The grumpy thread

[Parky]

Expensive but couldn’t a private GP sort you out here? I end up using them a fair bit and whilst I have to pay for the privilege, I generally walk in, tell them what I want, and leave with it two minutes later in exchange for £75.

 

My own GP would be free but I would also be dead by the time I got an appointment

[warren t claim]

Is their no loophole where an actual doctor could help you, i'd be tempted to bloody arrive at a hospital and plead my case and get an actual doctor to fill it out having arrived with pizza+coffee+doughnuts for the team.

 

Sadly, there's a section on the form where they have to state how long you've been their patient. 

 

I did have a bent and very dodgy signed medical form stashed in the cloud but my council have changed their format from several A4 pages to a pre-printed booklet. Cunts.

[HillmanImp]

You had not had enough to drink

I was genuinely ill, I struggled to finish a single pint.

[HillmanImp]

Sadly Wirral Borough Council will only accept a medical from my own GP to prevent fraud as apparently, my own doctor will "know" me.

 

I have never met my GP. I don't even know if they're male or female.

I don't know who my doctor is either. I've been to the surgery down the road a few times but haven't seen the same doctor twice.

 

Is it not based upon the doctor who runs the surgery, you can probably see anyone who works there.

[warren t claim]

People often ask me why I'm only capable of relying on myself and not others. 

 

Now you know why. 

[cros]

I've noticed a curious hearing disability that afflicts landlords these days. After giving you a cheery 'what can I get you?' they respond to the first part of your reply of 'half a...' by filling a pint glass. Tonight I was in a boozer called the Goshawk, just outside Chester, and fancied trying a couple of brews I'd not seen before. Erring on the cautious side I asked for half of each for me and the Mrs.

One was called something like 'black busy bee' the other 'plum pig' and both were fucking vile. Worse still, I had a pint of the pig one because I foolishly couldn't bear to see half of it tipped away.

My biggest grump is that when I informed the landlord that they were the worst beers I'd ever had he told me that ale with plum in is an acquired taste. I no more expected it to actually contain plums than Bishops Finger to actually have a clergyman's digit in it. As for the other one, it was shit, probably the dead bees. I bought a half of their other draught to try to flush away the taste. As we left he told us that they'd probably have some different guest beers when we come next time. What an optimistic barsteward, imagining theres going to be a next time.

 

[alcyonecorporation]

I went to that pub you recommended out in Rutland, it was fucking shit.

[Aston Martin]

This isn’t me being stupid for dramatic effect.

I had to get to Leeds for passport interview and as a backup I thought I'd double up... and use the world's worst sat Nav.

 

https://streamable.com/p757q

[Tadhg Tiogar]

Baker Street, southbound. Gridlock, thanks in no small part to TfL's ongoing works to turn a one-way system into two-way....

[anonymous user]

I was genuinely ill, I struggled to finish a single pint.

Another mistake, when under the weather do not drink pints, port and brandy (in the same glass) is most efficacious for many ills and is really the only time you should mix them. Very good treatment for chills and upset stomach.

[scaryoldcortina]

I've noticed a curious hearing disability that afflicts landlords these days. After giving you a cheery 'what can I get you?' they respond to the first part of your reply of 'half a...' by filling a pint glass. Tonight I was in a boozer called the Goshawk, just outside Chester, and fancied trying a couple of brews I'd not seen before. Erring on the cautious side I asked for half of each for me and the Mrs.

One was called something like 'black busy bee' the other 'plum pig' and both were fucking vile. Worse still, I had a pint of the pig one because I foolishly couldn't bear to see half of it tipped away.

My biggest grump is that when I informed the landlord that they were the worst beers I'd ever had he told me that ale with plum in is an acquired taste. I no more expected it to actually contain plums than Bishops Finger to actually have a clergyman's digit in it. As for the other one, it was shit, probably the dead bees. I bought a half of their other draught to try to flush away the taste. As we left he told us that they'd probably have some different guest beers when we come next time. What an optimistic barsteward, imagining theres going to be a next time.

 

IMG_20190208_204801576.jpg

I had a similar experience in a Newcastle pub recently, we were trying the craft beers a half at a time when the barman pulled two pints at six quid each... Ok, but it's flat, nasty looking and stinks of vinegar and therefore a turned barrel that wants throwing out. Beardy McManbun gave me his best condescending smile and told me it's an acquired taste and they don't do refunds so pay up. I replied that I'd pay if he drank one first, he took a sniff then put both pints down the slop tray but I noticed he didn't turn the badge round on the pump.

 

Next pint was had at a different bar instead.

[dollywobbler]

ITV Player. Apparently stuck in the 20th Century. Utterly shit picture quality.

[New POD]

just had a Honda driving wanker come flying out of a side road and turn to face us ... it was a stand off ..due to parked cars

 

apparently I am a wanker .....

