What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Tadhg Tiogar]

^^ What's even better is trying to explain how some parts* of Southern Ireland are more northerly than Northern Ireland.

 

 

*Donegal.

 

Donegal is the North of the South.

[loserone]

"Charlie, can you count how many times the clock goes tick?"

 

I reckon he only got to four before realising how much of a bastard his father is.

[Tamworthbay]

DPD tracking is so shit it’s painful, thankfully the driver had a brain and I am now in possession of all the parts needed to sort the Ovlov, new thread to follow soon......

[gm]

I bought a hardtop for the mazda, it's dark green but doesn't look too daft on the black car, I may not bother painting it as planned.

 

 

I met the seller at his house where I followed him in his wife's mx5 to the lockup where he keeps his own mx5, a photo was inevitable

 

 

Nice bloke, as is usual in these situations, a simple transaction took over an hour with plenty of mazda chat.

[gm]

I also figured out why there was a bit of a rattle coming from the mazdas passenger door - the locking solenoid was just flapping around, both retaining screws had vanished

 

 

That's better, it actually locks the door now

 

 

Not quite sure why I need central locking on a track car but it works so can stay for now.

[andy18s]

 

https://uokhun.uk/2018/10/06/space-exploration-expert-reveals-that-button-moon-landings-were-faked/

[The Moog]

Flash git ... central locking ... only slows you down 

[paulplom]

My mate had this delivered today from the good old us of a. Just waiting for the paperwork now.

 

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[gm]

Flash git ... central locking ... only slows you down

 

You used to have it the wiring is probably still there in the doors

[cobblers]

WOW!

that top picture is really great, Challenger outside a row of terraced houses

[paulplom]

This his other one. He sold the general lee earlier in the year and has splashed out. He doesn't drink and is a wagon driver for Jewsons.

 

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[busmansholiday]

Asked a mate how his Astra was running today.

 

Never been better, it's far quieter now and seems to run far smoother than previously he answered.

 

The grin ?

 

At the weekend he asked me if I could think why his oil pressure light would flash on now and then.

 

Have you checked the oil level?

 

The look on his face was the answer. I checked it for him, yep, absolutely nothing on the dip stick.

 

Now to make him realise that although it's a very low milage, an 12 year cam belt isn't a good idea.

[BavarianRetro]

I overheard a conversation today in which a colleague spent a decent amount of time and effort trying to explain to someone how somewhere could in the south end of Northern Ireland. "But how can it be in the south if its in the north?"

 

She absolutely couldn't comprehend this until it clicked with me that she didn't realise that North and South were "directions" as well as regions. She's in her mid-20s.

We used google maps to try and help illustrate this, and I ended up mentioning that France is a lot closer to us than Ireland. My colleague mentioned the Channel Tunnel to her, and she didn't believe it was real.

"What? a tunnel? Underwater? Won't it flood? How do the cars see where they are going?"

Try explaining how Donegal is in the South, but further North than the North.

[Parky]

Is that a euphemism for smoking meth?

Hey look I was good at Chemistry and am thinking about buying a Renault Trafic Camper for that lower budget meth cooking experience.

 

If Breaking Bad was based in Thurrock......

[Tadhg Tiogar]

...If Breaking Bad was based in Thurrock......

Harlow, surely?

[catsinthewelder]

[dozeydustman]

Officially lost 5 and a half stones now at slimming world. I wanted to hit 6 stone by my 40th birthday, which is 19 days...... I like a challenge!

[Wack]

A guy I know has a mate , a builder ,a hit with the ladies due to a massive cock , he advertises on swinger websites , aparrently there's a wollarding type picture with it swinging

 

A woman rings him up , meet in a lay by at lunch , she turns up, mid 40s , smartly dressed and they go at it for 30 minutes and say their goodbyes

 

A couple of weeks later he gets a job at a school, walks in the office and there she sits with a cup of tea , teacher, there's a bit of a oh shit look on her face.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Hey look I was good at Chemistry and am thinking about buying a Renault Trafic Camper for that lower budget meth cooking experience.

 

If Breaking Bad was based in Thurrock......

 

 

Can't be in Thurrock.  It's not covered in dog shit or on fire.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

A senior member who has barely ever spoken to me of staff at work yesterday thanked me for 'doing what I do' after an event.

 

I managed to hold back from my first thought of saying: 'You don't have a fucking clue what I do'.  

 

This is personal progress.

[beko1987]

Don't think you can do that son, Vosa won't like it. Oh look, the police have turned up now

 

[tooSavvy]

Officially lost 5 and a half stones now at slimming world. I wanted to hit 6 stone by my 40th birthday, which is 19 days...... I like a challenge!

I'd think 6st. a tad light

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

I'd think 6st. a tad light

 

 

He's only 4ft 3 - it'll be fine - new career as jockey awaits

[dome]

Got the new stainless exhaust on the S4 and finally got it back on its wheels after a week of undersealing and tinkering. Sounds and looks ace

 

[MarvinsMom]

i work with used to work with a chap we'll call john, for t'was his name, who has recently purchased from Strathstone Land Rover in Derby a second hand Range Rooney.

 

and he also bought, for the princly sum of £1200 their extended warantee.

 

last week he got a call from his misses, the Rooney has "stopped" and is "making a funny noise when she turns it over" and, no won't start up again.

 

gets it recovered back to the dealer, who diagnose engine failure. as the timing belt has snapped. 

 

the dealer themselves had only recently replaced said belt, BUT the car isn't covered by their warantee, and it'll be £8000 to fix cos it needs a whole new engine.

 

why isn't it covered by any warantee? well the timing belt has snapped cos the oil pump in the bowels of the engine has siezed, and THATS what snapped the belt.

 

oh dear, bloody moderns (and Land Rover's in particular) is there anyone who has had a recent one that has not been a total pile of wank?

[Cavcraft]

Really don’t like Audis, but those S4 things don’t half look smart.

[Cheggers]

Officially lost 5 and a half stones now at slimming world. I wanted to hit 6 stone by my 40th birthday, which is 19 days...... I like a challenge!

Great effort mate, well done!!

[Tadhg Tiogar]

....why isn't it covered by any warantee?...

 

Is anything actually covered by that warranty, or is it just a worthless shite of paper?

[Tadhg Tiogar]

He's only 4ft 3 - it'll be fine - new career as jockey awaits

 

Flat riders are always in demand. If he gets too heavy, he can always go over jumps instead.

[dome]

Really don’t like Audis, but those S4 things don’t half look smart.

 

Neither do I normally if I'm honest but the S4 does a really good job of hiding it's light under a bushell. 

 

They're not perfect by any means but when you've got a 344bhp V8 and a manual gearbox in something that looks pretty plain and slips around unnoticed then you've got pretty much my ideal car.

 

Add in an estate with subtle tints on the rear so I can cart bikes around and LPG and you can probably see why I've spent the best part of a week undersealing the fecker.  She's a keeper.