louiepj

Twiggy. Born 1949, model since 1966.

Had an audit today from BSI. Much of which was spent looking out the window at various bugatti, mclaren and Ferrari.  When he saw my 2cv poster on the wall  he asked if I watch YouTube videos as he follows Hubnut! Although he does prefer the large engined vids ( Betty and the previous jag etc) and any mention of TWC makes him stop watching
He says he’s far too invested in Ian’s home life- cats, dogs, holidays etc!
He also watches Modern Heroes (and Fully Charged show.)
his daily is a Passat, but dream car a DS ( this was just as a powder blue Aston Martin DB5 stopped outside the office window). 
 
i mentioned that a friend  ( @Six-cylinder) had a new Range Rover that has failed to proceed more often than a Peugeot 404, he said that as a native of Solihull he didn’t believe it and that it must have been specified with the faults as extras.
 
all in all, not a bad audit.

Indeed.  It took me mere seconds to work out from the photo that it was a bus.

This has come to live on my road. It is unbelievably shonky.


I need to get a picture of the old tin can sat underneath the boot/ back axle, acting as a catch can for... Fuel?

Wife reading the news - "That Rishi Sunak is going on about the A1!"
Me: "You mean that big road we are going home on tomorrow?"
"No!"
"Oh, AI - that computer intelligence thing..."

It's settled into it's new home and is spending the night next to the brown Samara, most likely market rivals back then and now "bunk buddies"! No such thing as too much car talk, it was lovely to just talk and talk some more about cars and thank you so much for your amazing hospitality, we all had the most wonderful time after what had until arriving been the very description of a terrible day (and night before that)! I suspect it will be put straight into use tomorrow, it was still a bit smokey today clouding the air all around it but hopefully as we said it will stop as more oil leaks out the bottom 😅 I also now see what you mean about the noise on cold start, it does sound rather unhealthy but luckily I know it gets better with more warmth!
It was a pleasure to meet you and it even wasn't painful giving up the money for a change! Hopefully there will be another time to meet in the future, and I look forward to more updates here  
I've toned down my posting and taken to lurking in the shadows, I get less grief 😄

Spending my birthday doing a 12 hour shift. Doesnt really matter in the grand scheme of things as the wife hasnt been at all well (spent 7 hours at A&E with her yesterday) so she understandably hasnt even been able to buy a birthday card.
Not bothered as her health is of course far more important.
Cheered up though when my mate from Norn Irn sent me a big box of Tayto cheese & onion and then found inside it a framed photo of me in my Chevette HS from 1979.
Didnt even know he still had the photo.
 

In a similar vein, last night I sat on the sofa to watch tv and drink a beer.
It was one of the bigger 660ml bottles, and before I drank any I managed to drop it on its side so that it poured all over myself and the sofa cushion.
In my panic to resolve the problem, I picked it up too fast and frothed the beer up so it was now frothing out like some kind of lazy volcano.
In a further bout of panic, I put my finger over the top of the bottle but didn't manage to cover it completely.

As if it couldn't get any better, my mrs was stood there watching throughout the whole debacle, having only just said to me 'are you really going to have another beer?!' right before all this happened.

Even though I don't really own any autoshite, this thread confirms why I feel so at home on here.  We all seem to passionately hate humankind.

PCP 'soccer mom to be' aka 'un-yummy mummy'
(prompted by a supermarket car park encounter yesterday)
We've already met the plastic coated, shaped eye brow'd, copper coloured and fast fashion clad twenty-something. This is her slightly older sister....
Chantelle/Brittany/Chardonnay is shortly due to fall off the cliff that is turning thirty. She's finding that having three kids in the family (Troy, Estelle and her husband - Luke) is making it difficult to get in the tanning and nail salon time so she's having to let the less important things, like family nutrition and keeping things shipshape/Bristol fashion slip.
Two children under the age of five complicates life too - she had to get rid of her Bini convertible as the two doors meant getting the kids in and out of the back seats was ruining her hair/nails/eyebrows/back. Fortunately, Luke (her hero when he's not in the doghouse), stepped up and 'bought' her a '70' plated Mini Countryman AWD in silver with red viper stripes and 'gorgeous', waver thin low profiles on 19" rims. Four year PCP with £10K balloon payment because 'I'm she's worth it').
Cosmetically - it's in a shit state - needs a really good internal and external valeting. The former to remove the detritus of modern life from front and rear footwells (nail files, McDonalds wrappers and (un)Happy Toys, used vapes, snot rags etc). The latter would actually help reveal the car to be silver and not primer grey like next door's Audi.
Mechanically - it's in a shit state (over and above the fact it's a Countryman).  It's only done 20K miles and the DPF is like the lungs of an 80 Gauloise a day Parisien from the 1960s. This car never gets warmed up in its urban lifestyle. The rear tyres are on the wear marks whilst the front? They're proper Kojaks with added side wall patina from running around with 8psi in them. This is Lukes territory though - 'cos he's the man of the family. He takes care of things. He's not spotted that the four year PCP overlaps the first MoT by 12 months. Luke is going to get a surprise soon.

