What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[rantingYoof]

I implore you, fello 'Shiters, to join me as we travel briefly back in time to yesterday - in fact almost 24 hours ago from this very moment.

 

We are walking next to the busy A5, as it goes through a congested and compact town centre, which never seems to be free of traffic, and at one point in its past had a worse air quality rating than central London.

 

You will have noticed that the stop-start nature of the traffic means that as we walk north along the high street towards the traffic-light controlled cross roads at the centre of town, we are generally walking next to the same cars, which are trapped in the queue and averaging around 3mph.

 

It is now I must call your attention to something that I'm sure we can all mutually hate. A nearly-new Vauxhall Insignia. Obviously I have to call your attention to it, because in normal circumstances such a bland, hateful reppers-vehicle would pass you by, which is quite understandable. This is, I might add, coming from someone who drives a bland reppers vehicle in grey, although I would hope that the Volvo is less hateful by virtue of not being a Vauxhall.

 

Anyway, why must we gaze upon this, you ask?

 

Well, the reason for noticing it in the first place was purely coincidental. As I walked past it, the traffic began moving, and I heard the engine fire up and it began creeping forwards. It went only around 15 metres and then stopped again, and it went silent.

 

This put my brain onto the paralysing fear I have of stop/start technology. One might think it's an irrational fear to have, but I must confess my fright stems from the thought of having to buy used car in ten years time, and thusly potentially also purchase a ten year old stop/start system, with all of the mechanical and electrical components having been thoroughly worn in those years.

 

We may share this fear together as we walk closer to the crossroads, and it is at this point we must resurface and pay attention to the Insignia, which is now second car in line at the lights, waiting for them to go green.

 

As we get close, the lights change, and the car at the head of the queue pulls off.

 

The Insignia driver engages the clutch, or does whatever they need to do in the car to get it moving again, at which point there is a sudden muted sound, a little like a grenede going off under a watering can in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

 

This is followed by the sound of metal trying to escape the earth's atmosphere at incredibly high velocity, only being prevented by the surrounding bits and bobs that make up a Vauxhall CDTi engine, and finally the bonnet of the vehicle, which noticably shudders under the force.

 

From our vantage point we can see a rainshower of things that look rather important to the correct functioning of a motor vehicle landing upon the A5, coming to rest, never to be used in the propelling of a Vauxhall Insignia again.

 

And thus, a Vauxhall Insignia has obviously became sentient, and upon realising the misery that its life will sure become, has chosen to self-frag presumably via its stop/start functionality, terminating its life after only six months or so, and stranding an unhappy repper in the middle of an incredibly busy through-road.

 

We wince and continue our walk, only glancing back to see a passer-by offering condolences to a driver that looks ticked off that their company did not allow them to opt for a BMW or Audi, or indeed anything that isn't a Vauxhall Insignia.

 

And our fear of stop/start technology and indeed of having to buy any tech-infused modern car in ten years time is reconfirmed once more.

 

Long live the chod. Amen.

[mercrocker]

I implore you, fello 'Shiters, to join me as we travel briefly back in time to yesterday - in fact almost 24 hours ago from this very moment.

 

We are walking next to the busy A5, as it goes through a congested and compact town centre, which never seems to be free of traffic, and at one point in its past had a worse air quality rating than central London.

 

You will have noticed that the stop-start nature of the traffic means that as we walk north along the high street towards the traffic-light controlled cross roads at the centre of town, we are generally walking next to the same cars, which are trapped in the queue and averaging around 3mph.

 

It is now I must call your attention to something that I'm sure we can all mutually hate. A nearly-new Vauxhall Insignia. Obviously I have to call your attention to it, because in normal circumstances such a bland, hateful reppers-vehicle would pass you by, which is quite understandable. This is, I might add, coming from someone who drives a bland reppers vehicle in grey, although I would hope that the Volvo is less hateful by virtue of not being a Vauxhall.

 

Anyway, why must we gaze upon this, you ask?

 

Well, the reason for noticing it in the first place was purely coincidental. As I walked past it, the traffic began moving, and I heard the engine fire up and it began creeping forwards. It went only around 15 metres and then stopped again, and it went silent.

 

This put my brain onto the paralysing fear I have of stop/start technology. One might think it's an irrational fear to have, but I must confess my fright stems from the thought of having to buy used car in ten years time, and thusly potentially also purchase a ten year old stop/start system, with all of the mechanical and electrical components having been thoroughly worn in those years.

 

We may share this fear together as we walk closer to the crossroads, and it is at this point we must resurface and pay attention to the Insignia, which is now second car in line at the lights, waiting for them to go green.

 

As we get close, the lights change, and the car at the head of the queue pulls off.

 

The Insignia driver engages the clutch, or does whatever they need to do in the car to get it moving again, at which point there is a sudden muted sound, a little like a grenede going off under a watering can in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

 

This is followed by the sound of metal trying to escape the earth's atmosphere at incredibly high velocity, only being prevented by the surrounding bits and bobs that make up a Vauxhall CDTi engine, and finally the bonnet of the vehicle, which noticably shudders under the force.

