What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[DSdriver]

I've manged to fix the cutting out problem I was having with the Scimitar, so my only issue today is do I drive that or as the sun is shining do I take the floppy top Saab.

 

I love it when a plan comes together

I hope you took the scimmy if, like us, you got a sudden hail shower this afternoon - just as Mrs_DSdriver was washing the Peugeot of last resort for the first time in almost a year. 

[ShiteRider]

My tape deck has arrived from Dvee8, cheers bud!

Can't wait to play my stretched, crackley meatloaf tapes in the blue 'tina.......hopefully they'll drown out the diff' thereby instantly fixing it. Yay!

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I have just DRIVEN the red Princess!

 

[vulgalour]

^That's the best thing I've seen ALL WEEK.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Thank you. But considering the forum's tastes right now, will it outsell this title?

 

 

(with apologies to philibusmo )

[daveb47]

I saw a bloke with a bumper sticker saying:
"I Am a Vet, therefore I drive like an Animal."

Suddenly I realised how many
gynaecologists
there are on the roads!!!!!!

[hairnet]

thought the mot on the car runs out in april (with the tax) mot runs out end of july woot

[Keymaster]

Got a visa chargeback full refund for a lost/stolen chrimbo present that I bought for my mrs from ebay. Good.

[Rover414]

The Rover is coming home over the weekend, much excitement.

[vulgalour]

Towbar for beige Princess arrived today much sooner than anticipated and is in very good shape needing only a fresh coat of paint and some fresh wiring for peace of mind.  All the fixings are intact, no chewed and free and even the special load-spreading fixing plates are with it and in good order.  I'm well chuffed with this, £25 well spent!

 

I'm not going to fit it until I've repainted and rewired it and got a fresh MoT on the car, needn't give the testing station more ammunition by adding testable items to the car.

[hairnet]

mad irish biker friend who is known for getting stuff wrong and turning up hours late for stuff

 

messaged me this morning via viber (once id turned the interweb on lol)

 

at 730 (i was in work then - hes in dublin)

 

'hello'

 

hi

 

'are you here yet?'

 

for what

 

'yer supposed to be meeting me to give me the phone....'

 

i know its the 28 of feb today (can you see where this is going) cos theyve been going on about non leapyear birthdays and anniversary stuff on the radio all morning

 

'youre supposed to be goin limerick arent you'

 

thats next month 28th - its still february here

 

'oh'

 

yes niall thats why i havent been on the ferry - cos youre a month early :lol:

 

i was in someones garden halfway thru me round cracking meself laughing

[saucedoctor]

 We sent one of our taxis to Belfast City Airport a week early for a prebooked. I'm afraid that was entirely my fault

[hairnet]

bad thing is - hes a teacher

[Pillock]

I've been whinging recently about how I can't have any of the prime chod from the eBay thread, since I live on a main road and I can't park it anywhere and moan moan cry cry life's so tough.

 

I got my daily MoT'ed today, and whilst I was at the local little garage (support your local businesses, yo) I asked if they knew of anywhere with lock-ups. Yes, yes they do. They have one spare.

 

£6 a week.

 

And it's 90 seconds walk from my house (longer if there's cars coming when I have to cross the road, like).

 

Looks like I'll be cruising the eBay thread a bit more closely now! Not got a massive budget but I reckon with the weather getting a bit nicer, I could happily have a weekend car.

[Richard]

The twat next door who normally parks like this if I'm over an imaginary line...

 

DSC_0520 by RichardB5, on Flickr

 

 

hasn't clocked that I've got a new car.

 

 

It looks like the kind of crock I would buy but he's not risking it in case it belongs to somebody less mild-mannered than me.

[richardthestag]

for twats like that I would invest in

 

 

then sprinkle liberally on roof and bonnet of afore mentioned twats motor when returning from an evening of light refreshment at the local boozer 

[Cavcraft]

 

Looks like I'll be cruising Autoshite a bit more closely now! Not got a massive budget but I reckon with the weather getting a bit nicer, I could happily have a weekend car.

 

 

[Cavcraft]

Oh sorry, you said nice didn't you?

