The grumpy thread

[strangeangel]

...the queues are longer for the moaning fuckers who've had to wait a nano-second before overtaking some fat bloke trying to keep fit.

 

MOPED and SMUG_GRIN are the only necessities in this scenario, I believe. FILTER LIKE A BASTARD Y'ALL

 

Fair play to those of you who take to the Queen's highway on a push iron, I'm far too unfit for that.

[Cavcraft]

The only thing about the Lycra Clad Brigade that gets on my tits are those fucking annoying retina burning CREE LED headlights that they all insist on having now - are they illuminating the road ahead? No are they fuck - they are aimed straight at the oncoming traffic "So We Can Be Seen" and not run off the road by someone 15 feet away on the opposite side of the road who might for some unknown reason decide to swerve into the oncoming carriageway right up to the pavement.

And the only thing that annoys me more are the ones that pulse and flash like a fucking nightclub in Ibiza.

 

Horse riders, cyclists, farmers moving their shit about behind a tractor, people out for a walk down a country lane - none of these bother me at all  everyone is just trying to get somewhere and do something, life is too short to worry about arriving somewhere a few minutes later than planned - just those fucking wanky lights.

 

LOLZ

 

Used properly, those lights are an absolute God send in the pitch black. 

[myglaren]

LOLZ

 

Used properly, those lights are an absolute God send in the pitch black. 

It's the "Used Properly" that's the sticking point though.

Admit freely to not encountering that many cyclists and happily defer to them generally as they are clearly the more vulnerable party but do agree that some (not all) of the illumination they use can be irritating and even dangerous.

[D Spares & Tyres]

Can we agree though?

 

Car drivers, horse riders, cyclists, ramblers, bus drivers, truck drivers.

 

Cunts, the lot of them

[Junkman]

This afternoon I was supposed to be on a De Havilland Dash 8 with column change and propelled by propellers, the only acceptable propulsion for those flying Sherpas.

To my dismay they replaced it with one of those newfangled contraptions driven by witchcraft and had the actual chuzpe to call this an upgrade!

Consequently a suitably phrased protest note has been filed.

 

Once spat out in the German Hinterland, I was left to the antics of the German Chaotic Railways, which decided to dig up every railway line on weekends,

which made my 1 hour direct trip into three with two changes, so I missed the new Tatort episode. The last leg I did in a newfangled Mercedes taxi,

which was so bloody pleasant that it annoyed the living shit out of me.

 

I finally ended up in a Hilton, because booked in by company. I hate Hiltons. In addition to the exorbitant prices for substandard rooms, they charge extra

for every damn thing, including internet access. I'm surprised they don't charge me extra for taking a dump, honestly. They probably know bloody well

that I'd shit right into their fucking revolving glass door if they did. And that goddamn minibar is empty, too!

[wuvvum]

You do know a Dash-8 is a turboprop right?  It's basically still a jet engine, just with a propeller bodged onto the front.

 

If it were a proper plane it would be propelled by a pair of Merlins.

[eddyramrod]

Make that two pairs.

 

#Lancaster

[dollywobbler]

Tractor twats. I appreciate you don't like working on a Sunday evening, who does? But if you drive past several laybys even though there's a queue of traffic behind you, after more than four miles of pottering along at 30mph, don't be surprised if people get angry. Especially if you've got your fog light on, which makes it near-impossible to see whether it's safe to overtake. I really did get very angry...

[Junkman]

You do know a Dash-8 is a turboprop right?  It's basically still a jet engine, just with a propeller bodged onto the front.

 

If it were a proper plane it would be propelled by a pair of Merlins.

 

Your anoracked nitpickery doesn't fill that fucking minibar either.

[Des]

We don't send Merlin powered proper planes toward Germany anymore, I wonder if there's time to add that to the dragging its heels brexit mess.

[Junkman]

Don't get me started. The way they handle this Brexit bollox Britain won't have a bloody aeroplane left, let alone be able to buy petrol for it.

But the ticket to remain costs me 260 fucking quid.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Drove Parkettes friend home last night. Easy enough run on a fairly quiet A road.

 

Was overtaking a van when a Merc came up behind me and immediately gave me full beam, flashing his lights to get me to move- I'm alongside another vehicle mate, I can't go anywhere. Completed the move, slotted back onto the inside and he pulled alongside shouting his mouth off and giving me the finger. WTF was all that about? He took off like a scalded cat and must have gained nearly 20 metres before he encountered another vehicle who was being deliberately obstructive. That actually did make me laugh.

