The grumpy thread

[mrbenn]

Anxiety really can GTF.

 

Hope the ex calms down and starts to be a bit more reasonable.....

[MorrisItalSLX]

"Mark this forum as read"

I struggle to see the point of this button tbh, but the worst thing is, there doesn't seem to be any Undo facility for when you hit it accidentally. Like someone round here just did...

I’ve accidentally pressed it too, what a pain!

 

It really needs an “Are you sure?” warning when you press it.

[Ghosty]

Is there not a way it can be hidden in the stylesheet, or is it a Crapatalk thing?

[BorniteIdentity]

Fucking Anxiety.

 

After last week's fiasco, my ex has graciously agreed to reinstate the contact with my son (after I mentioned the consequences of breaching the court order), but she's been being sarcastic and condescending ever since, and only communicating via email.

 

I'm due to pick my littleun up today, but I'm scared she will do something to throw a spanner in the works, it wouldn't surprise me.

 

But the main issue is my anxiety hit me hard this past week, chest pains, dodgy stomach, the lot. I know what she is like, and there's nothing I can do to change it, so why the hell do I let it get to me?

 

Fucksake.

Contact via email is often advantageous in situations like this, and I’d actively encourage it.

 

Your feelings of anxiety are perfectly natural. Under no circumstances beat yourself up. It means a lot to you which is why you care. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t nervous.

 

You must go as normal. Show your lad that you’re committed. Kids will give you a lot of latitude, but you need to keep your side of the deal with him too. If hand over happens kerbside then think about a dash cam for evidence purposes, but it’s highly unlikely you need it.

 

Good luck.

[pandamonium]

That's not a bad idea on the dash cam, but I would always purchase something nearby the handover point if she didn't turn up, so I have a receipt.

 

We only ever speak through written word, and I screenshot any text message / WhatsApp conversation that is a bit less than civil. I've probably got enough to convince a judge of her being unstable, but I wouldn't do that, for his sake. I'll do whatever I can to maintain the peace, unless I feel he is at risk.

[BorniteIdentity]

Good lad. I’ve not been through separation, but do have the odd anxiety episode from time to time. Just remember they are just that - episodes - and they will pass.

 

Might be worth a thread in the open forum about being a ‘live elsewhere Dad’. You might find some helpful advice from others who are in the same boat and some from folk who have the t-shirt and came out the other side.

[AMC Rebel]

I refuse to communicate about child access with my toxic ex in any form other than written now (emails or texts) as I want a proper record.

 

I don't engage in long flame wars any more - I just read her nonsense and pick out what is relevant.

 

Every time there's something she doesn't like she makes a range of sneering and offensive comments - the best way to deal with it is ignore it - especially as the fact I don't get annoyed or upset and argue any more seems to really wind her up.

 

Currently trying to change the times/days and amount of time my daughter spends with me and it's not easy as she has the opinion that she is the one who decides everything and I am only allowed to do what she says, when she says it.

 

It still affects me - in the past I was worried I'd lose contact with my daughter.  Now we have built up a relationship and it really has reached a point where I won't (willingly) be walked all over.

 

I do think that the whole system is flawed though - there is no ultimate sanction if the mother (usually the parent the child lives with) won't play ball.

 

My ex has missed her way actually - she'd be brilliant as a particularly cutting and nasty barrister, winding plaintiffs or defendants up until they lose their shit and make a fool of themselves, like this bloke from Scientology who just keeps talking over the reporter in a nasty way until he loses it -

 

[pandamonium]

I should be a fucking phsycic

 

[Lord Sterling]

Fucking excelsior.

 

Life has a habit of constantly hitting me in the pocket.

 

For the next 3 months (maybe 4) £144 is being taken out of my pay packet because of a dispute over tax credits I've had some years back.

 

Also, I'm expected to find 450$ as the wife's passport is nearly up. As she is from a war torn country, war-torn country has decided to fuck about with its former citizens who are escaping war and fight and pay between 400$ + to have thier passports renewed. This comes at a time when she will need it as well and I still find myself having to beg family for help.

 

Energy Ombudsman have been utterly useless, no real teeth, just a; sort it yourself judgement. Cheers.

 

Problems; FUCK OFF.

 

In reflection, I suppose things aren't as bad as my family/fellows from the war torn country. Nor am I sleeping on the streets so I count myself lucky and thankful for what I have got.

[sierraman]

What’s happened to the idiot with the Zafira B 48 hour extended test drive?

[somewhatfoolish]

Also, I'm expected to find 450$ as the wife's passport is nearly up. As she is from a war torn country, war-torn country has decided to fuck about with its former citizens who are escaping war and fight and pay between 400$ + to have thier passports renewed. This comes at a time when she will need it as well and I still find myself having to beg family for help.

 

For that amount of money you could probably* buy a hooky passport with a renewal date next century.

[xtriple]

Don't know if this belongs in here but...

 

I have effed up again on the women front! Beth has given me the heave-ho (always on the cards to be honest) which is okay, but, there is a woman who meets up with us when dog walking - Kath. She is nice, age-appropriate etc but not my type. I just cannot do 'proper' relationships as I can't get over my ex (don't even like typing 'ex'!) and don't think I ever will, the lasses I have been knocking about with sort of understand that and accept it as I am not really what they are looking for either!

