The grumpy thread

[Junkman]

After my life had grenaded in 1998, I ended up a depressed, suicidal wreck in Dublin, of all places.
What saved me, is that pretty much every Dubliner has relevant experience in this field and some sympathetic new acquaintances (sp?)

dragged me to a doctor, who was a homeopath on top of being a proper doctor.
He put me on a homeopathic antidepressant just to mitigate the immediate symptoms, thus saved my life. Once I felt a bit better, I did some therapy.

Having considered this psycho stuff all hocus pocus before, I was astonished what they can do and how well it works.

I also noticed, that once one has rebuilt oneself, everything else just falls into place.

 

If you suffer from depressions, do not take it lightly. It is a serious illness. And what does one do if one is ill? One goes and sees a doctor!

[danthecapriman]

Thanks for all advice, some very good helpful info there.

 

Having slept on it, I think I'd like to try to avoid any meds. I've never believed taking pills is either good for you or a real cure.

Maybe seeing a councillor is my best option? I've already had a quick look in yellow pages for a few local ones so I might have a look into going to that.

 

One thing I have realised is that I really don't do anything. Sure I've got my cars but that's just for me. I don't have any other hobbies or activities, ideally ones where there are other people around.

I literally get up in the morning, go to work, come home and have a meal then either sit on my arse watching TV or playing video games before going to bed and starting over.

I could really do with doing a bit of exercise too, which I've heard can help with giving you a pick me up and relieve low self esteem.

Trouble is, the way I am makes it so hard to try doing anything that involves other people! And I'm really not into sports! If I'm honest I can't think of anything more boring. I tried working out a bit once before and it didn't last long.

One of the big benefits to trying to find a date or whatever is that then you have someone you really like who you can go and do things with. Of course it's that very problem that stops this happening.

 

I've noticed a few times I seem to get very down, more so when I'm not busy, but I don't know why? One negative thought pops into my mind and that's it then, it gets worse and worse. Then all of a sudden I can just almost snap out of it.

I've had a few really bad times at work, starting off fine then something triggers it. It gets noticed though and I don't want to get labelled as a problem or piss my colleagues off.

Going out at all is very difficult for me. It feels like when I'm out all eyes are judging me! I know it's not true but the thought is always there but for some bizarre reason it's that though process I choose to believe. Even at work I feel the same, if I walk into our depot I suddenly feel very awkward and almost like everyone's looking at me wondering why that useless ugly sod is here. It's that same feeling most people get when they're put into a really uncomfortable situation where your shitting yourself, and tense up, that sort of thing but it's all the time when I'm not at home.

I even felt like it when I went out and met a few shiters locally! No idea why as they were great people! It just seems to be a 'thing' I can't get over.

 

I'll try to chill out a bit over the next few days and think about what I should do.

Is it worth having a one to one chat with my boss when I go back to work? I've spoken to him recently about another problem (kind of related to this) and he seems like he listens and is understanding. I'm pretty sure he is aware of the times I've been on a downer at work, I think someone else might of mentioned it? After the chat we did have he said at the end 'are you ok or is there anything else you want to talk about?' Almost half expecting me to continue. I didn't obviously, thought it better not to.

 

 

One thing I really do regret now is wasting my time and money signing up to that dating site! I'd been thinking about doing it for ages and never did but now I have it's made me feel even worse. Even that isn't working!

[danthecapriman]

Some sadly familiar stories here, but take some solace in the fact that you're definitely not alone, and what you're feeling is not unusual, infact casual observance over the years would suggest its far more common than you think, and in the people that you'd least expect.

 

Something I have struggled with for many years to varying extents, the last 12-18 months have actually been much better, but I couldn't pin-point any particular thing I've done to remedy the situation and I'm not by any means 'cured'  I'm not sure that you ever are, you just learn to cope with it better.  So the only advice I can really offer (over and above what others have said about seeing a GP) is small things that I know definitely made a difference me

 

First and absolute foremost, alcohol!  I was at the stage, and still am if I was totally honest with myself, where I can't really have a good time without a few drinks, y'know, just to take the edge off life!  While it works in the moment to make me more sociable, funnier, better at dancing etc its a definite mood killer in the days following.

