The grumpy thread

[mrbenn]

I was the same. Normally I'm pretty patient and easy going, but was about ready to tell everyone to fuck right off. Plus, I'd constantly need to be doing something to occupy my mind otherwise I'd think too much and feel even worse. Its a cycle that needs to be broken.

 

I think if someone (eg parents) had told me to seek counselling, I'd probably have done the opposite. The decision to start a process of change needed to come from me, and it sounds to me like you're at a similar point.

 

If it helps, I started by googling local counsellors. I picked 3 that worked very locally, discounted a guy (didn't want to risk crying in front of a bloke) then picked the lady that had the better bio/website/smile. Whatever works for you

[captain_70s]

Anyway, sorry to be such a miserable shit!

YOU ARE ME AICMFP. Seriously your post describes my personality perfectly aside from the fact I am a bit younger at 24.

 

Another BIG vote for seeing your doctor from me, although I am aware that is considerably easier said than done. I myself have spent the last 7 years attempting to talk myself into going to see a doctor but much like yourself I can't deal with the concept of talking about these things without the internet between me and another person. The inherent lack of motivation and the desire to not bother other people with your problems works against you and you essentially become trapped in your own mind.

 

Recently it's gotten to the point where I'm self aware of my problem but can't distinguish reality from paranoid delusion. For example, I believe everybody I know secretly hates me behind my back, I'm smart enough to know that's pretty much a logical fallacy but the belief persists, the voice in the back of my head still tells me I'm hated and I have to listen to it. It sounds stupid because people will just say "why listen? If you know it's false than you've no reason to believe in it", but that's not how it works. I can't not believe it, I'll find wonky logic to support the theory.

 

I have the bonus that I'm practically an actor, ask somebody to describe me and you'll get things like "really funny", "confident in his actions" but people also find me slightly... Unsettling. Sometimes the real me peaks through the facade and it throws people off a bit, people are more perceptive than they themselves know and subconsciously they known I'm not as genuine as I appear. THIS I feel is where problems with the opposite sex appear, people like confidence and if you hate yourself how can you be confident?

 

Life is a battle against all of it's struggles on top of the fact I'm fighting myself. I'm sort of aware that one of these day it's going to go too far and it'll kill me, part of me wants to push the limits of what I can cope with, to go past the point of no return and allow myself to escape this existence. I won't, I have family to consider. Who'll look after my shitty cars if I'm not around? It'd inconvenience my work colleagues, etc. I distract myself by working as much as possible and sleeping through most of my free time, not a good way to be.

 

The first step is the hardest but the sooner you take it the better off you will be.  To be blunt, every day you don't see somebody about your depression is another day less to enjoy in a limited number of days.

I'm coming to the realisation I could have enjoyed my younger years so much more if I'd made the steps to help myself back at college and now it's too late. Those years are gone forever, the years are still ticking by. I'm a hypocrite, telling you to see somebody when I can't and probably won't, but I say that as somebody who knows he's doing the wrong thing. "I'll book a visit to my GP tomorrow", a phrase I've thought as I've laid in bed every night for over half a decade, just do it for Christ's sake... Even if it comes to nought for whatever (highly unlikely) reason you've lost nothing and can resort to self medication like hoarding British Leyland cars... 

[fred]

Yup Been like you for quite some time, sometimes (most times) drunk myself to sleep .

Its a ''Man'' thing , we are primed by media and peers to be self helping Spartans who require no help from no one, I still feel awkward when my Mother says ''your not the same as you was, whats up? '' I see her pain but still have this '' Stiff upper lip'' bollocks , it is bollocks, but like a druggy you know it is killing you , but just will not admit it .

I finally through reading this have booked a Dr's visit Wednesday morning , and will let loose . Well I hope so

[purplebargeken]

Depression and its side-kick, anxiety is the most common issue of evah, even more so than fucked HG on a K series. 

 

The issues that have been mentioned above are pretty much text book as are the negative thought processes, or 'negative automatic thoughts' (NAT), 'thinking errors' are also part of the tasty spread too. 'I'm shit, I'm a loser, everybody hates me. I'm stupid, everyone is looking at me.......get the idea?

 

The tendency to isolate and also to have a shorter/quicker fuse is also potentially an issue. Lack of energy, motivation, increase or decreased appetite. Sleep: less or increased. It really is an equal opportunity illness as it makes no distinctions as to who you are, what you do or how much money you have/don't have.