 

Ten minutes later i am in lane 3 out of four (lanes 1 and 2 are for a turn off). Again another Merc starts flashing me to move - despite lane 4 being clear. I stayed where I was, starting to wonder if something was falling off the car or if I was on fire. He flashed again but I didn't move. Eventually moves into lane four and drives past, no swearing this time. Again WTF?

 

 

Had that happen once to me on the A2 towards Dartford years ago.  Arsehole in a Merc was flashing, undertaking, the lot.  He undertook me and ended up in the outside lane in front of me.  Car in the middle lane drew up alongside of him, car in front of him slowed to match speed of the car in the middle lane and I caught up, about 10 feet from his backside.

 

We boxed him in like that for five glorious minutes doing about 60.  It was one of the most satisfying experiences of my life.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

NL10NSX, A black Merc E-Class, was carving in and out of M25 traffic at 90+ last night.

 

Naturally, the number plate was bellendishly miss-spaced, too, to N LIONS X.

 

People like this should have to wear special identification tabards so you don't accidentally hold a door open for them on the high-street.

 

They already do.  They're wearing knockoff sunglasses and breathing exclusively through their mouths.  Checking the MOT records for that tosser, turns out he had a massive MOT failure in December, partly because of that numberplate...

 

 

So, if anyone lives in Kent, please don't ever use Faversham Dry Cleaners because they've got a tit of a driver who overtook the funeral car and hearse on the way to my Grandma's funeral.  Which, by the way, came within a rizla of causing a head-on with the van coming the other way.

 

Duly noted.

[Des]

I started clearing my yard yesterday, it's been a worsening mess for over a year, got really bad while I've been busy, so I made a great big pile of crap, a lot of it stuff I'd had plans for but now ruined after two winters outdoors. Stopped for a cuppa and got sidetracked, pulled an old go-cart and a packing case from the shit mound and wankered them together into this.

 

 

A bit less crap to have to get rid of, so why am I grumpy? While cutting down the box to fit, I stepped on a nail sticking out from a piece of timber, pulled it out and carried on, now my foot hurts like a bitch, I can barely walk and it's swollen up bigger than any shoes I own, I'll need to perform the lighter fuel trick if I'm to leave the house anytime soon, and I have a total clusterbollock of a busy week that I now must perform while hopping, doubt I possess the balance to not have to continue hopping when standing still so at least I should creep people out, but still, fuck my life, fuck my Frank Spencer life.

 

 

[Mr A Lawrence]

My mum passed away tonight.

 

 

Dementia is a bitch that can fuck right off.

[eddyramrod]

Absolutely!  My sympathies sir.

[stillOrange]

My condolences Mr Lawrence.

[Wack]

I hate Hiltons. In addition to the exorbitant prices for substandard rooms, they charge extra

for every damn thing, including internet access. I'm surprised they don't charge me extra for taking a dump, honestly. They probably know bloody well

that I'd shit right into their fucking revolving glass door if they did.

After I got divorced in 1992 a mate bullied me into coming to Cologne on a coach trip organised by a some bikers , when we got to the hotel it was rough as fuck , we found out from the locals it was normally used as a temporary hostel for the homeless

 

They had toilets like I'd never seen before , a shelf that the contents of your bowels landed on then the flush pushed it off the edge.

 

One of the lads who was sharing with his girlfriend came down to the bar

 

Fuck me have you got one of those toilets , I took a dump and turned round and it's sat there on an inspection platform steaming away , I flushed the fucker 3 times and it's still sat there so I called sue in , sue you'll have to sort that out

 

Reminded me of that story when a guy did a massive dump in a foreign airport toilet , flushed and it wouldn't go, flushed again, still there so he thought fuck it , but as he left the cleaner was waiting , so he didn't think dirty bastard he tried to explain it wouldn't flush but the cleaner spoke no English

 

So he took him to the cubicle where king kongs finger was sticking up out of the water , pointed at it , the cleaner had a disgusted look on his face so the guy flushed to show him the problem and it went .