 

Sleep, (I know, that old cliché, you'll feel better after a good nights sleep)...but for me its absolute proven fact.  I spend most days bored at work with little to do but for some reason always manage to find something to read\watch\look up\shop for until 2am gone.  I blame it on years spent working nights, but really after 12 years of normal hours I ought to be over it by now so that's just another excuse.  Some days I am so tired that I literally cannot be arsed to speak.   If I get some early nights (and it takes a couple of weeks of them not just one) then there is a definite uplift in mood.

 

Showering yourself with expensive gifts, this is in the does not work category I'm afraid, while I have many nice shiny things as a result, material wealth does not equal happiness.  That new thing that you've always wanted might give you a bit of a high short term, but ultimately its not going to cure depression!

 

Talking to people is infectious, in my job I would avoid any sort of personal contact with people other than my immediate colleagues, because I'm not that great in unfamiliar surroundings, meeting new people, making conversation.  So I'd always use e-mail rather than phone calls, send one of the support guys instead of going myself etc.  But actually, if you force yourself out of your comfort zone and pick up the phone, go and see someone face to face, you find that actually they're just people too!  All of a sudden you want to talk to lots of people and this rubs off on your social life too.  i'll admit though, this is a difficult one to keep up when it doesn't come naturally.

 

I always believed that all of my hobbies and interests are pretty dull and nobody really wants to hear about them.  Hell, they probably are and people probably don't, but try it, you'll be surprised at the common ground you find with people, and if you don't, well screw them, you probably won't be interested in anything they have to say either.

 

And probably most importantly, value the true friends you have in life and make the most of that friendship, it might only be one or two people (if it takes you two hands to count them you're doing really well) the type of friends that you could depend on in an emergency and that would depend on you in the same way.  I'm not going to say go round and see them and burden them with all your deepest darkest feelings, just go round and see them.  Its so easy to sit there and wait for people to come to you, but maybe they're sat there waiting for the same thing.  Arrange to do things, go to car shows or whatever else you share an interest in, days out, for a drink, even just round for a cup of tea and a chat.  That is one thing I have made a concerted effort to do, and I now see a lot more of my two good mates.  We've been away on some awesome weekends to various events and festivals and have a couple more planned to look forward to yet.

 

I still think i'll probably be eternally single and won't ever have the kind of family life that, as you say, seems to come so easily for others, but I'm a bit more content with the idea now, and who knows, when you're not seeking it or trying to force the situation, it might just find you.

This is good.

 

A lot seems familiar too. I've used the retail therapy thing. I've bought all sorts (cars included) as a pick me up, it works briefly but the fact I'm still like it, or worse, proves it doesn't work.

 

I'll always use email instead of the phone, and even shopping online instead of going to the shops. All just to avoid contact with anyone else.

[Junkman]

Better than anything else, is to just stop watching telly.

Not only will your brain recover and resume functioning at a normal speed after a surprisingly short period, but you will automatically start to do other things.
And it is this last thing, that will change everything for the better, because nothing, I repeat: nothing! is worse, than sitting on a sofa watching telly.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Apart from the sensible advice from people that know what they're talking about, ie speak to your GP. I think Captain Furious has connectived with the head of the nail, re relationships , when he says; 'when you're not seeking it or trying to force the situation, it might just find you.'

This should be a rule for life generally and I've found applies to work, women, money and cars .

