The grumpy thread

[dozeydustman]

One of the cats has been a real shitbag of late. I'm sure she has mental issues.

 

Does bugger all all day. Won't drink won't eat just sleeps. And sleeps. And farts. And sleeps some more.

 

Mrs Dustman comes home and the cat won't stop harassing her for food. Food & drink provided, it's not good enough.

 

I want a dog.

[Kiltox]

Sounds like a cat alright.

[Rod/b]

Cats are dickheads. We’ve got two, which is at least one too many.

[Parky]

One of the cats has been a real shitbag of late. I'm sure she has mental issues.

 

Does bugger all all day. Won't drink won't eat just sleeps. And sleeps. And farts. And sleeps some more.

 

Mrs Dustman comes home and the cat won't stop harassing her for food. Food & drink provided, it's not good enough.

 

I want a dog.

I AM YOUR CAT AND I CLAIM MY FIVE POUNDS

[Louise2cv]

I heard the cat flap click-clack last night. Then the unmistakable rhythmic sound of concertinaing vom ejection. Promptly followed by the click-clack of the cat flap.

 

He came in from outside just to vom on the stair carpet, before popping back out again. He's come in, just to be sick. On my carpet. From outside. W. T. F?

 

Cats. I'm not having another.

[dave21478]

Cats are dicks.

 

2am?

Juuust on the point of falling asleep?

I think now would be the ideal time for me to repeatedly attempt to jump from the windowsill to the top of the wardrobe.

 

Watching tv?

Look at my butthole. Look at it. No really have a look, up close, I will rub it right in your face, will I?

 

Working eh?

need to concentrate on that budget spreadsheet? 

This would be the perfect time for me to really loudly slurp at my minge for ten minutes straight.

[Rod/b]

One of mine comes in for a piss. I live in the fucking desert, there’s literally no end of sand the little prick could use, but of course not. The other one chooses to shit in the neighbours flower pots, which is a bit embarrasing.

[SiC]

I heard the cat flap click-clack last night. Then the unmistakable rhythmic sound of concertinaing vom ejection. Promptly followed by the click-clack of the cat flap.

 

He came in from outside just to vom on the stair carpet, before popping back out again. He's come in, just to be sick. On my carpet. From outside. W. T. F?

 

Cats. I'm not having another.

I guess if you're a cat, it makes sense to do that. As a cat, outside is dangerous and you need to have your wits around you with full attention. If you're being sick, then you can't do that and risk injury or halm.

[bramz7]

My cat was better than an alarm clock. 654 every morning scratching at the door to be let in.

657 she'd be on her way back out my room.

[Cavcraft]

Cats are ace, even my favourite ever one which broke my son's fancy glass plaque he got for being student of the year at college.

[mk2_craig]

Aye our cat is a right wanker. My son (4 and a half) asked me if we could list her on eBay. Not a bad idea! Spares or repairs section I think.

 

In other news I packed all my eBay sales stock away to tidy up the attic enough for Mrs_Craig to get the room to sort through some stuff she was gonna take to a car boot indoor sale. Next day two people click Buy It Now on items I've had listed forever and were of course right at the back of all the boxes of junk. I know it's shite leaving the premises and money entering the bank but still, sods fucking law.

[FakeConcern]

If we're talking about cats, ok, we had a couple of lovely black ones. Noodles would leave the bottom half of a squirrel in my daughter's bedroom on a regular basis. He also let a live rat go in the dining room that then got in the back of the wood burning stove so no one could catch it & I had to kill it with a stick. the other one, Pixie, managed to bring in and let go a live magpie (I don't know how it fitted through the catflap, have you seen how big they are up close?) the whole room was covered in shit by the time we got the french windows open & shooed it out.

We haven't had cats since they both got run over (don't know how as our road is as quiet as fuck) one of them for bonus points on our daughter's 10th birthday) but would like some again sometime soon.

[Louise2cv]

My one has shat on my pillow more than once.

 

I guess the feeling is mutual then.

[Guest Hooli]

Shops.

 

More precisely shops that when you go to buy casual shirts in winter have removed almost all of the winter stock & only have five billion crap t-shirts on offer. FFS, it's February you fuckwitted cunts.

[alcyonecorporation]

My occasionally live in landlord had a cat she got in Kuwait, called Zbebe.

 

Zbebe was weird, even by cat standards.

 

Zbebe would miaow in 4/4, to everyone's bemusement.

 

Zbebe had that withering cat stare down to perfection.

 

Zbebe once did a geet big shit in my bed under the quilt so it was masked until I climbed into thine pit.

 

The next day Zbebe didst vom upon my shoes when I was late for work.

 

Occasionally Zbebe would miaow as if she was saying, "Hello" but what that actually meant was: 'sick'.

[DodgeRover]

I don't understand why you would share a house with a cat unless it was for vermin control.

 

I'm a dog person but if it shat on my pillow or in my bed it would be living outside.

[alcyonecorporation]

I don't understand why you would share a house with a cat unless it was for vermin control.

 

I'm a dog person but if it shat on my pillow or in my bed it would be living outside.

The cat came with the house.

[DodgeRover]

Time for a new house?

[Guest Hooli]

I hope that got you a discount.

[alcyonecorporation]

The rent is cheap and the cat is dead now

[DodgeRover]

Liked for the cheap rent. Not deceased cat

[UmBongo]

Aye our cat is a right wanker.

 

[brandersnatch]

 

 

One’s too many, ten’s not enough!

[cros]

I finished work at 9 last night and walking back to the house was bloody cold. It is beyond belief that people are sleeping rough in this. In London this morning wealthy folks who have the power to sort the problem will simply walk past and get on with the business of filling their already bulging pockets. Scum.

[Jim Bell]

Can someone explain why cats are allowed to do what ever they want? If our dog shits somewhere in public, Im legally obliged to pick it up and dispose of it like a nice polite considerate human being. If my dog attacked someone, or another dog, or probably a cat, itd probably get put down. If my dog was found wondering the streets it would be taken away by the warden and locked up. Next doors cat shits exclusively in our back garden, right in front of the patio doors so it can wind our dog up while its doing it. Next doors cat attacks other cats, other dogs and famously children. It went for me once but thinks twice now after getting a booting. The 'owner' is really nice and often says 'eee I know shes terrible, what can you do?'.

Well I could lay poison for it or shoot it with a crossbow bolt while its having a shit but that seems a bit excessive. I dont get why cat owners seemingly have no responsibility for the actions of their cats, while dog owners are demonised and fined for the actions of theirs.

[Mally]

Cats are in control of everything, thus above laws of the land.

Ours is barred from the bedroom though.

[Parky]

I think mainly because Cats bury their poo so the risk of transmission of disease is substantially less compared with dogs. Also even the most badly behaved cat has never (to my knowledge) mauled young children to death.

 

Most of them just like to wander about and look at stuff while sitting on a fence or a shed. They know something...

[artdjones]

They have different status under the law.Cats are classed as being ferae naturae or having a wild nature, therefore you can't be held responsible for what they do.Dogs don't,so you can.

[Jim Bell]

Cats bury their poo?

 

Objection! Demonstrably untrue. Some cats may bury some poo but its certainly not the norm. Not around here anyway.

 

Fair enough about the mauling. They dont kill children so let them get on with it. Seems like a evenhanded response to anti social behavior.

[Kiltox]

Insert post about how snow stops the south east and it’s ridiculous here