The grumpy thread

[Cavcraft]

Apart from Llandudno...  

 

Llandudno is ok, but given other areas locally it's probably not hard to shine! Definitely the best place on that side of the coast though.

 

 

Cromer wins just for not jut for the place itself, but pretty much everywhere within a large radius, notably Sheringham, Holt, Blakeney Point, Cley, Wells and countless others. We've always found the locals really friendly too.

[Semi-C]

Cromer is lovely. Keep an eye open for the big house with the Aston Martin Lagonda (1970s model) and a Rolls Royce Camargue laid up in the front yard.

A short walk from Kings Chalet park....

[chaseracer]

I have very fond memories of Cromer.  It was the long hot post-A level summer of 1984 and her name was Alison... 

 

 

EDIT: And yes, this really should be in the Grin thread!

[New POD]

Modern classic?! Yeah people are really foaming at the gash for 56 reg Cat D Z4s

 

image.png

 

To be fair the "fast back" version of the Z4 looks great from the back.

[danthecapriman]

Sorry to vent this on here but I have no one else to do it to.

 

I feel utterly shit! Not in a physical way but I just feel so absolutely useless and worthless.

I've been miserable and feeling very down and unhappy for a long time (years would be a realistic time period) but it's getting harder to control and hide now. I'm just so sick of being alone. At the age of nearly 32 I feel a complete failure that I don't have a wife/partner or my own family, everyone else my age seems to have it and I'd gladly do anything to get it.

The trouble is it just never happens.

It makes me sad to have to admit that it must surely be me, I must have a really shit personality and be so repulsive to the opposite sex. I've even recently signed up on an expensive online dating site but had nothing out of it. To be honest I actually feel worse now than before I signed up for some idiotic reason.

While I was filling in the questionnaire and profile info I was really struggling to write anything worthwhile, I just don't think I have any redeeming feature, no hobbies or interest that would appeal to the opposite sex, I just can't put anything down about myself worth reading. I just keep thinking what a waste of time and money this is as nobody in their right mind is going to want to be with such a pathetic looser.

I honestly feel I've got nothing to live for at the moment. It's not like I'm asking much, just the same basic thing everyone else seems to get so easily!?

It's been affecting my work too, I've had several really bad days recently and my bad attitude, temper and total lack of interest in anything has been getting noticed.

I've just started my two weeks off work for holiday and I already feel like shit on the first day.

 

I really don't know what to do, honestly.

 

Anyway, sorry to be such a miserable shit!

[sporty-shite]

Dan, go see your GP. Tell them everything, and get some treatment, whether it be medication , counselling, psychology, whatever. I wasted a good few years of my life feeling like that, mainly because I didn't want to be "labelled". I'm miles better now, although I expect to take medication for the very long term, I don't care because I know it works.

[jakebullet]

Go see vets for happy pills / CBT ?

 

Maybe capri ownership makes you cursed, I was single (read nobody interested) until 41. Mind I could be being punished for putting mine under a cat piss tarp for 10 years.

[wuvvum]

Replace 32 with almost 37 and you could be talking about me.  I've learned not to give a fuck and not to try and make any plans for the future - it's worked.  I wouldn't say I'm happy as such, but I'm content at least.

[taxi paul]

Plus one for GP. I went the other week because I felt ill. I seen my new GP , my old one got sacked apparently. He said I have anxiety and I now have tablets , sertralin. I can honestly say that three weeks later I feel a lot better than I have for years.

[danthecapriman]

Dan, go see your GP. Tell them everything, and get some treatment, whether it be medication , counselling, psychology, whatever. I wasted a good few years of my life feeling like that, mainly because I didn't want to be "labelled". I'm miles better now, although I expect to take medication for the very long term, I don't care because I know it works.

I just don't think I can bring myself to go. I know it sounds really stupid but I just don't feel I can go talk to someone about stuff like this or take treatment for it. I don't know why?

 

It's got so bad that I can't even take a photo of myself for my profile pic because I'm so embarrassed and hate the way I look so much. I really can not stand the thought of having a photo taken or letting anyone see it.

I think I might have some sort of issue with being out in public too. I never feel comfortable around people and even going shopping or something simple feel like I'm absolutely shitting myself from the moment I get out the car until the moment I get back in! I have absolutely no clue how I could ever possibly go on a date being like that. It's just not going to work.

 

Like I said sorry for the miserable reading guys!

[scaryoldcortina]

Dan, please go see the doctor. I don't suffer from depression but my wife and daughter both do and they both say it's better with treatment.

