The grumpy thread

[mercrocker]

Facepalm from what i've heard of it is full of utter fuckin bollocks, full of ordinary people bigging up how fantastic their lifetstyles are.

 

Every one else seems to have

a great career (not a job like us buggers)

a beautiful model wife who just loves to deep throat/swallow

beautiful kids that are just so gifted doncha know, masters in whatever bollocks is fashionable before they've even started skool

wonderful fiends

the finest German automobiles on the avenue driveway

the biggest nicest house that everyone but everyone is so envious of

the biggest cock/tits as appropriate

go on holidays to the most exotic destinations where they rub shoulder with the most divine celebs...drop a few names at this point

eat at the best restaurants, probably on first name terms with the mockey little know all twat

 

Course in reality everythings on the drip, the painted mrs (who looks like draculas long sunburnt mum without the make up) is getting rogered rigid by her personal trainer, and the rest of their boastful ficticious bollocks is along the same lines.

 

Christ on a bike, if you have an Amazon account and buy anything, anything at all, there's an tick box where you can share with the world via social media (who the fuck dreams up these terms) you've just bought some dog food, a dildo, anything else of no interest to anyone except for the empty headed twat who thinks anyone is remotely interested in or impressed by this bullshit.

 

Fuck, that made me larf.....

 

 

 

 

My thoughts exactly.

[xtriple]

Facebook is a fucking riot! Love it like a distant relative and want to have its children...

 

Most of my friends on there are American Hells Angels or their molls.... I have no idea how that happened. But, it is absolutely hilarious seeing/reading about arrests, fights, drunken orgies, bike rides, speeding tickets, drugs stops, busts, court appearances, bail problems.... and the men are much worse.

 

Actually I do know: I have a few American mates I use FB to keep in touch with and I got added to various lists. Had a brilliant Christmas a couple or three years ago spent flirting and receiving dirty pictures from a very fine filly indeed! It lasted about four days, but it was fun while it lasted.... Had to break it off 'cos she wanted a pic of my willy and I couldn't find the macro lense.

[Captain Furious]

I don't really look at my timeline, there are only so many updates of your baby smiling\laughing\eating\pulling a face\not pulling a face that I really need to see.  Intertwined with folk playing those bastard crossword games, but not being able to solve a single level without posting it up on facebook because they're thick as shit...gah

 

I mainly use it for a group I'm in, which is basically devoted entirely to being a grumpy cunt with likeminded individuals.

[captain_70s]

Will you go if we peer pressure you enough?

 

I have a cunning plan, me and you go to his house and carry him to his GP. At this point we are also at the GP, thus everybody sees the GP. My genius knows now fucking bounds.

 

Also, Facebook is shite. I've recently re-activated my account because if I'm going to ruin my life with car purchases I may as well entertain people while I do it.

[vulgalour]

Even more cunning is that if you bought that Princess you could all pile in and feel a little bit better/worse** by the time you arrived.

 

 

 

 

 

**Better=the car behaved well, you arrived in comfort in style.  Worse=the car broke down and you all had to walk.

[beko1987]

I use Facebook mainly for messenger and the vacuum cleaner collectors group! Occasionally watch videos of food being made really fast

 

I have also chosen my Facebook friends wisely, so my wall isn't filled with shit. I have a 3 strike rule, if I see any of the above shit as mentioned more than 3 times, their unfriended

 

Apart from Amy, sadly I can't unfriend her...

[MarvinsMom]

another grump..... 

 

i really, REALLY want that silver Camry....

 

i don't need another car,

 

it is situated about as far south from home (when i am actually able to be there) as it is possible to be without falling into the Bristol Channel so its fuggin' miles away,

 

BUT,

 

them Camry's are so nice.......

[purplebargeken]

Stop faffing and buy the fucker. We all do that kind of shit. No-one needs more cars than fingers, however...... fuck it YOLO!