 

 

next time I will keep going in my older car !

There's no apparently about it Mike. You are.

I've seen you drive.

Now just let the nice retiree in the Honda get home from.the pub.

 

In other news, my wife informs me that the builder who in working on a house opposite and a few doors down is rude and obnoxious and has given the old bloke ( in his 90s ) next door to the building work a mouth full of verbal abuse because he dared ask him to move his van.

I had a polite word because the bin men didn't come last week due to double parking, and asked him nicely if he could help out by parking at the end of the cup de sac.

Not a problem. He was proper licking my boots. Twat. He seemed scared. Might be because I called him "my good man" in an effected Old Etonian voice.

 

I hate bullies.

[Christine]

We'll call you Jacob Rees Pod     

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Posh people carry shotguns, right?

[Fumbler]

Shooting sticks, rather.

[cobblers]

I had a similar experience in a Newcastle pub recently, we were trying the craft beers a half at a time when the barman pulled two pints at six quid each... Ok, but it's flat, nasty looking and stinks of vinegar and therefore a turned barrel that wants throwing out. Beardy McManbun gave me his best condescending smile and told me it's an acquired taste and they don't do refunds so pay up. I replied that I'd pay if he drank one first, he took a sniff then put both pints down the slop tray but I noticed he didn't turn the badge round on the pump.

 

Next pint was had at a different bar instead.

 

Same thing at my mates wedding, he paid £10k for the venue and then it was £6 a pint for guiness, carlsberg or the single token real ale, nothing fancy, I forget which one exactly.

 

 

 

I bought three pints, one for me, one for the groom and one for another lad. Simultaneously we sat down and each took a big gulp of the stuff before gipping, it was like a pint of vinegar.

 

Barman said "Oh, it's a real ale, they're all like that". I had to do the same as you - give us each a different pint or drink half a pint of that stuff yourself.

 

He didn't take it off sale though. 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

As a proponent and formerly heavy drinker of real ale when I lived in Lancaster, I can emphatically agree with all of your assessments.

 

They do not taste like vinegar and they should not cost £6 a fucking pint.

 

I always like the Lancaster Brewery ales myself.  Goachers is good too.  Used to know the guy that owned the company years ago.  Drank a lot of that...

[Supernaut]

Just spent pretty much all afternoon fitting a e-bike kit to my bike... and it seems like the motor is a dud.

 

It's all connected up and fully charged, but no signs of life.

 

The worst bit is that if I do indeed have to send it back, I'll have to disassemble it all!

[SierraMikeHotel]

Clutch has gone. Standing by the roadside in a gale. Waiting for the AA. Pedal went to floor, etc. This is after it had taken me nearly 2 hours to get home. I’m cold.

 

I managed to miss this yesterday.  It's never fun but sounds like this was an especially not-fun one

 

I've got to be due one soon, it's been a very long time...  Sally the GS in about 2007 maybe?

[GrumpiusMaximus]

For the love of God, get it done.  Don't be like me.

[LightBulbFun]

ITV Player. Apparently stuck in the 20th Century. Utterly shit picture quality.

 

you have an Invacar!

 

dare you to drive to the stadium in question, and see if they let you in onto the pitch like old times sake 

[Tamworthbay]

Tiling- I do it infrequently enough to forget how much I fucking hate it. 2/3rds of the way through now and then need to grout it all. Joy. I know I could make a reasonable living out of ‘light’ building work should the need ever arise, but I could never be a plasterer or a tiler. My brain would explode.

[dollywobbler]

you have an Invacar!

 

dare you to drive to the stadium in question, and see if they let you in onto the pitch like old times sake 

 

It's one hell of a drive to Rome...

[chaseracer]

Might not make it by the end of the match...

[DodgeRover]

Tiling- I do it infrequently enough to forget how much I fucking hate it. 2/3rds of the way through now and then need to grout it all. Joy. I know I could make a reasonable living out of ‘light’ building work should the need ever arise, but I could never be a plasterer or a tiler. My brain would explode.

You're doing it too well, the amount I see charged at £30/40 per square metre that are absolute diy crap is obscene.

[Tamworthbay]

You're doing it too well, the amount I see charged at £30/40 per square metre that are absolute diy crap is obscene.

Wow! I did about 10-12 square metres today and I am definitely an amateur. That was checking each and every one was level, having to allow for different starting levels due to a shower tray and chucking a mosaic strip in.

 

Still wouldn’t want to do it for a living though..........

[Tamworthbay]

A bit of it:

[cros]

I went to that pub you recommended out in Rutland, it was fucking shit.

What pub was that?

[somewhatfoolish]

Phone wankers in pubs.

 

I seek to avoid these irritants by frequenting licenced premises located in reception blackspots. Reception blackspots can be created where there are none by enterprising people willing to flout the Wireless Telegraphy Act.