[taxi paul]

The biggest hurdle is speaking to someone about how you feel. You have now done that. So the next less scary step is to see your GP. They wont laugh at you. They can and will be able to help.

[sporty-shite]

I just don't think I can bring myself to go. I know it sounds really stupid but I just don't feel I can go talk to someone about stuff like this or take treatment for it. I don't know why?

 

It's got so bad that I can't even take a photo of myself for my profile pic because I'm so embarrassed and hate the way I look so much. I really can not stand the thought of having a photo taken or letting anyone see it.

I think I might have some sort of issue with being out in public too. I never feel comfortable around people and even going shopping or something simple feel like I'm absolutely shitting myself from the moment I get out the car until the moment I get back in! I have absolutely no clue how I could ever possibly go on a date being like that. It's just not going to work.

 

Like I said sorry for the miserable reading guys!

Seriously, Dan. Go to your doc. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. It's their chosen career to help people who need it, and it sounds like you really do. Like SOC said, treatment works. It really can be life changing.

[danthecapriman]

I think I know I probably should go but just can't make myself do it. It's really hard for me to try to talk about. Plus I don't want anyone to know, I don't want to upset my parents, who I'm still living with btw!.

My sister has depression and is on medication for it. Not sure her problems are quite the same though. I don't think even those closest to me know how I feel, as I think I'm very good at hiding it and putting a brave face on things since I've been doing it so long.

[Coprolalia]

Dan, speaking as someone who worked as a GP, go see your GP.

You're stuck in a negative cycle where you feel worthless because you have not been able to achieve anything that makes you feel good about yourself because you don't see the point because you feel worthless.

 

You NEED to break the cycle.

Don't worry about the label, 1/3rd of people will go through this at some point in their life.

Talking therapy is good if you're prepared to talk. Tablets don't make you feel artificially happy but will give you the mental energy to go find things to make you feel worth something again.

 

Exactly what forums like this are for.

Christ, if you pitched up in my clinic with a printout of this page it's be enough for me to start offering therapy and advice.

 

 

This website run by my old GP mental health service is good.

http://www.stepiau.org

[taxi paul]

So you spend an uncomfortable ten minutes , like me. admitting you have a problem coping with life and its making you ill, because it is by the way. Your gp then will help and may prescribe something. Its not a magic tablet but it does help you to cope better and therefore give you a better quality of life. What's ten minutes?

[Coprolalia]

BTW the biggest step is recognising that you feel low, and that it's not normal.

 

The hiding/ don't want to be a burden/ don't want others to worry is classical, and helps drive the cycle.

 

To a good GP (I emphasis good, there are some shitters, so find one who listens!) you're not a burden or a problem. You're the sort of person for whom we can make a huge difference, which is what we live to do.

 

So just do it!

[mrbenn]

I think I know I probably should go but just can't make myself do it. It's really hard for me to try to talk about. Plus I don't want anyone to know, I don't want to upset my parents, who I'm still living with btw!.

My sister has depression and is on medication for it. Not sure her problems are quite the same though. I don't think even those closest to me know how I feel, as I think I'm very good at hiding it and putting a brave face on things since I've been doing it so long.

 

Sounds like you and I, and others on here I suspect, are quite similar.

 

I'm 35, back living at home, feeling much the same as you. Been getting worse for a while. I, like you, didn't want to go to my GP, for various reasons. What I did do (eventually, as my mood and outlook deteriorated further) was seek counselling. I now see someone local once a week.

 

I am not a talker. At least, certainly not about my own feelings. I'll seem like a happy, confident guy on the outside but all I want to do is run away and hide. The counselling is really helping me on many levels. After a slow start, I just started talking. A good counseller will bring things out of you. Its a bit like picking at a scab, it can be difficult and you'll probably feel worse before it gets better. But I've been going a couple of months now and I'm very glad I did.

[danthecapriman]

I will honestly have a think over the next few days, now I'm off work for a couple of weeks the pressure is off I suppose.

I'm still not 100% sure I want to go but I know it's only a matter of time before this causes me more trouble. It's been picked up by colleagues that I'm a bit 'off' and I think it's only a matter of time before something happens and I end up doing or saying something at work. There's a bit of pressure coming from work too that really isn't helping things. A few times in the last couple of months I've been very close to throwing down the tools and walking out, I don't want to do that but...

 

Sounds like you and I, and others on here I suspect, are quite similar.

 

I'm 35, back living at home, feeling much the same as you. Been getting worse for a while. I, like you, didn't want to go to my GP, for various reasons. What I did do (eventually, as my mood and outlook deteriorated further) was seek counselling. I now see someone local once a week.