[Doctormop]

I don't bother much with Facebook, a few friends that I don't really know, local cars for sale groups etc, but is it just me that thinks if you have such a wonderful, interesting, truly blessed life with perfect children, dream houses and massive salaries it's awfully decent of you to spend 20 hours of your enchanted day updating your status, liking pictures and generally giving the rest of us something to aspire to?

Last month was my Wife's birthday, we went to a fairly posh restaurant for dinner and we were literally the only ones not taking pictures of every course and uploading them onto some gad awful social media site, when the waiter asked the couple next to us if everything was ok the male just grunted without looking up from his phone and the female complained that the wifi was slow, another couple sat behind us wanted the wine waiter to bring out a bottle of Bollinger; they didn't want to buy it, just take a picture of it for their timeline.

Seriously these people are deluded, I know my house is small but I like it, my car is 14 years old but it goes and goes fine, Marvin's Mom as others have said don't let the haven't we done well for ourselves mutual appreciation society get you down, just laugh at them or if you are feeling charitable feel sorry for them,

I can't imagine being so shallow that I need people I don't even know telling me how wonderful I am and how far I have come in life.

 

ps feel free to like this post in your hundreds... go on...... please

[Cavcraft]

15.02:  'When can I see this bike'

 

15.02:  '????'

 

 

Obviously, it's ideal to give me less than 59 seconds to reply your email, you impatient, ignorant knobwarbler. 

[jakebullet]

Death by a thousand cuts today.

 

Knob jockey on ebay pisses me off.

I'm "not professional" for answering "no" to "av you got white wiv orange spots m8?". Having considered your comments mr Jockey you are now added to my blocked list. Jockey then says he was going to buy 100, 'cos he's the owner of a fantastically popular car forum. Sure thing, you was going to buy 100 of something I don't sell. I'm so upset.

 

Chimney sweep Ma has ordered turns up. He's a man who spends 4 times longer doing the job 'cos you're getting his life story at the same time. He's also a bit crap, and rest of day has Ma finding soot on door handles etc and moaning about it.

 

Went to garage and did the work thing. Except the smoke leaked out of my quality* aldi drill. It's about 1 month out of guarantee, just like the last one. I'm sure everything is built to just last guarantee period now.

 

Doctors phoned and can I come in tomorrow and discuss my test results with the vet? I'm obviously dying 'cos you can never get an appointment less than 14 days.

 

Bint on amazon is "terribly disappointed" that the shade of dice supplied doesn't match her expectations.

[Station]

Just look at him!

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-36973529

 

I'd hate to be hit by anything with this intertia laden void at the wheel.

[eddyramrod]

I tried to avoid Facebook for some time, with varying degrees of success.  However, when we were planning our return from Cyprus I took a chance and set up an account.  I already had some friends listed on MrsR's account for keeping-in-touch purposes, including one or two Shiters.  (I joined AS before I joined FB)

MrsR describes my feed as boring, because most of it is old cars.  You will find the odd comment from Cyprus, and occasional pics of my grandchildren, but basically, she's right.  Even the writing stuff tends to be car-based.  Somehow I seem to be gathering on my Friends list a virtual community of LGBT people, in various flavours, and I don't quite know how it happened.  I don't care though, if you're a nice person you're a nice person, you can like who or what you want.

[Supernaut]

I have a cunning plan, me and you and Tayne and 17-Coffees all go to the pub.

 

 

FTFY.

[dugong]

I tried to avoid Facebook for some time, with varying degrees of success.  However, when we were planning our return from Cyprus I took a chance and set up an account.  I already had some friends listed on MrsR's account for keeping-in-touch purposes, including one or two Shiters.  (I joined AS before I joined FB)

MrsR describes my feed as boring, because most of it is old cars.  You will find the odd comment from Cyprus, and occasional pics of my grandchildren, but basically, she's right.  Even the writing stuff tends to be car-based.  Somehow I seem to be gathering on my Friends list a virtual community of LGBT people, in various flavours, and I don't quite know how it happened.  I don't care though, if you're a nice person you're a nice person, you can like who or what you want.