 

From our vantage point we can see a rainshower of things that look rather important to the correct functioning of a motor vehicle landing upon the A5, coming to rest, never to be used in the propelling of a Vauxhall Insignia again.

 

And thus, a Vauxhall Insignia has obviously became sentient, and upon realising the misery that its life will sure become, has chosen to self-frag presumably via its stop/start functionality, terminating its life after only six months or so, and stranding an unhappy repper in the middle of an incredibly busy through-road.

 

We wince and continue our walk, only glancing back to see a passer-by offering condolences to a driver that looks ticked off that their company did not allow them to opt for a BMW or Audi, or indeed anything that isn't a Vauxhall Insignia.

 

And our fear of stop/start technology and indeed of having to buy any tech-infused modern car in ten years time is reconfirmed once more.

 

Long live the chod. Amen.

 

I don't think you will have any fear about 10-year-old stop/start systems.   Or any other part of a Vauxhall Insignia for that matter.    

The only thing left after a decade will be the odd few grand still littering people's credit history.... 

[twosmoke300]

Could have popped in for a brew when you were in cornwall , Trig !

[willswitchengage]

[forddeliveryboy]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=bJMLS4RDAzk#t=73

[mouseflakes]

I am feeling sorry for myself so I have been scoffing Haribo sour things and they are fucking lovely.... best bit is: the dogs don't like them so I get to eat the sodding things all to myself!

 

Save the crocodiles for me please.

[trigger]

Could have popped in for a brew when you were in cornwall , Trig !

I don't know where you live but I could have! I was saying near Perranporth but been all over the place, my sister lives in Perranwell Station so we was there a bit too.

[forddeliveryboy]

I was in Cornwall earlier this week for a few days to see family, My sisters partner owns this stunning XR2 and it was the first time I've got to see it.

 

It's a unrestored 39000 mile example what was owned by just one lady before him (he's had it 11 years), He took me for a ride in it, i forgot what fun these little cars are, it's surprisingly nippy and that exhaust rasp is very infectious, I'm not sure it's worth £8000+ like people are asking but it's left me kicking myself for turning down the black A reg one i got offered with 40k on the clock back in 2001 for £500!.

 

IMG_9604.JPG

 

I remember that gen of XR2 being the best even when I was driving for a Ford dealer at the end of the 80s, I think there was a decent twin-carb setup which made some good noises, the car as a whole felt quite raw and fun and was reasonably nimble. The Mk2s sounded like they were single carb, they felt ordinary but were bedecked with go-faster kit.

[twosmoke300]

I live in Camborne but work near redruth - pretty close

[trigger]

I drove through there a few times!

[FakeConcern]

I posted about my C4 VTS being written off in the Grumpy thread, so now I'll put the getting it fixed in here!

 

 

 

 

[MarvinsMom]

been today to pick up the jaguar from the local specialist's garage.

 

it been and had a full service, traction control thing cleaned up and codes reset, replacement proper XJR front springs fitted and the a/c overhauled with a new condenser.

 

so everything now works, and works as it should.

 

it could do with a replacement washer dryer thingy for the a/c at some point and the high pressure pipe too isn't as clever has it could be.

 

the other springs were we think just normal xj6 ones given how it had sagged down to just above the bump stops in 2 years, so i'm hoping that these new ones will fair better, plus it rides so much better now its not bottoming out on pot holes..... but it has chewed off the inside shoulders of the front tires so i have had to change those too.

 

the cost of all this? the bills have come in around a grand, which i had budgeted for. 

 

hence the grin (it could have been worse....), and having the XJR driving like new again. now just to get the thing used.....

[fred]

Took my old Forester in for its MOT today. I did rather fear the worst as its passed its MOT cleanly for the last two years , so I guessed SOMETHING must have worn out by now.

 

Nope it passed, I was so cock a hoop. I went out and bought the Kebab n chips for the entire garage staff .

 

Which in all honesty probably cost me more than  two ball joints failing , but hey ho Fred was a happy Fred

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I remember that gen of XR2 being the best even when I was driving for a Ford dealer at the end of the 80s, I think there was a decent twin-carb setup which made some good noises, the car as a whole felt quite raw and fun and was reasonably nimble. The Mk2s sounded like they were single carb, they felt ordinary but were bedecked with go-faster kit.

I didn't ever gel with my Mk 1, great fun to throw around but awful on a long journey. The 4 speed and Kent engine combo really got on my nerves, when it was 3 years old I swapped it for a leased XR3ii, the leasing company had an early mk2 XR2 , White on steel wheels as a loan car. Whenever I broke or crashed the 3i I used to love getting that Mk2, almost as fast, more chuckable and would cruise at 100 all day long.

[MarvinsMom]

and while out playing jaguar's today we have been over to the FiL's.

 

jumped into the metro, the first time in what, 3 weeks since the ice cream and FTP adventure in Scarborough.

 

a touch of choke, and first turn of the key and the wee tinker started straight away settling to a steady idle. ok so we were running on choke, but even so!