Yesterday I parked alongside Chantelle/Brittany/Chardonnay's Bini and had the joy* of watching her load Troy and Estelle into their rear seat isofixes whilst barking at them continuously.  They were baa-ing back at her in a similar tone. Seemed to take ages. My Welsh Collie is quieter and more efficient when loading sheep - maybe I could rent him to her- he was in the back of the Ovlov and I'm convinced the wee mind reader was trying to hide behind the wheel arch.

 

The Knight of the Road (weather dependent)
On the face of it this bloke (always male) is just a common or garden of roading enthusiast. He drives an oldish battered 4x4 equipped with the de rigor lift kit, 33 inch tyres, snorkel and winch.  Additionally this subtype also fits highway maintenance chevrons, reflectors, light bar and worklights to assist in his self proclaimed role providing rescue services whenever there are floods or it’s a bit snowy. May hold out for some diesel money but never charges women due to the chivalric rules of the highway. He is a sort of road recovery Walt.

Most of the usual suspects have been covered already and covered very well, but I think there are a few more to add:
The Orient Expressionist: of either gender and ranging in age from the twenties to early middle-age, these individuals are notable for their fetishization of anything and everything Oriental, most often Japanese.  They will claim to have unparalleled expertise in the Japanese language and an intimate understanding of the culture garnered, respectively, by having read the first chapter of 'Teach Yourself Japanese for Absolute Beginners' and having once had a conversation about Buddhism with the owner of the local hippie shop.  The Oriental Expressionist's real passions are Japanese computer games, Japanese cartoon films, buying packets of instant noodles from the Oriental grocery and taking them to work to eat in front of his or her colleagues, buying bottles of Kikkoman or similar soy sauce from said Oriental grocery without realizing one can purchase the same thing in Sainsbury's, dressing up as cartoon characters (if female) and collecting figurines and soft toys.  Dressing up has been mentioned, but females will dress down in tops or tee shirts depicting cartoon characters, usually paired with miniskirts and ankle socks.  Males tend to wear unbuttoned collared shirts over tee shirts and baggy combat trousers.  Both sexes will have  various bits of Chinese made but not authentically Chinese styled jewellery that they wear at all times regardless of other dress or occasion.  Both, too, will have at least one decorative Samurai sword on a Perspex stand somewhere in the house.  The Orient Expressionist's car of choice is a Japanese grey-market import, but few can afford them.  Wheels, instead, tend to be normal UK issue MX5s and MR2s of somewhat aged vintage and in decaying condition.  These tend to be lowered and adorned with stickers and trinketry, but would often look far better with the tat taken off and a thorough clean.  
Hopping Mod: Invariably male and fifty odd.  He was born some years after the original mod era and was a babe-in-arms during the revival.  Despite that, he reveres The Jam and The Who and two-tone and ska and Northern Soul without really understanding why or why his father, who was a punk, looks down on the latter and finds the whole thing rather regressive.  Undeterred, Hopping Mod watches Quadrophenia every Friday night on the 54" widescreen telly in his garage man-cave and then falls into a lager-brought stupor and dreams of the old days he never saw: the chalk cliffs of the South Coast; of Brighton and Margate and Southend-on-Sea; of a land without motorways in which Zephyrs and Crestas cruised along neon washed promenades with outriders on Italian motor scooters festooned with mirrors and auxiliary lamps.  He tried to read 'Brighton Rock' once, to comprehend where it all began, but didn't get past the first chapter.  Anyway, Saturday morning rolls round and Hopping Mod emerges from the man-cave aboard a toffee-apple red vintage Vespa that he paid twice the going rate for.  The scooter gleams like a ruby but smokes like a factory chimney as the result of an engine that's not had an expert near it in years.  Hopping Mod doesn't care, he services the thing himself.  He feels great!  He's too fat to fit in a tonic suit but he's got a snorkel parka with a target patch sewn on the sleeve and an open-face tin helmet to hide his bald patch.  Away he goes in the direction of Caister or Hastings or somewhere like that, having arranged to meet his friends at the edge of town and form a convoy.  Back he comes on a recovery truck after spending countless hours in a lay-by with three other mod revivalists from the same convoy who had similarly broken down.  He'll do the same thing next weekend...  

