What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[warch]

1 hour ago, BorniteIdentity said:

Riding my bike down a quiet country lane last night -  I saw a middle aged woman getting f***ered on the reclined front seat of a Birmingham registered Mk4 Ford Mondeo.  Not being particularly fit I wasn't going very quickly, so it was easy to see what was going on.  Neither of them saw me as her eyes had rolled back further than Asda's prices and he seemed to be sucking on her neck at the same time.

Lucky bastards.

 

I love the Autoshite-centric version of events, lots of detail about the car and little else. Reminds me of the story from the classic Red Dwarf episode 'Marooned' when Rimmer is talking about the time he lost his virginity in the back of his brother's car and all he can talk about is the car itself. 

My wife says she never catches me surreptitiously checking out other women, just other motorbikes and tractors and stuff.

'Phoaaar, check her out, JCB Fastrac 4220, what a beauty!'.....

[angle]

On 6/23/2020 at 12:17 PM, purplebargeken said:

Saw my old blue Daf 33 in the 'Spotted' pages of PC mag this morning. Nice.

 

On 6/23/2020 at 12:18 PM, purplebargeken said:

Bristol area is where it now seems to live.

I know I have a photo on my phone somewhere, but does it have Brighton plates / dealer sticker? If it does it lives just up the road from me and is the guys daily I think, it's just been kicked off the drive to make space for an amazing Fiat 900 camper. 

Edit: this one? 

 

[somewhatfoolish]

It is a noose and in the context of the southern US that has a lot of connotations, all of them negative and racist. It certainly doesn't appear to have been aimed at Bubba though. Apropos nothing, is there a more stereotypical 'redneck' name than Bubba Wallace? Short of calling him Jim-Bob obvs.

[gm]

fucks sake, just stay at home !

is it some kind of wind up ? surely can’t be true

[somewhatfoolish]

The temptation to lob a wasp nest or a stinkbomb into that would be difficult to resist. How much of a balloon do you have to be to wear that?

[myglaren]

6 hours ago, warch said:

 

My wife says she never catches me surreptitiously checking out other women, just other motorbikes and tractors and stuff.

 

We were shopping in Chester-le-Street and a girl passed us, running down the middle of the road.

Wife turns to me and said "Were you looking at her arse?  You were, weren't you"?

Which I could not deny, caught red handed, as it were.

"Fair enough, she does have a nice arse"! she admitted.

[camryv6]

8 hours ago, BorniteIdentity said:

Riding my bike down a quiet country lane last night -  I saw a middle aged woman getting f***ered on the reclined front seat of a Birmingham registered Mk4 Ford Mondeo.  Not being particularly fit I wasn't going very quickly, so it was easy to see what was going on.  Neither of them saw me as her eyes had rolled back further than Asda's prices and he seemed to be sucking on her neck at the same time.

Lucky bastards.

 

What model was the Mondeo ?

[vulgalour]

If this works even half as well as it looks I shall be most pleased.  Rebuild cost nearly twice as much as the car did to buy, mind, so it had better.

[puddlethumper]

^^ Is that a Bosch jobby ?

[vulgalour]

It is that, a Bosch VE, but apparently an odd model for a Citroen.

[808 Estate]

[Borsuq]

The nice part of owning a post-communist car in a post-communist country is the fact that half the people you know have some parts stashed in their cellars or garages, which they'll gladly get rid of for free. Just got a box of random Polonez parts from a friend of my dad's. Guess who doesn't have to order a new fuel filter or exhaust hanger now.

 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

15 hours ago, vulgalour said:

.... Rebuild cost nearly twice as much as the car did to buy, mind, so it had better.

That's becoming a familiar feeling here....

[SRi05]

On 6/24/2020 at 11:14 AM, BorniteIdentity said:

Riding my bike down a quiet country lane last night -  I saw a middle aged woman getting f***ered on the reclined front seat of a Birmingham registered Mk4 Ford Mondeo.  Not being particularly fit I wasn't going very quickly, so it was easy to see what was going on.  Neither of them saw me as her eyes had rolled back further than Asda's prices and he seemed to be sucking on her neck at the same time.

Lucky bastards.

