What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Ghosty]

Thanks! All being well I can do another round up in Aberdeen this year. Maybe Aberdeen has corners, just like the meat products...

 

Didn't Saabnut say there was a mile long track up to his place?

[Kiltox]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.

 

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

 

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

 

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

 

"You don't have one?"

 

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

 

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

 

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

 

The policeman says, "Why not?"

 

"I stole this car."

 

The officer says, "Stole it?"

 

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

 

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"

 

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

 

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

 

The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

 

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

 

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

 

"Murdered the owner?"

 

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

 

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

 

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

 

The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.

 

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

 

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

 

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Old ones are the best

 

I don’t even think that’s the first time I’ve seen that joke on here this month

[SierraMikeHotel]

Six months after we put the offer in, I was starting to wonder if we would ever actually buy our house but it has finally happened and I have the keys.

 

Very big grin indeed.

 

Now there's just the small matter of thirty years paying the mortgage...

[beko1987]

So what did you do this lunchtime Sam? Well I fitted an entire exhaust system to a Mazda 5! Then came back to work 20 minutes late to a massive network outage so haven't got told off!

[Datsuncog]

Six months after we put the offer in, I was starting to wonder if we would ever actually buy our house but it has finally happened and I have the keys.

 

Very big grin indeed.

 

Now there's just the small matter of thirty years paying the mortgage...

 

Glad it's all come together for you!

 

Although the mortgage might feel like a bit of a millstone, do look into paying more than the absolute minimum if you possibly can, to put more of a dent in the capital. Even chipping in an extra twenty quid or so a month can knock a year or so off it, potentially saving you many ££££s in interest too... moneysavingexpert.com has an overpayments calculator so you can see the difference it makes.

 

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/mortgages/mortgage-overpayment-calculator

 

We're hoping to have our 35 year mortgage paid off inside 18 years this way... halfway there.

[SierraMikeHotel]

Thank you! It's a scary sum, but after so many years renting it feels good to be paying something towards my future rather than the landlord's.

 

I'm 38, which is late for a first-time buyer, so I'm very keen to put as much as possible into it so that I've got a chance of retiring at a sensible age. Definitely planning to overpay as much as we can while we're relatively young and both working full-time.

[Datsuncog]

^^^ Well, exactly! We found our mortgage payments to be less than what we'd been paying in rent, so put the difference in, then upped it once Mrs DC found permanent employment... it's making a brave difference, much as we'd like to have the cash here and now!

 

Scary sums, but I reckon we're a generation somewhat delayed by the preceding 'lost decade', so fair play for getting there eventually. I'd have no real issue with long-term renting if it were properly regulated as in some European countries, but I just couldn't deal with the ongoing insecurity of six month leases and massive deposits. 

 

As a bonus, it does feel nice not to be funding someone else's lifestyle (our twat landlord was always away on frigging cruises, so was never around to help whenever the kitchen lights melted due to the dodgy wiring, or water started to pour through the ceiling because of a rusted-out header tank in the attic).

 

That said, my brother's in the midst of buying his first flat in London - comprising 1/3 of a small terraced house. In Tooting. For £500k.

 

Half. A. Million. Pounds.

 

I just can't get my head around that.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Look at this!

Alf Roberts had a Mazda 929, how cool is that?

[DodgeRover]

Thank you! It's a scary sum, but after so many years renting it feels good to be paying something towards my future rather than the landlord's.

 

I'm 38, which is late for a first-time buyer, so I'm very keen to put as much as possible into it so that I've got a chance of retiring at a sensible age. Definitely planning to overpay as much as we can while we're relatively young and both working full-time.

I don't know if it's possible here in the uk but when I worked for Westpac Trust you used to be able to treat your mortgage a bit like a current account, have your salary(s) paid direct to the mortgage account, live off your credit card for the month before paying the card off from the mortgage account, you obviously need cast iron discipline with spending but it made a huge difference to repayment times. As long as you spend less than you earn minus the minimum repayment all is good.

 

Anyway congratulations on your first home! I hope you will be very happy.

[SierraMikeHotel]

It's bad enough here, but London prices are just insane. Sister-in-law and her fiancé are buying their first place, somewhere near Brixton, and they're limited to part-buy, part-rent schemes - and really poky places even then. They're younger than us but I don't see how they'll ever manage to own a place in its entirety if they want to stay in London.

[PhilA]

Parents have flown in to visit. Yesterday mother gets a mosquito bite on her leg; last night she panics and shows me her foot has gone all red.

 

I suck my breath in through my teeth and tell her she's caught a terrible affliction she'd never get back in the UK.

 

Colloquially, here we call it "sunburn"...

 

 

Phil

[vulgalour]

Sunburn?  What on earth causes that?  Sounds terrible.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

^^^ Well, exactly! We found our mortgage payments to be less than what we'd been paying in rent, so put the difference in, then upped it once Mrs DC found permanent employment... it's making a brave difference, much as we'd like to have the cash here and now!....

