What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Timewaster]

I got a call from a colleague yesterday, he says "you know we get rental vans.. "

 

"Yeah"

 

"Can we get a discount on renting cars?"

 

"I guess so, why's that?"

 

"I go on holiday Monday and my Range Rover had just shat itself!"

 

*Smug, told you so moment*

[DodgeRover]

I got a call from a colleague yesterday, he says

 

"I go on holiday Monday and my Range Rover had just shat itself!"

 

*Smug, told you so moment*

How much did you offer him for it?

[skattrd]

Isn't Irnbru totally buggered up by taking the sugar out and replacing it with some synthetic chemicals that taste like paint?

 

Maybe they make export strength for foreign climes?

[Timewaster]

How much did you offer him for it?

He thinks it's worth a fortune, and I have to work with him so I don't want to burst his balloon.

[Eddie Honda]

I'm down to my last 25 cans of full-fat...

 

[cms206]

I'm down to my last 25 cans of full-fat...

 

IMG_20181127_035355_4.jpg

Bastard. I finished the last of mine about six weeks ago.

 

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[Joey spud]

The wife bought a pre owned dfs corner sofa last night and it has two built in USB ports.

That's me blown away..

 

 

"Y tho" indeed.

[myglaren]

^What are the buttons for?

[Joey spud]

Electric reclining mechanism.

[dozeydustman]

I do enjoy it when the supermarket stocks foreign foods.

 

 

Definitely my second favourite Scottish beverage, I am contractually obliged to say Dewar’s Scotch Whisky is my favourite.

 

Apologies for the 70s lounge content, I don’t do fashion.

 

 

I love Irn-Bru. I can't drink it anymore as they put an artificial sweetener in it now, which gives me migraines

 

Tastes best out of a glass bottle.

[dozeydustman]

I'm down to my last 25 cans of full-fat...

 

IMG_20181127_035355_4.jpg

 

much jealous

[Remspoor]

Electrocution mechanism.

[Lacquer Peel]

Bastard. I finished the last of mine about six weeks ago.

 

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https://www.gumtree.com/p/for-sale/24-full-sugar-irn-bru-cans-330-ml/1323255950

 

£2/can, which isn't a lot more than a pub charges for the fake stuff I guess.

[robinmasters]

Best bit, Undertakers asked about a minister at the crem, "my dad wasn't religious I answered". "Oh, right, we know a man who does this sort of thing, he's not expensive. He used to be a second hand car dealer!".

Humour in the unlikeliest of places.

 

I imagine this bloke looking like the spiv in Dad's Army, and giving a short impersonal speech admitting he didn't know the deceased etc, while furtively smoking a fag.

[brandersnatch]

????????

[FakeConcern]

????????

Should tow it behind the EV!

[Eddie Honda]

I can't drink it anymore as they put an artificial sweetener, which tastes shite

 

FTFY

[sierraman]

"Shit in the carb"

 

"unusual request but £50 for that, love"

 

"No, I meant that's why I've stopped here..."

Got a better one than that... bird goes to the police station complaining of being flashed at by someone. Copper says ‘I’ve got to ask you this but was he in a state of arousal when he flashed you?’ ‘No he was in a Fiesta.’

[myglaren]

[Wack]

[Wack]

How to trick a monkey

 

[myglaren]

Another one nicked from ARRSE

[SiC]

Looking at the shadow projections on those plates (or are they really bowls?) I don't think they are upside down.

[Wack]

Incorrect , I haven't been on aarse in years, it is from another forum though

[iainrcz]

Finished for Xmas at 6am this morning. Also put holiday forms in for 04/05 January. So possibly off now until 06/01/19.

[myglaren]

They were both on there today

[cros]

I caught a bit of a programme about Mr Pevsner in the workshop tonight. I was the one in the workshop, he's the one who used to drive round the country and write about buildings.

Anyway, unlike much of R4s output it sounded interesting, particularly when the narrator described an incident that occurred during the time he was visiting locations in Notts. He apparently tipped the paraffin heater in his car over and managed to drench his clothes in the fuel. I remember seeing a picture in one of his books of him standing next to his small 1930's vehicle; can't remember what sort it was but even back then it was a bit of an old snotter. Given the draughts in those things he must have had a strong constitution to trundle around with the Valor stinking away merrily in the footwell. Shiter or what?

[hairnet]

Poached egg and tea with a view

[cros]

∆∆∆ All looks good, but is that jam next to the poached egg? If it is I've never seen such a thing before.

[hairnet]

Relish I think

 

Still there