 

The solution varies but seeing the GP is a good start. He or she will ask a series of questions which will include 'have you had any thoughts about ending your life'. Sadly some people do. It doesn't necessarily mean that you will do something but again, it can be part of that negative mind-set/distorted thinking.

 

So what helps? Apart from buying chod? Well, start with the GP. Meds can help but like most things, they are not the be all and end all. They have their uses but also side effects, like most meds. If you go down the med route you should take them for at least 6 to 9 months, do not stop them if you feel better. Please discuss with your GP and taper them off. Rebound effects and so on can happen. Stop them slowly/gradually. Discuss any side effects with your GP, there are other flavours available to suit your needs. 

 

Talking therapy. Be it counselling or what is regarded as the 'gold standard', Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), no not cock and ball torture. 

 

It does take time though. Oh, talking openly to partner, friends, family and your manager is important. Booze and illicits are not a good thing. 

 

All the best.

[Tamworthbay]

Sorry to vent this on here but I have no one else to do it to.

I feel utterly shit! Not in a physical way but I just feel so absolutely useless and worthless.

I've been miserable and feeling very down and unhappy for a long time (years would be a realistic time period) but it's getting harder to control and hide now. I'm just so sick of being alone. At the age of nearly 32 I feel a complete failure that I don't have a wife/partner or my own family, everyone else my age seems to have it and I'd gladly do anything to get it.

The trouble is it just never happens.

It makes me sad to have to admit that it must surely be me, I must have a really shit personality and be so repulsive to the opposite sex. I've even recently signed up on an expensive online dating site but had nothing out of it. To be honest I actually feel worse now than before I signed up for some idiotic reason.

While I was filling in the questionnaire and profile info I was really struggling to write anything worthwhile, I just don't think I have any redeeming feature, no hobbies or interest that would appeal to the opposite sex, I just can't put anything down about myself worth reading. I just keep thinking what a waste of time and money this is as nobody in their right mind is going to want to be with such a pathetic looser.

I honestly feel I've got nothing to live for at the moment. It's not like I'm asking much, just the same basic thing everyone else seems to get so easily!?

It's been affecting my work too, I've had several really bad days recently and my bad attitude, temper and total lack of interest in anything has been getting noticed.

I've just started my two weeks off work for holiday and I already feel like shit on the first day.

I really don't know what to do, honestly.

Anyway, sorry to be such a miserable shit!

But you have a CAPRI!!!!!! If I was a woman or gay I would shag you just for that, as soon as its finished you will be fighting them off with a shitty stick (or so I believed when I bought my Tibetan gold 2.0GL in 1989).

 

But seriously, there is some good advice above. The only thing I would add is to get together with some like minded people, nothing better than a Saturday fix it session on a car or trip out to a show or something.

[M'coli]

Talk to me about Cromer, please.

It's good, as is West Runton just north of it - Norfolk's highest point is there (Beacon hill) and Incleborough hill too.  Preserved railway at Sheringham.

[HillmanImp]

I thought depression was caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Doctors can prescibe drugs to restore the balance and make things right, much like they would if you had an iron deficiency or something.

 

If you are just feeling low because things are getting on top of you, personally I would say don't turn to drugs unless you medically need them.

 

My mates and I once got hold of a few packets of prozac and took it all one evening and the comedown was sodding awful, probably the worst I have ever experienced. I can't imagine that taking that when you are in a bad frame of mind would be good for anyone. Okay, I took a lot of it in one go but I was in a good frame of mind beforehand and practically suicidal the day after.

 

Doctors are too quick to prescribe drugs when people are just miserable or pretending to be miserable in order to score drugs (see above when we got hold of all the prozac).

 

Before you go to the doctors maybe try other ways of making yourself feel better. I know things can get on top of you, I have been there myself. I was £30k in debt, super single, in an awful job, borderline alcoholic (still in denial) but within a pretty short time frame I managed to turn things around and things are pretty sweet now with no debt, a bird, child, house etc. Okay the bird is mental but you can't have everything.

 

I would say try to take up sport if you don't do any already. This is a great way of cheering yourself up. I started running along the canal and gradually worked my way up to 10k which I used to run every other day. I was also doing pressups and pull ups in the advert breaks when watching telly. Its hard work when you have spent half your life smoking, drinking and eating pies but each time you progress its great.

 

Not only did I get a bit trimmer I felt loads better about myself and had the right frame of mind to get on with stuff that I needed to do rather than sit there worrying about it.

 

If you join a gym or running club you will also meet people too, increase your social circle, make new friends and meet their friends and maybe someone you like.