 

I am not a talker. At least, certainly not about my own feelings. I'll seem like a happy, confident guy on the outside but all I want to do is run away and hide. The counselling is really helping me on many levels. After a slow start, I just started talking. A good counseller will bring things out of you. Its a bit like picking at a scab, it can be difficult and you'll probably feel worse before it gets better. But I've been going a couple of months now and I'm very glad I did.

That is pretty much exactly how I feel. I think if I didn't need the money I'd not bother leaving home, even for work.

 

 

Thanks for the understanding everyone. I don't really have anyone I feel able to talk to at home so this has helped get it off my chest. As I say, I'll have a chill out over the next few days and think about what I'm going to do, I can't keep going on like I am doing.

[mrbenn]

I was the same. Normally I'm pretty patient and easy going, but was about ready to tell everyone to fuck right off. Plus, I'd constantly need to be doing something to occupy my mind otherwise I'd think too much and feel even worse. Its a cycle that needs to be broken.

 

I think if someone (eg parents) had told me to seek counselling, I'd probably have done the opposite. The decision to start a process of change needed to come from me, and it sounds to me like you're at a similar point.

 

If it helps, I started by googling local counsellors. I picked 3 that worked very locally, discounted a guy (didn't want to risk crying in front of a bloke) then picked the lady that had the better bio/website/smile. Whatever works for you

[captain_70s]

Anyway, sorry to be such a miserable shit!

YOU ARE ME AICMFP. Seriously your post describes my personality perfectly aside from the fact I am a bit younger at 24.

 

Another BIG vote for seeing your doctor from me, although I am aware that is considerably easier said than done. I myself have spent the last 7 years attempting to talk myself into going to see a doctor but much like yourself I can't deal with the concept of talking about these things without the internet between me and another person. The inherent lack of motivation and the desire to not bother other people with your problems works against you and you essentially become trapped in your own mind.

 

Recently it's gotten to the point where I'm self aware of my problem but can't distinguish reality from paranoid delusion. For example, I believe everybody I know secretly hates me behind my back, I'm smart enough to know that's pretty much a logical fallacy but the belief persists, the voice in the back of my head still tells me I'm hated and I have to listen to it. It sounds stupid because people will just say "why listen? If you know it's false than you've no reason to believe in it", but that's not how it works. I can't not believe it, I'll find wonky logic to support the theory.

 

I have the bonus that I'm practically an actor, ask somebody to describe me and you'll get things like "really funny", "confident in his actions" but people also find me slightly... Unsettling. Sometimes the real me peaks through the facade and it throws people off a bit, people are more perceptive than they themselves know and subconsciously they known I'm not as genuine as I appear. THIS I feel is where problems with the opposite sex appear, people like confidence and if you hate yourself how can you be confident?

 

Life is a battle against all of it's struggles on top of the fact I'm fighting myself. I'm sort of aware that one of these day it's going to go too far and it'll kill me, part of me wants to push the limits of what I can cope with, to go past the point of no return and allow myself to escape this existence. I won't, I have family to consider. Who'll look after my shitty cars if I'm not around? It'd inconvenience my work colleagues, etc. I distract myself by working as much as possible and sleeping through most of my free time, not a good way to be.

 

The first step is the hardest but the sooner you take it the better off you will be.  To be blunt, every day you don't see somebody about your depression is another day less to enjoy in a limited number of days.

I'm coming to the realisation I could have enjoyed my younger years so much more if I'd made the steps to help myself back at college and now it's too late. Those years are gone forever, the years are still ticking by. I'm a hypocrite, telling you to see somebody when I can't and probably won't, but I say that as somebody who knows he's doing the wrong thing. "I'll book a visit to my GP tomorrow", a phrase I've thought as I've laid in bed every night for over half a decade, just do it for Christ's sake... Even if it comes to nought for whatever (highly unlikely) reason you've lost nothing and can resort to self medication like hoarding British Leyland cars... 

[fred]

Yup Been like you for quite some time, sometimes (most times) drunk myself to sleep .

Its a ''Man'' thing , we are primed by media and peers to be self helping Spartans who require no help from no one, I still feel awkward when my Mother says ''your not the same as you was, whats up? '' I see her pain but still have this '' Stiff upper lip'' bollocks , it is bollocks, but like a druggy you know it is killing you , but just will not admit it .

I finally through reading this have booked a Dr's visit Wednesday morning , and will let loose . Well I hope so

[purplebargeken]

Depression and its side-kick, anxiety is the most common issue of evah, even more so than fucked HG on a K series. 

 

The issues that have been mentioned above are pretty much text book as are the negative thought processes, or 'negative automatic thoughts' (NAT), 'thinking errors' are also part of the tasty spread too. 'I'm shit, I'm a loser, everybody hates me. I'm stupid, everyone is looking at me.......get the idea?

 

The tendency to isolate and also to have a shorter/quicker fuse is also potentially an issue. Lack of energy, motivation, increase or decreased appetite. Sleep: less or increased. It really is an equal opportunity illness as it makes no distinctions as to who you are, what you do or how much money you have/don't have.

 

The solution varies but seeing the GP is a good start. He or she will ask a series of questions which will include 'have you had any thoughts about ending your life'. Sadly some people do. It doesn't necessarily mean that you will do something but again, it can be part of that negative mind-set/distorted thinking.

 

So what helps? Apart from buying chod? Well, start with the GP. Meds can help but like most things, they are not the be all and end all. They have their uses but also side effects, like most meds. If you go down the med route you should take them for at least 6 to 9 months, do not stop them if you feel better. Please discuss with your GP and taper them off. Rebound effects and so on can happen. Stop them slowly/gradually. Discuss any side effects with your GP, there are other flavours available to suit your needs. 

 

Talking therapy. Be it counselling or what is regarded as the 'gold standard', Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), no not cock and ball torture. 

 

It does take time though. Oh, talking openly to partner, friends, family and your manager is important. Booze and illicits are not a good thing. 

 

All the best.

[Tamworthbay]

Sorry to vent this on here but I have no one else to do it to.

I feel utterly shit! Not in a physical way but I just feel so absolutely useless and worthless.

I've been miserable and feeling very down and unhappy for a long time (years would be a realistic time period) but it's getting harder to control and hide now. I'm just so sick of being alone. At the age of nearly 32 I feel a complete failure that I don't have a wife/partner or my own family, everyone else my age seems to have it and I'd gladly do anything to get it.

The trouble is it just never happens.

It makes me sad to have to admit that it must surely be me, I must have a really shit personality and be so repulsive to the opposite sex. I've even recently signed up on an expensive online dating site but had nothing out of it. To be honest I actually feel worse now than before I signed up for some idiotic reason.

While I was filling in the questionnaire and profile info I was really struggling to write anything worthwhile, I just don't think I have any redeeming feature, no hobbies or interest that would appeal to the opposite sex, I just can't put anything down about myself worth reading. I just keep thinking what a waste of time and money this is as nobody in their right mind is going to want to be with such a pathetic looser.

I honestly feel I've got nothing to live for at the moment. It's not like I'm asking much, just the same basic thing everyone else seems to get so easily!?

It's been affecting my work too, I've had several really bad days recently and my bad attitude, temper and total lack of interest in anything has been getting noticed.

I've just started my two weeks off work for holiday and I already feel like shit on the first day.

I really don't know what to do, honestly.

Anyway, sorry to be such a miserable shit!

But you have a CAPRI!!!!!! If I was a woman or gay I would shag you just for that, as soon as its finished you will be fighting them off with a shitty stick (or so I believed when I bought my Tibetan gold 2.0GL in 1989).

 

But seriously, there is some good advice above. The only thing I would add is to get together with some like minded people, nothing better than a Saturday fix it session on a car or trip out to a show or something.

[M'coli]

Talk to me about Cromer, please.

It's good, as is West Runton just north of it - Norfolk's highest point is there (Beacon hill) and Incleborough hill too.  Preserved railway at Sheringham.

[HillmanImp]

I thought depression was caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Doctors can prescibe drugs to restore the balance and make things right, much like they would if you had an iron deficiency or something.

 

If you are just feeling low because things are getting on top of you, personally I would say don't turn to drugs unless you medically need them.

 

My mates and I once got hold of a few packets of prozac and took it all one evening and the comedown was sodding awful, probably the worst I have ever experienced. I can't imagine that taking that when you are in a bad frame of mind would be good for anyone. Okay, I took a lot of it in one go but I was in a good frame of mind beforehand and practically suicidal the day after.

 

Doctors are too quick to prescribe drugs when people are just miserable or pretending to be miserable in order to score drugs (see above when we got hold of all the prozac).

 

Before you go to the doctors maybe try other ways of making yourself feel better. I know things can get on top of you, I have been there myself. I was £30k in debt, super single, in an awful job, borderline alcoholic (still in denial) but within a pretty short time frame I managed to turn things around and things are pretty sweet now with no debt, a bird, child, house etc. Okay the bird is mental but you can't have everything.

