Bitzer

What was wrong with five star Renaults (apart from Megane II being utter shite and the worst car I had the misfortune of owning)? That they made Volvo look like an opened can of sardines? My opinion is that Volvo safety is nothing but an urban legend originating from a clever marketing during sixties. But it may be I simply do not like the brand. Or ABBA. Or Akvavit. Or IKEA. Saab, on the other hand...

Every Fiatista/Alfista/Lancista knows it is German parts failing, not Italian ones. The word has it that root cause of 2.0 Twin Spark reliability problems are oil level/pressure sensors made by Bosch. Una carrozza spettacolare 😍

SM in general. It was a jaw-dropping sight, the car looked like it left showroom yesterday. IIRC, it was honey-colored metallic with much brownness inside, driven by a white-haired gentleman sporting pipe and tweed jacket. Midsomer Murders stuff.

I only saw the car once in my life and almost ended up rolling over the crash barriers. Even if it only sits in a garage and never runs again, it is a thing of a beauty and (to be a fcuking spoilsport) money well invested, because these will only get more and more expensive. Congratulations.

AFAIK the variators/dephasers/wuzzever-we-call-the-shite do not survive longer than circa 160-180 kkm. I checked the prices and, honestly, they seem rather eye-watering, not to mention the PITA of their replacement. I had similar advanced* system on my Megane II, which I hated with a passion, and said "never more", but it may be the Ford´s system is better design? I mean, I am considering a C-max, but bog-standard 1.6/74 kW is supposedly weak for this crate and I am not sure I am brave enough to go down the variable timing valley again...

They were notorious (among other defects) for poorly welded door hinges, which made the doors fall off (I kid you not). Their thermostats were often defective ex-works and when ordered as a spare part, only one in five was conditionally useable. They also tried to sell them in Germany with no success, because, at the time, the Ossis already had their deutschmarks and nobody wanted to replace an ageing Trabi or Wartburg with another Kremlwanze, no matter how cheap. IIRC, at the time of reunification, the bestselling new car in former DDR was Hyundai Pony. A few years later, a bunch of

Actually, when dealing with "Sappelfrosch" (nickname assigned to ZAZ in former DDR), some basic Ukrainian phraseology may come handy: "Suka!" (pronounced "sookah") - "Bitch!" "Blyad!" (pronounced with soft "d", like in "during") - "Fuck!"

This must have been one of the worst cars EVAH. Note the creative use of an old tire, which served as a heat shield. Sheer necessity, because the engine had inherent tendencies for overheating, thus endangering the cleverly* placed spare wheel tire.

Wat was it I said about bloodied knuckles?

Good luck with that. My crystal ball tells me you will have bloodied knuckles soon. There were times when I fancied XM as well. Really posh barges, that is what they were.

Ahhhhh, the famous* keypad. Suppose the buttons used to enter PIN are nicely worn, which leaves only 16 possible combinations...

I believe it is not the looks people hate, it is shitty engineering. I mean, when it comes to cars with "retro looks", those which are technically sound are generally beloved - New Beetle, 500 etc. Well, not all of them - think Pluriel. I wonder how many of them sold after it appeared in that TG hall of infamy.

Does it come complete with bricks or tinderblocks to be placed under the car body, metal pins to jam into the scissors or any other non-hydraulic saftey feechure?

Somehow, I have a feeling that only those who never owned it like the car. I like its looks, but after all I read about the heap, I definitely would not want to own it. Mk1 Multipla, on the other hand...

Once upon a time, no self-respecting Trabant or Wartburg owner would be caught without a "klopapierhut".