War has broken out between my neighbour and myself! All the major roads around here have been closed since the storm (although one - the A90 - has patially opened today) so all the shops are empty of food. Yesterday, on the way back home, I stopped to talk to my neighbour Dave and told him about the situation. He said he was lucky, his daughter had brought his stocks in at the weekend, so he was fine except for bread. I told him that as I was away until the storm hit, stocks were low but I had the freezer to fall back on. Dave immediately nipped into his house and came back with a pile of lamb chops from one of his animals (the rest was about to go in his freezer before you say anything  ).
Last night, after my dinner of lamb chops I made some bread and some cheese scones, so this morning I went to see Dave and gave him a loaf and some scones. 
Dave has just been down and dropped some veg in to me as he had been lifting some for himself

Two types of tatties, beetroot, carrots and parsnips. Dave is currently winning the war, not sure what else I can do for him to level the score!
When I read of people on here having trouble with their neighbours, I realise how lucky I am to have neighbours like I do!

I has new lockup. Its a mofo double for the same price as my third of a leaky single. So pleased. Was literally more excited than when i picked up the keys for out flat when we bought it 20 odd years ago.  Decorated it already shall move in over the weekend. 



Good painter paints themself first.

No chance of running the lecky from my window though have some slightly shady plans. Can run lights off my leisure battery for now. 
Not tried yet though looks like the dingo might fit even with the rack on.

This shit means the world for a lifetime curb mechanic. Happy man. 

That's got @HMC written on it

I can beat that. I once took my absolutely filthy Clio to a local petrol station jetwash and bought two tokens because it needed washed twice. (I'd been hooning around on a red ash car park and my white car was orange) So not only did the people waiting behind me have to wait while I went through two complete wash cycles, I then managed to lock myself out of it and had to leave it parked in the bay while I got a taxi home for my spare key.
I was not popular that day and never had the balls to use that particular car wash again...

 

Sir, may I point you this way... 
 

Just took it for an 8 mile round trip to the shops and I'm absolutely in love. It's fucking brilliant. I'm not sure what it is but I've not been this excited about a car in a long time.
Loads of character. It eats shit roads, potholes and camber for breakfast. 
Takes real concentration to maintain speed on the corner before a motorway slip road. If you fuck it up then you're joining the slow lane at 45mph. 
The steering is so bizarrely heavy and you're so much smaller than everything else on the road. I'm shocked at how much of a departure it is from the 205. 
I had a gander at the fusebox because Peugeot barely bothered hiding it and there are like 8 fuses total. No rev counter. Exposed metal on the doors. Windscreen wipers are on or off. Nothing in-between. The interior bonnet latch looks like I installed it. 

For everyone that ISNT spending their weekends doing things like this:
SHAME ON YOU. SHAME. SHAAAAAME. 

I am sure someone on here once said whatever your question is? Honda Jazz is that answer.
Question: What car in your family is going to fail its mot every year with brake issues?

3 new calipers, discs, pads and a hose to fit.

"As a full time vehicle mechanic, what is the only car you can recall ever having to replace all 4 calipers in one shot, 6 weeks after the most recent advisory free MOT pass?" 
Answer... 
Honda Jazz! 

I am sure someone on here once said whatever your question is? Honda Jazz is that answer.
Question: What car in your family is going to fail its mot every year with brake issues?

3 new calipers, discs, pads and a hose to fit.

The reluctant instructor. A mum or dad in their L plate plastered new electric or hybrid car/suv that drives everywhere with terrible road sense + positioning while always exceeding the speed limit, on their own in the car making us wonder if they are the learner?