 

The dating websites are awful. I once filled in a personality questionnaire on one and it said at the end I was unmatchable.... That didn't make me feel good.

[Tamworthbay]

A whole day set aside to do some bodywork on the dolomite, forecast is for cloudy but dry all day. 10am and it's still raining, bugger.

[Junkman]

Go crabbing, its brilliant! You don't have to eat them, though they are supposed to be very good - I think the done thing is to put them back for others to catch too.

 

CROMER_CRABS_I_CAUGHT.jpg

 

 

I shall leave the crabbing to the servants, while I wait in the club until they are finished.

Then nom nom the proceeds.

[Station]

I like Windows 10 - if you want to buy it, but 7 for cheap and then do the free upgrade.

[Captain Furious]

Some sadly familiar stories here, but take some solace in the fact that you're definitely not alone, and what you're feeling is not unusual, infact casual observance over the years would suggest its far more common than you think, and in the people that you'd least expect.

 

Something I have struggled with for many years to varying extents, the last 12-18 months have actually been much better, but I couldn't pin-point any particular thing I've done to remedy the situation and I'm not by any means 'cured'  I'm not sure that you ever are, you just learn to cope with it better.  So the only advice I can really offer (over and above what others have said about seeing a GP) is small things that I know definitely made a difference me

 

First and absolute foremost, alcohol!  I was at the stage, and still am if I was totally honest with myself, where I can't really have a good time without a few drinks, y'know, just to take the edge off life!  While it works in the moment to make me more sociable, funnier, better at dancing etc its a definite mood killer in the days following.

 

Sleep, (I know, that old cliché, you'll feel better after a good nights sleep)...but for me its absolute proven fact.  I spend most days bored at work with little to do but for some reason always manage to find something to read\watch\look up\shop for until 2am gone.  I blame it on years spent working nights, but really after 12 years of normal hours I ought to be over it by now so that's just another excuse.  Some days I am so tired that I literally cannot be arsed to speak.   If I get some early nights (and it takes a couple of weeks of them not just one) then there is a definite uplift in mood.

 

Showering yourself with expensive gifts, this is in the does not work category I'm afraid, while I have many nice shiny things as a result, material wealth does not equal happiness.  That new thing that you've always wanted might give you a bit of a high short term, but ultimately its not going to cure depression!

 

Talking to people is infectious, in my job I would avoid any sort of personal contact with people other than my immediate colleagues, because I'm not that great in unfamiliar surroundings, meeting new people, making conversation.  So I'd always use e-mail rather than phone calls, send one of the support guys instead of going myself etc.  But actually, if you force yourself out of your comfort zone and pick up the phone, go and see someone face to face, you find that actually they're just people too!  All of a sudden you want to talk to lots of people and this rubs off on your social life too.  i'll admit though, this is a difficult one to keep up when it doesn't come naturally.

 

I always believed that all of my hobbies and interests are pretty dull and nobody really wants to hear about them.  Hell, they probably are and people probably don't, but try it, you'll be surprised at the common ground you find with people, and if you don't, well screw them, you probably won't be interested in anything they have to say either.

 

And probably most importantly, value the true friends you have in life and make the most of that friendship, it might only be one or two people (if it takes you two hands to count them you're doing really well) the type of friends that you could depend on in an emergency and that would depend on you in the same way.  I'm not going to say go round and see them and burden them with all your deepest darkest feelings, just go round and see them.  Its so easy to sit there and wait for people to come to you, but maybe they're sat there waiting for the same thing.  Arrange to do things, go to car shows or whatever else you share an interest in, days out, for a drink, even just round for a cup of tea and a chat.  That is one thing I have made a concerted effort to do, and I now see a lot more of my two good mates.  We've been away on some awesome weekends to various events and festivals and have a couple more planned to look forward to yet.

 

I still think i'll probably be eternally single and won't ever have the kind of family life that, as you say, seems to come so easily for others, but I'm a bit more content with the idea now, and who knows, when you're not seeking it or trying to force the situation, it might just find you.

[Junkman]

After my life had grenaded in 1998, I ended up a depressed, suicidal wreck in Dublin, of all places.
What saved me, is that pretty much every Dubliner has relevant experience in this field and some sympathetic new acquaintances (sp?)

dragged me to a doctor, who was a homeopath on top of being a proper doctor.
He put me on a homeopathic antidepressant just to mitigate the immediate symptoms, thus saved my life. Once I felt a bit better, I did some therapy.

Having considered this psycho stuff all hocus pocus before, I was astonished what they can do and how well it works.