 

Blimey

[Jikovron]

My 90 year old neighbour noted what I was doing whilst he was passing on his mobility scooter and straight away offered to help manhandle an engine whilst lowering it into the suzuki last week as he didnt want me doing it by myself and bash it on stuff on it's way down, bearing in mind this is one very respectable and well presented man , I signalled that everything was going great and he went in, 10 mins later I get the gearbox ready to lift on and he came straight back fully prepared to help getting it onto the engine. Irrespective of the task and his limited physical ability that is the sign of a great neighbour.

 

[omegod]

4 minutes ago, Jikovron said:

My 90 year old neighbour noted what I was doing whilst he was passing on his mobility scooter and straight away offered to help manhandle an engine whilst lowering it into the suzuki last week as he didnt want me doing it by myself and bash it on stuff on it's way down, bearing in mind this is one very respectable and well presented man , I signalled that everything was going great and he went in, 10 mins later I get the gearbox ready to lift on and he came straight back fully prepared to help getting it onto the engine. Irrespective of the task and his limited physical ability that is the sign of a great neighbour.

 

Some years ago I was nervously painting the apex of my house on a very long ladder, old chap over the road who was well into his 90's must have seen me shaking like a shitting dog and came over to hold the ladder 

[BorniteIdentity]

11 minutes ago, omegod said:

Some years ago I was nervously painting the apex of my house on a very long ladder, old chap over the road who was well into his 90's must have seen me shaking like a shitting dog and came over to hold the ladder 

You didn’t send him up? Amateur. 

[omegod]

28 minutes ago, BorniteIdentity said:

You didn’t send him up? Amateur. 

It didn't seem fair to ridicule him given he was helping me  

[mitsisigma01]

Last time I painted the apex of a house was because I pointed out to the owner that once we had installed the conservatory it would have to be a scaffold up and over job. I did the gable end and about 20 metres of fascia and soffit in brown wood stain  and got £300 and a Rover 420gsi  !!!  Win win, not bad for about 4 hours work ????

[dollywobbler]

Something I didn't know. Those crazy Dutch ordered Volvo saloons for their highway patrol cars. They realised these lacked rear wipers, so fitted some. Pics entirely stolen, I know not from where.

[somewhatfoolish]

Ambitious bit of autoshite hoonery; anyone want to own up?  

 

[jmsguzzi]

[SRi05]

[BeEP]

9 hours ago, somewhatfoolish said:

Ambitious bit of autoshite hoonery; anyone want to own up?  

 

And whilst the decoy dragged the entire Cleveland Police force in its wake..........

[myglaren]

 

 

 

[Andyrew]

Mate of mine wanted to start cycling to work and wanted something solid and practical.  One freshly refurbed postie bike. 

Basically,  ex royal mail bike, stripped and refurbed by young offenders in any colour you want (appart from red)  each bike you buy another is shipped to Africa. 

https://www.cycleofgood.com/elephant-bike/

[BorniteIdentity]

40 minutes ago, Andyrew said:

Mate of mine wanted to start cycling to work and wanted something solid and practical.  One freshly refurbed postie bike. 

Basically,  ex royal mail bike, stripped and refurbed by young offenders in any colour you want (appart from red)  each bike you buy another is shipped to Africa. 

https://www.cycleofgood.com/elephant-bike/

Want.  Ideally not in Stelios orange.  I might pull the trigger on one of these as they look marvelous and a great cause too.

[somewhatfoolish]

Oh my word; I'm all nostalgic about my brief time as a postie now. I did ponder a midnight raid to steal my old bike back when the RM gave up on bicycles but laziness and a fear of barbed wire stopped me, this would provide a bike to someone who needs it and give me a bike that isn't irritating to my reproductive organs. The gears are confusing me; they were all 4 and 5 speed SRAM hubs at our office, so why these are all 3 speed is a puzzle.

[Andyrew]

7 minutes ago, BorniteIdentity said:

Want.  Ideally not in Stelios orange.  I might pull the trigger on one of these as they look marvelous and a great cause too.

I think it's a great idea, and as bike prices go it fairly reasonable.

He wanted bright so it can been seen easily. 

You can option the bike aswell, he went for the front basket and saddle bags!  

I believe he has purchased a different crank and sturmey gear elsewhere as the gearing is a bit low for uphill apparently according to posties and owners.

I've suggested he names it the "loyal snail"

[HillmanImp]

I don't remember those bikes. 

We had these when I worked as a postie about 20 yrs ago: