But doesn’t affect way car runs m8...

[sierraman]

Show us the adverts you’ve seen by the brass necked bastids that have either badly written incomprehensible adverts or obvious serious faults that the seller assured you that you shouldn’t worry about? Here’s a starter for ten, a 2006 Mondeo diesel, DMF is fucked so immediately wants a £700 clutch job. Price to you sir? £1,500

[sierraman]

Mr Driveway-Trader has got lumbered with a 2005 Fabia that definitely doesn’t have HGF. Yours for £1500. 

[Ghosty]

That Civic I'd just bought, and was supposedly running but EML on. 

Dizzy cap fucked, o2 sensor fucked, would idle but misfired under load. 

It's good now it's fixed though. 

[sierraman]

Audi A6, 100% not the head gasket, just wants a litre or two of water every other day. Never bothered me much but then not a lot does. Good for Lamping - all you need to know about the intended buyer and the seller...

[vaughant]

Got to be honest that seems to be the M.O with most sellers these days. I love the "bodywork commensurate with age and mileage" one which means it's been driven by a blind man in his 90's using only touch and feel to park in a city for 20 years. 

I don't totally exclude sellers on here either as again bodywork is subjective but at least on here you tend to get a lot of pictures and folk who are happy to answer the phone or a message to send additional photos and so on. 

I got annoyed a bit when I bought my Ibiza cupra a few years back as the lad assured me the car was "mint" when in fact it had a load of minor issues on it. It was cheap and easy to repair them but if I'd come from say 200 miles away I wouldn't have been best pleased to find both rear wheel bearings gone, partially seized brakes, stereo/heater display not working, battery barely turned it over, smelling like it was running at 5% CO and a load of scratches and bumps not mentioned. He was a decent lad to be fair and did admit the faults and offered me £100 off the price but why not say beforehand? The car was cheap anyway so I wasn't expecting perfection but the Mondeo I part ex'd I listed every single issue, he couldn't get over how decent it actually was in the flesh which I think led to a bit of a guilty feeling. 

Still to be fair, there's a continuous flow of cunts out there trying to buy a car sending messages like "£200" on a car that's a grand so I suppose sellers will just dross over stuff until someone actually turns up with the folding. Trouble is, once you've travelled 200 miles to buy something that doesn't actually work, that can get a bit frustrating. 

[Bren]

I saw some pile of shit advertised about a month ago by a bombsite trader.

The best part of the description?  the cat is worth £250.

Absolutely no fucking use when it has died at the side of the motorway. Just bale the bastard yourself and save everybody the grief.

[sierraman]

2 hours ago, Bren said:

I saw some pile of shit advertised about a month ago by a bombsite trader.

The best part of the description?  the cat is worth £250.

Absolutely no fucking use when it has died at the side of the motorway. Just bale the bastard yourself and save everybody the grief.

Planning to leave before you’ve arrived  I think is the term you are looking at there. 

[yes oui si]

7 hours ago, sierraman said:

Audi A6, 100% not the head gasket, just wants a litre or two of water every other day. Never bothered me much but then not a lot does. Good for Lamping - all you need to know about the intended buyer and the seller...

Nowt wrong with lamping, I lost two freezerfuls of game when the storm cut power for a week. It takes time to restock... 

[beko1987]

Whereas on autoshite and what I would call normality I bought my current car based on it being advertised with no working remote locking, no working boot release but it runs really well... And it was true! 

Buying a car in the real world must be shit... 

[SRi05]

17 hours ago, sierraman said:

Audi A6, 100% not the head gasket, just wants a litre or two of water every other day. Never bothered me much but then not a lot does. Good for Lamping - all you need to know about the intended buyer and the seller...

Compfertable is my new favourite word 

[Liggle]

As posted in the modern section the other day...

Went to view a 59 plate A3 TFSI and the trader tried to convince me that "if the EPC light comes on it's nothing to worry about, John went a bit OTT with the engine dressing yesterday"

Ok m9

[Lacquer Peel]

I like the cars with "MOT expired" that have just failed an MOT test very badly. 

[twosmoke300]

Can’t believe we haven’t had 

“ propshaft removed for economy “

 

Not cos the VCU is fucked at all then ?

[Dan the van]

Ah Freelander 1.🤣

[sierraman]

1 hour ago, Lacquer Peel said:

I like the cars with "MOT expired" that have just failed an MOT test very badly. 

‘But should fly through test just haven’t got time’

[Supernaut]

Aaah, the classic [MAJOR FUCKING ISSUE] followed by "never bothered me".

As if that somehow makes it less serious? As if I believe a fucking word of that? If it never bothered you... why are you selling it?