 

As Tamworth says, when you've got the Capri on the road, it'll attract so much fanny you'll be drowning in it ( incidentally the way I'd like to go, when the time comes). Possibly the same women that were attracted to Capri drivers in the 70's and 80's , but on the bright side they'll probably have their own house ( or sheltered accommodation)

If you're overweight at all, join a Fat Club. I joined WeightWatchers a couple of weeks ago and as the only bloke in a room full of women who are either shy and insecure or desperate for someone to acknowledge how much better they look for losing a couple of pounds , I'm sure even I, with my slightly rusty( as slight as a 1976 SD1 that's been kept in salt mine) chatting up skills could pull.

If that shallow and pointless spooling yourself with cars is a problem, I'll give you £200 for the Mercury, kohlect 2 nite ma8 ?

[Captain Furious]

Weekends were the worst for me, it was entirely normal that I'd just slob around and not even get dressed for the entire day, until it was night time when I'd go down the same old local pub with the same old local people drinking the same old crappy lager.  It was a routine, that's just what I did, I didn't have anywhere else to be or anything else to do, so whats the point of getting up early and being 'up and about'?

 

So now I try and find something to do at weekends, no matter how mundane, to break that routine.  I'm still not exactly a social butterfly, but, for example..

 

Sunday, my mate and I went to one of the local car boots, something I've never had any interest in, and Sunday mostly confirmed my suspicions that they're full of old tut and I wouldn't give you a fiver for the lot.  But, it was something to do, we went for breakfast at Mcdonalds (something always worth getting out of bed for) took a drive up there, walked round for a couple of hours in the sunshine, quietly sniggering at some of the absolute crap people try and sell, joking that I've loaded the car up with more valuable items to take down the tip...

 

Then I stumbled across a pair of awesome ratcheting axle stands which I didn't need, but bought them anyway because they were a tenner.  Then on the way out found an old car aerofoil thing which everyone had in the 80s and 90's for towing caravans, £4 - So I thought that will look most awesomely retro next time I take the caravan to a show somewhere, I'm having it!  Now I have something else to do, find some period decals to adorn it, find\make a roof bar to attach it on with...So in actual fact going somewhere which I'd previously dismissed out of hand has led onto something else to do and focus my mind on

 

Its pretty trivial stuff, I mean, car boot sales aren't going to turn your life around, but what else would I have done that day?  Festered in my pit getting down about the fact its back to work tomorrow.  Not only that, but it gives you something to talk about too when people ask you what you did at the weekend.

 

I don't know if you've ever seen a film called Yes Man, but the premise of the story is to not refuse any opportunity that comes your way, even if its something that is your idea of absolute hell, because you never know what it may lead onto.  Obviously its taken to comedy extremes, but I think to a certain extent it has a valid message.  The online dating thing for example, look at it like this, you tried it, it didn't (or hasn't yet) worked out, but that's better than not doing it and forever wondering if you missed out on Mrs Perfect because you didn't take the leap of faith.

[dollywobbler]

Why are you pouring your thoughts out on here? It's because you need to get stuff off your chest. That's what counsellors are all about.

 

I had some pretty bad anxiety issues about 16 years ago (probably because of my nutjob girlfriend at the time). I went to the GP, got referred to a counsellor and it only took a few short sessions for me to feel much better. In short, by talking it through with a professional, I realised that I was getting wound up about stuff (especially eating in public) for no reason at all. Talking is therapeutic. Chances are you're not the first person in the world to feel like you do.

 

Anyway, my grump is back to less brain-related stuff, and all about pure technology. Our broadband is shit after a major network failure in the village two weeks ago, and the mobile reception is also shit. This is making my working day bloody infuriating.

[beko1987]

Weekends were the worst for me, it was entirely normal that I'd just slob around and not even get dressed for the entire day, until it was night time when I'd go down the same old local pub with the same old local people drinking the same old crappy lager.  It was a routine, that's just what I did, I didn't have anywhere else to be or anything else to do, so whats the point of getting up early and being 'up and about'?

 

So now I try and find something to do at weekends, no matter how mundane, to break that routine.  I'm still not exactly a social butterfly, but, for example..

