The grumpy thread

[GrumpiusMaximus]

The council minions in charge of cycling at Argyll & Bute council are partial to, when not spending the cycletrack budget on cycletracks that resemble the rougher parts of the dark side of the moon, anointing a metre wide strip adjacent the kerb of some roads with red or green tarmac and calling this a cycle track. As it's punctuated by various drain covers and other street furniture and on many stretches of the roads enough drainage camber to make it unsafe to cycle on it's as much use as a chocolate tea pot. There's enough prior art about what constitutes a cycle track for it to be reasonable to dismiss this as fuckwitted window dressing by a local authority who don't give a shit about cyclists or cycling.

 

 

Bloke walks into a bar and orders a pint.  A minute or so later, a bit of tarmac swaggers in:

 

'Six pints of Old Rosie please, Bob!'

 

He goes and sits with his drinks and starts swigging away.

 

Five minutes later a red bit of tarmac walks in.

 

'OI!  Six FUCKING pints of FUCKING whisky, Bob, you WANKER!'

 

Bob hands over the drinks.  The first bit of tarmac runs outside and hides under a picnic bench, nervously watching the red tarmac through the door.  After another ten minutes, the red bit of tarmac lets out a loud belch, wanders off to the gents, walks out doing up his flies and wanders off into the night.

 

The bloke goes outside to counsel the first bit of tarmac.

 

'Mate, are you alright?'

 

'Yeah, I'm alright?'

 

'Are you sure?  You looked pretty surprised to me.'

 

'Yeah.  Well.  I'm alright now.'

 

'Ok.  I don't get it though.  You're a bit of tarmac, he's a bit of tarmac.  If it came to it, it'd be even stevens, right?'

 

'No mate.  You don't get it.  I'm a bit of tarmac.  He.  He's a fucking cyclepath.'

[Fumbler]

There are lots of idiotic cyclists, but there are lots of dickhead dog owners who watch you cycling carefully as their precious pet who isn't on a lead wanders straight into your path. I was riding home down the canal path many years ago when some old duffer's dog walked right in front of my front wheel. It was either go in the canal, or try left and hope not to roll down a bank. Took the less watery option, went through a barbed wire fence and rolled into a thorn bush about 12-15ft down the bank. I'm not a violent person, but had the dog owner been twenty years younger he'd have taken the less dry root, via the end of my boot.

I was going to write the exact same thing! They're usually also the ones that shout expletives as you go past, even when you ring your bell.

[Lord Sterling]

Managed to fall down the stairs earlier, fortunately on my ample arse rather than headfirst.  Aches/stiffness?  Check.  Weapons-grade ibuprofen?  HELL YEAH.

 

You can stop laughing now.

 

I fell down some steps in Turkey and almost landed on some poor geezer who was sat a few steps below minding his own business texting on his phone. My ankle still hurts slightly now.

[Fumbler]

What sometimes grinds my gears are these cow apologist types (vegan association). One of these groups decided to erect notices in tube stations early this year saying "Be vegan for January to save cows." when these people are also the types who go along and critisize everyone for using cars, burning oil, gas, coal, not wearing green sandals etc. They seem to have forgotten that their friend, the cow, is a large greenhouse gas producer and is contributing a nice amount to el scorchio weather and white furry bear problems.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Well, if fewer people ate cows there would be fewer of them.

 

But yes.  Pushing views on other people is a big no-no in my view.

 

I've been a vegetarian since 2010 but have never, ever tried to convert or persuade anybody to match my lifestyle choice and I always offer to bring my own food to parties...

[Lacquer Peel]

 

 

Well, if fewer people ate cows there would be fewer of them.

Exactly.

[SiC]

https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/today-last-day-you-can-1962751

 

 

The worst is if in a one hour bay, parking starts at 50 pence for 10 minutes. 3 quid for an hour.

[DodgeRover]

Woken up at 2.30 am this morning by the police. Inform g me that missing foster child had been arrested for finding something before it was lost. So lack of sleep and lots of phone calls . On the bright side he appears to be staying in his en suite accommodation tonight so at least I won't be disturbed.