[nigel bickle]

Night vision camera recording in the rear window, then when he nudges your car,(as he must being that close)  invoice him for bumper & rear light repairs, as recorded.

 

Should make him back off.

[Pillock]

Actually I didn't, but.... I don't like the wheel trims so I'm out. Or you're too far away. Or some shitty excuse that won't land me with a Corsa of Despair.

[tooSavvy]

What Ann AssOle...... pushy neighbour !!

 

 

TS

[jakebullet]

Being forced to watch eastenders was slightly less traumatic by 5 seconds of capri appearance.

[mat_the_cat]

Several things today made me happy - more progress on the Stellar, the sun was out on the way back home from work (I even took a photo as proof!)...

 

 

...and I've just taxed the BX so I'll have that back on the road just as soon as I've put the front end back together. All in all a good day

[overrun]

The twat next door who normally parks like this if I'm over an imaginary line...

 

DSC_0520 by RichardB5, on Flickr

 

 

hasn't clocked that I've got a new car.

 

 

It looks like the kind of crock I would buy but he's not risking it in case it belongs to somebody less mild-mannered than me.

 

Someone (preferably in authority) needs to inform him that it is illegal to park opposite a junction...

[mouseflakes]

for twats like that I would invest in

 

 

then sprinkle liberally on roof and bonnet of afore mentioned twats motor when returning from an evening of light refreshment at the local boozer 

 

Or you could put a dog turd in an empty mastic tube and (under cover of darkness) pop a quick squirt into their fresh air intake slots at the top of the bonnet. Do you think they'd ever work out where the stench is coming from inside the car?

 

Wouldn't want get to get caught while leaving the deposit though. Probably even more embarassing to be caught while collecting it.

 

Can you tell I've given this some thought?

[drum]

You need a tow bar.

[Richard]

I did fit a towbar to the 940, I was hoping he wouldn't notice but he did.

 

In a way I'm bringing myself down to his level by deliberately parking just ever so slightly over the border but it does amuse me. Sometimes he parks slightly on "my" side if he gets home first but I just park a normal distance away from his car, I bet that annoys him even more

[richardthestag]

sounds like a grade a wanker and one to be humoured and ridiculed.

 

is that all he does or does it get better?

 

when I was a lad a neighbour enjoyed letting his aged lab run through all the front gardens, it regularly took a dump on dads or our neighbours lawn.

 

We all protested but the dog carried on dumping.

 

We had a dog and my bro and I were responsible for clearing shit up in our garden and this frequently included afore mentioned labs stool. After a school trip to France I found myself custodian of a significant number of French bangers of various sizes.

 

My brother armed with a bucket full of shit and me with a pocket full of bangers and a single swan vesta formulated a plan, we walked down the road to the home of the lab. parked the bucket upside down on the immaculate lawn. it really was a magnificent mountain of effluent. I produced a single banger about the size of a roll of polos from my pocket and wedged it into the festering pile, then gave my brother the match.

 

No sooner had I given it did I start running, he struck and lit the fuse. Now anyone familiar with these things will understand that the fuse can last anything between 2 seconds and 15 at best. bro started running and was barely at the kerb when the most almighty explosion rocked the neighbourhood. birds squawking, a distant dog barking and my brother laughing stupidly. we both ran all the way home and into the back garden. It was at this point that I noticed his back, head to toe was splattered with speckles of dog shit.

 

A mighty victory we agreed as we stuffed his clothes into the washing machine to destroy the evidence.

 

Of course all hell broke loose, perpetrator of the ubiquitous turd and owner of aged lab was banging on doors up and down the street raising hell and threatening to call the police. A copper did in fact live 3 doors away, my brother and I were bricking it. Dad went to have a look and was astonished to find the quiet pretty white rendered suburban house splattered with a large volume of shit. it was right up into the eaves.

 

Dad instinctively knew who did it but didn't let on, our neighbour also had a pretty good idea. the cops never showed up and the shit remained on the front of the house above ground level for some time.

 

From that point forwards the lab had his walkies on a leash.

 

Maybe something creative like this is called for?

[Pillock]

 

Just need to fill it now!

[MrDuke]