 

Sunday, my mate and I went to one of the local car boots, something I've never had any interest in, and Sunday mostly confirmed my suspicions that they're full of old tut and I wouldn't give you a fiver for the lot.  But, it was something to do, we went for breakfast at Mcdonalds (something always worth getting out of bed for) took a drive up there, walked round for a couple of hours in the sunshine, quietly sniggering at some of the absolute crap people try and sell, joking that I've loaded the car up with more valuable items to take down the tip...

 

Then I stumbled across a pair of awesome ratcheting axle stands which I didn't need, but bought them anyway because they were a tenner.  Then on the way out found an old car aerofoil thing which everyone had in the 80s and 90's for towing caravans, £4 - So I thought that will look most awesomely retro next time I take the caravan to a show somewhere, I'm having it!  Now I have something else to do, find some period decals to adorn it, find\make a roof bar to attach it on with...So in actual fact going somewhere which I'd previously dismissed out of hand has led onto something else to do and focus my mind on

 

Its pretty trivial stuff, I mean, car boot sales aren't going to turn your life around, but what else would I have done that day?  Festered in my pit getting down about the fact its back to work tomorrow.  Not only that, but it gives you something to talk about too when people ask you what you did at the weekend.

 

I don't know if you've ever seen a film called Yes Man, but the premise of the story is to not refuse any opportunity that comes your way, even if its something that is your idea of absolute hell, because you never know what it may lead onto.  Obviously its taken to comedy extremes, but I think to a certain extent it has a valid message.  The online dating thing for example, look at it like this, you tried it, it didn't (or hasn't yet) worked out, but that's better than not doing it and forever wondering if you missed out on Mrs Perfect because you didn't take the leap of faith.

I'm banned from going to car boots for the forseeable as I buy too much 'shit', mainly hoovers. Which is sort of good, as we need to do one or 2 as sellers, so I don't have to go, as 'I spend all that we make on bloody hoovers', ignoring the fact that I then make 3-4x that back when I sell them.

 

Still, when she's out at the car boot I can go collect stuff from ebay easier...

[Eddie Honda]

as I buy too much 'shit'

Get it right, it's 'quality used spares'

[Captain Furious]

I hate to come away from these things completely empty handed.  I went to Donnington Market a few weeks ago and bought a set of jump leads, £30 but they are a superb set, 5m long and you could jump the starship enterprise.  Not the usual Argos affair which are far too short and start smoking whenever you attempt to start anything more heavy duty than a moped

 

Of course I went home and immediately found them £3 cheaper on Amazon, but it didn't matter, I felt like I'd got a deal at the time.

[Lord Sterling]

Depression and its side-kick, anxiety is the most common issue of evah, even more so than fucked HG on a K series.

 

The issues that have been mentioned above are pretty much text book as are the negative thought processes, or 'negative automatic thoughts' (NAT), 'thinking errors' are also part of the tasty spread too. 'I'm shit, I'm a loser, everybody hates me. I'm stupid, everyone is looking at me.......get the idea?

 

The tendency to isolate and also to have a shorter/quicker fuse is also potentially an issue. Lack of energy, motivation, increase or decreased appetite. Sleep: less or increased. It really is an equal opportunity illness as it makes no distinctions as to who you are, what you do or how much money you have/don't have.

 

The solution varies but seeing the GP is a good start. He or she will ask a series of questions which will include 'have you had any thoughts about ending your life'. Sadly some people do. It doesn't necessarily mean that you will do something but again, it can be part of that negative mind-set/distorted thinking.

 

So what helps? Apart from buying chod? Well, start with the GP. Meds can help but like most things, they are not the be all and end all. They have their uses but also side effects, like most meds. If you go down the med route you should take them for at least 6 to 9 months, do not stop them if you feel better. Please discuss with your GP and taper them off. Rebound effects and so on can happen. Stop them slowly/gradually. Discuss any side effects with your GP, there are other flavours available to suit your needs.

