The grumpy thread

[daveb47]

Exactly. The parents have a proper dealer-fitted dog guard in the back of their C3 Picasso. Dog sits in boot, dribbles where it wants and doesn't get in the way.

 

Admittedly, their Legacy Outback doesn't have a dog guard in it, but the dog is well trained enough to stay in the boot anyway.

From what i have heard about this womans driving it would be better for all if she was shut in boot & she let the dog drive!

[xtriple]

I will not have dogs in the boot. There are so many fuckwits around on their phones or texting that rear end collisions are at epidemic proportions! My dogs sit on the back seat, with harnesses that clip in the seat belts things if on a longer journey, and there is a net between the front seats to stop over-excited hounds bounding into the front when we get to the park!

 

I LURVE my woofers and want them in the safety cell not in a crumple zone thank you!

[fordperv]

Damn right xtriple, the only car I would ever consider my woofer being in the bootspace of is a volvo estate, she rides on the back seat of any car me or mrs fp drive it was the same with the big lad, the funniest being my Escort cabriolet I had the roof down and the window's were down on a hot day and I drove to a maccies drive through to get a milkshake, as I was driving through the carpark there was a bloke with his back to the car about 2-3 feet away, his mrs was facing him, tyse was sat up sitting proud looking out of the side of the car, she gave a aww look at the dog, the bloke turned around looked shocked and shit himself and said "fuck me it's the size of a lion" his mrs nearly fell over laughing, the thought still makes me smile

[dave21478]

Years back when I worked at Halfords I went out to a customers car to fit a brake light bulb or something. It was a Ford Orion. As the customer opened the boot a fucking enormous alsation jack-in-the-box'd out at me causing me to nearly piss myself.

 

"Sorry, I forgot to warn you about him - he loves riding in the boot."

 

And right enough he jumped right back in, lay down and seemed happy enough.

[Urko]

Here's my little rant - why does everything have to be tied into contracts, and why do technology companies rape you over

100% agree - it is shit

[xtriple]

Back window has started making some seriously unhappy noises when used. As the dogs insist on having fresh air, they get used a lot!  Had a look  online  and it looks like the mech is chain driven (get you Mr Bentley!    ) so I'm hoping it's just some shit in the mechanism after the painter did the deed on that door. It's been making a funny noise ever since but, in time honoured tradition, I ignored it/didn't investigate as I thought (read: hoped!) it was just Chester making a racket 'cos his window was being shut.

 

Also, just tried to transfer the plates on my car and I can't do it online. Rang DVLA and it appears that as it has been sorned or untaxed at some point in the last five years, they have to investigate. This after I just whinged at Paul he hadn't moved heaven and earth to get my plates made up in a double rush!

 

Just been and bought myself a new earring. Hoop.... the pirate look is all the rage so I'm told. Lady in the shop tried to fit one in the lug hole and it fell apart (the hoop not the...) so tried again with another, so did that one. So I am now sporting a very fetching penny sized 'diamond' in my left ear 'ole. I look even more of a poofter than usual (no offence to any and all other poofter on here meant   ) and I expect to be beaten to a pulp by the local skinheads before the week is out!

 

Been plagued by police today! After months of whinging and whining about the lack of a copper anywhere to be seen, the bastards are EVERYWHERE today! I even got followed for about two miles by an actual traffic car and stuck sort of rigidly to 30 (speedo is a bugger to read at slow speeds as the numbers are right down on the left by your knee!). But, why is it that even when you KNOW you are fully legal, you still feel guilty as fuck when a copper is behind you? I was running through in my head when tax and insurance were due...

 

Oh yeah, and while I'm having a mega grump, I feel ill again after my little exertions and I need to hoover (Dyson) the flat desperately as I can't see the carpet by the front door as soooooooo many leaves have blown in due to the gale force winds we once again are afflicted with!

 

As you were.....

[scaryoldcortina]

1. I just got off the phone with EE to find out why my direct debit this month was £27 where it is normally £11. One 30 minute call (largely on hold) to an electricity company who had vastly overestimated a bill cost me £16 because 0845 isn't local rate if you call from a mobile, and isn't counted in my inclusive minutes package.

