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Drive away for £200, the cheapest of cheap shite thread

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I love the smell of a racial stereotype in the morning don’t you?

 

Anyhoo, wee Hamish is selling a Skoda Fabulosa for £200 up there in that there Edinburgh. It has an MOT until August, various dents and a busted window but this mutha is only £200. If I were doing some house renovations or planning some sort of bank job on a tight budget I would be all over this. Yes it looks like it’s had a few nights out with some dodgy characters but hey, think of it as a wheeled Irvine Welsh novel and you won’t be disappointed. Very popular cars locally, look how much the locals like them!

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/skoda/skoda-fabia-mot-till-august-/1336627774

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Used Cars NG17 have located this rather cheeky wee Daihatsu. Not much information about it but if it were me I would splash out on some stonewashed denim, change my ethnicity, swap Mrs P for a Japanese girl, and look permanently surprised at the spectacular Daihatsu value.

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/daihatsu/1999-v-diahatsu-charade-1.3-lxi-se-5-dr-hatchback-mot-25-03-2019/1333113412

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I like the South West. Bournemouth, Padstow.....erm.....all the towns and people. But somewhere I should get acquainted with is Paignton for there’s you can find a classic British racing green two door for a mere two hundred pounds.

 

Apparently it misbehaves every so often and can be a little temperamental. You know what I would do? Pop a couple of Sertraline in the tank and get it on a course of CBT and listen to its problems. It merely needs a little counselling. So a classic two door from a classic British town, i’d be rolling this like Ian Carmichael in School for Scoundrels

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/volkswagen/vw-lupo/1336521747

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If the Good Life were remade today, Jerry would definitely drive one of these. In fact I would as well as I have the horn for Volvo S80’s. This one is wonderful, yes the mileage is high and a light is on but it has a lot of MOT giving the buyer a good few months to woo Penelope Keith while trying not to look at Felicity Kendals arse or make Richard Briers feel inadaquate.

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/volvo/volvo-s80-auto/1336471401

 

Buy this and realise you only need £200 to become one of life’s winners.

 

Penelope Keith though...terrifying and compelling in equal measure

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If the Good Life were remade today, Jerry would definitely drive one of these. In fact I would as well as I have the horn for Volvo S80’s. This one is wonderful, yes the mileage is high and a light is on but it has a lot of MOT giving the buyer a good few months to woo Penelope Keith while trying not to look at Felicity Kendals arse or make Richard Briers feel inadaquate.

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/volvo/volvo-s80-auto/1336471401

 

Buy this and realise you only need £200 to become one of life’s winners.

 

Penelope Keith though...terrifying and compelling in equal measure

Jerry used to drive from Surbition to the centre of London each day in his Volvo 144 to work apparently. It must have been a pig of a drive in those days...and today he would go through the congestion charge and possibly the ULEZ too. But how times change.

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Jerry should buy this then

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/ford/ford-fusion-1.4/1336373238

 

Much more sensible even if it is being sold with a slippy clutch by someone with a made up name. For the money this actually looks pretty normal and usable. Pop in a clutch and bingo. Even better, do it yourself at the side of the road using nothing more than an imperial socket set your Grandad left you and the jack the car came with in order to save enough money to pay for the chiropractic work you’ll need afterwards.

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https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Voltswagon-Golf-Mk4-TDI-130-hp-Spares-or-Repair/133036914084

"Voltswagon" Golf 3 hours left going for £168... possible this thread territory?

 

✔ MOT till June

✔ Frontal damage "caused by ASDA reversing into it".... ???

✔ Comes with "coolant expatiation tank"

✔ NOT taxed to get you home m8..... "swon" status

✔ Dead cow interior

✔ One glow plug on strike

✔ Moon mileage... 280 000

 

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Ah Brendan, at last an advert on Gumtree that is relatively clear and understandable.  Sadly it leaves me with very little to take the piss out of.  

If I was a five eighths scale model of myself with £175 burning a hole in my five eighths scale trousers, i’d be on this like a five eighths scale Tramp on some slightly greater than half size chips

https://www.gumtree.com/p/fiat/fiat-cinquecento-for-sale-good-condition-for-her-age-and-worth-a-good-look/1343521535

 

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More prizes to Lynne who again has surprised me by describing this as pretty much what it is.

https://www.gumtree.com/p/suzuki/small-run-around-current-mot/1343570664

MOT to November and it’s a muthaflippin Suzuki Ignis.  Make sure you bring some adhesive with you, such as Copydex or Gloy Gum for that seventies primary school reminiscence to stick that rubbing strip back on.  Honestly Lynne, that was just sloppy.  

 

 

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Brrrrring brrring, brrrr (click)

”Morning, Appropriate Number Plates for you, Nick speaking, how can I help?”

”Yeah alright mate, got this car yeah and wondered if you had anything that accentuates is features, you got anything?”

”Heh heh, oh yes sir, I think I might have the very thing!”

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/ford/ford-fiesta-1.3-cheap-/1343646643

 

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Ipswich £175.

Quote

Bodywork in really good condition with just a few age related marks. Yesterday the clutch thrust bearing gave up the ghost, according to local garage, and obviously will need replacing, otherwise mechanically tidy as only done 54000 miles. 10 and half months MOT remaining. Car still drives and engages gear but very noisy when depressing clutch.

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