I'm glad my wife isn't on the forum!

[Tadhg Tiogar]

A classic from @MondeoBlues on the subject of water utility companies:

"my will to live has blown away like a fart in a wind tunnel"

[Kiltox]

13 hours ago, captain_70s said:

I don't think that makes you an utter throbber by default though, you must have picked it up elsewhere.

In response to @New PODabout the joy of parenting 

[New POD]

Yeah. That's funny****🤔

[Crackers]

A gem from  @cobblers - in fact I believe this is signature material:

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It just can't be, this 2.2 is absolutely the worst sounding engine I've ever had. No amount of sound deadening could stop it sounding like a head on collision between a mobile hammer factory and another mobile hammer factory.

 

[High Jetter]

Shirly hammers make no sound whilst moving...?

[Grumblespeed]

13 hours ago, High Jetter said:

Shirly hammers make no sound whilst moving...?

Rattle a bit when colliding though.

[Wilko220]

Bo11ox on the Ford Zephyr:

 

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I always liked the shape of these and they seem to have avoided the crazy prices and knucklehead image of most old fords. Probably cos they supposedly drive like a half-burst lilo on the Whitley Bay Leisure pool.

 

[JimH]

@Bitzer discovers one of the problems with trying to carry out research on the Internet.

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Unfortunately, any discussion about thermal insulation I read ends in name-calling and trench warfare about dew point.

 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

On 7/9/2021 at 1:38 PM, St.Jude said:

I'm glad my wife isn't on the forum!

Surely also a candidate for Quote of the Year?

[St.Jude]

29 minutes ago, Tadhg Tiogar said:

Surely also a candidate for Quote of the Year?

Pretty slim pickings this year if I get two nominations!

[Tadhg Tiogar]

1 minute ago, St.Jude said:

Pretty slim pickings ...

Wasn't Slim Pickings a noted blues guitarist?

[Crackers]

Him there above me @Tadhg Tiogar with a useful tip from the Standards of Driving thread:

On 18/08/2021 at 20:15, Tadhg Tiogar said:

A good landing is where you can walk away. 

An excellent landing is where they can reuse the plane....

 

[Kiltox]

😂 

16 minutes ago, captain_70s said:

I took that car to the jetwash once you spooge gargling, gran berating, cat buggering, cunt thimble. I'll fucking do you in. 

 

[Talbot]

On 8/24/2021 at 6:22 PM, Crackers said:

Him there above me @Tadhg Tiogar with a useful tip from the Standards of Driving thread:

A very, very old quote.

 

My current favourite:

On 12/28/2020 at 2:50 PM, Bren said:

Timing chains are made from fog.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

47 minutes ago, Talbot said:

A very, very old quote.

"A timeless classic"

[Kiltox]

When asked for match recommendations 

4 hours ago, Sham said:

BiC make a reusable match.

 

[Dick Cheeseburger]

On 6/3/2021 at 7:53 AM, Split_Pin said:

Jim Bell's advice on how to advertise a MK3 Astra:

"That looks like a wonderful thing to sob in after you've followed your wife to her karate instructors flat and watched them do sex in silouette form through the bedroom window when the blinds are shut but there's a light behind them so you can see all position changes from your hiding place in an adjacent tree. 

 

Might be worth putting that in the advert".

This wins. I can't see another quote ever beating this gem. @Jim Bell needs to do some observational comedy on Uchoobs methinks. 

[High Jetter]

'do' sex? Not a phrase I've used.

[somewhatfoolish]

1 hour ago, High Jetter said:

'do' sex? Not a phrase I've used.

[wuvvum]

It's a close run thing between the Mk3 Astra and the parsnip-fingered nonce I reckon.