A bisexual friend of mine summed her preferences up as: "If it's fit, I want it. I'm not arsed if it's a boy or girl, there are nice ones of each."

[vulgalour]

That's reminded me of an acquaintance from years past who, when challenged that his bisexuality was just that he couldn't make up his mind, would declare "any hole's a goal!".  He was a bit of a giggle, especially for a Londoner.

[jakebullet]

Kinky girl likes "nice shaped" boobs. So I can perve away as much as I like 'cos she's doing it too.

[plasticvandan]

I like scooters and motorcycles,I guess that's the two wheeled equivalent of being bisexual,which in itself seems like a best of both solution

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Being bisexual would mean, if I'm not mistaken , still having to pretend to listen to women and also run the risk of something up the arris. The BEST of both worlds? I'm not convinced.

[maxpower]

Fabreeeze air freshener for not doing stronger cans so i could smash the guy's car window who did a hit and run on my car today.... luckily i haz dashcam

 

also as an added rant.... THE MET POLICE.... who couldn't be arsed to attend the scene (wtf is my council tax paying for?) after the lee rigby & "Nice episodes... you would think that they would rush out to scene for someone not only driving on wrong side of the road in his effort to escape but also doing it on the wrong side of the road..against cycle lanes and on the pavement must have been coffee & doughnuts time for plod.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Today someone I've never met and know nothing about other than what cars he drives, made me a bit sad.

There's a bloke lives around here with the number 911 FWD , which has been on various 911s, an RS4 and RS6 Audi and from memory a Jag F Type. In fact some pretty nice cars over the 20 or so years I've noticed .

 

Today I saw that familiar number on a feckin American milk float thing, yes a Tesla Smug Cunt S or whatever, perhaps he's died and his widows sold the plate, yes that would seem a better scenario for all concerned.

[ruffgeezer]

I haven't had any success in selling the cabrio so tonight I began changing the front arm bushes... Ho hum.

[M'coli]

Bollocks. I was just reading this shit on here and missed my son taking his first steps on his own downstairs. 

Only 13 or so years to go, then:

[beko1987]

Not a true grump, but a bit sad, just parked the zx at work for the last time! (hopefully)

 

[purplebargeken]

13.6 tonne. Of which 12.5 tonne was him. Cunt.

[chaseracer]

Maybe, but I'm a stubborn twat!

 

JFDI...

 

[chaseracer]

There's a reason why Parcel Force, UPS, TNT etc. are £12 or so per parcel and MyHermes are £4.99.

 

What do you expect?

 

Gosh, I don't know - the service advertised, or something radical* like that?

[purplebargeken]

Fuck off cold, getting pissed off now.

[Captain Furious]

Charity Muggers, particularly in the workplace.

 

Oh hey, do you want to sponsor me for a 2 mile afternoon stroll in the park, you're free to say no but as I've just really loudly announced it in this open plan office, you will look like a cunt if you do.

 

Also, isn't being sponsored for charity supposed to be for doing something arduous, or that you otherwise wouldn't really want to do? Like shaving your head or spending 8 years in a Soviet forced labour camp. Nowadays its all, sponsored white water rafting, parachuting, hang gliding, or in this latest case, a 2.5km 'fun run'  2.5KM?  Even an unfit twat like me could run that.  Hey do you want to sponsor me for having a really awesome day out?  Sure, wanna sponsor me for going out to the pub tonight and getting pissed?  Thought not.

 

Not to even mention the countless cards and collections for birthdays, deaths, marriages, births, retirements...mostly for people I've never heard of.  No word of a lie the other week we had a collection for someone whose wife's step-father had died.  Sorry, sympathy for your loss and all, but WTF!

[inconsistant]

prince Edward's noisy helicopter

Is that a euphemism?