 

But, Kath bought me a card on Tuesday (MandS no less!) and when she gave it to me, I went to kiss her on the cheek, she turned it into a proper kiss/snog which sort of freaked me out somewhat. Now, she is 'meeting me' at the park and getting a bit forward and my other friends have noticed. I am deeply uncomfortable with it all. She is a friend (or was) and nothing more but it seems that particular bridge has been crossed.

 

I am not sure what to do. I think the easiest (and most cowardly) is to just change where I go and the times etc though that seems churlish but to broach the subject with her and effectively tell her to back off/piss off is going to end in tears - probably mine. I have to stress that I have not led her on, nor have I been flirty or suggestive, in fact, once I got the slightest inkling there was a potential problem, I became more reserved and quiet around her.

 

Any of our lady members care to chime in with advice?

[SiC]

But, Kath bought me a card on Tuesday (MandS no less!) and when she gave it to me, I went to kiss her on the cheek, she turned it into a proper kiss/snog which sort of freaked me out somewhat. Now, she is 'meeting me' at the park and getting a bit forward and my other friends have noticed. I am deeply uncomfortable with it all. She is a friend (or was) and nothing more but it seems that particular bridge has been crossed.

You are the antithesis of the average Single and Sad thread poster.

[xtriple]

I am single, frequently sad but not for the lack of a lady in my life, I like being alone nowadays and can't imagine living with someone. Mind you, I can't imagine anyone wanting to live with me if they knew how I live!

 

I have no idea how I keep getting into these jams, yes, if I find someone attractive I'll tell them (straight out, no messing - 'fuck me, you are GORGEOUS! ' type of thing    ) but to everyone else, I am just 'me' - friendly etc but nothing more. It's not like I'm going to give George Clooney sleepless nights worrying about his fading looks!

[AMC Rebel]

Fucking excelsior.

..

 

Liked in sympathy not as in "I am glad you are having a shit time".

[xtriple]

And I reversed the bloody Merc into the front of the XJ-S!

 

 

 

 

No damage thankfully but it is so low no one can see the end. Clumsy blind old twat!

[somewhatfoolish]

Have you turfed your not-much-of-a-friend's jeep out of your garage yet? That might be a suitably cathartic activity to distract you from this stuff.

[beko1987]

What’s happened to the idiot with the Zafira B 48 hour extended test drive?

I've kept checking, nothings been posted. Maybe he's had the knock already, I'll have a proper look tonight, the groups been innundated as the latest massive batch of Zafira is recalled due to another bit catching fire

[sierraman]

Why do people litter? Someone bottom feeder on the bus has just sat eating a fucking McDonalds, despite having the brown paper bag it came in, has chucked the contents on the floor. Where do people get this from?

 

I used to think places like Singapore were harsh giving you 10 lashes for this sort of stuff but I think it would be eminently appropriate in this circumstance.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

I'm teching an external event at work on Sunday with my boss and the other person in our department.  We've hired out our work venue, etc.  I need wireless headsets and the laptop with the DMX software, interface, controller, etc.  That lives with our IT technician, because he manages that particular set of equipment (I manage some of the others).  Said I'd pick it up today and stash it down in my department, where I can lock various doors.  He goes home at 4 each day.  As do I.  He doesn't work weekends.  Bear in mind that this particular event is an external event that involves around half a dozen other organisations and I'm the solo technician.

 

Did I remember to pick up the important, one-of-a-kind equipment from him this afternoon, like I discussed on Monday?  Did I fuck.  Did I have to call my boss to ask her to find out if we can get into the office to get the equipment out on Sunday?  Yes, I did.  Did I sound like a panicked moron?  Yes.

 

Fortunately we can get it and my boss is very forgiving.  Fuck me though, I'm a fucking idiot.  I only forgot because I was teaching bass this afternoon and forgot I was doing that to start with...

[sierraman]

God it gets better... bus can’t move because some idiot has parked their 17 plate Peugeot on double yellows. Bus driver now cannot get past... hopefully he’ll see reason and just twat it all the way down the side so he can get round.

[dozeydustman]

Don't know if this belongs in here but...

 

I have effed up again on the women front! Beth has given me the heave-ho (always on the cards to be honest) which is okay, but, there is a woman who meets up with us when dog walking - Kath. She is nice, age-appropriate etc but not my type. I just cannot do 'proper' relationships as I can't get over my ex (don't even like typing 'ex'!) and don't think I ever will, the lasses I have been knocking about with sort of understand that and accept it as I am not really what they are looking for either!

 

But, Kath bought me a card on Tuesday (MandS no less!) and when she gave it to me, I went to kiss her on the cheek, she turned it into a proper kiss/snog which sort of freaked me out somewhat. Now, she is 'meeting me' at the park and getting a bit forward and my other friends have noticed. I am deeply uncomfortable with it all. She is a friend (or was) and nothing more but it seems that particular bridge has been crossed.