I also noticed, that once one has rebuilt oneself, everything else just falls into place.

 

If you suffer from depressions, do not take it lightly. It is a serious illness. And what does one do if one is ill? One goes and sees a doctor!

[danthecapriman]

Thanks for all advice, some very good helpful info there.

 

Having slept on it, I think I'd like to try to avoid any meds. I've never believed taking pills is either good for you or a real cure.

Maybe seeing a councillor is my best option? I've already had a quick look in yellow pages for a few local ones so I might have a look into going to that.

 

One thing I have realised is that I really don't do anything. Sure I've got my cars but that's just for me. I don't have any other hobbies or activities, ideally ones where there are other people around.

I literally get up in the morning, go to work, come home and have a meal then either sit on my arse watching TV or playing video games before going to bed and starting over.

I could really do with doing a bit of exercise too, which I've heard can help with giving you a pick me up and relieve low self esteem.

Trouble is, the way I am makes it so hard to try doing anything that involves other people! And I'm really not into sports! If I'm honest I can't think of anything more boring. I tried working out a bit once before and it didn't last long.

One of the big benefits to trying to find a date or whatever is that then you have someone you really like who you can go and do things with. Of course it's that very problem that stops this happening.

 

I've noticed a few times I seem to get very down, more so when I'm not busy, but I don't know why? One negative thought pops into my mind and that's it then, it gets worse and worse. Then all of a sudden I can just almost snap out of it.

I've had a few really bad times at work, starting off fine then something triggers it. It gets noticed though and I don't want to get labelled as a problem or piss my colleagues off.

Going out at all is very difficult for me. It feels like when I'm out all eyes are judging me! I know it's not true but the thought is always there but for some bizarre reason it's that though process I choose to believe. Even at work I feel the same, if I walk into our depot I suddenly feel very awkward and almost like everyone's looking at me wondering why that useless ugly sod is here. It's that same feeling most people get when they're put into a really uncomfortable situation where your shitting yourself, and tense up, that sort of thing but it's all the time when I'm not at home.

I even felt like it when I went out and met a few shiters locally! No idea why as they were great people! It just seems to be a 'thing' I can't get over.

 

I'll try to chill out a bit over the next few days and think about what I should do.

Is it worth having a one to one chat with my boss when I go back to work? I've spoken to him recently about another problem (kind of related to this) and he seems like he listens and is understanding. I'm pretty sure he is aware of the times I've been on a downer at work, I think someone else might of mentioned it? After the chat we did have he said at the end 'are you ok or is there anything else you want to talk about?' Almost half expecting me to continue. I didn't obviously, thought it better not to.

 

 

One thing I really do regret now is wasting my time and money signing up to that dating site! I'd been thinking about doing it for ages and never did but now I have it's made me feel even worse. Even that isn't working!

[danthecapriman]

Some sadly familiar stories here, but take some solace in the fact that you're definitely not alone, and what you're feeling is not unusual, infact casual observance over the years would suggest its far more common than you think, and in the people that you'd least expect.

 

Something I have struggled with for many years to varying extents, the last 12-18 months have actually been much better, but I couldn't pin-point any particular thing I've done to remedy the situation and I'm not by any means 'cured'  I'm not sure that you ever are, you just learn to cope with it better.  So the only advice I can really offer (over and above what others have said about seeing a GP) is small things that I know definitely made a difference me

 

First and absolute foremost, alcohol!  I was at the stage, and still am if I was totally honest with myself, where I can't really have a good time without a few drinks, y'know, just to take the edge off life!  While it works in the moment to make me more sociable, funnier, better at dancing etc its a definite mood killer in the days following.

 

Sleep, (I know, that old cliché, you'll feel better after a good nights sleep)...but for me its absolute proven fact.  I spend most days bored at work with little to do but for some reason always manage to find something to read\watch\look up\shop for until 2am gone.  I blame it on years spent working nights, but really after 12 years of normal hours I ought to be over it by now so that's just another excuse.  Some days I am so tired that I literally cannot be arsed to speak.   If I get some early nights (and it takes a couple of weeks of them not just one) then there is a definite uplift in mood.

 

Showering yourself with expensive gifts, this is in the does not work category I'm afraid, while I have many nice shiny things as a result, material wealth does not equal happiness.  That new thing that you've always wanted might give you a bit of a high short term, but ultimately its not going to cure depression!