 

Story in the canteen that night was probably mad Englishman shows me massive turd

 

I was at Manchester airport at 3am waiting for a flight , the cleaner had roped off some cubicles ready to be cleaned when this guy just undid it and walked in , she said can't you read , his reply would've got the bucket of water over the door from me

 

Yes love that's why I'm not cleaning shithouses out at 3am , what a cunt

[Kiltox]

Pretty surprised he didn’t - that’s disgraceful. Hate people who can’t show some respect for those that clean up after them / serve them food / etc

[iainrcz]

I did a shit once in a hotel in Cardiff, took me and fatty* 3 hours to bin the bugger off.

 

 

 

 

 

*The wife. She doesn't know this place exists, so I'm feeling cocky.

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk

[iainrcz]

This inconsiderate shit house banging and bumping at 7am. Ever thought that just because you're up that not everyone else has to be.

 

Wanker.

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk

[Kiltox]

Little sympathy because I’ve been up since 3 but what’s the craic, delivering stuff?

[iainrcz]

I've been at work all night, got in at 06:50 but the wife isn't at work so wanted a lay in till noisy twat rocked up. I was going to stay downstairs and let her snooze a bit longer but she said I may as well come up to bed as she's wide awake now!

 

Yeah to the left on the main road is a shop.

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk

[Kiltox]

Be a pain if the shop had empty shelves if you were in there at opening time though right?

[iainrcz]

Be a pain if the shop had empty shelves if you were in there at opening time though right?

Yes and no, we don't go in it

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk

[mercrocker]

Why does everything have to come in a fucking 35ft white box van with a grumpy bloke in a grubby hi-vis these days, anyway?     

 

Much rather be disturbed by a rattly FG with a smiling driver in a brown dustcoat..... 

[D Spares & Tyres]

Why does everything have to come in a fucking 35ft white box van with a grumpy bloke in a grubby hi-vis these days, anyway?     

 

 

 

Because everyone treats him with distain. Other road users, customers, his employers probably. Nobody wants him to park anywhere, even briefly, despite the fact that almost everything that everybody owns has been on a van or truck at some point.

[MikeR]

The NHS is a case of too many chiefs and not enough Indians combined with (quite often) unrealistic patient targets. My sister-in-law is a physiotherapist specialising in post operation rehab, and gets frustrated that her patients are being discharged (more often than not) in no fit state to go home because the managers tell her they won't hit their patient recovery target.

 

She is on a team of 4 physios and answers to 1 consultant and 4 departmental heads (all from the same department) none of whom agree on best practice. Get rid of at least 2 heads of department, add another physio at the very least!

 

I was in last Thursday , I developed Bells Palsy after a bad ear infection , and the local Dr wrote a letter for me to take to A&E , I handed in the letter and I was fast tracked to a ward for stroke tests to confirm it was just Bells Palsy , no problems with that , loads of steroids to take and shipped out .

but the chaos on the ward and outside in the corridor  , people in trolleys in the corridors, staff having to do the wrong jobs to keep up with paperwork ,

despite the sister saying no on the phone to the paramedics,  a dying guy in a bed was brought up which then  resulted in a blow up with the relatives , poor chap was brought to this hospital miles from home and his local hospital because his local Dr said do it !! ,

 

there was Dr's doing extra tests just to cover their backs .

 

and the computer system , it was like your grandma trying to program the freeview box to record ....only worse .

Plenty of staff , just all in the wrong place and doing the wrong jobs and struggling with the system and people who wont listen  !

 

At the moment I am still waiting for a scan to check whats happening in my head ,( no jokes ! )  they dont do scans over a weekend ??  , so hopefully over the weekend I have not suffered any lasting damage that could of been spotted earlier !

[Talbot]

They had toilets like I'd never seen before , a shelf that the contents of your bowels landed on then the flush pushed it off the edge.

One of the lads who was sharing with his girlfriend came down to the bar

Fuck me have you got one of those toilets , I took a dump and turned round and it's sat there on an inspection platform steaming away , I flushed the fucker 3 times and it's still sat there so I called sue in , sue you'll have to sort that out

They are a Dutch design, for excatly that reason: you can inspect your turd before flushing it. It was explained to me many many years ago when I lived there that there's some sort of intestinal parasitic infection that the Dutch used to suffer from, and the only way to tell you had it was to have a good look at your steaming pile for whatever the tell-tale was, and if you were infested, you could then notify your Doc.

 

All bogs in NL are like it. Very odd untill you understand why.

[Slartibartfast]

My mum passed away tonight.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Hope you're doing OK. Anything we can help with?