The grumpy thread

[New POD]

Unemployed means you've got more time to drive, they ignore the idea you won't be able to afford too.

Nobody should have to say "unemployed".

 

They should say "freelance.....whatever the last job they had"

[Guest Hooli]

I like that idea.

 

 

Trouble is large parts of the population would be 'freelance school skiver'.

[dave21478]

Holy fuckin....

I....

I just cant even right now.....

 

fuggin scorcher of a day today - ideal weather to spend 11 hours swinging a strimmer around. Not.

 

So, parched, itching all over, absolutely hosed in debris, plant matter, nettle stings and smeared with splattered slug, pine needles down the crack of my ass and generally sweating and smelling like a freshly poked minge I was glad of the aircon on the drive home. Anticipating a nice long bath and a bottle of raspberry cider I pulled up at the house and hit the button for the gates...(electric gates, see? proper posh, I am.) The gates swing open...outwards by the way... and I reverse the truck in.

 

"POP".

 

The fuck was that?

 

my last grump was partly about waiting for a fucking courier to not turn up....

yeah.........

He had delivered it today, although when I say "delivered" he had flung it over the gate and I have now just reversed the bastard truck over the parcel.

Was it a bag full of super hard rubber bouncy balls? No. Obviously not. Was it a lump of solid steel, like a little anvil or something? nope, not that either.

It was two 2 litre bottles of gear oil for the limited slip diff in the trucks rear axle, which given the difficulty in finding and price paid I can only assume is refined from velociraptor jizz.

 

This just confirms my suspicions that my entire life is some kind of cruel and ongoing Beadles About style of prank that is being covertly filmed for the amusement of others on a Japanese tv show.

[Richard]

If it's any consolation I feel a bit guilty for laughing at that.

[Pillock]

Claim ignorance, "not delivered m8" and hope they send another?

 

Sounds a bit shitty by the courier so hopefully it would be them that takes the hit in this scenario.

[dave21478]

Its taken me about two years to persuade the couriers to put stuff over the gate otherwise I would never get most of the stuff I order.

 

Its entirely my own fault for not seeing it...its not exactly a small box. Well, it wasnt before I flattened it, anyway.

[Eddie Honda]

I pulled up at the house and hit the button for the gates...(electric gates, see? proper posh, I am.)

I'm sort of sorry for laughing too, but then my guilt gave way to thinking "ooh electric gate wanker".

 

Let's face it. The parcel would have been fine if you had to get aff yer sweaty erse to actually open them by hand like the rest of us plebs do.

[Coprolalia]

I'm starting a 6 month research secondment next month. I set this up in January, and spoke to the finance department at the Uni in February. After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing working through various departments, I got an email to say yes... All sorted... Finance agreements in place and you will be paid as normal through your work payroll, we'll re-imberse the salary.

 

Due to start in two weeks. Received an email today from work payroll; please supply onward info for termination of your contract.

WTF?!

 

Speak to the finance department at work: "what do you mean you're on secondment? You're leaving your job", "finance agreements? We've got nothing at all". "No-one from the uni has spoken to us". And to cap it all "now we've terminated your contract we can't reverse it".

Back to the Uni in a tiz.

 

That thing they told me they did in February, which I specifically pushed them to complete so it wasn't last minute? That thing I have I writing that they did. That pain in the arse paperwork thing that means me getting paid?

 

Yeah, there was "a miscommunication", and it didn't get done.

 

*Silent scream*

[Wack]

Holy fuckin....

I....

I just cant even right now.....

 

fuggin scorcher of a day today - ideal weather to spend 11 hours swinging a strimmer around. Not.

 

So, parched, itching all over, absolutely hosed in debris, plant matter, nettle stings and smeared with splattered slug, pine needles down the crack of my ass and generally sweating and smelling like a freshly poked minge I was glad of the aircon on the drive home. Anticipating a nice long bath and a bottle of raspberry cider I pulled up at the house and hit the button for the gates...(electric gates, see? proper posh, I am.) The gates swing open...outwards by the way... and I reverse the truck in.

 

"POP".

 

The fuck was that?

 

 

 

 

It was two 2 litre bottles of gear oil for the limited slip diff in the trucks rear axle, which given the difficulty in finding and price paid I can only assume is refined from velociraptor jizz.

