What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Guest Hooli]

My AA membership card came today, I'm on my mum's policy now instead of Old Man.

My card reads 'joined 1989'.

 

 

 

I was born in 1995.

 

There is no way 1995 is long enough ago for you to be allowed to drive!

[Lacquer Peel]

22 years ago!!

[bub2006]

I was driving the works van when hoots Mon Came on the radio. Ive had a sudden urge to buy a volvo

[Richard]

There is no way 1995 is long enough ago for you to be allowed to drive!

 

You can drive if you were born in 2000! I'm still struggling with the idea of 70s kids driving.

[Ghosty]

 

Eligible Trades

Trades that are eligible for a Halfords Trace Card are as follows:

 

RAF or aviation engineer

 

 

 

Old Man is an aerospace engineer

[trigger]

I just nipped to the local Co Op for some Olive oil and there was a old boy getting out of a tidy looking grey G reg Citroen Bx TZD turbo in the car park. Sadly no photos though as dark and i would probably looked a bit odd.

[omegod]

Met a workmate in the  car park this morning, he looked well pissed off, turns out he'd used his GF's car today and dropped her at her workplace first, he was fuming as she still had the key card that had started the car so now he was fucked.  I offered to run him back to get it off her but he wasn't having it, the car actually wouldn't switch off so despite my advice to stall it and i'll take him for the key he decided to drive....the daft twat only stalled it halfway there and was royally fucked    ......In a Renault Megane     

[twosmoke300]

Ha ha ha - brilliant

[doobietoo]

I always assumed that the car would stop when the card was out of range.... learn something new everyday...

[twosmoke300]

Immobilisers only stop a car starting - once it's running they can't do anything . It's a safety thing

[dave21478]

Aye, its a whole new world of things to go wrong if you dont read the bloody instructions with cars these days.

 

Neighbours have a Juke with start-stop system on it. The guy pulled up outside the house and it stopped, so he thought "engine is off, thats fine." and wandered into the house. Queue a massive war to get the fucker restarted. And when I say massive war I mean it took them two days of fucking about to get it going again, including half an hour on the phone to the dealer.

 

Apparently in that situation when you stop, you have to make it restart itself then switch off properly. Just leaving it when its stopped as part of its start-stop thing upsets the car.

[Pillock]

What? If my BMW stop-starts and I get out with the engine off, there's a message appears on the screen which says start stop has disabled as the key has disappeared, and it just turns off as normal.

 

That's daft. That can't be right can it?

[dollywobbler]

The Qashqai I had last year certainly behaved more like the Beemer. Took them two days to read the bloody manual more like.

[michael1703]

All modern cars are shit, I learn more about modern cars daily, my business started out as classic car restoration but I started getting a stream of modern shit to fix, yesterday I picked up a 6000 mile old jaguar F pace that my customer owns which I had to put a new tyre on as he had a screw in the shoulder.

 

I thought there was something electrically wrong with it as it stops in corners, it's got no corner speed and doesn't freewheel,it's like driving with difflock

[NorfolkNWeigh]

My new* E Class had a gearbox ecu fault that meant if I turned it off with the key it wouldn't restart for at least an hour. This was particularly annoying when refuelling , but I discovered the Start/Stop was functioning perfectly. So to buy diesel I'd pull onto the pumps, leave in D , double press the foot brake to enable 'Hold' , the engine would switch off- I could jump out and fill up. The dashboard lights up bright red with panic messages when you open the door and its in drive too.

Since I threw the cost of a half decent W126 at my local Merc Specialist last Friday , this is no longer necessary . Although as Mercedes think the best place for a complex and fragile ecu is in the transmission sump , it'll probably need doing again in a year or so.

[richardmorris]

Immobilisers only stop a car starting - once it's running they can't do anything . It's a safety thing

My c5 cut out whilst driving four times. Only once did it come up with an error message. "Immobiliser fault". I sold it the next weekend.

[Tamworthbay]

For some reason I have started calling idiots fucknuggets, no idea why but it seems to fit.......

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Look at this dreadful honk of shit that some lad on a Skoda FB group I'm on, is building:

 

 

*facepalm*

[cobblers]

I'd love to pull that front door handle and have the whole panel just fall off, it would be more satisfying than farting on a dogs head

[Supernaut]

I particularly like* how he's left the front door handles in place.

[phil_lihp]

Is "building" the right word?

[hairnet]

I was driving the works van when hoots Mon Came on the radio. Ive had a sudden urge to buy a volvo and wine gums

[hairnet]

someone who does mad trips to places on his bike

 

has just shipped it..........to?????

 

 

made oi larf

[Jon]

I'll wave to him if I see him on my travels. That can only be NZ - modern Hiace on awful rims and ropey Legacy with primer coloured front bumper were dead giveaways.

[hairnet]

I'll wave to him if I see him on my travels. That can only be NZ - modern Hiace on awful rims and ropey Legacy with primer coloured front bumper were dead giveaways.

give that man a biscuit nelson

[Noel Tidybeard]

What? If my BMW stop-starts and I get out with the engine off, there's a message appears on the screen which says start stop has disabled as the key has disappeared, and it just turns off as normal.

 

That's daft. That can't be right can it?

 

i saw a new bmw sat with the wipers going on intermittent but lifted off the screen- seemingly someone had forgot to switch car off locked it and gone to work, engine running, drls on, fan cutting in/out & wipers flicking!

[inconsistant]

My parents gave me a pile of stuff they had turned out from the back of a cupboard: old school books, that sort of thing. There were also local paper cuttings of photos of my primary school plays. On the back of one of them, from this fine publication:

 

 

I spotted this article, which I thoroughly enjoyed:

 

[purplebargeken]

After the insurance debacle of misery surrounding my hopes (and subsequent failure) to reacquire the Space Hopper, I went on eBay in a fit of pique and obtained a metallic grey VW Beetle 1.6 for the sum of £340.

 

This is happily accepted by insurance companies. However, this might change tomorrow depending on the wind direction, traffic conditions or a combination of many things.

 

Fuck you Mr Insurance Company.

[daveb47]

Dialling back time: Nokia 3310 'will be re-released this month'

 

Introduced as a replacement to the Nokia 3210 in 2000, the model was discontinued five years later.

However, according to a report, Finnish company HMD Global are now planning to re-release the phone at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona later this month, along with three other new Nokia handsets.

The 3310 handset will cost around £50 (€59), according to technology website VentureBeat.

The competitive price is intended to lure nostalgic former Nokia 3310 fans, willing to supplement their existing smartphone with a second companion phone.

It is not yet known if the new handset will include the classic Nokia ringtone, made famous by comedian Dom Joly and his Trigger Happy TV big phone guy.

[Cheggers]

 

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk