The grumpy thread

[HillmanImp]

Other life stories include dad being interviewed 3times as Yorkshire Ripper suspect - and he WAS a doppelganger for Sutcliffe I must say

 

That Sarah Payne went missing from near my home. A few months after they's already caught that chap who'd done it I was at my mum's house and there was a knock at the door. 

 

There was a plain clothed policeman there and he said he wanted to ask me a few questions about the murder of Sarah Payne. 

 

He'd barely finished the sentence and I panicked and shouted back 

 

"I WAS AT WORK!!!!!!"

 

but they kindly explained that they had had reports of a child shouting in the area on the day of the murder and were just following that up. 

 

"Obviously there were kids shouting it's a residential area with lots of kids living there. If that's everything I need to go upstairs and change my trousers now as I've just fucking shit myself"

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

He looked like Lord Edmund Blackadder?

 

 

A late 70's early 80's version yes..... plus that twat who sent in the fake tape, lived a massive 2miles from us…. once the 'voice and language expert' said it was a Sunderland accent he was properly grilled! Luckily he too was exonerated as he was on ship trials 8miles off-shore when one of the attacks took place. Kind of ironic as he did want to join the police - the interviews and 'handling' properly put him off though!

[Captain Furious]

He'd barely finished the sentence and I panicked and shouted back 

 

"I WAS AT WORK!!!!!!"

 

 

Play it cool, don't tell him your name Pike

[alcyonecorporation]

hitler is a twerp

[Ghosty]

I see this all the time in "my old" Sainsbury's. Best one was massively cutting the corner straight into my path and wondering why they got an earful of angry horn. Had an old bloke drive straight down the middle, so I had to swerve to avoid him, and when suitably reprimanded, asked "what, aren't I allowed to drive then?"

"Into the path of oncoming cars? No, you're not!"

 

 

I've had a similar thing cycling before now, a woman in a 500X cutting across the road in front of me to park at an offy, then starting to indicate as a method of backpedalling when I questioned her motive in attempting to kill me. She seemed to think indicating justified actions instead of stating intention, and her only retort was 'where's your helmet'.

 

Not obliged to have one love, fuck off and learn to drive, your B&H will still be there in ten seconds.

 

Same goes for taxi drivers complaining I'm holding them up by not being in the cycle lane, then heckling me while carrying passengers.

 

Again, no obligation, and besides, the cycle lane was full of wet leaves. 

 

The red mist always comes down with GMT, I've noticed. Everyone's fine in summer.

[beko1987]

^^ This.... ANPR on streetlights, every main junction.

 

A *helpful 'two line' code inserted "if <same reg> 200 miles apart <in> 1 hour = "Eh?"<query>

 

lol

You see! Too savvy and hairnet CAN sort the country out!

[meshking]

 

I had the opposite at the weekend. A road near me is 50mph, narrow and with solid double lines down the middle. I was following a cyclist who was riding at around 20mph. There was oncoming traffic meaning I couldn't give him the room I should. I was angrily waved past... I wasnt tailgating him, because I could see I couldn't get past, and of course didn't want to harass him. I guess be felt I was?

[purplebargeken]

Fucking pick pocketed about an hour ago, a couple aged mid 30's, cunts. I can't recall what I had for dinner yesterday but I remember their fucking details. Cunts. 

 

Cards cancelled within 5 or 10 minutes, ha, that got you nowhere then you thieving cunts. Utter Cunts. Fill in online DVLA form re: licence, want 20 quid via card, well fucking duh, the fucking card was stolen. Can't do that until I get the replacement. Cunts. Will have to update all the card details on line. Fucking cunting cunty cunts. Reported via Met Police online. Urrghh. 

 

Cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts and fucking cunts. They had gone by the time I'd peeled away from the curb in the i10 (parked round the corner) which shifts quite a lot when prodded. Death by running over would have occurred or at least some retro Bodie & Doyle over bonnet sliding action.

 

Fucking cunting cunts.

[purplebargeken]

At least there was no money in the wallet. Cunts.

 

Oh well, I may well be in the running for the 2018 cunt count award, all possibly from the one posting. 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

Fucking pick pocketed about an hour ago, a couple aged mid 30's, cunts. I can't recall what I had for dinner yesterday but I remember their fucking details. Cunts. 

 

Cards cancelled within 5 or 10 minutes, ha, that got you nowhere then you thieving cunts. Utter Cunts. Fill in online DVLA form re: licence, want 20 quid via card, well fucking duh, the fucking card was stolen. Can't do that until I get the replacement. Cunts. Will have to update all the card details on line. Fucking cunting cunty cunts. Reported via Met Police online. Urrghh. 