Is this the same one or a different one either way they sound troubled.

[taxi paul]

Same one sadly. Unfortunately due to cutbacks the lack of suitable semi secure placements means these kids will continue till they get sent to a young offenders institute. Which costs a lot more. Like my neighbours. Been evicted for not paying the £100 a month bedroom tax. Fair enough should pay it. Now the three if them,all adults. Have a room each at a premier inn costing how much a month? Say at least £2,000. So the local council can't pay the tax for them but then has to pay to accommodate them. The world is fucking mad.

[Snipes]

So I'm at the very very final stages of becoming an electrician. This last stage, which should take about 6-12 months, has dragged on for almost 2 years because my damn accessor doesn't pick up his messages. I could finish this an thing tomorrow but hey, he's not answering his fucking messages again!

[Kiltox]

https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/today-last-day-you-can-1962751

 

 

The worst is if in a one hour bay, parking starts at 50 pence for 10 minutes. 3 quid for an hour.

FFS Bristol

 

A more car hating city I never did see

[Lacquer Peel]

Same one sadly. Unfortunately due to cutbacks the lack of suitable semi secure placements means these kids will continue till they get sent to a young offenders institute. Which costs a lot more. Like my neighbours. Been evicted for not paying the £100 a month bedroom tax. Fair enough should pay it. Now the three if them,all adults. Have a room each at a premier inn costing how much a month? Say at least £2,000. So the local council can't pay the tax for them but then has to pay to accommodate them. The world is fucking mad.

Any money going to the private sector is better than money in the council if you're a T*ry.

[Wack]

Struggling to get anywhere 7:30 - 9am starts today

 

It can only be parents dropping their kids off at school before heading to work as the roads have been deserted for the last 5-6 weeks and people are still at work

 

Did your parents take you to school, ours walked , it's about 1.5 miles

[SiC]

TT didn't start first time again this morning. Even the second time it felt like it didn't want to run.

 

It's been doing it for a while. I hope it's just the battery is getting weak or something.

 

Mrs SiC also reports there is a ticking sound when running too. I noticed it a bit lumpy when idling - admittedly the engine was cold.

 

Probably fine... Or its giving warning it's about to shit itself... Or just old VAG car "quirks"...

[purplebargeken]

^^ Time to move it on Si. Seriously.

[Kiltox]

All together now

 

Fuck. It. Off. Si.

[DodgeRover]

Struggling to get anywhere 7:30 - 9am starts today

 

It can only be parents dropping their kids off at school before heading to work as the roads have been deserted for the last 5-6 weeks and people are still at work

 

Did your parents take you to school, ours walked , it's about 1.5 miles

No we walked but then again my mum kept the books for my dad's business so largely worked from home.

Not so many stay at home parents these days who can walk to school, drop the kids off, walk home then start work in the house.

Everybody is quick to criticise those who drive but they are probably going on to work further away so walking to and from school then going to work just isn't an option.

[Guest Hooli]

Struggling to get anywhere 7:30 - 9am starts today

 

It can only be parents dropping their kids off at school before heading to work as the roads have been deserted for the last 5-6 weeks and people are still at work

 

Did your parents take you to school, ours walked , it's about 1.5 miles

 

 

My mum cycled with me from the day I started primary school, five miles each way down a busy main road. The only reason kids don't walk or cycle these days is the parents are lazy/idiots/believe the daily mail.

[Des]

TT didn't start first time again this morning. Even the second time it felt like it didn't want to run.

 

It's been doing it for a while. I hope it's just the battery is getting weak or something.

 

Mrs SiC also reports there is a ticking sound when running too. I noticed it a bit lumpy when idling - admittedly the engine was cold.

 

Probably fine... Or its giving warning it's about to shit itself... Or just old VAG car "quirks"...

 

Started on the second try? How the other half live eh? There are some of us who are happy with an engine that will begin firing on one after a minutes churning, another minute of feathering the throttle whilst fumbling Rosary beads praying the other cylinders will wake up rather than stalling and hacking up a plume of fuel out the carb and having to whip the plugs to pathetically wave over a Bic.