[JJ0063]

“Bad points (all cars have them)”

[Agila]

"I'm not a mechanic" or "I'm not a car guy" equals immediate disclaimer that when you discover fault after fault it's absolutely nothing to do with you. 👍

Similar to only having the car "a short period" the seller can't possibly know how shit it is. 👍👍

[aotb]

Twice I have bought cars that ‘Clutch has just started slipping m8’ where you can only barely touch the accelerator before it slips. 

[AnnoyingPentium]

21 hours ago, sierraman said:

Mr Driveway-Trader has got lumbered with a 2005 Fabia that definitely doesn’t have HGF. Yours for £1500. 

If it's a petrol shed then it could be a dicky coil pack... possibly. Or a head gasket as you said. If it's a 179k petrol Fabia then I would run away screaming tbh.

[grogee]

My favourite is: "Air con doesn't work. Probably just needs a re-gas"

Which means:

Air con hasn't worked for 5+ years after I stuffed the condenser in a front ender. Seals now dryer than a nun's whatsit, no chance it'll hold gas

[AnnoyingPentium]

3 minutes ago, grogee said:

My favourite is: "Air con doesn't work. Probably just needs a re-gas"

Which means:

Air con hasn't worked for 5+ years after I stuffed the condenser in a front ender. Seals now dryer than a nun's whatsit, no chance it'll hold gas

It's up there with ones such as "EML on, don't know what it is, but won't be expensive to fix M8".

[Timewaster]

21 hours ago, vaughant said:

I love the "bodywork commensurate with age and mileage" one which means it's been driven by a blind man in his 90's using only touch and feel to park in a city for 20 years. 

This is probably a reaction to the streams of potless idiots who turn up to view a 15 year old £500 car and then point out every little scratch and mark expecting something showroom fresh for a months repayment on a new car. 

[wuvvum]

My Scénic occasionally flashes up a "Check Injection System" warning on the dash.  I would say it "doesn't affect way car runs m8", but it does - not only does it knock out the cruise control, it also takes out the gear change indicator lights.  I should probably just scrap it tbh - how can anyone be expected to drive it without a little arrow telling them when to change gear?

[greengartside]

Might just be me, but any advert with ‘green slip only’, ‘just bought it and waiting for v5’ or any reference to an absence of a v5 usually means the car is fucked and it’s being sold on in a hurry.

[big_al_granvia]

at a backstreet dealer looking at a manual v70, right interior tidy, quick look service book alright, dealeer saying its a trade in and they havent done anything, asks bert to pop bonnet, replies why?? dont be poking around, just fukin pop it.... (guy was getting on my tits) so click and i lifted it, both strut tops totally rotted out, like a 70's ford, i starts laughing, whit is so funny, i dont like your attitude (this was bert), aye you are fukin funny bawbag, as funny as a dose of the shits in a wetsuit, (i was beyond going to punch him out), so you no wantin it then???? err naw i'd rather walk, gets into my car and drove away

should have slapped him but emailed trading standards instead

[MrBD]

I havent had an awful lot of hassle with this but there was one time. Went to look at an 04 zafira, 202k on the clock but looked absolutely mint in the pictures, was bright red, decent spec with body colour trim, etc. Turn up in person and sure enough its probably the best looking one ive seen in 5 years, guy talks up the condition a bit and hands me the keys. Take a drive down his long lane and it has a few rattles inside, think the rear seat base isnt fitted right as its moving around a bit, nothing major.

Then I pull out onto the road and go for 2nd gear...and well...it doesnt have one

Yet he still acted surprised when i returned, uninterested in buying it 🤣

[straightSix]

3 hours ago, AnnoyingPentium said:

It's up there with ones such as "EML on, don't know what it is, but won't be expensive to fix M8".

Always "just a sensor, innit" like they're completely unneeded for a properly running engine 😂

[AnnoyingPentium]

2 hours ago, wuvvum said:

My Scénic occasionally flashes up a "Check Injection System" warning on the dash.  I would say it "doesn't affect way car runs m8", but it does - not only does it knock out the cruise control, it also takes out the gear change indicator lights.  I should probably just scrap it tbh - how can anyone be expected to drive it without a little arrow telling them when to change gear?

My Mum's old 1.6 Toyota Auris TR used to throw an EML and go into limp mode at the worst possible times such as entering motorways, pulling out of junctions etc. Five turns of the key and it would go away as well. We still managed to get £2,250 for it on a P/X with it being a clapped out shed, quite sad for a 2010 model having done 54k miles too. But it "ran fine" according to the dealer.

[DoctorRetro]

Slight oil leak = about a litre a day will be deposited onto your parking space. 

🤣