 

2. My AA renewal just landed, they only give a monthly payment amount in the hope that I can't multiply by 12. I can, and if they think I'm paying £250 pa for basic roadside and relay cover they are wrong. Will be shopping around soon.

 

3. askMID warning letter in the same post saying the focus isn't insured. I know I put it on the database and I've taxed it twice since then (Once as pc and once as disabled) with no problems. Went onto insurer's website to check and it has indeed vanished - not on my list of insured cars. Went to add it and the browser confirmed for me that I had done it before by prefilling the registration number as I typed it. I'm annoyed about this because I can see me losing a car to the police becuase "the computer is never wrong". Strongly worded email already sent to broker.

 

4. Also in the post - "National Citizen Service" advert extolling the benefits of the junior anti-sex league government sponsored activity for happy, healthy young people - the letter begins "Make this your teenager's best summer ever" when my youngest child is 20, has Asperger's syndrome and is currently waiting for a Work Capability Assesment which I am fully expecting to cause a summer of hellish trouble and appeals.

 

5. Just because I wasn't already pissed off enough my lunchtime sandwich contained a filling. Trouble is it wasn't a nice tasty filling, it was one that used to be attached to one of my teeth so I can add a dentists visit to the list.

 

GAH!

[scaryoldcortina]

Additional EXTREME GRUMP

 

After finishing my post I went to stand up and managed to spear myself in the arse with a fender stratocaster. It was on the chair behind me, the trem arm caught on my waistband as I stood up and the weight of the guitar pivoted it down my crack and up the rusty starfish. I'm in fucking agony now. According to my mrs this was entirely my own fault for leaving it on the chair, and she was more concerned for the welfare of the cabinet the headstock belted against on its way down.

 

OUCH.

[Slappy]

Oww...

 

"Say No to 0870" is your friend here SOC. Last time I needed to ring up a number like that I found the company's geographic landline number through that. As far as I know, they're not allowed to not connect you through.

[chaseracer]

Have a link: http://www.saynoto0870.com/search.php

 

[Cavcraft]

Offered to meet someone at the station who wants to buy a Â£25 cycle from me. They've offered me £15 if I meet them at the station. The station nearest to them, about 40 miles from me.

Obviously I'm full of fucking tricks like that and am happy to waste the £10.60 train fare, two hours of my time and then perhaps walk back from MY nearest station in the pissing rain whistling merry ditties as I go. Or just cock off, one of the two. The latter one of the two. You twat.

[scaryoldcortina]

I love how I'm getting advice on avoiding expensive phone calls when what I need right now is an inflatable rubber ring to sit on.

 

PS, I know about 0870 etc. I thought 0845 numbers were included in my talk plan but obviously not. I know for next time.

[Dave_Q]

No it's 01/02/03 numbers that are normally inclusive although we have 0845 included on our landline minutes so depends on the provider.

 

Many places are switching their 0845 numbers to 0345 for this very reason.

 

My grump: Ringing kits on ebay. Do they actually give a shit?

 

I've reported this one - http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/111976150878?_trksid=p2055119.m1438.l2649&ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT but the listings still up.

 

Obviously someone *might* want a V5 and chassis plate for a Range Rover as a souvenir but we all know what it's for.

[Alfamale]

0845 numbers used to be included on my EE tariff and then they started charging for them when they made free 0800 numbers errrrr free. The thieving gits also have the audacity to increase their "fixed" contract prices by the cost of inflation each year.

[xtriple]

Have hoovered (Dysoned) the shit hole I live in and made an effort to tidy the dump up. Just had a lovely Pizza delivered and that fat, useless bastard has knicked the box and chewed it to shreds all over the fucking bedroom! He is now happily snoring his fat, useless face off while lying on all my clean clothes!

 

It's a good job I love him (and his sister... from a different Mother) or he'd be up for adoption!

[scaryoldcortina]

0845 numbers used to be included on my EE tariff and then they started charging for them when they made free 0800 numbers errrrr free. The thieving gits also have the audacity to increase their "fixed" contract prices by the cost of inflation each year.