 

Cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts and fucking cunts. They had gone by the time I'd peeled away from the curb in the i10 (parked round the corner) which shifts quite a lot when prodded. Death by running over would have occurred or at least some retro Bodie & Doyle over bonnet sliding action.

 

Fucking cunting cunts.

 

Edmonton?

[GrumpiusMaximus]

FFS. Been sent a letter by our developer through the box this morning. They’re limiting access to our road, for roadworks.

 

Except that the notice period started at 7AM today. And we got the letter this afternoon.

 

And it was very poorly written. On nasty paper.

[HillmanImp]

FFS. Been sent a letter by our developer through the box this morning. They’re limiting access to our road, for roadworks.

Except that the notice period started at 7AM today. And we got the letter this afternoon.

And it was very poorly written. On nasty paper.

There was some spray paint on the path outside our house last Friday and a 'sorry we missed you' card from Northern Gas inside.

 

This morning there was this:

 

 

Its no surprise as they have done the same down the road but Mrs Imp had to go out and ask them to let her get her car out before they did too much. They just started without telling her. They could've knocked on the door.

[anonymous user]

Expect your boiler to go out later, just after they have gone home.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

There was some spray paint on the path outside our house last Friday and a 'sorry we missed you' card from Northern Gas inside.

 

This morning there was this:

 

received_263542724349099.jpeg

 

Its no surprise as they have done the same down the road but Mrs Imp had to go out and ask them to let her get her car out before they did too much. They just started without telling her. They could've knocked on the door.

Exactly the same. The ‘letter’ they put through was pathetic.

 

Phoned the developer, told them in no uncertain terms what I think of it. They apologised for the notice and I told them that notice traditionally happens in advance, not after commencement or during...

 

Yeah. Not happy.

[purplebargeken]

Yes, Edmonton, fucking shitting arse of a location. Shootings and stabbings all within a couple of days. 

 

Just fucking nuke the place and be done. I fucking hate the cunting, shitting hateful cunt of a place.

 

Yet will Mrs PBK move? No. 

 

I give up. 

[Guest Hooli]

Fucking pick pocketed about an hour ago, a couple aged mid 30's, cunts. I can't recall what I had for dinner yesterday but I remember their fucking details. Cunts. 

 

Cards cancelled within 5 or 10 minutes, ha, that got you nowhere then you thieving cunts. Utter Cunts. Fill in online DVLA form re: licence, want 20 quid via card, well fucking duh, the fucking card was stolen. Can't do that until I get the replacement. Cunts. Will have to update all the card details on line. Fucking cunting cunty cunts. Reported via Met Police online. Urrghh. 

 

Cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts and fucking cunts. They had gone by the time I'd peeled away from the curb in the i10 (parked round the corner) which shifts quite a lot when prodded. Death by running over would have occurred or at least some retro Bodie & Doyle over bonnet sliding action.

 

Fucking cunting cunts.

 

Liked for the excessive & creative cuntage used in the post.

[Eddie Honda]

Yes, Edmonton, fucking shitting arse of a location.

I've heard they do good kebabs round there mind.

 

Sorry.

[artdjones]

Yes, Edmonton, fucking shitting arse of a location. Shootings and stabbings all within a couple of days.

 

Just fucking nuke the place and be done. I fucking hate the cunting, shitting hateful cunt of a place.

 

Yet will Mrs PBK move? No.

 

I give up.

Yes,a nice quadruple stabbing there last night.

[HillmanImp]

Expect your boiler to go out later, just after they have gone home.

Apparently there was a leak and they had to switch the gas off this afternoon. Its back on for now but they are going to have to dig up the drive to fix it properly.

 

Either that or Mrs Imp shouted at them this morning and pissed them off enough to give themselves loads of extra work to spite her.....

[HillmanImp]

Exactly the same. The ‘letter’ they put through was pathetic.

Phoned the developer, told them in no uncertain terms what I think of it. They apologised for the notice and I told them that notice traditionally happens in advance, not after commencement or during...

Yeah. Not happy.

But the plans were on display…”

 

“On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.”

 

“That’s the display department.”

 

“With a flashlight.”

 

“Ah, well, the lights had probably gone.”

 

“So had the stairs.”

 

“But look, you found the notice, didn’t you?”

 

“Yes,” said Arthur, “yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.