 

 

 

I can relate to both of those points, 6-7 years ago when I was about 50 and slightly fitter but not much more than I am now the factory manager asked me if I knew anyone that would clear some land at the back of the factory as it was 5ft high in weeds and the farmer was complaining about it , an area probably 40m x 15m

 

Some guy had done it last year but was too busy , then they mentioned he'd charged £350,hmmm I've got a petrol strimmer, I'm in

 

so I start doing it, fuck me it was hard work, I had to go and buy some metal blades as the line wasn't doing anything fast, then I found a small damp area populated by a million horse flies who weren't happy about getting their home strimmed and started dive bombing me and biting the fuck out of any exposed skin so I had to retreat and return with rigger gloves gaffer taped to the arms of one of the sprayers plastic suits with the hood up and goggles on just to keep the little fuckers off me

 

It took me the best part of three days and was the hardest £350 I've ever earned, I was utterly bolloxed , next year he asked again but I said the strimmer was broke, fuck that.

 

 I went to Steve's garage in the transit, drove in nose first just to get the front end out of the rain, steve was in the garage with an AC cobra replica in front of me

 

as I got out the lad who works with him saturdays said something has fallen out of your van, looked down but couldn't see anything so I went and spoke to steve, he did whatever he did and about an hour later I got in the van to leave completely forgetting about what'd fallen out of the van

 

steve and this guy were looking at this cobra in front of me, as I backed out I heard a loud POP and looked out of the side window thinking what was that

 

I look forward and steve , this lad and most of the garage is covered in oil, the bonnet was up on the cobra and there was a clean silhouette on it where they'd been stood , it was at that point I found out what'd fallen out of the van, a litre of oil droplets has a wide spread when run over by a transit van I can confirm

[purplebargeken]

^^ PMSL. Sorry.

[bramz7]

This fucking Alfa.

 

Left it at work as it's got a parking permit. Forgot the brake lights jam on. 10 hours later and it's dead.

Of course, let's not forget the boot now won't open.

 

I despair. I'm this close to scrapping it.

[MikeR]

Bought clippers years ago . best tenner ever ... And bought a better pair for a tenner. And when its a quiet night at work. I get a quick going over off one of the women ...

[Cavcraft]

And when its a quiet night at work. I get a quick going over off one of the women ...

 

Should ask them to do your hair afterwards.

[MikeR]

Or not ... as the comments went today .... What would she want with a toyboy ... She has nickers older than him .....

[DodgeRover]

Kids school play today, the higher level TA that has been making no.1 sons life a misery showed her commitment to quality teaching by necking 6 cans of ready mixed Pims then leaving the emptys in the aisle to the exit. Classy.

 

Thank God (or any other spirt being listening) tomorrow is their last day.

[loserone]

Job applications are a game.

 

Once you have the job, and have played for as much money as you can, you can settle down and actually be yourself and do what you're good at,

[dozeydustman]

HOW LONG DOES A FUCKING CAT NEED TO FUCKING GROOM ITSELF THE FUCKING FURRY LITTLE CUNT!

 

Trying to converse with the wife, and type messages on here. The cat has spent the entirety of the hour-long Emmerdale the wife recorded licking its fucking arse while making a disgusting noise while doing so.

[Des]

To be fair, an hour of Emmerdale would likely bore the best of us into truffling out the ringpiece.

[chaseracer]

I'm starting a 6 month research secondment next month. I set this up in January, and spoke to the finance department at the Uni in February. After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing working through various departments, I got an email to say yes... All sorted... Finance agreements in place and you will be paid as normal through your work payroll, we'll re-imberse the salary.

 

Due to start in two weeks. Received an email today from work payroll; please supply onward info for termination of your contract.

WTF?!

 

Speak to the finance department at work: "what do you mean you're on secondment? You're leaving your job", "finance agreements? We've got nothing at all". "No-one from the uni has spoken to us". And to cap it all "now we've terminated your contract we can't reverse it".

Back to the Uni in a tiz.

 

That thing they told me they did in February, which I specifically pushed them to complete so it wasn't last minute? That thing I have I writing that they did. That pain in the arse paperwork thing that means me getting paid?