 

Remember: once paid off and the mortgage redeemed, a rosy future of pure autoshite begins!

[Datsuncog]

^^^ That's very much the plan!

[meggersdog]

My old Mercedes coupe often gets compliments about how nice it looks.The same car some dickhead at ACA couldn't understand why anybody would buy a 28 year old car with 200k on the clock. Anyway, today a customer , bloke in his forties, said " that old Merc looks proper gangster" just made me smile.

 the car spent today as background fodder for a skillshack video . (practical classics webcast/podcast)

[Aston Martin]

I’m watching Ozzy and Jacks world history road trip adventure tour... or whatever it’s called.

Anyway, Ozzy insists they use one of these GMC Motorhomes.

7.5L V8 and front wheel drive? This must be bastard miserable to drive. It does look fabulous mind.

It's the best show on TV.

[catsinthewelder]

The weather is making me grin. Finally managed to build some raised beds for a customer today that have been on the list for nearly 6 months but endlessly put off due to soggy ground. Think I might have a bit of sunburn though.

[Eddie Honda]

Look at this!

Alf Roberts had a Mazda 929, how cool is that?

I only remember the MG he had.

[Ghosty]

Mum's gone to London until Monday for her sister's birthday.

 

It's a grin because it's the first time she's left me and my dad alone in fucking years, the break from having to deal with her mental health and digestive issues is more than welcome as it puts a massive strain on me and my dad, as there's barely anything she can do for herself, through a combination of lower back issues and compulsions meaning she refuses to user her hands properly.

She also had to let Old Man use her Cooper S - OCD wouldn't permit this up to now, but she can't get into the Prelude so he had to give her a lift to the station in it. 

 

I came along for the ride as I knew Old Man was going to give the Bini some much-needed excercise, and sure enough as soon as the mother was out of the way he proceeded to let the car do what it does best

[Keymaster]

I don't know if it's possible here in the uk but when I worked for Westpac Trust you used to be able to treat your mortgage a bit like a current account, have your salary(s) paid direct to the mortgage account, live off your credit card for the month before paying the card off from the mortgage account, you obviously need cast iron discipline with spending but it made a huge difference to repayment times. As long as you spend less than you earn minus the minimum repayment all is good.

 

Anyway congratulations on your first home! I hope you will be very happy.

Yeah, they are available, known as offset mortgages. The most well known one is the one account, but there are loads of options. Paid my house off in 7 years instead of 25 and along the way saved tens of thousands in interest.

 

Youre right about needing to be disciplined to make it work, you effectively have a massive overdraft facility secured against your house, which gives you a lot of spending power.

[The Moog]

Or just move to Accrington - £40k for house and 5 year mortgage. 

[Guest Hooli]

Yeah but you have to live in Accrington.....

 

 

 

Mind you I'd have to be paid (a hell of a lot) to live in London too.

[wuvvum]

On the run home from work in the 45 this evening I was sat behind a modern convertible Maserati thing.  For the first part of the journey we were stuck behind some dithering old coot in a Mondeo, but when he finally turned off and the road went back to NSL the Maserati owner started to drive a little* more enthusiastically.  And fark me did it sound nice for a modern.  I had my windows down, and even over the bellow of a redlining L-series I could hear the snarl of his exhausts and the popping and crackling on the overrun quite clearly.  I thought exhaust notes like that had been sanitised out of existence - evidently I were wrong.

[Jams]

What makes me grin?

 

Sunshine!!!!!!!

[DodgeRover]

I got overtaken by a modern mustang with 'loud' exhausts on, no idea what they were supposed to be like but it sounded awful, I was really tempted to ask if it was the 2.3 Ecoboost to piss the guy off but he had his window up in the queue.

[wuvvum]

You may have seen it already, but someone at work showed this to me today and I honestly laughed until I had tears in my eyes.  Genuinely the funniest thing I've seen so far this year (deceased moggy aside obvs).

 

[Wack]

Yeah but you have to live in Accrington.....

 

 

 

Mind you I'd have to be paid (a hell of a lot) to live in London too.

What's the attraction , living in London I mean , people who live there rave about it , until they leave and realise how shit it really is , dirty, cramped, expensive , impossible to travel across , nobody speaks until they leave then you can't shut them up.

 

Every time I've been to London I'm fucking glad when the train door closes on the trip home , and that 1500 people stood watching the platform boards at Euston waiting for the announcement then legging it to try and get a seat , no thanks

 

53 murders so far this year I heard today and we're not 4 months in yet

[Guest Hooli]

I have no idea what the attraction is, after all the quality of life anywhere is directly proportional to the lack of people there which is mathematical proof London is a shithole.

[Wack]

..

[Tadhg Tiogar]

.... 53 murders so far this year I heard today and we're not 4 months in yet

A lot of them teenagers.

 

Stabbed by other teenagers.