 

Talking to people is infectious, in my job I would avoid any sort of personal contact with people other than my immediate colleagues, because I'm not that great in unfamiliar surroundings, meeting new people, making conversation.  So I'd always use e-mail rather than phone calls, send one of the support guys instead of going myself etc.  But actually, if you force yourself out of your comfort zone and pick up the phone, go and see someone face to face, you find that actually they're just people too!  All of a sudden you want to talk to lots of people and this rubs off on your social life too.  i'll admit though, this is a difficult one to keep up when it doesn't come naturally.

 

I always believed that all of my hobbies and interests are pretty dull and nobody really wants to hear about them.  Hell, they probably are and people probably don't, but try it, you'll be surprised at the common ground you find with people, and if you don't, well screw them, you probably won't be interested in anything they have to say either.

 

And probably most importantly, value the true friends you have in life and make the most of that friendship, it might only be one or two people (if it takes you two hands to count them you're doing really well) the type of friends that you could depend on in an emergency and that would depend on you in the same way.  I'm not going to say go round and see them and burden them with all your deepest darkest feelings, just go round and see them.  Its so easy to sit there and wait for people to come to you, but maybe they're sat there waiting for the same thing.  Arrange to do things, go to car shows or whatever else you share an interest in, days out, for a drink, even just round for a cup of tea and a chat.  That is one thing I have made a concerted effort to do, and I now see a lot more of my two good mates.  We've been away on some awesome weekends to various events and festivals and have a couple more planned to look forward to yet.

 

I still think i'll probably be eternally single and won't ever have the kind of family life that, as you say, seems to come so easily for others, but I'm a bit more content with the idea now, and who knows, when you're not seeking it or trying to force the situation, it might just find you.

This is good.

 

A lot seems familiar too. I've used the retail therapy thing. I've bought all sorts (cars included) as a pick me up, it works briefly but the fact I'm still like it, or worse, proves it doesn't work.

 

I'll always use email instead of the phone, and even shopping online instead of going to the shops. All just to avoid contact with anyone else.

[Junkman]

Better than anything else, is to just stop watching telly.

Not only will your brain recover and resume functioning at a normal speed after a surprisingly short period, but you will automatically start to do other things.
And it is this last thing, that will change everything for the better, because nothing, I repeat: nothing! is worse, than sitting on a sofa watching telly.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Apart from the sensible advice from people that know what they're talking about, ie speak to your GP. I think Captain Furious has connectived with the head of the nail, re relationships , when he says; 'when you're not seeking it or trying to force the situation, it might just find you.'

This should be a rule for life generally and I've found applies to work, women, money and cars .

 

As Tamworth says, when you've got the Capri on the road, it'll attract so much fanny you'll be drowning in it ( incidentally the way I'd like to go, when the time comes). Possibly the same women that were attracted to Capri drivers in the 70's and 80's , but on the bright side they'll probably have their own house ( or sheltered accommodation)

If you're overweight at all, join a Fat Club. I joined WeightWatchers a couple of weeks ago and as the only bloke in a room full of women who are either shy and insecure or desperate for someone to acknowledge how much better they look for losing a couple of pounds , I'm sure even I, with my slightly rusty( as slight as a 1976 SD1 that's been kept in salt mine) chatting up skills could pull.

If that shallow and pointless spooling yourself with cars is a problem, I'll give you £200 for the Mercury, kohlect 2 nite ma8 ?

[Captain Furious]

Weekends were the worst for me, it was entirely normal that I'd just slob around and not even get dressed for the entire day, until it was night time when I'd go down the same old local pub with the same old local people drinking the same old crappy lager.  It was a routine, that's just what I did, I didn't have anywhere else to be or anything else to do, so whats the point of getting up early and being 'up and about'?

 

So now I try and find something to do at weekends, no matter how mundane, to break that routine.  I'm still not exactly a social butterfly, but, for example..

 

Sunday, my mate and I went to one of the local car boots, something I've never had any interest in, and Sunday mostly confirmed my suspicions that they're full of old tut and I wouldn't give you a fiver for the lot.  But, it was something to do, we went for breakfast at Mcdonalds (something always worth getting out of bed for) took a drive up there, walked round for a couple of hours in the sunshine, quietly sniggering at some of the absolute crap people try and sell, joking that I've loaded the car up with more valuable items to take down the tip...