 

Talking therapy. Be it counselling or what is regarded as the 'gold standard', Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT).

 

It does take time though. Oh, talking openly to partner, friends, family and your manager is important. Booze and illicits are not a good thing.

 

All the best.

+ BILLION

 

I felt like this a few times over the last few years. And I agree, go andnsee your doctor, it will seem very daunting at first and you probably will worry about others around you and what they might think, BUT, you have stated that some already pick up on your general aura. I suspect there are far more people who have picked up on it than you might think, you will be surprised at how many people suspect depression and will be relieved that you have finally admitted it.

 

The first step of going to the GP is basically your door to breaking the cycle, even if it just for a chat. Don't let "I'll do it tomorrow" or whatever get in the way. Pick up the phone, dial the number and make an appointment NOW.

 

As Ken said the solution varies, for me it was a mix of reconnecting with my culture and religion, reestablishing contact with family and friends, recognising that slobbing about the place eating myself into a health nightmare wasn't the solution as it only fed the cycle. Well, that and of course having the shit ripped out of me by a very close family member who I truly love and respect as they were at the end of thier tether watching me destroy myself.

 

I got out there and did some stuff that made me happy, going for a walk in the countryside and generally appreciating nature, being out in the light and meeting up with friends.

 

It was a hard, daunting slog to climb out of there but I did it and now I'm in a position I never thought I'd ever see myself in. I find alot that a daunting trip can often end in happiness and enjoyment.

 

You know that old adage; some people convince themselves that etc... so much that they actually believe it? Maybe try and convince yourself that you are content, appreciate what you've got, go and enjoy your cars and appreciate any positive comments you might get.

[Junkman]

Its pretty trivial stuff, I mean, car boot sales aren't going to turn your life around...

 

I can't confirm that.

One of my best friends is now happily married for over twenty years to a rather appetising goth babe he poached at a boot sale.

And all it cost him was chipping in the 30 Pence or so she was shy of the object of her desire.

[Junkman]

Going out at all is very difficult for me. It feels like when I'm out all eyes are judging me!

 

This means other people do find you interesting. I'd book this under positives.

[Captain Furious]

Well, I stand corrected on car boot sales.

 

Just goes to show the Yes Man theory can work.

[stripped fred]

Bloody tenant is playing me up. She moved in Nov 2014 with her husband who cleared off soon after. I've been fair with rent payments being a bit late but now she's just stopped paying. She promised to make a payment and is now not answering my calls. Also mentioned that the patio door was damaged in a supposed break in which she also didn't tell me and hasn't reported to the police. I called round, after giving her notice that I was going to do so, and she wasn't in or wouldn't answer the door. It will take me a minimum of 2 months before she legally has to leave. If she doesn't then it's the eviction process which = more time + money. I'm quite new to this landlord business as it came about accidentally. I know you have ups and downs but it's a bit frustrating at the moment. It's also the last time I pay someone to find me a tenant. I am understanding as she's now on her own with a young kid but she is taking the piss a bit.

[Station]

Why are you pouring your thoughts out on here? It's because you need to get stuff off your chest. That's what counsellors are all about.

 

I had some pretty bad anxiety issues about 16 years ago (probably because of my nutjob girlfriend at the time). I went to the GP, got referred to a counsellor and it only took a few short sessions for me to feel much better. In short, by talking it through with a professional, I realised that I was getting wound up about stuff (especially eating in public) for no reason at all. Talking is therapeutic. Chances are you're not the first person in the world to feel like you do.

 

Anyway, my grump is back to less brain-related stuff, and all about pure technology. Our broadband is shit after a major network failure in the village two weeks ago, and the mobile reception is also shit. This is making my working day bloody infuriating.

I was reading through these and thought the only thing I was anxious about was eating in public, and then read this. I used to be terrible, but now I can eat apples or a banana walking through town, I can't remember when I got over that or why I was anxious about it in the first place.