 

I would say try to take up sport if you don't do any already. This is a great way of cheering yourself up. I started running along the canal and gradually worked my way up to 10k which I used to run every other day. I was also doing pressups and pull ups in the advert breaks when watching telly. Its hard work when you have spent half your life smoking, drinking and eating pies but each time you progress its great.

 

Not only did I get a bit trimmer I felt loads better about myself and had the right frame of mind to get on with stuff that I needed to do rather than sit there worrying about it.

 

If you join a gym or running club you will also meet people too, increase your social circle, make new friends and meet their friends and maybe someone you like.

 

The dating websites are awful. I once filled in a personality questionnaire on one and it said at the end I was unmatchable.... That didn't make me feel good.

[Tamworthbay]

A whole day set aside to do some bodywork on the dolomite, forecast is for cloudy but dry all day. 10am and it's still raining, bugger.

[Junkman]

Go crabbing, its brilliant! You don't have to eat them, though they are supposed to be very good - I think the done thing is to put them back for others to catch too.

 

CROMER_CRABS_I_CAUGHT.jpg

 

 

I shall leave the crabbing to the servants, while I wait in the club until they are finished.

Then nom nom the proceeds.

[Station]

I like Windows 10 - if you want to buy it, but 7 for cheap and then do the free upgrade.

[Captain Furious]

Some sadly familiar stories here, but take some solace in the fact that you're definitely not alone, and what you're feeling is not unusual, infact casual observance over the years would suggest its far more common than you think, and in the people that you'd least expect.

 

Something I have struggled with for many years to varying extents, the last 12-18 months have actually been much better, but I couldn't pin-point any particular thing I've done to remedy the situation and I'm not by any means 'cured'  I'm not sure that you ever are, you just learn to cope with it better.  So the only advice I can really offer (over and above what others have said about seeing a GP) is small things that I know definitely made a difference me

 

First and absolute foremost, alcohol!  I was at the stage, and still am if I was totally honest with myself, where I can't really have a good time without a few drinks, y'know, just to take the edge off life!  While it works in the moment to make me more sociable, funnier, better at dancing etc its a definite mood killer in the days following.

 

Sleep, (I know, that old cliché, you'll feel better after a good nights sleep)...but for me its absolute proven fact.  I spend most days bored at work with little to do but for some reason always manage to find something to read\watch\look up\shop for until 2am gone.  I blame it on years spent working nights, but really after 12 years of normal hours I ought to be over it by now so that's just another excuse.  Some days I am so tired that I literally cannot be arsed to speak.   If I get some early nights (and it takes a couple of weeks of them not just one) then there is a definite uplift in mood.

 

Showering yourself with expensive gifts, this is in the does not work category I'm afraid, while I have many nice shiny things as a result, material wealth does not equal happiness.  That new thing that you've always wanted might give you a bit of a high short term, but ultimately its not going to cure depression!

 

Talking to people is infectious, in my job I would avoid any sort of personal contact with people other than my immediate colleagues, because I'm not that great in unfamiliar surroundings, meeting new people, making conversation.  So I'd always use e-mail rather than phone calls, send one of the support guys instead of going myself etc.  But actually, if you force yourself out of your comfort zone and pick up the phone, go and see someone face to face, you find that actually they're just people too!  All of a sudden you want to talk to lots of people and this rubs off on your social life too.  i'll admit though, this is a difficult one to keep up when it doesn't come naturally.

 

I always believed that all of my hobbies and interests are pretty dull and nobody really wants to hear about them.  Hell, they probably are and people probably don't, but try it, you'll be surprised at the common ground you find with people, and if you don't, well screw them, you probably won't be interested in anything they have to say either.

 

And probably most importantly, value the true friends you have in life and make the most of that friendship, it might only be one or two people (if it takes you two hands to count them you're doing really well) the type of friends that you could depend on in an emergency and that would depend on you in the same way.  I'm not going to say go round and see them and burden them with all your deepest darkest feelings, just go round and see them.  Its so easy to sit there and wait for people to come to you, but maybe they're sat there waiting for the same thing.  Arrange to do things, go to car shows or whatever else you share an interest in, days out, for a drink, even just round for a cup of tea and a chat.  That is one thing I have made a concerted effort to do, and I now see a lot more of my two good mates.  We've been away on some awesome weekends to various events and festivals and have a couple more planned to look forward to yet.

 

I still think i'll probably be eternally single and won't ever have the kind of family life that, as you say, seems to come so easily for others, but I'm a bit more content with the idea now, and who knows, when you're not seeking it or trying to force the situation, it might just find you.