 

Then I stumbled across a pair of awesome ratcheting axle stands which I didn't need, but bought them anyway because they were a tenner.  Then on the way out found an old car aerofoil thing which everyone had in the 80s and 90's for towing caravans, £4 - So I thought that will look most awesomely retro next time I take the caravan to a show somewhere, I'm having it!  Now I have something else to do, find some period decals to adorn it, find\make a roof bar to attach it on with...So in actual fact going somewhere which I'd previously dismissed out of hand has led onto something else to do and focus my mind on

 

Its pretty trivial stuff, I mean, car boot sales aren't going to turn your life around, but what else would I have done that day?  Festered in my pit getting down about the fact its back to work tomorrow.  Not only that, but it gives you something to talk about too when people ask you what you did at the weekend.

 

I don't know if you've ever seen a film called Yes Man, but the premise of the story is to not refuse any opportunity that comes your way, even if its something that is your idea of absolute hell, because you never know what it may lead onto.  Obviously its taken to comedy extremes, but I think to a certain extent it has a valid message.  The online dating thing for example, look at it like this, you tried it, it didn't (or hasn't yet) worked out, but that's better than not doing it and forever wondering if you missed out on Mrs Perfect because you didn't take the leap of faith.

[dollywobbler]

Why are you pouring your thoughts out on here? It's because you need to get stuff off your chest. That's what counsellors are all about.

 

I had some pretty bad anxiety issues about 16 years ago (probably because of my nutjob girlfriend at the time). I went to the GP, got referred to a counsellor and it only took a few short sessions for me to feel much better. In short, by talking it through with a professional, I realised that I was getting wound up about stuff (especially eating in public) for no reason at all. Talking is therapeutic. Chances are you're not the first person in the world to feel like you do.

 

Anyway, my grump is back to less brain-related stuff, and all about pure technology. Our broadband is shit after a major network failure in the village two weeks ago, and the mobile reception is also shit. This is making my working day bloody infuriating.

[beko1987]

Weekends were the worst for me, it was entirely normal that I'd just slob around and not even get dressed for the entire day, until it was night time when I'd go down the same old local pub with the same old local people drinking the same old crappy lager.  It was a routine, that's just what I did, I didn't have anywhere else to be or anything else to do, so whats the point of getting up early and being 'up and about'?

 

So now I try and find something to do at weekends, no matter how mundane, to break that routine.  I'm still not exactly a social butterfly, but, for example..

 

Sunday, my mate and I went to one of the local car boots, something I've never had any interest in, and Sunday mostly confirmed my suspicions that they're full of old tut and I wouldn't give you a fiver for the lot.  But, it was something to do, we went for breakfast at Mcdonalds (something always worth getting out of bed for) took a drive up there, walked round for a couple of hours in the sunshine, quietly sniggering at some of the absolute crap people try and sell, joking that I've loaded the car up with more valuable items to take down the tip...

 

Then I stumbled across a pair of awesome ratcheting axle stands which I didn't need, but bought them anyway because they were a tenner.  Then on the way out found an old car aerofoil thing which everyone had in the 80s and 90's for towing caravans, £4 - So I thought that will look most awesomely retro next time I take the caravan to a show somewhere, I'm having it!  Now I have something else to do, find some period decals to adorn it, find\make a roof bar to attach it on with...So in actual fact going somewhere which I'd previously dismissed out of hand has led onto something else to do and focus my mind on

 

Its pretty trivial stuff, I mean, car boot sales aren't going to turn your life around, but what else would I have done that day?  Festered in my pit getting down about the fact its back to work tomorrow.  Not only that, but it gives you something to talk about too when people ask you what you did at the weekend.

 

I don't know if you've ever seen a film called Yes Man, but the premise of the story is to not refuse any opportunity that comes your way, even if its something that is your idea of absolute hell, because you never know what it may lead onto.  Obviously its taken to comedy extremes, but I think to a certain extent it has a valid message.  The online dating thing for example, look at it like this, you tried it, it didn't (or hasn't yet) worked out, but that's better than not doing it and forever wondering if you missed out on Mrs Perfect because you didn't take the leap of faith.

I'm banned from going to car boots for the forseeable as I buy too much 'shit', mainly hoovers. Which is sort of good, as we need to do one or 2 as sellers, so I don't have to go, as 'I spend all that we make on bloody hoovers', ignoring the fact that I then make 3-4x that back when I sell them.

 

Still, when she's out at the car boot I can go collect stuff from ebay easier...

[Eddie Honda]

as I buy too much 'shit'

Get it right, it's 'quality used spares'

[Captain Furious]

I hate to come away from these things completely empty handed.  I went to Donnington Market a few weeks ago and bought a set of jump leads, £30 but they are a superb set, 5m long and you could jump the starship enterprise.  Not the usual Argos affair which are far too short and start smoking whenever you attempt to start anything more heavy duty than a moped

 

Of course I went home and immediately found them £3 cheaper on Amazon, but it didn't matter, I felt like I'd got a deal at the time.