[Tamworthbay]

I was reading through these and thought the only thing I was anxious about was eating in public, and then read this. I used to be terrible, but now I can eat apples or a banana walking through town, I can't remember when I got over that or why I was anxious about it in the first place.

It's very common, I am fine if I know people but hate being at work training or events where I don't know anyone. But you learn to manage it in your own way, I just duck out to the nearest chippy and sit in the car listening to the radio. If it's family or friends I am fine. It all started when I was prescribed an arthritis drug called methotrexate which altered by taste and I could suddenly find myself gagging at something I had eaten for years and years, even now nine years on there are some foods I can't be around when they are being cooked. We all have things that bug us, I have some nasty scars from a motorbike accident so will never walk around with my shirt off and it's easy to think people are looking at you - usually they are just reading your t shirt.

[xtriple]

Please do go and see your Doctor. Nothing wrong with 'happy pills' been on them for the last thirty years! Not the same ones, it has varied as the years have passed and pills have got better/more effective. I would have been dead a long time ago without them and that is the truth.

 

Therapy is a bit of a mixed bag as the mental health teams are under severe pressure nowadays with cuts to staff and bugger all funding. If you can be fixed quickly, then great but for more deep seated problems (abuse etc) not a lot of help as they do not have the time to help you.

 

But, as a first step (after seeing the Quack), you need to set yourself goals. By that I mean something manageable but that you are normally unwilling to do. Go to a new place, just for an hour/30 minutes. Talk to a stranger, even if it's just 'Hello'. Smile... smiling is often enough to lift your mood by itself! Do your housework/washing, clean your car, anything that you would normally make excuses to avoid. I was deadly afraid of going anywhere that was 'outside my comfort zone' and that meant anywhere more than a little circuit that I had convinced myself was safe, I wouldn't even take the dogs somewhere new as it really caused me to shake/sweat/get stomach ache/feel sick if I went anywhere other than my 'safe' zone.

 

It was hard to go to a different place, but the first step is the tricky one, they DO get much easier with each one you take. I still don't go all that far but that's now because I don't have a need to but I don't feel afraid/worried/anxious about going anywhere. I went to Plymouth yesterday and Exeter is a frequent trip and two years ago, there was no way I could have gone to either place.

 

I still make myself lists of what I want to achieve: hoovering the flat, doing the shopping etc. Sounds trivial (and it is) but it helps! If at the end of the first weeks you have crossed off one or two of these 'chores' then you have every right to feel proud of yourself. If you haven't, then do not beat yourself up about it! Beating yourself up is the easiest thing for us to do and is totally self destructive.

 

Look in the mirror and be honest. If you are a fat ugly twat, embrace it! You often see ugly blokes with lovely ladies, they didn't all get them because they are richer than Bernie Ecclestone or hung with a solid foot of man meat! Be confident, even if you are not, fake it! Confidence will take you miles in every walk of life, I have been faking confidence for so long that now I am not sure if I am confident or still faking! Result however, is the same.

 

I could go on, but if you need to talk, then p.m. me.

[anonymous user]

I was reading through these and thought the only thing I was anxious about was eating in public, and then read this. I used to be terrible, but now I can eat apples or a banana walking through town, I can't remember when I got over that or why I was anxious about it in the first place.

Just apples or a banana? Now when you can manage to eat a roast dinner walking down the street you'll know you've got it sorted.

 

Strangely with all my hang-ups that's one I've never had; although I do know a few people who suffer with it. I'm quite happy eating on my own in public, in cafes, pubs, restaurants, or a bag of chips on a bench in the park, my quirk is that I have to sit facing out, I find it very hard to sit eating with my back to people.

[vulgalour]

I'll just reinforce that ignoring or hiding depression is a BAD THING, and I speak from personal experience.