 

I am not sure what to do. I think the easiest (and most cowardly) is to just change where I go and the times etc though that seems churlish but to broach the subject with her and effectively tell her to back off/piss off is going to end in tears - probably mine. I have to stress that I have not led her on, nor have I been flirty or suggestive, in fact, once I got the slightest inkling there was a potential problem, I became more reserved and quiet around her.

 

Any of our lady members care to chime in with advice?

 

 

It took me years to get over my late fiancée. I still occasionally mourn 15 years on and had caused a couple of previous relationships to fail.

 

You are still mourning the end of that relationship. Mrs D was fully aware of this issue and she was glad I told her very early on i.e. before we'd shagged, and is fully aware if I have a bad day it's because I'm thinking about someone no longer with me (grandparent, good friend, late fiancee etc). 

 

Kath needs to know that you have a grievance issue and it could compromise a potential relationship or friendship if she isn't told. If you don't tell her, end up in the sack and then regretting it and avoiding her, she'll just assume you were having some kind of rebound shag or just stringing her along.

 

Do not use the words "Off" and "Piss", you will almost certainly get a slap.

[captain_70s]

I drove my mate over to Dundee to collect a car today, only fair as he drove me to get the Acclaim and rescue the Doloshite.

 

Fuck me it's a miserable drive though. The return trip was worst as we hit traffic. Any sort of commute involving other road users or a motorway is just a horrible experience with trucks overtaking each other at .5mph and cars doing the same because avg speed cameras.

[Christine]

I'm teching an external event at work on Sunday with my boss and the other person in our department.  We've hired out our work venue, etc.  I need wireless headsets and the laptop with the DMX software, interface, controller, etc.  That lives with our IT technician, because he manages that particular set of equipment (I manage some of the others).  Said I'd pick it up today and stash it down in my department, where I can lock various doors.  He goes home at 4 each day.  As do I.  He doesn't work weekends.  Bear in mind that this particular event is an external event that involves around half a dozen other organisations and I'm the solo technician.

 

Did I remember to pick up the important, one-of-a-kind equipment from him this afternoon, like I discussed on Monday?  Did I fuck.  Did I have to call my boss to ask her to find out if we can get into the office to get the equipment out on Sunday?  Yes, I did.  Did I sound like a panicked moron?  Yes.

 

Fortunately we can get it and my boss is very forgiving.  Fuck me though, I'm a fucking idiot.  I only forgot because I was teaching bass this afternoon and forgot I was doing that to start with...

At least you remembered you forgot

[Pillock]

Had a phone call yesterday. From the solicitors dealing with the sale of my late ma's house. Buyers want to complete "before the weekend".

 

Hold on, it's Thursday.

 

Yeah, so although the house was mostly clear I've still had three transit loads of furniture up to the charity warehouse and a carload of stuff home. Then the buyers dad popped around, lovely chap.... They told the solicitors a week ago! The wankers that we've just had to pay £900-odd quid sat on that nugget of info for a week

[stonedagain]

At least you remembered you forgot

Shame you forgot to remember!

[mrbenn]

Sounds about par for the course.

 

When my folks were buying a house about 5 years ago the solicitors suddenly started questioning a load of trivial stuff after weeks and weeks of inactivity. Sellers thought we were stalling, probably to get some sort of reduction in price. Certainly soured things somewhat.

[DodgeRover]

A client was telling me 2 days before competition the buyer suddenly wanted a periodic test done on the electrics and the boiler servicing.

[Pillock]

I think we'd be a bit pissed off with the buyers had their old man not popped around and been nice as owt. Understood completely why we just ended up leaving some stuff behind (wood offcuts, a few bits of furniture they might be able to use, cleaning stuff) because it was 4pm and we'd been at it all day.

 

There's been a few occasions where the solicitors caused us to just go "hang on, what are we paying these clowns for?".... Asking for paperwork last minute, not knowing what ID was acceptable etc.

 

But it's done. Feels horrible, almost feels as bad as when she died. Clearing the last few bits out of the house she bought in 1973 and I lived in for the first 18 years of my life. A few tears were shed today.

 

They'd better look after it or she's going to haunt the shit out of them.

[New POD]

Fucking Anxiety.

 

After last week's fiasco, my ex has graciously agreed to reinstate the contact with my son (after I mentioned the consequences of breaching the court order), but she's been being sarcastic and condescending ever since, and only communicating via email.

 

I'm due to pick my littleun up today, but I'm scared she will do something to throw a spanner in the works, it wouldn't surprise me.

 

But the main issue is my anxiety hit me hard this past week, chest pains, dodgy stomach, the lot. I know what she is like, and there's nothing I can do to change it, so why the hell do I let it get to me?

 

Fucksake.

I know nothing, but what you have is negative internal dialogue.

 

You need to turn your negatives into positives.

 

For instance. If she breaches a court order that is a criminal offence. If she does it more than a few times she risks loosing a custody battle. So it's not a bad thing if she behaves like a dick.

 

Just make sure you have a plan for each potential issue she chooses to throw up.

 

And that email chain? Great evidence of your total reasonableness.

 

Turn it into positive internal dialogue.