 

ah good old marvin.... had a move around the drive, then as tiime was getting on, jump into the big car and off home.

 

shame, but all looking good for running over to kirkby stephen on the easter weekend.

[MarvinsMom]

you know how the news is always full of doom, gloom, despair, etc then every now and then there comes along a story that not only makes you smile but also restores some faith in humanity?

 

here's one, and yes its off the Daily Hate, but give it a go-

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3501048/The-human-backpack-Friends-CARRY-65lb-disabled-pal-Europe-backs-trip-lifetime.html

[fordperv]

That is a fantastic story

[saucedoctor]

NBC Sports commentator today said "Martial beaten off by Joe Hart"

[xtriple]

I have spent the day watching formula 1 (boring) and Moto GP (brilliant but not a particularly great main race) and perusing the internet. Somehow, and I really don't know how, I have got onto the Crewe Bentley historic parts site for dealers! Okay, I can't actually order anything but I can get all the part numbers and have a good look round.... which I have! I have been comparing my engine to one of the very last (420 HP) engines as I know the chassis number of one! It just so happens to be in Flying spares yard with the VIN proudly displayed...

 

That number is the very next one after mine so easy to remember.

 

The turbo and everything I can find, is the same part so I cannot figure out how one can be 420 hp and the other 325! But, mine is not showing as having a couple of bits of the TR (transient boost) and it does have a couple of bit the TR doesn't have. So, the missing horse power must be hiding in there but I am not about to go buying bits on the off chance as, as we all know, Bentley parts start at £100 (for a nut and bolt) and go up exponentially from there!

 

I don't NEED more power... but it's always nice to have too much!

 

Despite having asked on the Ozzie RR forum, where the people seem to know absolutely EVERYTHING about these sods, no one seems to know what/where the difference is, or if they do, they ain't telling. Goddammit, I want more power!

 

   

[michael1703]

Qatar isn't always indicative of the strengths of riders/manufacturers though it always makes for odd racing in one way or the other, I'm hoping Maverick becomes a front runner,good result for E lav on a slow bike, otherwise not amazing racing, gutted for morbidelli

[outlaw118]

Radio X - formerly XFM - are running a poll to find the bestest British single of EVAH.

 

It would be improper of me to suggest voting for Freakscene - This One's For You Jack wouldn't it.....I mean I didn't* play keyboards, B-Vox and percussion on it, and I haven't* got about 400 copies of the bastard CD in my garage.

 

This link might work if you felt like it http://charts.radiox.co.uk/best-of-british-2016/vote/?cmpid=FB.Radiox_BOB&cmp=FB#vote-form

 

As you were. 

[skattrd]

I didn't know you were famous Bob ... I'm sure you could have flogged some of those cds at Chumley

[outlaw118]

Hardly famous old chap,.... I suppose I could have flogged a few for Sporteh-Spice/shite to make clocks out of.

 

There is a back-story but it's not car-related at all (Apart from the label name being Capri Records), suffice to say, we got pretty badly stitched up. The music BIZ is a cruel thing. And Simon Cowell is to blame. And that branson fellow is a beardy Changehismindy twat too.

 

But I'm not bitter.

 

Just don't get me started on The Stereophonics.

[Lacquer Peel]

It's a shit business.

[Eddie Honda]

Radio X - formerly XFM - are running a poll to find the bestest British single of EVAH.

It's the Velocette Venom Clubman INNIT?

[trigger]

I've just seen this on Facebook, It's genuinely made me happy this afternoon, I love stuff like this.

 

[jakebullet]

It's much worse than Blackpool, there is nothing there apart from a statue on the seafront and the polo tower, the whole town is a dumping ground for the unemployed and feckless, you'll just have to get very very very very pissed

 

A tower you say? No. Kinky Girl says it's a large erection.

 

 

Statue located. Designed by a man from Barnsley who had to fix it after some pikey chopped it's foot off.

 

 

Not wrong on the feckless count. But we managed to make our own fun. You can play guess what the next boarded up / burnt down building used to be. Or play Kinky's game of farting like you don't care. This is after one that cleared at least a 25 yard radius.

 

[vulgalour]

When given a selection of things to vote upon the general public will always choose the one that amuses them.  Boaty McBoatface.

[Jazoli]

A tower you say? No. Kinky Girl says it's a large erection.

 

20160319_160036.jpg

 

Statue located. Designed by a man from Barnsley who had to fix it after some pikey chopped it's foot off.

 

20160320_105046.jpg

 

Not wrong on the feckless count. But we managed to make our own fun. You can play guess what the next boarded up / burnt down building used to be. Or play Kinky's game of farting like you don't care. This is after one that cleared at least a 25 yard radius.

 

20160320_110139.jpg

The only reason the polo tower is still standing is that a mobile phone company has a 25 year contract for the mast on top of it, at least the sun was shining

[jakebullet]

Yes the sun was nice. The council gets 10 WTF? points for having a sign basically saying before going for a paddle check the pollution level forecast. Nearest forecast sign 250 yards that way>>>>