That will be how I missed it - I was sure 0845 was inclusive when I signed up.

[mercrocker]

EE are the thieving twats that took 11 months subscription out one month instead of just one.   Causing me to go overdrawn and incur a host of vulturistic thieving fictionalised bandit fees from Lloyds Wank. 

 

No fucker gets my bank details any more - I buy £5 top ups for an Asda SIM and use them to get my monthly minute packages.  

 

And, SOC, I am sorry I "liked" your various predicaments, it was only ticked in sympathy, not mirth.   Mind you, your world could have got a whole lot worse had you not managed to extract said musical instrument without medical intervention...

[scaryoldcortina]

Lol. Even I can see the funny side now my eyes have stopped watering. Explaining to paramedics how exactly I got an electric guitar rammed up my arse would be interesting at least.

[Ghosty]

Offered to meet someone at the station who wants to buy a Â£25 cycle from me. They've offered me £15 if I meet them at the station. The station nearest to them, about 40 miles from me.

Obviously I'm full of fucking tricks like that and am happy to waste the £10.60 train fare, two hours of my time and then perhaps walk back from MY nearest station in the pissing rain whistling merry ditties as I go. Or just cock off, one of the two. The latter one of the two. You twat.

 

Once on eBay someone offered me to swap a guitar for a bike, provided I met them in Shrewsbury at my own expense...

[meggersdog]

So the whistling noise from the £50 Volvo V40 was indeed the turbo.After four days of ownership it blew on the Saturday morning. I limped it into work and left it there until today.Found a previously enjoyed unit on ebay which arrived yesterday.Looks like something has nibbled on the vanes of the intake but,hey lets give it a go and fit the thing anyway.

Hmmm, seems to be a bit of smoke.Maybe it's the residue from the old one down the exhaust I'll rev it a little to see if it clears.......OH FU*K it's picked up and revving it's tits off on it's own oil.Luckily a quick switch off and stall in fifth was enough to stop it.

There is oil everywhere but I don't know if the old turbo filled the intercooler with oil or this second hand unit has.The O ring to the turbo oil feed has given up too.Sod it I'm off home.

Got home and broke the lid on the kettle...

[Station]

Offered to meet someone at the station who wants to buy a Â£25 cycle from me. They've offered me £15 if I meet them at the station. The station nearest to them, about 40 miles from me.

Obviously I'm full of fucking tricks like that and am happy to waste the £10.60 train fare, two hours of my time and then perhaps walk back from MY nearest station in the pissing rain whistling merry ditties as I go. Or just cock off, one of the two. The latter one of the two. You twat.

I saved this from years ago (2008), when I get all optimistic it reminds me there are still loads of fuckwits in the world.

 

do you still have the r5 turbo? ill giv you 300 and a set black 16'' momo sport alloys in bad condition. if refurbed theyd be worth 600 or more so i think if ur not a lazy man like me youll have a good deal.

A £1500 (at the time) Renault 5 Turbo!!

[Lord Sterling]

Look work, I've told you that I won't be able to make picking up the next car as the middle-man company who've bought the car knock off at 5pm. Still though, you insist on putting the pressure on making me walk in the cold and rain only to be told what I'd already confirmed.

 

Thankfully tonight I'm in a nice warm hotel and not severely freezing my bollocks off in a cold van trying my best to sleep.

[cobblers]

Further work on the bodged up old house is further doing my head in. It seems that every previous owner has just "gone over the top" of everything else, hence three or four layers of carpet in the attic, 4 layers of differently textured wallpaper all over the house, etc etc.

 

Anyway the kitchen floor was well wonky with a 1" step in the middle where there used to be a wall, so todays task was to lift up the old lino, and tip 160KG of self levelling compound over it all to try and get it somewhere near flat.

 

Of course nothing goes anywhere near to plan, and under the lino is a layer of vinyl(?) tiles, stuck down with what seems to be tar,. and then under that a strange layer of what seems like damp bright red hardboard. Then more vinyl tiles.