 

In happier news, I got some tinker time in on the Renault after what seems like forever and while I didn't get a lot done, it felt good to do some work on the old wreck.

[Station]

Just apples or a banana? Now when you can manage to eat a roast dinner walking down the street you'll know you've got it sorted.

 

Strangely with all my hang-ups that's one I've never had; although I do know a few people who suffer with it. I'm quite happy eating on my own in public, in cafes, pubs, restaurants, or a bag of chips on a bench in the park, my quirk is that I have to sit facing out, I find it very hard to sit eating with my back to people.

Just about anything, I don't think about it anymore - I never really get anxious about anything, interviews, meeting new people, etc.

[HillmanImp]

Bollocks. I was just reading this shit on here and missed my son taking his first steps on his own downstairs. 

[jakebullet]

Forgot to mention, get thee to https://www.meetup.com/find/ and find a local mentals group. It takes courage to turn up and say I'm a mentals, but once you do knowing the other people are also mental makes things feel 'easier'. I'd suggest you go for one of the ones that goes out and does things, not the sit in a pub and discuss being mental type.

 

I met the beautiful Kinky Girl at one of these groups. She sat next to me at the first one I went to, and I pretty much ignored her 'cos the fear. But it worked out eventually, and I also gained real human friends which is most surprising for a spacker like me.

[beko1987]

Bollocks. I was just reading this shit on here and missed my son taking his first steps on his own downstairs.

Sorry...

[meggersdog]

The mention of Holkham has just reminded me.I went there on Sunday and some of you will know parking is down Lady Anne's drive.This is a single track (private) road where you park either side,generally 90-ish degrees to the road.At weekends it's quite busy with families milling about all over the road,dogs without leads,horse riders and cyclists  all seemingly oblivious to their surroundings.There are cars driving up and down this track pulling over to let others pass.Basically you have to have your wits about you when driving (slowly) down this single track road.

So after a fairly long walk from the beach to the car I'm sat in my car having a drink before setting off home.Another car pulls out of a parking space a few cars away and the driver is on his phone.This twat is so out of control his wife is leaning over adjusting the steering whilst he is making this ever so important phonecall.Why this utter f**king twat could not stay parked whilst on the phone I don't know.Looked like the couple were in their sixties so he really should have known better.It always takes around ten minutes to get to the road anyway so taking a phonecall while your wife is steering from the passenger seat was an accident waiting to happen.

Owning a smartphone does not make you smarter.Quite the opposite from what I've seen.

[r.welfare]

Looking forward* to getting my wife's car back from the garage at the end of the week. It's been off the road for nearly 4 weeks after refusing to start at the supermarket, would turn over but not catch. Recovery man diagnosed fancy keyless fob no longer talking to immobiliser. That'll be a main dealer job, thinks I, so instruct him to tow it to local Nissan agent. This is on a Wednesday.

 

Local Nissan agent says we can't look at it until Monday. I lend Espace to wife and take train to work. Monday comes and goes. I ring Nissan. "The battery is now flat and we don't have any so we are charging it, keys will be recoded tomorrow morning no problem". Tuesday morning turns into afternoon. I ring Nissan. "We've recoded the keys but it's still not starting and it's turning over like it has no compression, can we have your permission to spend half an hour taking the valve cover off?". I agree. 5.30pm looms. 4 hours to take off a rocker cover? I ring Nissan...

 

"Your timing chain is slack, you have three options sir - throw the car away, we can fit a new engine (we don't do reconditioned on this model) for 5 grand or you can take it somewhere else". It's a six year old Qashqai so option 1 is taking the piss, as is option 2. So I pay them £180 for their time (1.5hrs labour!) and get it transported (another £60) to my usual garage, where I am beginning to realise it should have gone in the first place...

 

Later that afternoon I go down and it's already in the bay. They think the tensioner might have gone as the timing seems to be out - one cylinder has 165psi compression but the others are around 50. I am told this is good as zero compression would result from bent valves. They don't think chain is slack but propose changing chain, sprockets, tensioners, guides etc before retiming and seeing what's what.