[Lord Sterling]

Depression and its side-kick, anxiety is the most common issue of evah, even more so than fucked HG on a K series.

 

The issues that have been mentioned above are pretty much text book as are the negative thought processes, or 'negative automatic thoughts' (NAT), 'thinking errors' are also part of the tasty spread too. 'I'm shit, I'm a loser, everybody hates me. I'm stupid, everyone is looking at me.......get the idea?

 

The tendency to isolate and also to have a shorter/quicker fuse is also potentially an issue. Lack of energy, motivation, increase or decreased appetite. Sleep: less or increased. It really is an equal opportunity illness as it makes no distinctions as to who you are, what you do or how much money you have/don't have.

 

The solution varies but seeing the GP is a good start. He or she will ask a series of questions which will include 'have you had any thoughts about ending your life'. Sadly some people do. It doesn't necessarily mean that you will do something but again, it can be part of that negative mind-set/distorted thinking.

 

So what helps? Apart from buying chod? Well, start with the GP. Meds can help but like most things, they are not the be all and end all. They have their uses but also side effects, like most meds. If you go down the med route you should take them for at least 6 to 9 months, do not stop them if you feel better. Please discuss with your GP and taper them off. Rebound effects and so on can happen. Stop them slowly/gradually. Discuss any side effects with your GP, there are other flavours available to suit your needs.

 

Talking therapy. Be it counselling or what is regarded as the 'gold standard', Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT).

 

It does take time though. Oh, talking openly to partner, friends, family and your manager is important. Booze and illicits are not a good thing.

 

All the best.

+ BILLION

 

I felt like this a few times over the last few years. And I agree, go andnsee your doctor, it will seem very daunting at first and you probably will worry about others around you and what they might think, BUT, you have stated that some already pick up on your general aura. I suspect there are far more people who have picked up on it than you might think, you will be surprised at how many people suspect depression and will be relieved that you have finally admitted it.

 

The first step of going to the GP is basically your door to breaking the cycle, even if it just for a chat. Don't let "I'll do it tomorrow" or whatever get in the way. Pick up the phone, dial the number and make an appointment NOW.

 

As Ken said the solution varies, for me it was a mix of reconnecting with my culture and religion, reestablishing contact with family and friends, recognising that slobbing about the place eating myself into a health nightmare wasn't the solution as it only fed the cycle. Well, that and of course having the shit ripped out of me by a very close family member who I truly love and respect as they were at the end of thier tether watching me destroy myself.

 

I got out there and did some stuff that made me happy, going for a walk in the countryside and generally appreciating nature, being out in the light and meeting up with friends.

 

It was a hard, daunting slog to climb out of there but I did it and now I'm in a position I never thought I'd ever see myself in. I find alot that a daunting trip can often end in happiness and enjoyment.

 

You know that old adage; some people convince themselves that etc... so much that they actually believe it? Maybe try and convince yourself that you are content, appreciate what you've got, go and enjoy your cars and appreciate any positive comments you might get.

[Junkman]

Its pretty trivial stuff, I mean, car boot sales aren't going to turn your life around...

 

I can't confirm that.

One of my best friends is now happily married for over twenty years to a rather appetising goth babe he poached at a boot sale.

And all it cost him was chipping in the 30 Pence or so she was shy of the object of her desire.

[Junkman]

Going out at all is very difficult for me. It feels like when I'm out all eyes are judging me!

 

This means other people do find you interesting. I'd book this under positives.

[Captain Furious]

Well, I stand corrected on car boot sales.

 

Just goes to show the Yes Man theory can work.

[stripped fred]

Bloody tenant is playing me up. She moved in Nov 2014 with her husband who cleared off soon after. I've been fair with rent payments being a bit late but now she's just stopped paying. She promised to make a payment and is now not answering my calls. Also mentioned that the patio door was damaged in a supposed break in which she also didn't tell me and hasn't reported to the police. I called round, after giving her notice that I was going to do so, and she wasn't in or wouldn't answer the door. It will take me a minimum of 2 months before she legally has to leave. If she doesn't then it's the eviction process which = more time + money. I'm quite new to this landlord business as it came about accidentally. I know you have ups and downs but it's a bit frustrating at the moment. It's also the last time I pay someone to find me a tenant. I am understanding as she's now on her own with a young kid but she is taking the piss a bit.