[MorrisItalSLX]

A cattle truck pulled up outside my house this morning and poured a heap of cow shit on the road.

 

The worst part is the drought water restrictions mean I'm not allowed to hose it off! My nosey neighbor will dob me into the plod if I do.

 

It stinks!

[DodgeRover]

And perhaps a massive increase in traffic volume with oblivious idiots texting and driving on the NSL road with no pavement that they have to cycle down perhaps?

30 years ago the local farmer used to bring the cows in for milking twice a day half a mile down the main road I can't ever remember there being more than maybe 10 cars stopped, he stopped and sold up when in his words it wasn't safe to do it any more, last time there were traffic lights on the same road it caused gridlock...

[AMC Rebel]

Started on the second try? How the other half live eh? There are some of us who are happy with an engine that will begin firing on one after a minutes churning, another minute of feathering the throttle whilst fumbling Rosary beads praying the other cylinders will wake up rather than stalling and hacking up a plume of fuel out the carb and having to whip the plugs to pathetically wave over a Bic.

 

Have you been watching me trying to get my AMC going?

[DodgeRover]

A cattle truck pulled up outside my house this morning and poured a heap of cow shit on the road.

 

The worst part is the drought water restrictions mean I'm not allowed to hose it off! My nosey neighbor will dob me into the plod if I do.

 

It stinks!

Got to stink for the neighbours too though, can you have a few* beers and pee on it to wash it away?

[AMC Rebel]

My mum cycled with me from the day I started primary school, five miles each way down a busy main road. The only reason kids don't walk or cycle these days is the parents are lazy/idiots/believe the daily mail.

 

Not really.  I take my daughter to school two mornings and collect her two evenings.  It's 18 miles each way because her Mum moved there when she left me.  I do park a bit away and walk with her the last bit - but I couldn't do it without using a car.

 

And I don't read the Fail unless someone sends me a link to the online version.

[MorrisItalSLX]

Got to stink for the neighbours too though, can you have a few* beers and pee on it to wash it away?

 

I might sneak out in the middle of the night and clean it up.

 

I think drunk me "cleaning" it would also result in plod contact.

[Guest Hooli]

Not really.  I take my daughter to school two mornings and collect her two evenings.  It's 18 miles each way because her Mum moved there when she left me.  I do park a bit away and walk with her the last bit - but I couldn't do it without using a car.

 

And I don't read the Fail unless someone sends me a link to the online version.

 

Fair enough, there are exceptions. I was thinking of the majority who appear to think their kid can't walk 1/2 a mile around a housing estate.

[D Spares & Tyres]

Someone's been out to see the car and straight away called it a stress fracture, so booked in on Thursday to try again!

That's fair enough. I had a Laguna once and I think I had a stress fracture

[Timewaster]

Have you tried getting 3 kids under 7 ready to leave the house?

 

My Mrs and I'm sure many other mums start off with good intentions of walking to school only to end up bundling them in the car because there has been so much drama / pissing about / lost shoes / I don't want my hair brushed etc etc that they end up so late there isn't time to walk.

 

If I didn't start work at 7 then I'd leave the house early and hide in a lay by until they have gone.

[fordperv]

Someone's been out to see the car and straight away called it a stress fracture, so booked in on Thursday to try again!

That's good when I had the same with my capri the (large chain window company) idiots tried to say it had been hit with something, obviously so they didnt have to fit another because there was no impact point etc and it's location pointed to the fitting process causing it, the long and short I took it somewhere else which confirmed and when ispoke to the insurance they refunded my initial excess and I got the screen done at the 2nd place

[Wack]

No we walked but then again my mum kept the books for my dad's business so largely worked from home.

Not so many stay at home parents these days who can walk to school, drop the kids off, walk home then start work in the house.

Everybody is quick to criticise those who drive but they are probably going on to work further away so walking to and from school then going to work just isn't an option.

11-16 year olds don't need walking to school , they know where it is , I'm not talking about infants