 

Yeah, there was "a miscommunication", and it didn't get done.

 

*Silent scream*

 

Formal grievance.  NOW.  Happy to help.

[DodgeRover]

HOW LONG DOES A FUCKING CAT NEED TO FUCKING GROOM ITSELF THE FUCKING FURRY LITTLE CUNT!

 

Trying to converse with the wife, and type messages on here. The cat has spent the entirety of the hour-long Emmerdale the wife recorded licking its fucking arse while making a disgusting noise while doing so.

Did you admonish it? Kick it out the room? Soak it with a water pistol every time it tried? If not then of cause the cat thinks it's ok - hell it probably thought you were enjoying it rather than the TV...

[nebuchenezer]

Fitted new rear wiper yesterday, tightened nut and look:

 

 

Dear god, why is everything you buy so shit these days.

 

And yes, I managed to snap of the washer jet in the process of removing the old wiper arm stub - that'll be a new washer motor then FFS.

 

Dave of many french numbers - I feel your pain but how I laughed.

[Supernaut]

Who needs a rear wiper anyway?

 

The people behind you are losing, no need to see them.

 

 

 

 

Apologies for any concern arising from my outburst yesterday. It's nothing specific, I'm just at a complete loss at how stupid the world seems to be right now.

 

Basically:

 

[Cavcraft]

(03.07) Have you still got bike mate?

 

(05.35) Yes, still got it.

 

(06.21) It’s ok I’ve got one now.

[wuvvum]

What do you expect, you didn't reply within 17 seconds, which seems to be the standard expectation on Gumtree these days.  At least he didn't send you another message at 3:09 saying "?????????".

[AMC Rebel]

Apologies for any concern arising from my outburst yesterday. It's nothing specific, I'm just at a complete loss at how stupid the world seems to be right now.

 

 

 

no apology needed - I felt a great deal of common cause - and I resigned from my job yesterday as I cannae take na more.

 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Daffodils are purple

Lilacs are invisible

Tulips can talk

Facts aren't important apparently

Cows can weld

[eddyramrod]

Tacuma went away on Tuesday for MoT, having run out on Saturday.  It failed, on brake pipes, a couple of tyres and some other minors.  I've been phoning the garage, authorising the jobs.  Still no tyres; brake pipes done; airbag light dodgy (which tbf I knew because it's been like that all the time I've had it).  Not going to have it back now until Monday.

Fridge and cupboards increasingly empty.  Neither of us is up to much walking.  Marvellous.

[AlabamaShrimp]

Mrs Shrimp just told me her mates son has put his car for sale on gumtree and getting nothing but dickheads. Really I would never have guessed.

 

As they've pissed him off he decided to try we buy any car. It's a fucking 1986 mk2 Golf CL they'll offer about 10p as it is he only wants £1800.

 

I asked has he not tried anywhere else? No it's stressing him out...

[dozeydustman]

To be fair, an hour of Emmerdale would likely bore the best of us into truffling out the ringpiece.

 

 

There are some pretty girlies in it (especially the MILF that is Moira), the Mrs watches it seriously (but that's what women do).

 

A cat grooming itself constantly for an hour is really excessive. Just been flea & worm treated. TBH all it does is miaow for food, sleep or lick its arse all day. Won't go out, won't play with toys.

 

Just got in from work and the little fucker has puked everywhere. Stepdaughter been in all day, unaware of pile of puke as teenage disinterest in anything that isn't on the interweb, because it doesn't exist.

 

And to top the festering dog turd of a day with a rotten cherry, council tax final demand in the post. We've not even been sent the bill to set the direct debit up yet.

 

I'm in a real mood now.

[Mr A Lawrence]

Tacuma went away on Tuesday for MoT, having run out on Saturday.  It failed, on brake pipes, a couple of tyres and some other minors.  I've been phoning the garage, authorising the jobs.  Still no tyres; brake pipes done; airbag light dodgy (which tbf I knew because it's been like that all the time I've had it).  Not going to have it back now until Monday.

Fridge and cupboards increasingly empty.  Neither of us is up to much walking.  Marvellous.

you haz t'internet.

 

order a shopping delivery.

 

your welcome.

[eddyramrod]

We very well might do yet.