[Station]

Why are you pouring your thoughts out on here? It's because you need to get stuff off your chest. That's what counsellors are all about.

 

I had some pretty bad anxiety issues about 16 years ago (probably because of my nutjob girlfriend at the time). I went to the GP, got referred to a counsellor and it only took a few short sessions for me to feel much better. In short, by talking it through with a professional, I realised that I was getting wound up about stuff (especially eating in public) for no reason at all. Talking is therapeutic. Chances are you're not the first person in the world to feel like you do.

 

Anyway, my grump is back to less brain-related stuff, and all about pure technology. Our broadband is shit after a major network failure in the village two weeks ago, and the mobile reception is also shit. This is making my working day bloody infuriating.

I was reading through these and thought the only thing I was anxious about was eating in public, and then read this. I used to be terrible, but now I can eat apples or a banana walking through town, I can't remember when I got over that or why I was anxious about it in the first place.

[Tamworthbay]

I was reading through these and thought the only thing I was anxious about was eating in public, and then read this. I used to be terrible, but now I can eat apples or a banana walking through town, I can't remember when I got over that or why I was anxious about it in the first place.

It's very common, I am fine if I know people but hate being at work training or events where I don't know anyone. But you learn to manage it in your own way, I just duck out to the nearest chippy and sit in the car listening to the radio. If it's family or friends I am fine. It all started when I was prescribed an arthritis drug called methotrexate which altered by taste and I could suddenly find myself gagging at something I had eaten for years and years, even now nine years on there are some foods I can't be around when they are being cooked. We all have things that bug us, I have some nasty scars from a motorbike accident so will never walk around with my shirt off and it's easy to think people are looking at you - usually they are just reading your t shirt.

[xtriple]

Please do go and see your Doctor. Nothing wrong with 'happy pills' been on them for the last thirty years! Not the same ones, it has varied as the years have passed and pills have got better/more effective. I would have been dead a long time ago without them and that is the truth.

 

Therapy is a bit of a mixed bag as the mental health teams are under severe pressure nowadays with cuts to staff and bugger all funding. If you can be fixed quickly, then great but for more deep seated problems (abuse etc) not a lot of help as they do not have the time to help you.

 

But, as a first step (after seeing the Quack), you need to set yourself goals. By that I mean something manageable but that you are normally unwilling to do. Go to a new place, just for an hour/30 minutes. Talk to a stranger, even if it's just 'Hello'. Smile... smiling is often enough to lift your mood by itself! Do your housework/washing, clean your car, anything that you would normally make excuses to avoid. I was deadly afraid of going anywhere that was 'outside my comfort zone' and that meant anywhere more than a little circuit that I had convinced myself was safe, I wouldn't even take the dogs somewhere new as it really caused me to shake/sweat/get stomach ache/feel sick if I went anywhere other than my 'safe' zone.

 

It was hard to go to a different place, but the first step is the tricky one, they DO get much easier with each one you take. I still don't go all that far but that's now because I don't have a need to but I don't feel afraid/worried/anxious about going anywhere. I went to Plymouth yesterday and Exeter is a frequent trip and two years ago, there was no way I could have gone to either place.

 

I still make myself lists of what I want to achieve: hoovering the flat, doing the shopping etc. Sounds trivial (and it is) but it helps! If at the end of the first weeks you have crossed off one or two of these 'chores' then you have every right to feel proud of yourself. If you haven't, then do not beat yourself up about it! Beating yourself up is the easiest thing for us to do and is totally self destructive.

 

Look in the mirror and be honest. If you are a fat ugly twat, embrace it! You often see ugly blokes with lovely ladies, they didn't all get them because they are richer than Bernie Ecclestone or hung with a solid foot of man meat! Be confident, even if you are not, fake it! Confidence will take you miles in every walk of life, I have been faking confidence for so long that now I am not sure if I am confident or still faking! Result however, is the same.

 

I could go on, but if you need to talk, then p.m. me.

[anonymous user]

I was reading through these and thought the only thing I was anxious about was eating in public, and then read this. I used to be terrible, but now I can eat apples or a banana walking through town, I can't remember when I got over that or why I was anxious about it in the first place.

Just apples or a banana? Now when you can manage to eat a roast dinner walking down the street you'll know you've got it sorted.

 

Strangely with all my hang-ups that's one I've never had; although I do know a few people who suffer with it. I'm quite happy eating on my own in public, in cafes, pubs, restaurants, or a bag of chips on a bench in the park, my quirk is that I have to sit facing out, I find it very hard to sit eating with my back to people.