 

A week passes; I know they are always busy (a good sign because it's all word of mouth/repeat business) and I'm in India for work anyway. I give them a bell and they say the timing chain kit doesn't come with the right exhaust cam sprocket, which has to be ordered from Nissan in Japan and this takes five days...

 

Another week passes. The part arrives but now they are busy again. I get fed up with the train and borrow my brother's 323Ci. I like it so much I don't want to give it back. Meanwhile my wife complains the electric handbrake won't release sometimes in the Espace. She is wrong - something is occasionally jamming up the gear mechanism so she can't get 1st or 2nd, leading her to pull away in 3rd. The burning smell is the clutch...I dismantle half the engine bay and fish out a broken cable tie from around one of the gear cables.

 

Yesterday I get a call. The news is not good. It's all timed up, they twist the column switch and...it's still turning over like it's got no compression. They're fed up. Mrs W hates the Espace. The only person happy is me - this BMW I am driving is ace - but nagging the back of my mind is that the music will stop soon.

 

Today I get a call. The mystery is solved. The reason the car would not start? The throttle body has seized shut. This is good. Except it isn't. A new one is £700. On top of the £800 for the new timing chain, sprockets, tensioners, guides etc and labour. This is a lot of money. I have it, but rather would spend it on something else. Like a 323Ci.

 

Suddenly it all makes sense. The recovery man mentioned a throttle position sensor fault code, but dismissed that as a byproduct of repeated cranking. The cretins at Nissan wiped the codes. And my trusted garage worked on the (incorrect) diagnosis from Nissan. The new chain etc isn't really wasted because the car has done nearly 140k.

 

There are many learnings. Modern cars and main dealers live up to their reputation. But also Renault Espaces are really reliable cars, if you periodically remove obstacles from the gear linkage. I don't know what it all means. But I do know I am keeping the bloody Nissan as long as possible to amortise the cost. And my wife's next car will be <£2000. And my brother is giving me first refusal on the BMW.

[Timewaster]

DTCM, Maybe you could write down how you feel and take it to the GP.

When they ask you what's wrong simply tell then it's hard for you to explain and hand them the paper.

I'm sure they will be okay with that.

 

GLWTGP

[mercrocker]

I find this helps when I get a bit moody...... 

 

 

[panhard65]

A really minor grump, but when someone is daft enough to list an '05 mini convertible with a blown engine for 350 quid buy it now. Why does some penniless twat decide to bid on it hoping to get it cheaper. It's been listed for 45 mins and is already over 350 I was hoping for a bargain there !!!! will probably make over a grand even with the buggered engine.

[vulgalour]

I'm getting pretty grumpy at the 40+ age group lately.  Not all of them, obviously, but a certain segment of them.  Being asked why I'm bothering to look after a rented house is pretty insulting.  "Why bother, you don't own it, you're just making money for someone else."  Er, what?  I have to live here, probably for years, and I can't afford to buy because house prices and mortgages are so ridiculously far from my means even for the smallest shittiest house there is.  "Why don't you just stop paying rent and get a mortgage?"  is brilliant too, even if you try and explain to them how money works.  My favourite statement so far though "Well, I didn't have any problem buying a house."  No, that's because you bought before the gross inflation of housing costs and are now preaching about how nice it is to have a nest egg investment because your house is worth so much more than when you bought it and isn't that wonderful.

 

Why don't I just go out and buy a house?  You.  That's why.  You spoiled it for me.  Now go away so I can enjoy looking after this house I don't own in peace and quiet and try not to think too hard about just how much I've been screwed over to be in my mid-thirties with no alternative employment options, savings and worries that I'll never be able to retire as I shan't have a pension and the NHS will have been privatised and everything will be the dystopian nightmare science fiction promised.