[barefoot]

There was some spray paint on the path outside our house last Friday and a 'sorry we missed you' card from Northern Gas inside.

 

This morning there was this:

 

received_263542724349099.jpeg

 

Its no surprise as they have done the same down the road but Mrs Imp had to go out and ask them to let her get her car out before they did too much. They just started without telling her. They could've knocked on the door.

 

 

Similar thing happened to us.

 

Returned from summer holiday in the camper van to find that the water board had dug across the end of my drive.

A fat, sweaty bloke with his trousers hanging off put some steel boards down so I could park up.

It was then that I discovered he'd cut off my water.

'Oy crack arse' I exclaimed, 'you've turned off me water!'

'Can't you manage until Monday?' He retorted

'Could you fucking manage?'

 

I heard him on the phone to his boss a few minutes later ...

'He asked if I could manage... And he called me crack arse...'

 

The water was back on in little more than a trice.

[Wack]

I let the mot lapse on the xm for 2 weeks by accident. Blissfully drove around for 2 weeks, including up the m25 for a few junctions etc and got nothing. Felt like a massive criminal driving to work and back for the 2 days via the deep back roads before I could get a test once I found out!

 

 

Years ago my dad was paying a fortune for car insurance because he'd been with the same company for decades and they'd put it up a bit every year, at least double what it should be so I went online and found him a policy for 40% of his renewal

 

short version, 12 months later it didn't auto renew and he drove round until his tax ran out with no insurance , about 11 months I think it was, luckily nothing happened but it was a proper O FFFUUUCCKK moment 

[They_all_do_that_sir]

Three quid isn't unreasonable for a cup of tea, they have rent, business rates, tax, utility bills, staff wages and god knows what else to pay.

A friend of mine ruins a burger van at motorsport events and always gets people moaning about his prices, what people fail to grasp is that he has to pay £500 a weekend to be there so has to sell 200 cups of tea at £2.50 just to cover his pitch fees, he then has to sell 200 more to cover his fuel, travel, staff, insurance etc before he even begins to make any profit.

I'll happily pay it when it's served with a smile and it's the temperature of actual hot water.

 

Sent from my TA-1012 using Tapatalk

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Lady Grumpius and I have concluded that marking the 'letter' we got through this morning in red pen and sending it back with a grade would take too long.  Too many mistakes.

 

For context, Lady Grumpius is a teacher...

[purplebargeken]

Yes to the kebabs and yes, confirmed re: quadruple stabbing. I guess if you are going to stab then the more the merrier. Why do one when four is just as easy. 

 

I was round the corner from the 'point your shotgun in the back of a cab' shooting episode the other night. I thought it was a firework tbh. 

[purplebargeken]

The use of 'cunt' was about the most repeatable expletive I can print. Even on here.

[Ghosty]

Fucking shaking, just had some fucknugget in one of those crewcab thingies try and kill me.

 

Sitting at some lights in the right lane, there's a merge after them. Next to me is a young chap in a Mito, and behind him there's some twat sitting almost horizontally in an Amarok with a load of LEDs plastered on the front, it's kangarooing as he sits in the queue.
Traffic proceeds and this bellend proceeds to floor it and tailgate the Mito into the merge, front of my car has nowhere to go so I lean on the horn and let off a bit as he guns past. 
I wave a 'what?' gesture at him out the window and he fucking well brake checks me, glad I was on my toes or it'd be towbar to the face seeing as I was in the Civic

 

Still, an Amarok with an illegal fond numberplate and a load of LEDs isn't hard to miss so I know to avoid it in future.

 

Get home and tell my mum about it and I'm wrong for leaning on the horn apparently, no sympathy to be had, apparently using the horn is 'looking for trouble'. Alright then?

I'm off to get pissed, can't be doing with this.

[Eddie Honda]

apparently using the horn is 'being Italian'.

That's what it is.

 

What is the internationally recognised gesture for "what?"? Is it similar to the Gareth Hunt Nescafé one?

[alcyonecorporation]

Give GMP a bell with their reg.

[iainrcz]

Going to York for a few days next week. Ok.

 

Except somehow the fact Town are at home on the Tuesday night passed me by. I'm not sure leaving dick head in the hotel and coming home to watch the match would go down well.

 

For fucks sake.

 

Being given shit reserved for team leaders at work and getting a chat about my "decision making" when I'm not a team leader, merely not a braindead fuckwit and now this.

 

I'm sorely tempted to ask to drop a pay grade and become a couldn't give a shit monkey, see how that works out for them.