I can't fuckin bloody shift this stuff. I spent 4 hours with a massive SDS power hammer and a proper tile scraper attachment and cleared maybe 1/8th of the room - the tarry stuff just soaks up the impacts.

I'm ready for just sealing the lot with bitumen and laying a screed over the lot TBH but I don't think our lasses fiat 500 would enjoy taking 380kg of powdered building materials again.

[RayMK]

My kitchen has Marley tiles, secured with a black tarry glue.  I was going to rip them up, then decided to find some NOS Marleys and repair as necessary.  I was surprised to read that some Marley tiles contain asbestos.  I have no idea whether it is the dangerous variety, but it resulted in me doing nothing.  The kitchen floor is thus scruffy, a past long term plumbing leak under the dishwasher caused the kitchen unit base trim to swell up and I threw it away, and the artex ceiling was damaged when the felt roof over part of the kitchen leaked.  This means that I am too ashamed to get a heating specialist in to either fix my broken central heating boiler or fit a new one.  This ridiculous state of affairs has been going on since August last year.  Using fan heaters and an open fire to keep warm, plus an immersion heater to give hot water, has had an interesting effect on my electricity meter.  I'll have to man up and get it all sorted instead of 'going for a drive' several times a day to escape the scene.

[cobblers]

I've just seconds ago read elsewhere that they're marley tiles with asbestos in them. For absolute fucks sake, I've just scraped 18sqm of them up with a shovel and then stamped them all to tiny pieces to get them into bags easier.

[cort16]

I'm surprised they didn't put fucking asbestos in Vestas Beef curry in the 70's. Brake pad, garage roofs, floor tiles, fire blankets. You name it.

[RayMK]

I've just seconds ago read elsewhere that they're marley tiles with asbestos in them. For absolute fucks sake, I've just scraped 18sqm of them up with a shovel and then stamped them all to tiny pieces to get them into bags easier.

 

Schools used to have piles of white asbestos boards with a powdery finish in the science labs for use when using bunsen burners. I've not heard of anyone blaming them for later health woes.  If you don't make a habit of (or a living from) working with materials containing asbestos, I think you've got to be very unlucky to actually suffer any consequences.  Wear a mask whenever creating dust is a good rule.    

[Pillock]

Our kitchen has lovely quarry tiles on the floor.

Except it did until some moron tipped bitumen all over it and then lino on top, without waiting for the bitumen to set. Quarry tiles look lovely, torn lino doesn't

[Captain Furious]

Grump for today, things that need to be banished from the workplace IMMEDIATELY

 

Conference Calls - If there was one thing I could go back in time and uninvent it would be the concept of having more than 2 participants in a phone conversation.  2 hours of staring into space while someone who has seemingly just learned the word "workflow" tries to jam it into every sentence as the new solution to everything.  Why are these now necessary before anything at all can proceed?

 

Webinars - Like conference calls, but with even less purpose, my boss seems to think its fun to 'invite' (require us to attend) webinars for whatever product he's been completely taken in by this week.  He's a salesmans wet dream, give him some standard patter about increasing productivity or improving service delivery and we must all attend a webinar about this revolutionary new product immediately.  Oh and the word webinar needs to be expunged from the English language too, its one of those words where whenever I hear someone using it I want to punch them right in the middle of the face.

 

Birthday Card collections, actually any collection of any kind, I don't care if it is Geoff from Finances birthday, Natalie in the contact centre is up the spout or John is walking 5 miles at a leisurely pace for charity.  I don't want to sign their cards and I definitely don't want to give them money.  If that makes me tight or uncharitable then good, because I am.  Its bad enough in the high street, never mind being accosted by chuggers and bucket shakers at my desk.

[Coprolalia]

I've just seconds ago read elsewhere that they're marley tiles with asbestos in them. For absolute fucks sake, I've just scraped 18sqm of them up with a shovel and then stamped them all to tiny pieces to get them into bags easier.

FFP3 masks are asbestos rated and cheapish from Screwfix.

Previous owner had a fire in one of our bedrooms that burnt through the ceiling. Solution: asbestos board the ceiling.

 

Talk about shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.